jammin Posted November 6, 2001 Posted November 6, 2001 this guy i've been seeing for a very long time has recently become very all the above, arrogant, etc. he acts like he can do no wrong, and others should do no wrong. if i don't pay my bill now when it comes or i lose something, or misplace something, he makes a remark about being more careful, or just shakes his head, etc. my daughter is the same way, she misplaces things, loses things etc, has had to pay money out to get new keys made or her bills were late due to misplacing them. it's not like were uneducated or stupid, it's just that he is so perfect and has a hard time tolerating less then perfection in others. this makes me feel bad towards him, like infurior towards him, like a littl kid at times. now he wants me to take this three day seminar that he is will to pay almost four hundred dollars for me to go to, to help him with his real estate business. i have NOOOOOO interest in this busniness nor do i really want to take the course tho i have thought of it and i really don't think i want him to waste the money on something that i am not really interested in doing. he wants me do help him by doing this, by being his assistant, he has these plans for us, for me to work for him, etc... i don't mind working for him, i help him as much as i can, but if i take this course for the three days, i can help him alot more, but i'm not interested in it. his repsonse is "what are you going to do with your life then?" i don't know, what ever feels good! his whole family is profession and own their own businesses including him, well he is self-employed but has come along lonnnnng way since we met a few years back. he is strongly motivated, never misses payments, bills, phone calls, returns them all, he is very professional, and during the day he has this tendency to be a total jerk towards me and sometimes others. when things start getting rough then he starts to get crazy, and snappy, etc...then i want to leave him, but he comes home later and puts on his old jeans or sweats and cuddles with me on the couch and tells me of his undying love for me, then i feel so happy again. what a mess huh? how does one live with someone like this, what can i tell him about this course without feeling guilty or incompetent, he needs my answer today! and i am afraid to tell him no, cause i know how much he wants me to take this course so i can help him and work with him...what should i do??? help!
darcy38 Posted November 6, 2001 Posted November 6, 2001 There are somethings that would be helpfull in trying to give you some idea of what is going on. Like how long was he Dr. Jeckel and how long has he been Mr hyde. The bottom line is that his attitude towards you is going to diminish your sense of self esteem. If you don't want to take the course dont, he is your bf not your slave driver. Talk to him tell him how his attitude is affecting you and maybe try going to counselling together. This must not continue your self worth and your relationship are at great risk. Don't hesitate do it now!!!!!
jammin Posted November 6, 2001 Posted November 6, 2001 thank you...i needed to hear that...i finally did tell him that i didn't want to take the class and he now thinks that i all i do is wanna sit at home and hide from the world and live in my own little world on the internet. he said he is trying to help me by telling me what he sees, that he don't mean to berate me, but that he sees things that i am just not seeing. he was actually nice about everything. like today i rescheduled a job for tomorrow so i could go help my daughter, and i didn't go to costco to fill out an application but i will go on thursday, and i will go to my job tomorrow that i should of went to today. he says that i keep rescheduling, juggling, making excuses, etc, for things that i should not be doing that for. i dunno, i guess in a sense he is right, but at the same time, i now feel rebellious, stupid huh? anyway, i don't know what to do, leaving him hurts so much, but so does staying with him. i know he loves me alot, and i love him, but i just don't know that i can ever live up to his expectations. i do spend alot of time on the internet, but i do also work, tho only part time. i work for him out of the house when he needs me to. i think he has helped me to get this way tho, by helping me out so much too, by putting up with the things that i do. maybe he has made a monster out of me... he was not this way when i first met a few years back, but since then he has gotten very successful in his own business, and more stressed because of it, and he wants me to be all i can be, not just some ole cleaning lady or hotel attendant, or whatever. i don't know what to do...sometimes i feel the only way to find my way back to myself is just to leave him, but should i really have to go that far, is what he is asking me to be somebody and to make something out of my life, asking too much for him? uggggh! just confused...but thanks for the advice and you can be 100% sure that i am thinking about it all!!! There are somethings that would be helpfull in trying to give you some idea of what is going on. Like how long was he Dr. Jeckel and how long has he been Mr hyde. The bottom line is that his attitude towards you is going to diminish your sense of self esteem. If you don't want to take the course dont, he is your bf not your slave driver. Talk to him tell him how his attitude is affecting you and maybe try going to counselling together. This must not continue your self worth and your relationship are at great risk. Don't hesitate do it now!!!!!
darcy38 Posted November 6, 2001 Posted November 6, 2001 I truly wish i had a fast fixit answer. I truly believe that this situation is affecting your emotional well being. You sound confused and have a lot of self doubt!!! If his behaviour is as you say it is totally understandable!!! It takes two to tango and if this relationship has any chance of surviving you must work together as a team. A team situation does not work well under these circumstances. When one person be littles another or is constantly is demanding or over baring this constitutes abuse, mental abuse!!! Don't let it continue. I think your relationship can be saved but you must be able to communicate productivly. Best wishes Darcy.
Laurynn Posted November 7, 2001 Posted November 7, 2001 Your guy sounds like a great catch. Hard working, motivated, professional, organized, responsible. What's wrong with that? If he wants you to take this course so that you can be his assistant, I take it that you don't work? Why not? He obviously wants someone ambitious and motivated like himself..someone with goals in life, who knows where they're going. Doesn't sound like you do. You wrote: "i don't mind working for him, i help him as much as i can, but if i take this course for the three days, i can help him alot more, but i'm not interested in it. his repsonse is "what are you going to do with your life then?" i don't know, what ever feels good!" Whatever feels good? Well sure, we all like to do things in life that make us feel good, but feeling good doesn't pay the bills, necessarily. Sounds to me like you're not a very motivated, ambitious person....sounds like you'd be better off with a guy who was more your type....someone who wasn't so driven, maybe more of a slacker. Not sure why you're asking any of us what you should do, what decision to make. I take it you're an adult, and you know your boyfriend and your own personal situation.......it's obviously up to you what you're going to decide. Why would you want strangers on the internet to tell you what to do with YOUR LIFE? L
Laurynn Posted November 7, 2001 Posted November 7, 2001 You say he's nothing but arrogant, self-centered and conceited......I wonder what he'd say about you? If you're in a relationship with a man you have nothing good to say about, and all you ever do is complain about him, want to run away and leave him all the time, not able to hold a full time job and are always making excuses for everything, whose fault is that? Surely isn't his. Poor guy.
sparkle Posted November 7, 2001 Posted November 7, 2001 I think Laurynn made some EXCELLENT points. You've given us a lot of information about him. Him being self-employed...professional...etc. Why don't you tell us a little about yourself and your situation as well? Do you have a job? You didn't mention that you had any. If not, why not, and how do you support yourself and your daughter? Do you live with him? If so, who pays for what?
catt Posted November 7, 2001 Posted November 7, 2001 Jennie, When are you going to get yourself sorted? You keep coming back here with the SAME story, SAME questions, just a DIFFERENT name. Get help. REAL help.
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