lynni31 Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 OK, I really like this guy that I was seeing for a while , we have been emailing and things didn't seem like they were going so great.. I sent him an email and told him I cared for him and how I was doing ... and he responds a few days later with " hi, just a note to say hi. take care" Does this mean he wants to hear from me ? Wouldn't he just not answer my email at all if he was not interested ? or is he just being nice ? UGH this so sucks.. trying to figure men out...
Maria33 Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 It seems like sometimes men want to flirt but, when we take it seriously, then they back off. He probably wants to keep it the way it was. He likes talking and flirting but isn't sure about the rest. I just went through this and I'm still trying to get over it. You might want to just back off for a week or two and see if he e-mails you, wondering how you're doing. Then at least you'll know he's thinking about you. Good luck, I know how hard it is to know what to do. Especially when you care about them.
Author lynni31 Posted June 11, 2006 Author Posted June 11, 2006 yeah that would make sense .. except for when we were seeing each other he was the one pressuring ME for more, and always talking about his feelings, calling me 20 times a day.. we were emailing and it didn't seem like he was interested anymore so I figured what do I have to lose ? I am just going to tell him like it is .. that I care about him . Wouldn't he just ignore me if he didn't wanna hear from me ? I think I just have my hopes up that if he is sending a note "just to say hi" that he must want to hear back...
Tim'sAngel Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 yeah that would make sense .. except for when we were seeing each other he was the one pressuring ME for more, and always talking about his feelings, calling me 20 times a day.. we were emailing and it didn't seem like he was interested anymore so I figured what do I have to lose ? I am just going to tell him like it is .. that I care about him . Wouldn't he just ignore me if he didn't wanna hear from me ? I think I just have my hopes up that if he is sending a note "just to say hi" that he must want to hear back... Men are very hard to understand sometimes, but then again, so are women. Funny, my SO and I just had a conversation today about the mixed signals between men and women. This is how it sounds to me. He was once interested in you but you blowing him off got him over you. So now he's moved on to bigger and better things in that area, and is just keeping you on a string for later use if necessary. Sounds cruel, but men are known to do this, as are women. Have you read the book He's Just Not That Into You? I suggest every women read it. It is sort of a decoder for women who want to know what mean really mean when they say something that we can't figure out, like in your case. If I were you, I would back off competely. If he really wants you, he will pursue you. If not, than what have you really lost? Hope this helps
Author lynni31 Posted June 11, 2006 Author Posted June 11, 2006 I have read that book ! and that book is what got me in this trouble to begin with ! LOL... I did not blow him off , just tried to slow things down a bit, he was VERY pushy , talking about living together and how he hoped I thought he was "the one". Then one night he calls me and says he is starting a new job.. will call me the next night to let me know how his day was .. and he never calls.. apparently his mom threw him out .. and as he puts it he was "traumatized" with no job.. no place to stay.. etc. Soo.. he starts going to church for guidance and the next thing I know he can't see me because his life revolves around church... I am almost positive there isn't anyone else in the picture, he is very insecure and it took two months of emails before he would even call me for the first time...
Author lynni31 Posted June 11, 2006 Author Posted June 11, 2006 and by the way , I did at one time apologize if I had pushed him away while I was seeing him.. and he had no clue what I was talking about...
Tim'sAngel Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 Jeez... hunny no offence but this guy does not sound like dating material!! He has way too much drama going on in his life right now and seems very unstable. This sheds some new light on the situation though. He was probably wanting to move in w/you because he had no where else to go Being too involved with church to see you? Either he has become a priest or that is an excuse to get you off his back.. This guys is confusing!! *whew* Honestly, I'd still just leave him be. Read all you've told us about him then ask yourself if you really want to be involved with this guy!! Sometimes really insecure people are all over the place trying to make their voice heard or their intentions known, but never really learn the proper way to express themselves. Oh yea, and thats so cool you read the book!! Did you like it? How did that get you into trouble?
whichwayisup Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 and by the way , I did at one time apologize if I had pushed him away while I was seeing him.. and he had no clue what I was talking about... Look, he is clueless. If you like him and want to pursue something more, TELL HIM. Just grab him and kiss him the next time you two get together. IF he isn't interested you'll know asap.
Author lynni31 Posted June 12, 2006 Author Posted June 12, 2006 OK, I know he is confusing.. That is why I am here ! I read the book and I think it got me into trouble because I was thinking if he was "that into me" he wouldn't STOP calling.. there were no signs that he was going to stop calling.. no warning at all, everything seemed to be going along well. He IS a bit different from other guys or I would have just assumed that he had moved on to someone else .. and when I called him after not hearing from him that is the first thing I asked him.. to which he responded "It figures you would think the worst of me" . He was very sensitive, easily hurt and VERY insecure. As far as needing a place to stay, well here is the thing .. I OFFERED and he said he couldn't because there was no way he could come and stay with a girl when he didn't have a job ! I believe that his mom threw him out.. they had a big fight he says he was "traumatized" by, he said he had nothing to offer a girl like me.. that he wanted to be able to treat me the way I deserved to be treated.. I might as well mention that the last week we were seeing each other .. he had started to go to bible study and the last time he slept over .. he left at 7am in search of the nearest church.. looking for guidance.. he had a lot of pressure coming from everywhere.. his mom, ex wife..kids... he did call me a couple weeks later to say he had found a job and it wouldn't be much longer .. that he needed to catch up on some bills etc, I told him I would wait until he was ready.. then after a few more weeks I sent him an email asking if he was planning on seeing me again... he replied saying that his life revolves around church right now and that he needed to focus on that and work and nothing else and that "for now this is the way my life must be" ( again I am thinking... another woman .. but keep in mind this guy is not like most ..he actually went through my fridge on the advise of his mother to see what kind of a person I am and then told me about it afterwards... ) so that email basically lead up to my " I just want u to know that I do care about u...this is how I am doing.. glad you are doing well " email to which he responds " HI, just a note to say hi. take care" . He has never sent two emails in a row.. it has always been back and forth.. I dunno..I guess I am just wondering .. is it my turn to email him ? Does he want me to ? I know .. big mess
Author lynni31 Posted June 12, 2006 Author Posted June 12, 2006 OMG , just read the grab him and kiss him thing.. problem is he doesn't live that close by and I don't see him unless planned.. Many have told me that is what I need to do .. to find him and just kiss him and tell him how it is, ... I know if I could get him to see me .. he would be done for, and then I wouldn't have to be on here asking for love advise.. but I can't very well go tracking him down.. short of hanging out in every place where he MIGHT be..besides I do have some pride.. right now my thing is ( I know it seems trivial ) .. should I take his tiny little email as encouragement ? Funny thing is ALL my girlfriends say absolutely! he wants to hear from you again .. no doubt .. but guys seem to say something different . figures.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 Looks like the only way your gonna find out anything is just to ask him. I'm guessing you guys have been intimate after reading about him sleeping over. Surely you can talk about your feelings face to face like 2 adults.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 ? Funny thing is ALL my girlfriends say absolutely! he wants to hear from you again .. no doubt .. but guys seem to say something different . figures. Everyone is going to have their own opinion. He is the only one that knows what he wants. We can only listen to whats going on and make assumptions. To me it sounds like maybe he was just getting overwhelmed with life and he felt he needed a break to figure his life out, hence getting involved in church. If this is the case then this could very well mean he still wants to pursue a relationship with you, but just needs to focus on other things. If you want to wait for him, that is up to you. That is just my make of it, Like I said, noone knows what he wants but him. If you are really that sincere about wanting to figure it out, then ask him straight up. If you think that will run him off or put too much pressure, then I guess just sit back and wait.
Author lynni31 Posted June 12, 2006 Author Posted June 12, 2006 Yeah we were intimate.. he even went so far as to mention marriage the last time I talked to him on the phone.. which is why I was so confused when he stopped calling out of nowhere. We met in person.. exchanged emails.. and the relationship started out as emails for two months before we started actually seeing each other.. and now it seems like it's back to the emails.. I get the impression that he doesn't feel good enough.. he was always saying things like" oh I bet you can get somebody way better than me " and that when he says he feels he has nothing to offer.. that he really means it..even tho I told him he has himself to offer he doesn't see it that way. Face to face would be great.. but I think he knows he is a gonner if that happens...oh well maybe I will just wait , who would of thought that an email consisting of so few words could be so confusing.. I just don't want to be emailing him unless he is still interested ...
Author lynni31 Posted June 12, 2006 Author Posted June 12, 2006 I have tried to ask him straight up , and that is when I got the response that his life revolved around church .. when I sent the email saying I cared.. the thing is I didn't plan on sending any more emails that was it. I figured he was done.. I didn't expect to hear from him again at all and was surprised when he did email saying that.. I do feel that asking him straight out ..again , is too much for anyone. Crap I just want everyone to tell me "YES ... he wants to hear from you that is why he sent it !" oh well....
Author lynni31 Posted June 12, 2006 Author Posted June 12, 2006 I am going to just wait I guess.. and if it was meant to be ..
Tim'sAngel Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 Crap I just want everyone to tell me "YES ... he wants to hear from you that is why he sent it !" oh well.... I don't think he would have responded at all if he didn't want to hear from you again. I just think it odd you spilled your heart out and he responded with "hey how are you?" I hate that he has you in knots, yet you can't confront him in person because hes too involved with church.
Author lynni31 Posted June 12, 2006 Author Posted June 12, 2006 Yeah, I did tell him how I felt and I don't feel bad about that at all, a lot of people have told me "don't ever tell a man your feelings" .. but I did and it felt a lot better than being a total bitch about it all. I feel very comfortable in telling him that I care , if it was gonna end I wanted it to end in a positive way. I hate to play games and want more than anything to email him back . But if that email was intended to get me to keep emailing him .. maybe it will do him some good to get a little confused and wonder why when I don't... and by the way .. your advise has been very helpful.
whichwayisup Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 Yeah we were intimate.. he even went so far as to mention marriage the last time I talked to him on the phone.. which is why I was so confused when he stopped calling out of nowhere. We met in person.. exchanged emails.. and the relationship started out as emails for two months before we started actually seeing each other.. and now it seems like it's back to the emails.. I get the impression that he doesn't feel good enough.. he was always saying things like" oh I bet you can get somebody way better than me " and that when he says he feels he has nothing to offer.. that he really means it..even tho I told him he has himself to offer he doesn't see it that way. Face to face would be great.. but I think he knows he is a gonner if that happens...oh well maybe I will just wait , who would of thought that an email consisting of so few words could be so confusing.. I just don't want to be emailing him unless he is still interested ... He's scared. And I hate to say it, but he's passive agressive too. To say: I OFFERED and he said he couldn't because there was no way he could come and stay with a girl when he didn't have a job ! I believe that his mom threw him out.. they had a big fight he says he was "traumatized" by, he said he had nothing to offer a girl like me.. that he wanted to be able to treat me the way I deserved to be treated.. This says he does have self esteem issues. Either from his past, his marriage or it's just who he is. Just start 'being around' him. Do nice little things for him to show him that you care. Actions are just as important as words. Eventually though you do have to just lay it all on the table for him and go from there. Not knowing 100% what is what is not good. Leaves you too much time to think and analyze the situation in your head...
Tim'sAngel Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 Yeah, I did tell him how I felt and I don't feel bad about that at all, a lot of people have told me "don't ever tell a man your feelings" .. but I did and it felt a lot better than being a total bitch about it all. I feel very comfortable in telling him that I care , if it was gonna end I wanted it to end in a positive way. I hate to play games and want more than anything to email him back . But if that email was intended to get me to keep emailing him .. maybe it will do him some good to get a little confused and wonder why when I don't... and by the way .. your advise has been very helpful. Maybe he just needs time to sit and chew on what all you told him. If you have never told him this before (not sure if you have) then I'm sure it was quite a shock, and him being so insecure he prolly has no idea what to say or how to react. I'd say, since it is your turn to email, wait awhile, like maybe a 3-4 days and email back with a simple "Hey how are you? I've been busy lately, working and such...bla bla bla... hope your having a good day" kind of email, not saying anything about your last email. Make him feel comfortable and not pressured. He isn't going to forget you said that you cared, and in fact, if you don't bring it up again, he might start to wonder if you still care and then initiate the subject himself. This is all JMO, btw, I hope I'm giving you the right advice. I'm just saying what I would do if I were in your situation. I'm glad I've been of some help
Author lynni31 Posted June 12, 2006 Author Posted June 12, 2006 OK, so I have waited three days and have responded to his confusing e-mail with a "Hi back. how are u ? hope u are still doing well blah blah" very brief e-mail back... I figure if he wants to hear from me he will respond and if not .. then oh well, this is draining me and not sure how much longer I can do this .. everytime I feel like it is done and I have some sort of closure it's like he senses it and gives me just enough to hang on longer...just hoping he responds with something a little more clear , something to go on.. or not.
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