fabulousgal Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 So I was doing great with the NC. Not returning calls etc, blocking the IM. Then I bumped into the ex, and I tried to say hi and keep moving, and he tried to stop me. He found me later in the night and asked if I would talk to him. I was really drunk, and said ok. He asked why I was being standoffish, and I told him you lied to me and I don't need that. The conversation continued, and wasnt going anywhere, so he walked away trying to hug me and I said no. Then I got home, and did something I never do. I drunk dialled, and asked him why he keeps trying to contact and talk, wasn't he the one that said let's move on its over. He said, yes it is. So we hung up. Then I proceeded to lay into him over text messages, and I feel incrediby stupid. Next day, I call and asked to talk, and he apprehensivley agreed to meet up. I went over and he was not even looking at me, and I told him I was sorry and I didn't hate him, and I do think he is a nice, great guy, but I can't talk to him bc I am basically trying to move on. A few hours later he sent me some joking text messages, but I didn't reply. I feel as if his signals are mixed, which is fine, but I just feel really bad about me for 1) doing so well on the NC and failing when he caught me inebriated, and 2) letting myself go off on him. My friends say its ok bc I was kinda provoked into it. Please tell me I am not an idiot and this is not all me just being a lame person. I feel so unconfident now.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 Give yourself a break! Breakups are hard!! NC is harder. You will make mistakes, drunk dial, hug and kiss, slap, cry, scream.... its all apart of getting over it JMO. I don't think I've ever met anyone who just completely initiated NC and never looked back. THe important thing is you get right back up and start over until you get it right. Obviously if you felt like NC was right for you, you had a darn good reason, so don't get caught back up in the romance. IT might feel good for the time being, but you will regret it later on. JMO
catgirl1927 Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 Eh. You did fine. He caught you a little drunk and maybe you acted kinda silly. But, you're not a bad person who lies. Who cares what he thinks anyway? Move on, you've nothing to regret!
Big_A Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 If this was easy we wouldn't have such a thriving community of people here. While you may have fallen off the wagon, you do know what to do now. Don't sweat it. I have no idea what I'd do if I ran into my ex and she wanted to talk. Luckily for me she ran away to another state.
Author fabulousgal Posted June 12, 2006 Author Posted June 12, 2006 I know I am being hard on myself, but I never do stuff like this. I really feel like I let him get the best of me, and now I look foolish.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 I know I am being hard on myself, but I never do stuff like this. I really feel like I let him get the best of me, and now I look foolish. I've done stuff like that. Doesn't make you stupid or foolish, just makes you human
2020vision Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 I really feel like I let him get the best of me, and now I look foolish. I know the foolish feeling very well. Lets face it, we have all been there at some point in time.. Just take this as a lesson learned, to never accept/initiate any form of contact from him again. Otherwise we will be seeing "Feeling Awful Part 2". Good Luck, 2020
Author fabulousgal Posted June 14, 2006 Author Posted June 14, 2006 Ok, well the ex called me and I ignored the call. I finally got up with later, and he was calling to apologize for being rude when I was at his house. He mentioned that I don't respond when he tries to communicate w me. I ended the call a few minutes later saying I am not interested in a friendship, and that's why. I almost kicked myself bc this was a chance to get some answers I think. Should I send him an email asking him somethings? We broke up due to his family reasons, and it just bugs me bc I want to know is he bummed out too.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Ok, well the ex called me and I ignored the call. I finally got up with later, and he was calling to apologize for being rude when I was at his house. He mentioned that I don't respond when he tries to communicate w me. I ended the call a few minutes later saying I am not interested in a friendship, and that's why. I almost kicked myself bc this was a chance to get some answers I think. Should I send him an email asking him somethings? We broke up due to his family reasons, and it just bugs me bc I want to know is he bummed out too. You will never get to NC this way, if that is what you really want
Author fabulousgal Posted June 15, 2006 Author Posted June 15, 2006 No unfortunatley its not really what I want. Even though he has tried to maintain lines of communication, and I have pushed them away, I just don't get it. Even when we broke up, "the feelings are mutual between us", I was told I was "amazing". For those of you that don't know the story, we were pretty intense for 4 mos and then he told me that his family wouldn't accept me, and he couldn't go against them...but he was still wanting me to date him. I chose to leave that day. I just felt misled, and family is really important to me. I have had a much harder time coping with this than him, but he doesn't really know that. I thought as strongly as I felt, he must be hurting too. He's never really shared that with me. The most I've gotten is him contacting me, or questioning why I won't talk to him. His family did find out post break up, and I think that may have been the catalyst for him to really say forget about it, and charge ahead with his life. I doubt my worth all the time now, which is ridiculous. People tell me how pretty, nice, smart, funny I am all the time. I was very gracious to my ex. But I just feel like if I was "that great" to him like he said, why did he let me go so easily?
miranda beverly Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 ......... why did he let me go so easily? For those who walk away from you, let them go. Anyone up for motivational speakers? heh.
norajane Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 No unfortunatley its not really what I want. Even though he has tried to maintain lines of communication, and I have pushed them away, I just don't get it. Even when we broke up, "the feelings are mutual between us", I was told I was "amazing". For those of you that don't know the story, we were pretty intense for 4 mos and then he told me that his family wouldn't accept me, and he couldn't go against them...but he was still wanting me to date him. I chose to leave that day. I just felt misled, and family is really important to me. I have had a much harder time coping with this than him, but he doesn't really know that. I thought as strongly as I felt, he must be hurting too. He's never really shared that with me. The most I've gotten is him contacting me, or questioning why I won't talk to him. His family did find out post break up, and I think that may have been the catalyst for him to really say forget about it, and charge ahead with his life. I doubt my worth all the time now, which is ridiculous. People tell me how pretty, nice, smart, funny I am all the time. I was very gracious to my ex. But I just feel like if I was "that great" to him like he said, why did he let me go so easily? My sister had this problem. Met a guy in college, they both fell in love, and dated for three years. Thing is, they're both from different cultural/ethnic backgrounds and his family HATES that they're involved and would never accept her into the family (as if their s*** don't stink). For a while, he was all about standing up to his family and all that, but once they graduated and he moved back to his hometown, he finally admitted to her he could never go against his parents' wishes and marry her. She dumped him after that, NC was really, really hard even though they both thought it was best. The problem isn't whether you are great or not, or whether he sees it or not. The problem is he doesn't have enough backbone to stand up against his parents. Unless that changes, he will never be able to be with you. Don't feel bad about breaking NC. In this kind of situation, I think it's hard not to. Just feel glad that you didn't waste three years of your life being in love with him.
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