The start of something

June 11, 2006

I hope I'm in the right place ... I need to write this down because it's playing over in my mind and it's not exactly something I can sit down and discuss with my friends.

Several weeks ago I met a MM when I was out with some friends. He caught my eye in the bar that we were in and he and his friends joined us at our table not long after. My friends left after a while because they were too drunk to speak and I stayed there with him and his two (also married) friends, and another girl joined us at the table ... then the bar closed and we all piled into a taxi and went back to his apartment (his W lives at their home in the country but he and his business partner have a penthouse down the road from their office in the city and he stays there several nights a week).

We all stayed up talking into the wee hours of the morning then his friends left and he and I sat on the balcony watching the sunrise. It was lovely but not romantic. I simply found him very nice to talk to and was intrigued by his frankness about a previous affair. I think he liked me because I'm non-judgmental but honest about my opinions at the same time.

We talked about everything and nothing. About his wife and children. About why he has had an affair in the past. Why he got married in the first place. Me and my relationships (or current lack of). Football (soccer). Rugby. Politics. Work. My family. Having been deserted by my father. Why he hadn't left his wife and won't. There was complete honesty between us. There was no consideration in my mind that I would ever be intimate with him and my behaviour and words conveyed this, so there was no need for him to lie about anything. Well ... I assume that's his reason for being so truthful. At one point he said it was ironic that I was just the kind of person he wished he'd married, although he was sure he wasn't the kind of person I would want to be married to. A while later, I made a pertinent point about relationships and he said outright "I suppose an affair is out of the question?". I said "you suppose right". I wasn't offended by his asking ... which I have been in the past when similar questions have been posed by other MM. And I'd like to stress that while I've been approached more than my fair share of times, by married/attached me, I've never been inclined in the past.

There came a point when we had to get some shut-eye so we went to bed. I didn't sleep with him ... I hadn't even kissed him. But we lay there spooning and kept talking and it felt so lovely having his arms wrapped around me and so right ... and eventually I turned over and we kissed.

We've been exchanging texts since that night ... and now, seven weeks later, have arranged to meet for lunch one day next week ... I know exactly what is going to happen. I know I'm not going to go back to work that day, and this will be the beginning of an affair I never thought I was capable of having.

It seems very simple and clear to me. I'm sure I'm going to get flamed for my intentions ... but right now it suits me ... and it clearly suits him too or it never would have been raised. I'm not going to fall in love with him ... I don't want him to leave his wife for me ... I know exactly what the situation is and where I stand. I benefit because I will have the attention and intimacy with someone I like to spend time with, I don't have to deal with game playing and I still keep my independance that I cherish so dearly ... he benefits, because he gets to have his cake and eat it.

I don't need anyone to tell me not to do it ... or that I'll never be his top priority, I know that already ... I just wanted to get it out and hopefully find some solace here.

Thanks for reading ...

StrangeSituation

June 11, 2006

but right now it suits me ... and it clearly suits him too or it never would have been raised. I'm not going to fall in love with him ... I don't want him to leave his wife for me ... I know exactly what the situation is and where I stand. I benefit because I will have the attention and intimacy with someone I like to spend time with, I don't have to deal with game playing and I still keep my independance that I cherish so dearly ... he benefits, because he gets to have his cake and eat it.

I don't need anyone to tell me not to do it ... or that I'll never be his top priority, I know that already ... I just wanted to get it out and hopefully find some solace here.

Okay, let me ask a few questions, having heard this before.

Are you sure that's all you want out of it, and why? Why don't you want someone just for yourself?

Do realize there are no "guarantees" you won't fall in love with him. None whatsoever? And thus, the rollercoaster process begins.

What is the purpose of your post, if you are not having some kind of doubts? What is the solace you are looking for?

June 11, 2006

Several weeks ago I met a MM when I was out with some friends. He caught my eye in the bar that we were in and he and his friends joined us at our table not long after. My friends left after a while because they were too drunk to speak and I stayed there with him and his two (also married) friends, and another girl joined us at the table ... then the bar closed and we all piled into a taxi and went back to his apartment (his W lives at their home in the country but he and his business partner have a penthouse down the road from their office in the city and he stays there several nights a week).

We all stayed up talking into the wee hours of the morning then his friends left and he and I sat on the balcony watching the sunrise. It was lovely but not romantic. I simply found him very nice to talk to and was intrigued by his frankness about a previous affair. I think he liked me because I'm non-judgmental but honest about my opinions at the same time.

We talked about everything and nothing. About his wife and children. About why he has had an affair in the past. Why he got married in the first place. Me and my relationships (or current lack of). Football (soccer). Rugby. Politics. Work. My family. Having been deserted by my father. Why he hadn't left his wife and won't. There was complete honesty between us. There was no consideration in my mind that I would ever be intimate with him and my behaviour and words conveyed this, so there was no need for him to lie about anything. Well ... I assume that's his reason for being so truthful. At one point he said it was ironic that I was just the kind of person he wished he'd married, although he was sure he wasn't the kind of person I would want to be married to. A while later, I made a pertinent point about relationships and he said outright "I suppose an affair is out of the question?". I said "you suppose right". I wasn't offended by his asking ... which I have been in the past when similar questions have been posed by other MM. And I'd like to stress that while I've been approached more than my fair share of times, by married/attached me, I've never been inclined in the past.

There came a point when we had to get some shut-eye so we went to bed. I didn't sleep with him ... I hadn't even kissed him. But we lay there spooning and kept talking and it felt so lovely having his arms wrapped around me and so right ... and eventually I turned over and we kissed.

We've been exchanging texts since that night ... and now, seven weeks later, have arranged to meet for lunch one day next week ... I know exactly what is going to happen. I know I'm not going to go back to work that day, and this will be the beginning of an affair I never thought I was capable of having.

It seems very simple and clear to me. I'm sure I'm going to get flamed for my intentions ... but right now it suits me ... and it clearly suits him too or it never would have been raised. I'm not going to fall in love with him ... I don't want him to leave his wife for me ... I know exactly what the situation is and where I stand. I benefit because I will have the attention and intimacy with someone I like to spend time with, I don't have to deal with game playing and I still keep my independance that I cherish so dearly ... he benefits, because he gets to have his cake and eat it.

I don't need anyone to tell me not to do it ... or that I'll never be his top priority, I know that already ... I just wanted to get it out and hopefully find some solace here.

Thanks for reading ...
StrangeSituation

Strangesituation,

I am not entire sure why you have posted here. It seems that you have already decided to embark on this affair, and I wonder if anything we tell you will make any difference.... But God loves a trier, right????

Anyway, I am not going to offer you "solace" about your decision. Instead I am going to advise you to RUN FOR THE HILLS AS FAST AS YOU POSSIBLE CAN!!!!!

To illustrate my point, I suggest that read as few as... let's say.... 10 threads to find out what misery you're heading towards. We are real people and the absolute hell that some of us suffer/have suffered is real. So please, read on...

I have highlighted a few things in your post.

Business apartment in the city? Staying there several nights a week? Previous affairs? Despite the fact that his revelations might appear to be "frank", I would see it as a BIG red flag. He is a serial cheater and now that he has told you that he is, you will never be able to complain about it, because he would turn around and say "told you so".

OK, let's move on. He is never leaving the wife? He's sure he is not the type that you would marry? "I suppose and affair is out of the question?" MORE red flags with an inevitable "Told you so!"

You are the kind of person he wished he had married? Yeah, right!!! You do realise that he has probably practiced his lines many many many times before...?

Then you are saying that you do not plan to fall in love with him. That you don't mind the fact that he will never leave his W. And you speak about certain "benefits". Come on, why are you even saying these things? Be honest to yourself and ask yourself if that is really true? I mean, if you were so sure of yourself, then you would not be posting here asking for advice/solace, would you? You would just go for it.... Deep down you know something isn't right with this arrangement. And IMHO, you are right. This is a f***ing disaster waiting to happen.

Please don't do this to yourself. (And yes, there is a W and kids in the background...) You will get so incredibly hurt. Not perhaps next week, or even next month, but eventually you will wish that you had never met him.... You can do an awful lot better than him, despite his smooth talk, the so called "frankness" and the comfortable spooning... You deserve better than being someone's "fluff on the side". This guy doesn't even pretend that he is in love with you, so that is all you ever will be!!!!

Please please please don't do it. Now, it is up to you. I have done my bit!!!

June 11, 2006

Okay, let me ask a few questions, having heard this before.

Are you sure that's all you want out of it, and why? Why don't you want someone just for yourself?

Do realize there are no "guarantees" you won't fall in love with him. None whatsoever? And thus, the rollercoaster process begins.

What is the purpose of your post, if you are not having some kind of doubts? What is the solace you are looking for?

Hi there movinon05, thanks for your reply.

Yes, that's all I want out of it. Of course it would be great to have someone 'for myself' but I'm not going to have a boyfriend for the sake of having someone around ... I realise that sounds contradictory given the relationship I'm about to enter ... but this is quite different.

Of course there are no guarantees I won't fall in love with him. But I'm going in with my eyes wide open and with the opportunity to set clear ground rules. A key one of which will be that if I start to develop feelings for him, and equally if I suspect he is falling in love with me ... then it's over. There has been no deception - I won't have any excuses.

The purpose of my post? What does anyone seek when they post on an internet forum? Anonymity, particularly in a situation such as this. And perhaps solace was the wrong word ... I'd like to consider this place a haven. It appears to be what the board was created for and I'm aware I could be in for turbulant times so it would be comforting to know there was some place to turn.

Cheers again

StrangeSituation

June 11, 2006

Well Jessie pointed out all the things that I didn't because I wanted to know where you are coming from. And yes, this is a place where you will get all angles and all different opinions whether you want it or not. You should know that going in.

And relationships with an "available guy" don't have to be just for the sake of having someone around. It can be fulfilling in many different ways if its the right person.

I'm not going to tell you what to do. I just don't think its going to be as simple as "if you fall in love" you will end it. Its easy to say, Its just NOT THAT SIMPLE.

And as Jessie suggested, read through the threads. You'll get a greater perspective of what you are in for.

June 11, 2006

It seems very simple and clear to me. I'm sure I'm going to get flamed for my intentions ... but right now it suits me ... and it clearly suits him too or it never would have been raised. I'm not going to fall in love with him ... I don't want him to leave his wife for me ... I know exactly what the situation is and where I stand. I benefit because I will have the attention and intimacy with someone I like to spend time with, I don't have to deal with game playing and I still keep my independance that I cherish so dearly ... he benefits, because he gets to have his cake and eat it.

I don't need anyone to tell me not to do it ... or that I'll never be his top priority, I know that already ... I just wanted to get it out and hopefully find some solace here.

Thanks for reading ...
StrangeSituation

Go read more threads in this section. See what you're in for in the upcoming future. Then go read some threads by BS(Betrayed spouses) and see how devastated they are by their spouses affair.

I don't understand why you'd put yourself IN this kind of situation, especially when you say it isn't something you've ever done.

Don't ya think you're worth more than being the OW? If you're looking for something casual, then find someone single. Messing around with a MM will only hurt you. Also, be aware of ALL the consquences to your actions...There is a price you'll pay at some point - Though, with your blinders on now, I doubt you can see that...Nor do I think you want to see the reality of what you're getting yourself into.

The purpose of my post? What does anyone seek when they post on an internet forum? Anonymity, particularly in a situation such as this. And perhaps solace was the wrong word ... I'd like to consider this place a haven. It appears to be what the board was created for and I'm aware I could be in for turbulant times so it would be comforting to know there was some place to turn.

Cheers again
StrangeSituation

Usually women who post here, aren't looking for pointers on how to succeed in an affair - Most are near the end or wanting to end the affair with the MM. So, yeah, I don't understand why you're posting? Confession maybe, because you know what you're about to do is wrong? I don't know.

Good luck if you decide (right now you have alot of control on whether an affair happens or not) to go through with this. You're going to need it.

June 11, 2006

And relationships with an "available guy" don't have to be just for the sake of having someone around. It can be fulfilling in many different ways if its the right person.

...

And as Jessie suggested, read through the threads. You'll get a greater perspective of what you are in for.

I'm not opposed to having a relationship with an "available guy" ... but I haven't met the right person ... and whilst I may be able to have this relationship with the MM (which remains to be seen) it's very different. I'm don't view him as a potential life-partner, so don't need him to fit my criteria.

I will spend some time reading through the existing threads. Are there any posters in the same/similar situation as me that you think I would relate to more than others?

Cheers

StrangeSituation

June 11, 2006

and whilst I may be able to have this relationship with the MM (which remains to be seen) it's very different. I'm don't view him as a potential life-partner, so don't need him to fit my criteria.

You don't see him as a potential life partner...But his WIFE does. Even though he's cheated on her in the past, and maybe about to again with you - What is the point? Knowingly knowing that you aren't going to have a real relationship with him - what good can come of this? Good sex? IS it worth hurting his wife just so you can be involved, having a casual fling with her husband?

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t40398/

Read this thread by DazednConfused. His wife cheated on him. Maybe, just maybe you'll see what kind of pain you will be involved in (like partner in crime) by going ahead and having an affair. Yeah, I know you're not the one married here, but think outside the box.

It's just really selfish thinking. Have you thought of his wife and kids (if he has any) and the affects of that?

June 11, 2006

I'm not opposed to having a relationship with an "available guy" ... but I haven't met the right person ... and whilst I may be able to have this relationship with the MM (which remains to be seen) it's very different. I'm don't view him as a potential life-partner, so don't need him to fit my criteria.

I will spend some time reading through the existing threads. Are there any posters in the same/similar situation as me that you think I would relate to more than others?

Cheers
StrangeSituation

StrangeSituation,

I don't know any names off hand, but browse around and you fill find loads of stories about broken hearts and huge disappointment and humiliation. As WWIU already pointed out, most people here are at the end of the A (just before or after) and the common thread is heart ache in some shape or form.

I hope you don't feel like we are all coming down on you like a tonne of bricks. I, for one, am just worried that you are going to walk into a situation which will develop into something that you had not bargained for initially. A situation which will H-U-R-T.... And why do it if you can avoid making the biggest mistake of your life by walking away from it now?

Please read some threads and come back to us.

June 11, 2006

Everyone is advising you to RUN! That's not coincidence. There's a reason for that.

It's sorta like everyone running out of a building and you're headed inside. The lobby looks lavish, warm and inviting wit soft music playing. People are all telling you that the top floor is on fire and you need to get out. You don't see any smoke and a handsome man in the bar waves to you and smiles, calling you over to him. He's so very charming and he tells you that they're just over-reacting and that there's nothing to worry about and why not just join him for a drink or two.

You look a little hesitant and he says: "Well....do you see any smoke?"

You look around and everything looks beautiful and the air is clear. You say: "Um....no. No smoke that I can see."

He says: "Well see? They're just panicking for nothing then."

You know if you run out of the building you probably won't run into him again and you don't often meet men like him. You think, well it seems ok just to have a drink with him here and you're right near the door and can easily leave when you want.

The people who have been upstairs in the hotel, keep telling you to get out of there because you're going to get burned or hurt. You wave them on telling them you'll be fine and you'll be out shortly.

........

Before you know it, you're on the roof of the building and your only way out of there is to jump off and hit the ground. Meanwhile, he has a helicopter swoop down and take him away safely.

June 11, 2006

We talked about everything and nothing. About his wife and children. About why he has had an affair in the past. Why he got married in the first place. Me and my relationships (or current lack of). Football (soccer). Rugby. Politics. Work. My family. Having been deserted by my father. Why he hadn't left his wife and won't. There was complete honesty between us.

Look into fear of intimacy and falling for unavailable men...you won't have to open up completely to him, because there will always be a distance between you, a distance created by the fact of his marriage. Fear of abandonment, and falling for unavailable men...he won't abandon you since he's not actually with you.

June 11, 2006

Everyone is advising you to RUN! That's not coincidence. There's a reason for that.

It's sorta like everyone running out of a building and you're headed inside. The lobby looks lavish, warm and inviting wit soft music playing. People are all telling you that the top floor is on fire and you need to get out. You don't see any smoke and a handsome man in the bar waves to you and smiles, calling you over to him. He's so very charming and he tells you that they're just over-reacting and that there's nothing to worry about and why not just join him for a drink or two.

You look a little hesitant and he says: "Well....do you see any smoke?"

You look around and everything looks beautiful and the air is clear. You say: "Um....no. No smoke that I can see."

He says: "Well see? They're just panicking for nothing then."

You know if you run out of the building you probably won't run into him again and you don't often meet men like him. You think, well it seems ok just to have a drink with him here and you're right near the door and can easily leave when you want.

The people who have been upstairs in the hotel, keep telling you to get out of there because you're going to get burned or hurt. You wave them on telling them you'll be fine and you'll be out shortly.

........

Before you know it, you're on the roof of the building and your only way out of there is to jump off and hit the ground. Meanwhile, he has a helicopter swoop down and take him away safely.

June 11, 2006

There was complete honesty between us.

If you believe that, you're fooling yourself. Hello - Here's a married guy, cheated once before on his wife - Worked it out and now he's about to get into another affair, this time with you??? And you trust him and his words 100%??????

June 11, 2006

I'm not opposed to having a relationship with an "available guy" ... but I haven't met the right person ... and whilst I may be able to have this relationship with the MM (which remains to be seen) it's very different. I'm don't view him as a potential life-partner, so don't need him to fit my criteria.

I will spend some time reading through the existing threads. Are there any posters in the same/similar situation as me that you think I would relate to more than others?

Cheers
StrangeSituation

There have been a few here. Some saying they were just happy with the affair. I think it was Lost or Lost 123. But that's all I can remember.

You see you're getting major perspectives here. We've all been down a very bad road and there's not much good to brag about in the end, no matter how much happiness the MM might have brought to our lives. You might think you are immune to whatever might come your way, but so does everyone when they start out.

I liked guest's analogy of the burning building. Very well done.

Honestly, there's just no good that's comes from this.

June 11, 2006

I hope I'm in the right place ... I need to write this down because it's playing over in my mind and it's not exactly something I can sit down and discuss with my friends.

Several weeks ago I met a MM when I was out with some friends. He caught my eye in the bar that we were in and he and his friends joined us at our table not long after. My friends left after a while because they were too drunk to speak and I stayed there with him and his two (also married) friends, and another girl joined us at the table ... then the bar closed and we all piled into a taxi and went back to his apartment (his W lives at their home in the country but he and his business partner have a penthouse down the road from their office in the city and he stays there several nights a week).

We all stayed up talking into the wee hours of the morning then his friends left and he and I sat on the balcony watching the sunrise. It was lovely but not romantic. I simply found him very nice to talk to and was intrigued by his frankness about a previous affair. I think he liked me because I'm non-judgmental but honest about my opinions at the same time.

We talked about everything and nothing. About his wife and children. About why he has had an affair in the past. Why he got married in the first place. Me and my relationships (or current lack of). Football (soccer). Rugby. Politics. Work. My family. Having been deserted by my father. Why he hadn't left his wife and won't. There was complete honesty between us. There was no consideration in my mind that I would ever be intimate with him and my behaviour and words conveyed this, so there was no need for him to lie about anything. Well ... I assume that's his reason for being so truthful. At one point he said it was ironic that I was just the kind of person he wished he'd married, although he was sure he wasn't the kind of person I would want to be married to. A while later, I made a pertinent point about relationships and he said outright "I suppose an affair is out of the question?". I said "you suppose right". I wasn't offended by his asking ... which I have been in the past when similar questions have been posed by other MM. And I'd like to stress that while I've been approached more than my fair share of times, by married/attached me, I've never been inclined in the past.

There came a point when we had to get some shut-eye so we went to bed. I didn't sleep with him ... I hadn't even kissed him. But we lay there spooning and kept talking and it felt so lovely having his arms wrapped around me and so right ... and eventually I turned over and we kissed.

We've been exchanging texts since that night ... and now, seven weeks later, have arranged to meet for lunch one day next week ... I know exactly what is going to happen. I know I'm not going to go back to work that day, and this will be the beginning of an affair I never thought I was capable of having.

It seems very simple and clear to me. I'm sure I'm going to get flamed for my intentions ... but right now it suits me ... and it clearly suits him too or it never would have been raised. I'm not going to fall in love with him ... I don't want him to leave his wife for me ... I know exactly what the situation is and where I stand. I benefit because I will have the attention and intimacy with someone I like to spend time with, I don't have to deal with game playing and I still keep my independance that I cherish so dearly ... he benefits, because he gets to have his cake and eat it.

I don't need anyone to tell me not to do it ... or that I'll never be his top priority, I know that already ... I just wanted to get it out and hopefully find some solace here.

Thanks for reading ...
StrangeSituation

In my case when my exMM landed in my lap (so to speak) I figured I would like to give it a go because I didn't want a "commited relationship" and still remain in that frame of mind.

For me I ended up falling hard and fast and quite frankly it scared the hell out of me. After six months of being in the A, I stepped back and went NC (no contact) to assess whether I wanted more from him or just the A.

He cried like a baby when I went NC and continued to email me without getting a response. When he finally showed up at my door 5 months later he was a complete mess. He couldn't eat, sleep or focus on anything but me. I decided I would continue the A because I did miss him and I really enjoyed what we had together. We had the best of each other when we were together!

Basically, he had his reasons for staying in the marriage and I had my reasons for continuing the A. He also was very honest about his position of not wanting to leave the marriage.

What ended up happening was he "fell in love" which caused him alot of emotional turmoil and 3 weeks into continuing the A, he decided he could not do it anymore which affected me deeply and still today, I miss him and what we had.

So Movinon is correct. Nothing good comes out of being in an A. No matter how one chooses to be a part of the situation, both end up hurt in some way.

I will add, no matter how you look at it, when intimacy is involved so are the emotions and this is what you will be left to deal with for a very long time! Don't kid yourself into thinking you will not get emotionally attached, because it WILL happen.

Hope this helps.

June 12, 2006

I know you said you didn't want anyone to tell you not to do it. And there is a site you might find better suited to your current desire of generally chatting about being in an affair: gloryb.com.

But as you're here, I'll say this.

You say you don't want to mess around with single guys who don't fit the bill. That's tacit admittance that you find this man more interesting than any others. You said as much in your first post too.

He seems interesting because he dares to be different. He's been upfront about wanting an affair. Wow, how cool. He's able to lie in bed with you and not push for sex. He talks about anything and everything that you find interesting. No coincidences.

It's not because he's amazing, but because he knows all the lines and all the approaches. And you're falling for them. AND YOU WILL FALL FOR HIM. Because YOU ARE HUMAN.

So get off thinking you're some kind of being who is above affairs of the heart. You're not. You've been abandoned by your father. Like the other poster said, abandonment issues. Sorry to be so blunt but you need to check into that before you go merrily thinking you can deal with an affair.

June 12, 2006

StrangeSituation...I started my affair with the same mindset as you. And mind you - I am not your "typical" chick. I don't get attached instantly when there is sex, and I've had quite a swinging life before.

However, an affair has this weird, emotional intensity that tends to suck people in. I sure got sucked in, even though it was really only supposed to be a 1 week fling.

However, I do not regret it at all. Of course I went through painful times, where I just felt like crumpling on the floor and crying forever. But, I would still do it again.

Currently, MM and I are in joint therapy together (and I am also doing individual). Whether MM leaves his marriage or not - we will both leave this affair as better people.

I think I'm a stronger person - this affair has forced me to face my abandonment issues (yes, also related to my father), as well as other issues that have destroyed past relationships.

Dare I say, this affair may be the best thing that happened to my romantic life? Even if MM stays in his marriage, I will move onto another relationship, and probably have a successful, truly happy one.

So...it's up to you to make what you will of the affair. You can't predict the future, but if you see it as a learning experience and are determined to make it a growing, positive experience...then it will be a journey worth taking.

Good luck.

June 12, 2006

Please read Chrissy21's story. She described the whole trajectory of her affair over 1.5 years. She started out sounding VERY similar to you.

You know...I wish single men would learn how to romance a woman the way these sleazy MM do. Nobody comes on strong, hot and heavy, emotional and "honest", madly in love, calling you his dream woman, searching you for your weak points and hot buttons, and playing them like a maestro, flattering you senseless, manipulating your mind with great subtlety, and building this "special connection", like a cheating MM does. They have to "market" their "product" heavily because if you examined the actual features, or lack thereof, it would be...NO SALE!!! Whereas a simple, single man, offering you his faithful heart, does not need to do such a number on you. He's offering you the real deal.

Nobody hooks you, reels you in, guts you and leaves you gasping, like a MM.

Please. Don't let him make a fool out of you. Go take YOUR CHOICE of all the single, available, non-cheating men out there.

June 12, 2006

It seems very simple and clear to me. I'm sure I'm going to get flamed for my intentions ... but right now it suits me ... and it clearly suits him too or it never would have been raised. I'm not going to fall in love with him ... I don't want him to leave his wife for me ... I know exactly what the situation is and where I stand. I benefit because I will have the attention and intimacy with someone I like to spend time with, I don't have to deal with game playing and I still keep my independance that I cherish so dearly ... he benefits, because he gets to have his cake and eat it.

I don't need anyone to tell me not to do it ... or that I'll never be his top priority, I know that already ... I just wanted to get it out and hopefully find some solace here.

Thanks for reading ...
StrangeSituation

I wont tell you not to do it. Yuo seem to have it all figured out.

but I will see you back here in 6 months.....and trust me....it wont be fun anymore.

good luck

June 12, 2006

He sought you out that night and made eye contact with you.

He let you talk and listened to you.

He held you but had enough respect for you not to have sex with you.

He told you exactly where he stands on his marriage so that you would be lured in with his honesty.

You said he has done this before, right?

Well, I guess practice makes perfect.

June 12, 2006

I benefit because I will have the attention and intimacy with someone I like to spend time with, I don't have to deal with game playing and I still keep my independance that I cherish so dearly ... he benefits, because he gets to have his cake and eat it.

This jumped out at me today.

BOTH of you will benefit, on the expense of others!! His WIFE and CHILDREN.

Selfish, selfish, selfish...

June 12, 2006

Please read Chrissy21's story. She described the whole trajectory of her affair over 1.5 years. She started out sounding VERY similar to you.

You know...I wish single men would learn how to romance a woman the way these sleazy MM do. Nobody comes on strong, hot and heavy, emotional and "honest", madly in love, calling you his dream woman, searching you for your weak points and hot buttons, and playing them like a maestro, flattering you senseless, manipulating your mind with great subtlety, and building this "special connection", like a cheating MM does. They have to "market" their "product" heavily because if you examined the actual features, or lack thereof, it would be...NO SALE!!! Whereas a simple, single man, offering you his faithful heart, does not need to do such a number on you. He's offering you the real deal.

Nobody hooks you, reels you in, guts you and leaves you gasping, like a MM.

Please. Don't let him make a fool out of you. Go take YOUR CHOICE of all the single, available, non-cheating men out there.

Damn!!! This was good SM!!!

That was one good piece of reading material!

June 12, 2006

You know...I wish single men would learn how to romance a woman the way these sleazy MM do. Nobody comes on strong, hot and heavy, emotional and "honest", madly in love, calling you his dream woman, searching you for your weak points and hot buttons, and playing them like a maestro, flattering you senseless, manipulating your mind with great subtlety, and building this "special connection", like a cheating MM does. They have to "market" their "product" heavily because if you examined the actual features, or lack thereof, it would be...NO SALE!!! Whereas a simple, single man, offering you his faithful heart, does not need to do such a number on you. He's offering you the real deal.

That's because the MM knows that all of it is based on fantasy, good feelings, good times only, and doesn't have to deal with ANY of the crap stuff that a relationship brings on sometimes. It's not a real threat to him and he can have his cake and eat it too, as long as he doesn't get caught or as long as the OW doesn't "ask" anything of him that is "serious" ie: love, committment and ending things with his wife.

Good post reply, I agree.

June 12, 2006

I've read your post and the replies carefully. I wouldn't dream of giving advice, but I would like to suggest that I think that you may already be in love with this man. He has listened to you, not tried to coerce you into having sex, but at the same time has made it very clear he wants you. You have shared intimacy with him and spent all night talking, frankly about how you think and feel.

It's clear that you do feel uncomfortable at the prospect of becoming involved with a married man, or you would be able to talk with your friends about it and you also mention that his proposition of an affair didn't cause you to be offended, when similair suggestions from married men in the past have.

I suspect that love is something that you are a little afraid of, as you mention being abandoned by your Father. This must of been a truly painful experience and clearly is still very much part of who you are today or ou wouldn't have mentoned it either in the post or in the converstaion. Excuse me for getting a bit Freudian, but the realtionships we as women have with our fathers, are really significant in influencing the relationships we have with our lovers, to avoid being this hurt again, you would be cautious of falling in love in case it happened again.

You may well on a subconcious level feel protected from this by falling in love with a married man, for surely what you can never have surely you can never lose. Not true. You don't ever have to admit to yourself how much you love someone to feel the pain of loosing them.

I suspect that he was very sensitive in his response to you talking about your father and your feelings, not because he is a calculating bastard, but because no doubt there was a strong connection between you.

The time that you have spent apart, texting, has created the perfect envionment for love and passion to develop and heighten and belive me a sunrise is ALWAYS romantic and there is no better sex than sex you have waited for.

You must do and should do whatever you want to do. But please don't imagine that you are not falling in love ...unless you already have.

All the best

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