Winfield Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 Last night, my 6 month relationship with my (now ex) girlfriend ended. How do I feel? Well, a bit down about it...so I thought by posting on here would help me to get some of my feelings off my chest. I had an idea that things weren't quite right after our last date on Saturday - up to this point, we'd been dating steadily (meeting up between once and twice a week), but at the weekend, we weren't communicating the same way (little conversation, few laughs), and things seemed sort of strained and awkward. It got me thinking at the end of our date that maybe I'd done something wrong without my knowing, but surely there would be a way we could work around the "problem" and get things back on track? After all, we'd never fallen out prior to this, and seemed to get along just fine - no pressure on either of us for the relationship to work, I thought it was developing quite well naturally... But then last night she said that she regarded me more as a friend than a person she'd pursue a relationship with. She said she'd felt like this for the past few weeks. Her opinion was that if we were going to go down the relationship route, it would have happened by now. Which is fair enough - it's not working out the way she'd like it to, so she's honest enough to tell me so. I accept her decision and admire her honesty, and wouldn't dream of attempting to make it work when her heart's not in it. But what a bummer It felt like a punch in the stomach! Over the past few weeks though, she's introduced me to her family members and a few of her friends (and I introduced her to mine). It was also my birthday quite recently, and she'd went to a lot of trouble in giving me one of my best birthdays in recent memory! What I can't understand here is if her feelings had changed and she didn't want to take things further, why did she introduce me to significant people in her life? And why did she make such a fuss about my birthday? Ah, I'll probably never know. But now she wants to change our "relationship" to a "friendship", and still meet up occassionally to do some of the fun things we did (ie, play pool, go bowling). Having given it a bit of thought since she broke the news, I can't see this as being feasible - if things were awkward and strained when our relationship was on it's last legs, what's it going to be like when we meet up again, knowing things won't ever be the same? We'd basically be doing the same as what we had done when we were a "couple"...the only difference is that no cuddles or kisses would be involved (and that is what I'd miss most). She said that there'd be no pressure or expectations on either of us if we carried on as friends...true, but I didn't feel any pressure when we were dating (we both live independently, we weren't living out of each other's pockets, etc). I'm a firm believer that if things are meant to be, then they will be - and this time it wasn't meant to be. I feel no resentment or bitterness at all - hey, I've just had 6 of the best months of my life! A shame it had to end though...but the hard fact is that it takes 2 for a relationship to work. So I think a bit of healing time's in order. Relationships, eh? Who'd have them?
ash8752 Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Are you sure she didnt mean she had expected you to take it to the next level and it was never brought there? I have heard of that happening, a guy takes too long to make it a real relationship and the girl gets fed up and realizes it is just friends.
Author Winfield Posted June 14, 2006 Author Posted June 14, 2006 Are you sure she didnt mean she had expected you to take it to the next level and it was never brought there? I have heard of that happening, a guy takes too long to make it a real relationship and the girl gets fed up and realizes it is just friends. This thought entered my head too, but (Sod's Law) I didn't mention this when she was telling me she didn't see me as relationship material. It wasn't until after our conversation that I thought "maybe I should have asked this", or "maybe I should have asked that"... Ah, retrospect...such a great thing, isn't it? Perhaps she was meaning for me to take things to the next level? *shrug* And everything had been going so well up until she dropped the bombshell...but BECAUSE it was going so well, I didn't want to put pressure on what we had - it wasn't broken, so why did I need to fix it? I treated this relationship very differently from any previous ones I've had. Before, I'd get carried away with my feelings too much too soon (and we all know where that leads). This time, however, I let it run naturally, letting it work out if it was going to (or not, as is now the case). My opinion was that if it was going to work out, then it would, no matter what. Don't get me wrong - I really wanted things to work out between us, and I had developed genuine feelings for her...I really wanted to be more than just her friend (then again, by keeping my feelings to myself, I wasn't able to let her know - she's not a mind reader, lol)! I had been considering for some weeks on getting her an item of jewellery as a symbol of commitment, but didn't know when the time would be right. Perhaps I may need to alter tactics in the future and establish a "happy medium" between getting carried away with my feelings, and letting things run on for too long. Ah, you live and learn! A word of advice to anyone else in the same situation to me - let your guard down (just a little) to show the one you're with that they're just that little bit extra special (being too relaxed about things doesn't do you any favours)! And whatever you do, don't wait too long to open up...or you may regret it!
AriaIncognito Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Winfield, Man I wish i had whatever it is you're taking. I can't imagine how you can be so chipper going through what you're going through. I give you major credit. I'm going through a breakup and it's really got me down. Share your secrets, man. Jennifer
Diver012 Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 I gotta say I understand what you are talking about. I also have to ad though that sometimes letting your guard down to soon isnt good either. I can say I know the exact minute I let my guard down.... Valentines day at dinner. She wrote me this letter, and by the time I finished reading it, I was head over heals in love. You gotta know what was in this letter to understand what i'm talking about.... I want this Valentines day to be the first of many we spend together. You are a very important person in my life. I want to always be with you The picuture book I gave you I want us to fill it with the memories of our life together... A few months later her feelings had changed and I was being dumped. No further explanation than that. I was told it was nothing I did wrong.. ect... not you its me speech. I didnt even get the respect of a face to face meeting. I was called at work and dumped while I was in a meeting. All im saying is you never know man. Your kicking yourself because you feel it was you that did something wrong. Maybe, just maybe, it wasnt anything you did at all. Maybe it was all her...
Author Winfield Posted June 15, 2006 Author Posted June 15, 2006 Winfield, Man I wish i had whatever it is you're taking. I can't imagine how you can be so chipper going through what you're going through. I give you major credit. I'm going through a breakup and it's really got me down. Share your secrets, man. Jennifer Thanks for your post, Jennifer! Well, I can assure you and the board that I am taking the substances air, food and water on a regular basis! Nah, seriously, I'm hurting a bit too (the same as anyone else - hey, I'm only human ), but thinking back, the time I spent with this woman was just so enjoyable - things weren't complicated, we didn't argue, we were honest with each other... The only painful thing is that we're not going to share those times again together - but, given time, I know it's going to get easier ...and when my next relationship occurs (whenever that may be), things might turn out even better! So I can't think of a better prospect than that! The way I see it, the worst bit's happened (we split) - so now, the only way is up! Sorry to hear that your break-up's getting you down, but you will get through it eventually (however long it takes). Good luck to you!
Diver012 Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 I like your response.... Very positive attitude.... Way to go
Author Winfield Posted June 15, 2006 Author Posted June 15, 2006 Thanks, Diver, for your post! Sorry to hear about your story I think letting the guard down is all about timing. Let it down too soon and your feelings and emotions are spilt all at once, with nothing left in reserve...leave it too late though, and you're left holding on to the things you didn't get to say (and by declaring your feelings and emotions at this point would come off as a desperate plea in keeping a relationship going, ie, the "flogging a dead horse" scenario). All im saying is you never know man. Your kicking yourself because you feel it was you that did something wrong. Maybe, just maybe, it wasnt anything you did at all. Maybe it was all her... True, you never know. I'm not really kicking myself in thinking that I may have done something wrong - in truth, I think it just ended naturally...but thinking back, maybe I could have said more by letting my guard down just a little bit before things took a wrong turn. Maybe I should re-read this thread when I start dating again and remember what I should do for the next time!
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