I think Im Going To Email.....

[RealBroken]

I have had a month of no contact. I cant stand the silence.

I just dont want negativity between us.

 

Here is what I was thinkin of writing;

 

 

Hey XXXXXXX

I still have your two big photos of when you were a little girl that I was going to restore and blow up for your 21st. It doesnt seem right, me having them as they must be quite special. Just wanting to know whats best. Would you like me to post them, or drop them at one of your parents as I live in the Bay now.

Oh, I also have your fan heater too.

Just let me know.

From XXXXXX

 

So what do you think, best i dont ask how she is huh??? And below is what I'd really like to write.

 

Dear XXXXXX

Over the last past month, looking back on everything has made quite ab bit clearer in my head. You told me I was too possesive. Wehn I look back, I was Not! I am sure of this. Yes there may have been 1 or 2 occasions where I may have been disappointed that you werent coming to see me but I never ever was one to 'tell' you what to do, only to express my concerns. Your flatmates hated the fact that your time was spent with me, and I cant help but believe it was them that put those 'possesive' thoughts and words into your head. Because I WAS NOT. I look back now, and you ruined our relationship, not me. You sabotaged it. You wore it wout with your own actions and in your own mind.

It was not fair how you left me. You left me with no answers, no apology, no nothing at all. Seeing you with XXXXXXX was hard. How did you expect me to react, especially after I had been hearing things fom people, which you denied. Again, you left me with no explanation, just a kick in the teeth, a cold shoulder and some harsh words. That was not fair. Especially from someone that claimed they cared so much over the last seven months.

What you have done and how you've behaved was not fair to me. Because I was someone who really respected, cared and loved you. You cant hurt people like that.

I am so angry, yet I am still so in love with you. I am in love because I am full of memories. Memories of who we were, what we did, the things we shared and the words we both spoke. I hate it that i love you and miss you so much.

 

All I want is for none of this to have happened, or to forget. It still doesnt feel right to not have you as part of my life.

Love XXXXXX

[candyland]

Don't send the email. What is the point? While she could get her stuff back, you'll only end up feeling worse. BELIEVE me, it is true.

 

of course, if you like the feeling of getting stabbed in the heart again, you'll send the email.

 

what happens is that after you send it you wait. wait for her reply. all the while you are tormenting yourself mentally again. then who knows what she writes back. or even if she gets her stuff..you are LEFT FEELING WORSE, NO DOUBT.

 

keep up the good work and dont send the email or anything.

[RealBroken]

Im wondering if she'll never contact me again.

 

I feel it may be better for me to know where I stand with her, coz otherwise even though, im truing to get on with my life.... and i am, new job etc....... i still feel like im waiting

[Fun2BMe]

They are both a NO WAY Do Not Send in bold. The first one is spineless and accepting of how she kicked you to the curb. No difference than the card you sent her after which she told you to never contact her again, just different wording. The second one comes across as being an ass towards her. Why would she want to contact you after you tell her it's all her fault, yet in the same breath still say you love her, miss her and all that? From a girl's opinion, I woiuld delete both emails without responding.

 

Actually, if it is just a response you want from her, you should send the first one. I am sure she wants those pictures back.

[RealBroken]

THERES NO WAY IN HELL I'D SEND THE SECOND ONE

THOSE ARE JUST MY THOUGHTS

 

I was thinkin of sending the first, it was her that kinda burnt the bridge, and i know that beofre that she wasnt too keen on doing that, but obviously got trapped in a corner or something.

 

I guess I'm just offering a door to be opened if she wants to.

[RealBroken]

I'm also thinkin that it might have done me some good,..... if I emailed her and simply went straight to the point about returning her stuff,.... and while she probably expects me to ask how she is or tell her my news I've acted like its not important and havent mentioned it.

 

Maybe I should be more blunt and to the point?

[Fun2BMe]

How about instead of :

 

Hey XXXXXXX

I still have your two big photos of when you were a little girl that I was going to restore and blow up for your 21st. It doesnt seem right, me having them as they must be quite special. Just wanting to know whats best. Would you like me to post them, or drop them at one of your parents as I live in the Bay now.

Oh, I also have your fan heater too.

Just let me know.

From XXXXXX

 

Something like:

Hey xxxxxxx

I still have your childhood photos I'd like to return and would like to know if you'd like me to drop them off at your parents, along with your fan heater. If you have anything of mine you could drop them off there so I can pick it up on the same trip.

From XXXXXX

 

If she lives far from her parents, you can tell her she could drop them off there the next time she sees them. This shows her that YOU don't want to keep her stuff instead of asking so lovey dovey if she wants them back. At the same time it is very polite and leaves the door open if she wants to respond and talk to you.

[RealBroken]

More girls opinions would be great

 

So would alternate options as advice.......

 

Basically we were very very happy together, her also. She always told me. Everything changed in a month, after she kept fallin out with her friends because they didnt like me because of the fact that i took her time away from her. After that over the next two weeks, she came up with all sorts of excuses about what was wrong. Was never an issue before, just after her flatmates started stirring things up. I know she wont be around them anymore at the end of the year.

Just feels like we broke up for the wrong reasons, She was also very very upset about the breakup, in tears before and after and telling me she was finding the breakup very hard.

 

So you can see how I would like to leave a door open. i kinda feel like she may feel she has burnt her bridges with me by her last comments she ever made.

 

I would like to show theres a door there for communication. How can I go about doing that, while not s***ting in my own nest even more?

 

Any ideas?

[RealBroken]

I like that version FUN2BME, it also leave open that she has some of my stuff, which means the organisation of her droppin it there too would require a bit more communication than 1 return email.

 

Thanks heaps ( :

 

Keep the advice rolling though, ur input is much appreciated. Sometimes difficult to make the right decisions when your the one thats so worried and stressed about it all. Thank you.

[RealBroken]

Another thing that kinda gets me thinkin is.....

 

I have her blocked on MSN messenger, simply because I am afraid that when she comes online and see's im online, she will ignore me. I have blocked her to avoid this and to avoid things being weird between us for when we run into each other in the future. I mean if we're sitting there day after day ignoring that each other is right in front of our noses, things will become stupid right?

 

But what gets me thinkin is; she was the one that didnt want contact, she pushed me away..... WHY HAS SHE NOT BLOCKED ME from MSN? If I dont wanna talk to someone,.... thats what I do.

 

Maybe she's waiting, should I just unblock her for a bit and see if she speaks. i wouldn't start talking to her first of course.

 

But does it seem starnge to anyone that I'm not blocked? She's 21 by the way.

[Fun2BMe]

Go to http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t90869/ and listen to this half hour sermon, regardless of whether or not you are religious. It will help you let go of her.

 

If she was struggling to let go of you, she would block you from her messenger. Because she is over you, she doesn't have to struggle against it and block you out for the same resasons you have to block her out.

 

By the way, is there a message that tells you whether or not someone has blocked you? Does she know you have blocked her and how do you know she hasn't blocked you? Just curious how msn works.

[RealBroken]

No she cant know if ive blocked her, just means that she sees me as offline everytime she goes online.

 

I know she hasnt blocked me because I can still see her come online.

 

I would have thought she'd have deleted me off her messanger, as im the top on her list........ or she would have blocked me.

[RealBroken]

She never blocked me from the word go.

 

When she was supposed to be having space to think she didnt either, in fact she started conversation with me.

 

I will listen to the MP3.

[RealBroken]

I'm not sure if i agree with you with the idea that she never blocked me coz she's over me. We'll see I guess.

It just wouldnt make sense.

[RealBroken]

I guess at the end of the day I think that;........

 

If she just replies with, "yep that would be good if u cld just drop them at my parents thanks"

 

then thats better than the last thing her saying to me was something not nice.

 

it means that communication levels are more open rather than negative.

 

i would prefer that.

 

I know that even if it was a couple of years from now and I got the opportunity, i would want to try again with her, simply by how well we got on before. Thats why i want the lines of communication to be 'more civil' or 'nicer' or easier if u knw what i mean.

 

In the mean time, yeah sure i want to date other people, they may make me change my mind.

 

But i dont want to have the possibility of anything else shattered, just for being stubborn, and not human.

 

i just have to be careful.

[Ruby]

I would only block someone who i was struggling to get over if they didnt matter I wouldnt block them unless they became a pest.

 

Honey the truth is that you are soooooooo not over her that you will do anything to get contact back.

 

I think you should stop waiting on ways to get that bit of contact that is gonna hurt like hell and just phone her. If you mail her and she doesnt reply you will feel so much worse - If she replies "thanks send the pics in the post" you will feel awful as well - The only way you would feel better is if she replied "Oh I miss you so much lets get back together" and that is unlikely.

 

You have 2 choices really - Continue NC and just post her pics with no message or phone her and tell her you miss her. At least if you speak in person you can hear her voice and tone and maybe then you will move on.

 

I know how hard it is! It hurts like hell and ANY contact is better than none at times but trust me you will just make it worse for yourself whilst you are plotting ways to get in touch with her!

 

good luck

[RealBroken]

I know, is so hard.

 

Im trying to move on, but all i can think of is her.

 

Eventually something will happen and this will all be over.

 

I am trying,...... this time round..... im just having some real trouble.

[RealBroken]

I know that there is no way she's gonna want me back while she is in the toxic environment she is currently living in, in another city, amongst the people that were the catalyst for the breakup in the first place.

 

I just want the communication channels unlocked if they ever need to be used later on.

 

Im gonna send the email I think.

[rkman]

There comes a point where it becomes your decision. Either way I don't think you should send those emails at all either. At any rate, somewhere along the line YOU are going to have to take control and make the decision as to whether she is worth it. Whatever you decide will make you a little bit stronger.

[GW7147]

Hey RB,

I have to agree with Ruby. If you want to get her pics back to her, just drop them in the mail and be done with it...No note, no nothing. I completely understand how you feel. My ex broke up with me in the middle of April. At first, all I wanted to do was call her, email, anything just to keep a dialogue going. I didn't do it. It's been about 6-7 weeks now and I've not made any contact at all. Yeah, it's difficult at times but, I'm at the point now where I would rather not have contact with her. I feel I was good to her, she gave me up and that's that!! If she ever contacted me via email, I would have to think long and hard about responding (I probably would after a couple days) but, I think things have been easier, not seeing her or having to speak with her. It really has given me the opportunity to continue with the healing process and trying to move on. I'm not saying I'm totally over her but I'm seeing how far I've come and never thought I'd get to this point. I did start to "glamorize" her the past few days. Begining to think she's doing all sorts of great things and life is absolutely wonderful for her. In my mind, I know things are probably the same as they always were for her. I think it may be common to do what I'm doing.

I think you need to sit back and wait things out for a few more weeks. You're probably saying "A few more weeks!!!" but trust me, you attitude will slowly begin to change. I don't know what will ultimately happen to you and your ex but, I think you need to get through this and turn that corner and muddle through the healing process. I say send the pics, NO MESSAGES. Be strong brother, you'll make it!!!

Regards, GW

[Guest]

i agree with GW7147 just put the photos in the post, if you really need too attach a note that says 'I thought you would like these back.'

 

Sending her an email that says 'Would you like me to send these back to you' is only going to get a response of 'yes please' from her without any further communication and you'll be hurt by that.

 

And If I was her and I got a note saying 'It doesnt seem right, me having these photos they must be quite special. Just wanting to know whats best. Would you like me to post them etc etc' then I would know that your just fishing for contact and probably not respond or be quite curt in my response. Which will only upset you.

 

Just putting them in the post is the best option. It means therer is no more opportunity for you to be disapointed and suffer more heartache or rejection.

 

You said you want the communication channel unblocked so these can be used later on. This just means that you're hoping that one day you can get back together and you're not over her at all. I think you should continue with NC. If she wants to contact you she will. Be strong.

 

(from a girl by the way)

[donpepot]

man i read your e-mail letter ..and i want to tell you this as clear as possible...DONT SEND IT TO HER... re write it your doing it all wrong..im not saying its a bad move to write her but..i think you still dont get the thing on how to win her back man...

[donpepot]

and man if you really need my comment and my help. and my guidance....please..please...TRUST ME.... if your agree..well ...lets talk

[rkman]

and man if you really need my comment and my help. and my guidance....please..please...TRUST ME.... if your agree..well ...lets talk

 

Don't play games! Be yourself, but at the same time be true to yourself. True love will come back to you, and yes there is such a thing worth waiting for.

 

Read the thread how to remain strong.

[donpepot]

there is no competition and im not trying to imprees any body here...i think he know best...go ask him what you should do,,i think rkman can solve your prob