Guest Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 I think I'm in a bit of a muddle. I have never dated in the conventional sense where you go on dates with a near stranger with a view to something more. So, I went on a date with a guy before Christmas. It went really well and he asked me to go to a party the next weekend. Cool, but I kinda got nervous because I wasnt sure I was ready to be open with somebody because of residual feelings for an ex which I thought were gone. So, I told him that I wasnt ready and apologised and he was really nice about it. I had no intention of playing games, I had really thought I was ready. I was not going to lead somebody on and be uncomfortable myself, even though I really liked him. I took about two months and then I contacted him again. We sent playful messages and emails for a few weeks on and off and arranged to go to the movies. There were a couple of occasions where he asked me to do stuff together and I genuinely couldnt (such as family birthday, was away for work etc). But we have been seeing more of each other lately, we have had maybe five dates where I have initiated 2/3 of them. We havent kissed, nothing physical really. He touches my leg in conversation etc. But I am not sure if he likes me in "that" way. I think my body language is probably a bit stiff because I am shy, having never been in this type of dating thing before. I like him alot and would like to take it to a more physical level. So, my question is, should I ask him in some playful way if he likes me or should I try to kiss him ? I'm not sure if my awkwardness has put him off, he doesnt seem to be contacting me as much, but I cant seem to get over my nervousness. Help!
Outcast Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 You have to let him know that you welcome his physical presence. If he moves close to you, don't move away. Touch him lightly when you're talking to him. Maintain eye contact when you speak and you can always glance at his lips from time to time if you're sitting close. These are the things people naturally do when they like one another and I'm betting that you have the urge to do them but stop yourself. So stop stopping yourself! He's looking for signals from you that his touch would be welcome and if you shy away from him, he'll think you don't want him to lay a finger on you.
Toni_no12002 Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 Outcast's right body language plays a big part.You can usually tell if someone likes you or not by there body language.I read a book about body language and when i went out i realised that so much about what a person is feeling at that time comes in body language.Someone can say they like you with there mouth but there body is telling a whole different story. When your with him try not to fold your arms as this will give the impression that your not interested in what hes saying and that your nervous. Usually when someone touches your arm it can be abit flirty as if he didnt like you he wouldnt touch you at all.This doesnt mean that he wants to jump into bed or anything,just that hes showing an interest. Try builiding your confidence a little more.When your with him just enjoy yourself.You dont have to do anything your uncomfortable with.
norajane Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 Outcast and Toni are right on about body language. I'll add that you can also give him little touches, on the arm, the knee, maybe touching as you brush past him. When you find yourself laughing together about something and catch each other's eye...hold the eye contact for an extra beat or two and lick your lips...kiss will follow! Make sure that you give him hugs when you greet him and say goodbye...it's not too hard to turn a hug into a kiss. Have fun!
Guest Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 Dont think I will get the chance to try implementing the tips. We had been emailing / texting about 5/6 times a day and now no reply for about three days. So, I guess its NC from my end now. I gotta say I'm very disapointed. Going through the whole "I'll never find anyone. I dont want anyone becuase I will get hurt" charade right now. But thanks anyway, I should try to be more open and flirty, its hard because I was abused when I was small and I have a bit of a fear when I like somebody - I think its anxiety I get, like I cant think straight when I'm talking to a man I like, but I get along fine with guys that I am not interested in romantically. I sound like a 15 year old, but I'm 25! I always had alcohol to oil the wheels before, but I dont drink anymore except the occasional one. I will just have to face my fears and try to get more comfortable with myself. Thanks for the tips :-(
Guest Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Well, I got an email yesterday, some nice banter. I'm just so unused to this dating a person you dont know before thing, its weird when someone is talking to you so many times a day and then you dont hear from them for three days, your not sure if they just have stuff going on or are giving you the cold shoulder. With guys I was with before I always knew them well before we got together so if I didnt hear from them i didnt wonder. I guess I should care a little less! Hopefully I will get asked on another date and I can try out the flirtiness. Will probably end up looking like I have a twicth or something lol! I should probably make more effort by dressing up a bit - ive just been dressing very casual because I just want him to like me for me, but that probably sends a not interested message as well. I suppose if I want to say "give me some action" I should get the sexy boots out!
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