Well, folks. Tonight. The. Shit. Hit. The. Fan.

[Becoming]

So CC and UK, what is it about you that keeps you attracted to the drama?

Sure, there's history and all the ties of children. Fear of being alone? That doesn't sound right. (oops that would be mine! )

 

I'm just curious because I couldn't take someone doing this to me to this degree and would have to leave because it'd make me insane. What is it in you that would tolerate someone violating your own sense of what's right/fair/good?

[Gunny376]

So CC and UK, what is it about you that keeps you attracted to the drama?

Sure, there's history and all the ties of children. Fear of being alone? That doesn't sound right. (oops that would be mine! )

 

I'm just curious because I couldn't take someone doing this to me to this degree and would have to leave because it'd make me insane. What is it in you that would tolerate someone violating your own sense of what's right/fair/good?

 

 

I would have stayed in a totally loveless, emotionaless marraige for them ~ I would have bitten the bullet, suffered the humilation, the shame, etc for them.

 

For the last sixteen damn years, I've been totatlly bitter, totally disgusted with the whole dating ~ mating game.

 

It was just yesterday ~ that even though my XW told me I was a "good husband" that I was able to see, comprehend, and finally understand that I wasn't! I was so wrappped up in my job, in surviving and in my role of beiing a "provider" to my wife and children ~ that I couldn't see the forest for the damn trees in my way!"

 

It gets complicated ~ quick, fast, and in a hurry like! The bills, the debts, the boss, the job, Health issues, the children, day care, the baby sitters. T - ball, socer, etc....................................

 

And then there was the "hope" the "prayer"" of what we started out with. The "dreams" ~ the "promise" of "us"!!

[uksurfer]

So CC and UK, what is it about you that keeps you attracted to the drama?

 

She's hot.

 

Seriously, though, I'm just struggling to take in what's happened because it's still only been 8 weeks or so. In the space of one argument (for me at least), my wife bailed on me, the kids, our house, all the debt, everything - without any kind of warning whatsoever.

 

That's not like her. Or at least it's not like the woman I knew.

 

So why am I still attracted? Sure, there's the history and the kids, the fact that we did have some damned good times together - right up until she moved out - and the fact that we essentially (in mine and everyone else's eyes) were a damned good couple.

 

Plus, she probably checked out of the relationship a while before I got a chance to - which means I'm still in 'fight-for-it' mode.

 

The other thing is that I really do think she's having some kind of (midlife) crisis right now, brought on by depression. I know the crisis isn't a treatable illness, but the depression is, and who would bail on their spouse because of an illness? She says that there's no real reason why she's done this, and still won't really talk to me about it. And after what she was saying on Sunday (she came round to the house again) about custody, and eventually that she's missing me, makes me think she's fast on her way to some kind of breakdown.

 

Right now, it's also a challenge (which I'm quickly tiring of, mind), because she's such a stubborn ****er that it's almost impossible to change her mind. I know she still has feelings for me, because of the way she is with me, but she now can't admit any of this because of stubborness and pride. I'm 99% sure of this - as is her mum - but it's a ****ty thing to let pride get in the way of your life.

 

Oh, and she really is hot, too.

 

And ****, this is most important: I love her.

[Mz. Pixie]

She's hot.

 

 

 

Well, people tell me I am too but I can tell you my husband wouldn't allow this.

 

Let me give you a peep at something here. When I was in my affair and struggling from withdrawal- my ex husband thought I was having some type of mid life crisis. They also thought it was hormonal or caused by anti depressants I was taking for PTSD. It was NONE of those things. You want to make excuses for this person- sure- but the bottom line is that no matter what's going on with her- she doesn't have the right to cheat.

 

And boy, it took me a long time to get my head around that, and try to quit justifying what I did.

 

I'm telling you straight out as someone who has done what your wife has done (maybe more). She wants to be friends because you do still meet some EN of hers. She's getting needs met on both sides. It's either back on with the person she met before- she's in withdrawal- or she's met someone else she thinks might be a good prospect.

 

Also, she probably does still care about you in some ways- as I stated before somewhere on some thread in this section.

 

Being friends with you is a way to get part of her needs met and a way to appease her guilt. That's the only way she can do what she's done to her life partner and father of her children.

 

I know, I've been there. I hope you listen to me. Most cheaters follow the same script. Next she'll be telling you she hopes you guys can work out the divorce settlement just between you two and not get an attorney.

 

I suggest a strong Plan B. NO talking to her or being around her PERIOD. The only subject you will discuss is the kids. If she starts wandering- tell her no. Do not be there when she is with the kids. Have something to do. Get dressed up in front of her when she is there and leave- smell good. You don't have to do anything- but make her look at what she's missing.

 

You'll only see her etc if she agrees to work on the marriage, get in counseling and come home.

[Lor]

Seriously, though, I'm just struggling to take in what's happened because it's still only been 8 weeks or so. In the space of one argument (for me at least), my wife bailed on me, the kids, our house, all the debt, everything - without any kind of warning whatsoever.

 

That's not like her. Or at least it's not like the woman I knew.

 

The other thing is that I really do think she's having some kind of (midlife) crisis right now, brought on by depression. I know the crisis isn't a treatable illness, but the depression is, and who would bail on their spouse because of an illness? She says that there's no real reason why she's done this, and still won't really talk to me about it. And after what she was saying on Sunday (she came round to the house again) about custody, and eventually that she's missing me, makes me think she's fast on her way to some kind of breakdown.

 

Right now, it's also a challenge (which I'm quickly tiring of, mind), because she's such a stubborn ****er that it's almost impossible to change her mind. I know she still has feelings for me, because of the way she is with me, but she now can't admit any of this because of stubborness and pride. I'm 99% sure of this - as is her mum - but it's a ****ty thing to let pride get in the way of your life.

 

And ****, this is most important: I love her.

 

Hey UK, was there any more to the conversation than "I want to be just friends"? Were things maybe starting to get a little heavy on the conversation side? If so, that could be that her way of retreating because she's not ready. Remember, take it slow. Don't let her lead your life but skillfully and quietly manuver her onto the right path.

 

I don't agree with screw her, file for divorce, change the locks, hire a lawyer, keep away from her, mount the horses, defend the battlefield!! mode. You've made progress and so has she. As you said, its only been 8 weeks. As I've been told, curb your impatient *ss. She went a whirlwind dive, took you and the kids down with her. It will take a while for her to land on her feet again. Hopefully you'll be standing next to her when she stops and looks around. And don't ask me how long it'll take--my H is still going thru depression and denial and its been almost a year now.

 

Don't ask me why I play devil's advocate for her. Somehow, it seems like I connect with what she's going thru......

[Billy Bob]

I suggest a strong Plan B. NO talking to her or being around her PERIOD. The only subject you will discuss is the kids. If she starts wandering- tell her no. Do not be there when she is with the kids. Have something to do. Get dressed up in front of her when she is there and leave- smell good. You don't have to do anything- but make her look at what she's missing.

 

 

I agree 100%; she hasn't indicated verbally that she wants things back the way they were, all your doing is trying to interpret signals, which your not doing successfully. She just wants to be "friends". File, move on with your life. Stop wasting your life waiting for her, she isn't telling you to wait for her! She doesn't even live with you anymore. She chose to move out, she's choosing to just be "friends". She's choosing to not be with you as a lover anymore.

 

Your sitting around hoping she will change her mind... wake up! She moved out! The only way your going to get her back (if you still want her) is to go hardcore plan B and stop meeting her emotional needs as a friend/former lover.

[Lor]

File, move on with your life. Stop wasting your life waiting for her

 

How is only 8 weeks wasting your life? sounds to me like he wants his life to be with his W. What is another month, two? He could play hardcore, start making demands and then lose her for life. Or it might work....no one really knows. If she's that stubborn (oh, heavens, like me) she is going to fly off the handle at the least ultimatum and tell him to take a flying leap. And then her pride WON'T let her come back.

 

UK, you know her. You do what you think is best. If you want to include her in your day to day activities with you and the kids, then do so. It certainly has to be good for them to see Mom and Dad getting along. Only advice I would give is, when she goes to the hugging and kissing, maybe let her know that you'd rather she didn't do that unless she meant it as more than "friends". That would save you a lot of confusion.

[Billy Bob]

I don't agree with screw her, file for divorce, change the locks, hire a lawyer, keep away from her, mount the horses, defend the battlefield!! mode. You've made progress and so has she. As you said, its only been 8 weeks. As I've been told, curb your impatient *ss. She went a whirlwind dive, took you and the kids down with her. It will take a while for her to land on her feet again. Hopefully you'll be standing next to her when she stops and looks around. And don't ask me how long it'll take--my H is still going thru depression and denial and its been almost a year now.

 

Apparently that advice isn't working very well for you Lor.

 

She moved out, 8 weeks is long enough. She knows what she needs to do fix the relationship, she knows UK is still in love with her and wants to work it out.

UK, toughen up, take the attitude if she doesn't wan't you then good riddence. Face the facts, she doesn't want to be anything but "friends" /"co-parents" with you.

If you really want her back your going to need to force her to make a decision. She is only going to try and get you back if she thinks she is losing you. Right now she knows your on the backburner 24/7 waiting for her to come home.

Your not respecting yourself as a man. Stand up for yourself. Tell her your done playing around, if she wants out from your life you will grant her wish, otherwise you need a wife who lives with you and loves you. Stop being afraid your going to lose her, she's not afraid to lose you right now. That is where all her power/control is coming from.

I have read it so many times and experienced it myself, people want what they can't have (psych 101).. If you really think she is confused and just doesn't know what she wants, make yourself unavailable. If she doesn't pursue you after a few weeks or a month, then you know anyway.

 

I know you love her, but what good is that is she doesn't love you back.

[ThumbingMyWay]

As I've been told, curb your impatient *ss. She went a whirlwind dive, took you and the kids down with her. It will take a while for her to land on her feet again. Hopefully you'll be standing next to her when she stops and looks around. And don't ask me how long it'll take--my H is still going thru depression and denial and its been almost a year now.

 

I agree with Lor here. BUT DO NOT get your hopes up UK. DO not read into things like you have been doing. Do not set yourself up for a big fall. YOU must prepare for the worst IMO and if the best happens then all is good.

 

You say your wife dropped this on you without warning....but I can garantee you this has been on her mind for a while and it will take longer than 8 weeks for her to get out of the "fog". IMO she is still in "the grass may be greener" mode.

 

If you want her to truley see what she will be missing....I say you go to Plan B. She is pushin to see how far you will go for her....dont be a doormat. She see;s how you still "cater" to her and that just reinforces her fence sitting mode. She sees that you are still there, you still care, you still give in. As wierd as it may sound, that will make it harder for her to choose what to do.

 

What she needs to see from you is a "You choose this, not me" attitude. Dont be her beckon call boy. Start showing that you are moving on, start doing your own thing. You must pratice waht jmargel says "tough love".

 

She needs to see the whole picture and I dont think she has yet becuase you are very user friendly right now and she cant see the magnitude of her actions.

 

 

just so you know....my wife told me of her ONS in July of 2004. But the ONS was a lie. We entered MC and she finally told me the truth in March of 2005. Which was she was in a full blown EA/PA since late 2003. BUT when I look at the timeline....she started her EMO affair in late 2003...moved to PA in May 2004.....told me a false truth in July 0f 2004, told me the whole truth in March of 2005....and heres the kicker...my wife is very stubborn too...has ALOT of pride...and it wasnt until April of 2006 that she truly brokedown and lost her pride and admitted she was SOOOO worng for what she did....and she cant beliieve she jepordized her marriage and children. It took her a whole year to finally admit her realization of loss.

 

so given she started EA late 2003 and didnt give me an honest breakdown of guilt till early 2006. Thats almost 3 years she has been in her "midlife" crisis.

 

What I am trying to say is....this is only 8 weeks for YOU.....but it goes much longer for your wife. This has been playing her mind for a long time...you just found out and now she needs to "fix her head"....and it will take time brother.

 

I reitterate - go to plan B. Be nice, but not a pushover. Dont cater to her. Show her you are preparing for worst case. She needs to SEE everything she can lose and for that to happen you need to show her what she is losing by taking action for yourself.

[Lor]

Apparently that advice isn't working very well for you Lor.

 

You are too sweet, CTA. Why don't you beat around the bush a little more, I didn't quite catch your meaning.

 

We are all offering UK advice; it's up to him to decide what to take to heart and what to throw out. Hknows her, we don't. And its so easy to say stay and try or leave and file but harder to know if its the right thing to do. What works for one relationship doesn't always work for another.

[grateful]

 

I suggest a strong Plan B. NO talking to her or being around her PERIOD. The only subject you will discuss is the kids. If she starts wandering- tell her no. Do not be there when she is with the kids. Have something to do. Get dressed up in front of her when she is there and leave- smell good. You don't have to do anything- but make her look at what she's missing.

 

You'll only see her etc if she agrees to work on the marriage, get in counseling and come home.

 

I am seconding, or I guess thirding (is that a word?), this course of action. She has been having her cake and eating it too (and not even first carrying it out to her bed in the shed).

 

You are working so hard to keep it all together. She is still being flaky and re-living her single days by staying in a room without kids, household chores etc. It's important that she truly understands what it would be like to live without her cake. I think it's the only way you have a chance to get her back. As selfish as her actions have been, she'll keep taking little bits that you are willing to offer without committing to the hard work of MC, etc.

[ThumbingMyWay]

and by the way...

 

My wife is HOT too and I too was/am still madly in love with her.

 

I wonder what would have happened if I practiced tuff love. I did as you did....I catered and gave in....and becasue of that I think it took MUCH longer for my wife to come around.

 

But things are MUCH MUCH better for us now. We made it through the tuff times....but it took a long time to get here. Just makes me wonder what would have happend if i took the tuff love approach....i wonder if she would have realized earlier than she did.

 

The problem was....I was so blinded by thoughts of losing her and I was so dependent on her...I was insecure and I was just a pushover....and I think that prolonged our recovery. BUT in the end, it finally came together for us. So there is hope UK....just dont get caught up in the moment, look at the big picture and make your actions show you are looking at it....the only way she will get off the fence is to SEE or feel that you will be OK without her.

 

You cant decide for her man....as much as you want her....face the truth that she may not want you anymore. I say call her bluff. You cant keep going this way....i am trying to save you emotional headaches down the road. Get yourself in a mode were you will be OK with worst case...and if best case happens, its all the better. But if worst case happens, at least you will be OK with it.

[ThumbingMyWay]

I am seconding, or I guess thirding (is that a word?), this course of action. She has been having her cake and eating it too (and not even first carrying it out to her bed in the shed).

 

You are working so hard to keep it all together. She is still being flaky and re-living her single days by staying in a room without kids, household chores etc. It's important that she truly understands what it would be like to live without her cake. I think it's the only way you have a chance to get her back. As selfish as her actions have been, she'll keep taking little bits that you are willing to offer without committing to the hard work of MC, etc.

 

ditto this and what cat has been saying.....we are all saying the same thing UK.

[Billy Bob]

Lor, I just mean to follow what you preach. You seem to be doing just the opposite. Why not wait around for your husband to wake up and smell the roses for another month or two.. another year or two? Did it work for you? What good has it done for you to have waited so long?

 

You only live so long then you die. Why waste the precious time you have on someone who doesn't want to be your life partner anymore?

 

Do you remember what it was like when you and your spouse both loved each other, communicated, were a team? It takes two, and even though someone is telling you they don't want to be with you, you live in a state of denial. (not just referring to you, but most of us that have gone through this).

 

So many keep wishing/hoping that their estranged spouse will come out of their depression, mid-life crisis, affair fog, etc.. that they fail to see the real picture. Their spouses have moved on - chosen a different path than the one your on. Look at the hundreds of posts almost identical to this one and yours on LS. The majority seem to end with an update 2 years later where the left-behind spouse finally figured out that their "confused" spouse was having an affair the whole time.. Very few end with the marriage stronger than ever.

 

UK's wife isn't sitting on the fence going to marriage counseling with him trying to work on their problems. She's moved out, probably having an affair, telling UK that she just wants to be friends.

 

She wants UK to be her support net at the same time she is dumping him as a husband. Sure she wants to be good "friends", he is the father of her children (and doing most of the work right now). He's probably also acting as a financial resource as well? When she's lonely, she goes back and visits him and the kids.. She's transitioning towards her new life, and UK is making very smooth and easy on her. She has her cake and eats it too.

[ThumbingMyWay]

She's moved out, probably having an affair, telling UK that she just wants to be friends.

 

this has crossed my mind too UK. Dont be sooo sure that the 24 year old was the truth....there MAY be someone else. I am just saying from experince...my wife told me she had a ONS...but the whole time it was a full blown affair. *** I was niave...

 

 

 

 

 

She wants UK to be her support net at the same time she is dumping him as a husband.......She has her cake and eats it too.

 

I agree again.....

 

UK, its time to change your approach to this situation.

[Lor]

CTA, I guess because in the end, the wait might be worth it. Yeah, I don't follow the guidelines. And I'm flaky as all get out a lot of the time. Am I in denial? Maybe.

 

But what has this past year done for me? I've become a better person, more confident in myself, found a lot of faults of my own that I've tried to rectify, I've become more attractive to myself. My oldest son's opinion of me has gone thru the roof. I've found I have a lot of strength I didn't know I had, and a lot of weaknesses. I've learned I was wasn't a very nice person and have had depression that I have denied for years. I've found I have support from friends that I never knew existed.

 

My H has told me a lot of things that aren't true, things just to hurt me or push me away. And, like every lie, the truth does come out.

 

I totally agree that UK needs to work forward in HIS life, finding balance again. He does need to show her that he'll be fine without her, but to me, I think she needs to know that he'd much rather she was in it than not. Otherwise, what point is there to her getting any help?

[scrybe74]

She's hot.

 

Seriously, though, I'm just struggling to take in what's happened because it's still only been 8 weeks or so. In the space of one argument (for me at least), my wife bailed on me, the kids, our house, all the debt, everything - without any kind of warning whatsoever.

 

That's not like her. Or at least it's not like the woman I knew.

 

So why am I still attracted? Sure, there's the history and the kids, the fact that we did have some damned good times together - right up until she moved out - and the fact that we essentially (in mine and everyone else's eyes) were a damned good couple.

 

Plus, she probably checked out of the relationship a while before I got a chance to - which means I'm still in 'fight-for-it' mode.

 

The other thing is that I really do think she's having some kind of (midlife) crisis right now, brought on by depression. I know the crisis isn't a treatable illness, but the depression is, and who would bail on their spouse because of an illness? She says that there's no real reason why she's done this, and still won't really talk to me about it. And after what she was saying on Sunday (she came round to the house again) about custody, and eventually that she's missing me, makes me think she's fast on her way to some kind of breakdown.

 

Right now, it's also a challenge (which I'm quickly tiring of, mind), because she's such a stubborn ****er that it's almost impossible to change her mind. I know she still has feelings for me, because of the way she is with me, but she now can't admit any of this because of stubborness and pride. I'm 99% sure of this - as is her mum - but it's a ****ty thing to let pride get in the way of your life.

 

Oh, and she really is hot, too.

 

And ****, this is most important: I love her.

 

You know....I hate to say it...but you sound a lot like what women in domestic abuse cases say about their men. They make excuses for him hitting and hurting them:

 

• He was under a lot of stress
  
• It's not like him. That's not how he normally acts.
  
• We've had money problems.
  
• I know I haven't been the greatest (wife/GF)...I guess I can do more
  

 

etc...

 

You are making tons and tons of excuses for her. The only time you seem to get any clear reaction from her is on the days that you are focused on your life and children WITHOUT HER. I'm not saying run out and get a divorce or to close the door on her. But look at the results. You go on living, get yourself straight and develop some sort of social life outside of her = she comes around and pays attention to you and the kids and get's worried about your future together. You then profess your undying love for her and that she can come back whenever and so on and so on. -- She cools off and back pedals.

 

Why?

 

Because she's comfortable. She doesn't have to make a choice. I think your problem is that you are playing this like a GAME....and you hate playing games. So stop playing games. Actually live your life and move forward. Do not be concerned about her, her well being or her feelings. She's a big girl and can/will take care of herself. She DOES NOT NEED YOUR HELP COMING BACK HOME. Don't you get that even if she decides to come back home....it means NOTHING to her if you draw a road map, give her keys to the door, leave the door open with wine, dinner and roses on the table. Exactly WHAT effort did she put into getting things right with you?

 

You're telling yourself to get her back FIRST and then you'll sort the mess out. You've got it backwards. She needs to value her family and her relationship with you and she CAN'T if you keep SPOONFEEDING her like a baby. She cannot respect you as a man if you don't have a life of your own.

 

Here's the hard part. Life your life for yourself and your kids. Don't play a game...actually focus on making your life better for you and your family. You don't need to go out and date other women.....you don't need to file divorce....you just need to work towards happiness in your life in the time of pain and darkness. Understand that she cannot provide you with any happiness or anyway out of this pain. You have to fight your way out. Focus on your busieness, grow it. Get your financial affairs in order (if that means bankruptcy then so be it) spend more time with your kids. Spend time with friends and family. She'll want to come around again. Let her. Fine....but have it on your terms. Work out a visitation schedule. I would advise leaving her alone with the kids. No sense in confusing them as well until you two know for sure that you are going to get back together.

 

In time if she values the relationship....talk things out...(remember to let her come to you.....you are the victim here)....don't help her out though. Go to counseling and LET THE COUNSELOR help her. You are in no position to provide her with any emotional or mental support. You..are...the...victim.

 

I hope at least some of this get's through to you. It sounds like this marriage is more than salvageable.....but you have to stop shooting yourself in the foot. You're killing your chance to reconcile. The said thing is....your full of love and you're just following your heart. This isn't about love anymore. Love is the easy part. Remember that.

[Lor]

Wow.....

 

To all of us that needed to hear that, so plainly yet eloquently written....thank you.

 

That one deserves to be printed out and reread, over and over.

[ThumbingMyWay]

I agree Lor

 

he said what I was thinking and trying to say earlier. but in a much better context. great post scrybe

 

nice pic Lor

[Lor]

.....figured it was time to "come out of the closet"..... :o

 

(yours is pretty nice, too )

[Mz. Pixie]

I agree Lor

 

he said what I was thinking and trying to say earlier. but in a much better context. great post scrybe

 

nice pic Lor

 

I agree, Scrybe said it much nicer than I did. He/She was right on when they said that when you pull away she rushes towards you- but when you rush towards her that pushes her away! That should be evidence enough of the fact that getting your own life works.

 

I know you're worried about losing her but you need to slow down and read this carefully.

 

SHE IS ALREADY GONE. She's not the wife that you want- she's not living with you or really even helping you take care of the kids. Are you satisfied to live that way forever?? Or do you want a better marriage??

 

So if you make a stand, and go into Plan B- what are you really going to lose at this point?? Plan B is about getting YOU out of the drama and at the same time causing them to go into withdrawal from YOU not meeting her needs.

 

VERY VERY VERY VERY few women leave their husbands and stay gone without someone else being involved. I've known maybe one case of that in all the separations/divorces that I've known personally or heard about. They just don't do it. So, if she's not involved with someone, she's actively trolling for someone to be involved with.

 

By the way- Thumbing my Way- this is the first time I've ever seen your picture all this time I've been posting on LS. You're a cutie pie! I already knew you were a great guy so this is just icing on the cake!

 

Even if you go to Plan b- you don't have to file. Just go dark. If it ends up pushing her the other way- then what have you really lost?? The limited amount of her that you have?? Are you content with her having sex with other people while you're in love with her?? And you only having the crumbs she wants to give you??

[ThumbingMyWay]

VERY VERY VERY VERY few women leave their husbands and stay gone without someone else being involved. I've known maybe one case of that in all the separations/divorces that I've known personally or heard about. They just don't do it. So, if she's not involved with someone, she's actively trolling for someone to be involved with.

 

As hard as this is to hear UK....there is alot of truth to this.

 

I would try very hard to drop your insecurities and move to a strong Plan B. And if I were you....I would start investigating a possible OM.

 

 

By the way- Thumbing my Way- this is the first time I've ever seen your picture all this time I've been posting on LS. You're a cutie pie! I already knew you were a great guy so this is just icing on the cake!

 

I like you too pix

[scrybe74]

I agree Lor

 

he said what I was thinking and trying to say earlier. but in a much better context. great post scrybe

 

nice pic Lor

 

Thanks Thumb and Lor! (and I agree with thumb on the pic Lor)

 

:-)

[scrybe74]

I agree, Scrybe said it much nicer than I did. He/She was right on when they said that when you pull away she rushes towards you- but when you rush towards her that pushes her away! That should be evidence enough of the fact that getting your own life works.

 

I know you're worried about losing her but you need to slow down and read this carefully.

 

SHE IS ALREADY GONE. She's not the wife that you want- she's not living with you or really even helping you take care of the kids. Are you satisfied to live that way forever?? Or do you want a better marriage??

 

So if you make a stand, and go into Plan B- what are you really going to lose at this point?? Plan B is about getting YOU out of the drama and at the same time causing them to go into withdrawal from YOU not meeting her needs.

 

VERY VERY VERY VERY few women leave their husbands and stay gone without someone else being involved. I've known maybe one case of that in all the separations/divorces that I've known personally or heard about. They just don't do it. So, if she's not involved with someone, she's actively trolling for someone to be involved with.

 

By the way- Thumbing my Way- this is the first time I've ever seen your picture all this time I've been posting on LS. You're a cutie pie! I already knew you were a great guy so this is just icing on the cake!

 

Even if you go to Plan b- you don't have to file. Just go dark. If it ends up pushing her the other way- then what have you really lost?? The limited amount of her that you have?? Are you content with her having sex with other people while you're in love with her?? And you only having the crumbs she wants to give you??

 

Great post Mz. Pixie - I just hope UK reads all of this and 'takes it in' so to speak. Oh...and for the record I'm a guy.

[Lor]

Oh...and for the record I'm a guy.

 

I was hoping so.