Lost1616 Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 My Ex g/f and i Broke up 2 weeks ago. The 1st week i was so upset and couldnt eat or sleep and was just sinking into depression. the only thing keeping me going was the thought of getting back together again. 1 week after the break i spoke to her and organised a talk to clear my head. We decided that it was better for both of us to continue hanging out as friends than for us to just cut ties all together. This did make me feel better at least knowing that ive just lost a girlfriend and not a best friend. Plus the obvious still glimmer of hope about us getting back together. I was starting to feel like i was healing and things were looking up when i found out.. she had started a relationship with one of my oldest friends who ive known since i was 7! My room mate/ best friend found out because him and his gf are good friends with my ex gf and this guy. This was barely 1 week after she ended it with me! The worrying thing ive found out is that this ex friend of mine used information that was given to him as a friend against me to manipulate her into seeing him. Hes also lied to her directly saying that my bestfriend and his gf are totally fine with it when in reality they are disgusted. basically hes making what there doing seem like its ok... when really all out mutual friends have lost all their respect for them and are not going to talk to them. This guy has said that hes been unhappy for awhile and basically doesnt care what it does to our friendship it was meant to be.. Now.. if he treats his oldest friend like this... how is she going to be treated? Im so worried for my ex. My friends keep saying to me "let her find out the hard way" and "we all know it wont last" etc. But i cant just stop caring as much as shes hurt me i just cant. She wont talk to me about it. I tried to confront her once but she wouldnt even come in my door. She just stood there and asked for her stuff. She totally changed overnight! This guy has been with her for afew days and already influenced her so badly that shes acting terribly! I feel so betrayed, so replaced! From what i can tell she broke up with me because we were quote "going in different directions" Shes always been very money driven and i think she wanted somone with so called..more ambition! Im 21 and have a good full time job and still trying to find what i want in this life...shes 19 and just started Uni. This guy has lots of money... and nice things. Shes been manipulated and swayed by all this superficial crap! I just dont know what to do. I havent tried to contact her since it all happened (apart from to try get her to talk that day). I dont know what to do... do i appeal to that girl i once knew? Is she still in there somewhere under all the delusion? I want to tell her that this guy is using her to make himself happy! The biggest problem is...i work with this girl. I havto see her 4 times aweek... and it kills me! Does anyone have any advice on what i can do? Im trying to let her go but i cant stop thinking about them together and i cant stop worrying about her!
tearful_soul22 Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 stop worrying about her. it's obvious she's just after the material aspect of the relationship. people like that will never thrive they'll just keep wanting more and more until it backfires on them one day. meanwhile, keep yourself busy, enjoy your life, and make the most of it. take care and good luck!
daphne Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 lost, I'm sorry that you've been betrayed in such an ugly way. Objectively, people who behave this way are not ultimately happy. They don't respect themselves or anyone else. She's going for teh gold and he doesn't sound like a reliable person. How much happiness can be achieved there? I know you don't see it yet, but I think you dodged a bullet. Let people who make poor choices suffer the lesson. The only thing you can do is to spare yourself and go no contact. If she doesn't miss you, that'll be your answer. chances are she will and by the time she does come back you probably won't care. Find someone more worthy. You haven't lost anything good from the sound of it.
954 Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 Lost1616, I am going through the same thing as you. I know how hard it is, it sucks, but there is nothing you can do. I too work with my ex 5 daya a week and she broke up with me. And the next day i find out she was with my boss the night she broke up with me. And they have been together ever since. It has been 2 weeks now and there is days that I am ok and other days i just feel that i have been cheated out of something special. you have to try and move on she will realize that what she did was not right. Maybe not but you dont know that now. She has to figure that out for herself, or she may never will. But you have to try and act like you dont care no contact of any kind. Dont call, write, email, drop by, or even look at her. I know this is a hard thing to say, but she really doesn't want you in her life right now. I know these things are hard to accept they are, but what i have learned these past 2 weeks is that she dumped me for a reason and it was a stupid one at that. But she thinks that she is better off with some tool bag, hey go for it she will miss you sooner or later. But who knows how long? She too said that we have gone our seperate ways and that we have nothing in common anymore. My boss was sabotaging us as well and it did work. he does make more than me and has nicer things and tells her all the crap that sounds good but it wont last forever. We had been together for 6 years. We knew alot about each other. And I loved all of it up too the end. The only thing you can do is grow and learn from this, thats it. If you think this is meant to be then it could be, but if you love her you have to set her free let her go her own way. Let her be like i said no contact of any kind. This is tuff i know because i have a hard time accepting this one myself right now but what else can you do? If she trys to contact you later, brush her off for a day or so make her feel like you have sorta moved on make her feel like you are ok now. dont be eager to do what she says. Dont be at her beck and call. People like a challenge. They thrive to figure one out. And when they do there is no excitment there anymore. So go out with friends try and meet new women or people and just enjoy being yourself without her. Dont let her feed off your emotions just try and make the best of what ya got. 954
RealBroken Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 It wont last dude. Trust me, it wont last. Just be yourself when she's around, act busy and that u have a great social life and that your actually quite happy without her. Watch her eaction ( : and by the way, the new guy sound insecure, about his ways and desperate. She wont stick with him. She'll get bored. U just have to ask yourself, do u really want her back?
Author Lost1616 Posted June 13, 2006 Author Posted June 13, 2006 Hey thanks for everyones advice. As bad as it sounds...its comforting to know that other people have gone through this and i can justify my reactions. 954 Im sorry to hear what has happened to you. We seem to be pretty much in similar positions at this stage. Im trying my best to forget about it all. My biggest problem is just thinking about them together...it just eats me up inside. Its like there was 1 week of breakup before she was with another person... i never had a chance to get used to not being her boyfriend uno. Its just like cut me off and suddenly im suppose to take a back seat to a guy who is an absalute jerk! The working with her thing...its not great. I mean all the people at work are on my side, im not the one who has wronged here. At the end of the day my conscience is clear. You would think shed dread coming into work and having to see me... but yesterday she came in all smiles saying hello to everyone (except me) and we glanced at eachother and she gave me such a cold look. Made me feel like i was the bad guy. Is she not hurting? How can a person just stop caring? Im the one who has been wronged and hurt here but i still have enough heart to be concerned for her. Its just such a bad feeling knowing that 2 weeks ago the person i loved so much in the whole world and who loved me is giving me looks like it all meant nothing and im a terrible person. The other thing that is really killing me is when i picture them together being intimate and that kind of stuff. The thing is... this was both of ours 1st serious relationship. We lost our virginity to one another, and it was so perfect because we both had times in our lives where i guess we could have.. but we waited. Everything was just so right. Now its like is she gonna go do that thing that was so special to us..with this guy? A guy who has manipulated her, lied to her and realistically if his ex asked him back shed be dumped in a second! I mean it totally just eats me up inside thinking that ive been replaced. I want to act cool and wateva around her uno, ive tried to maintain my pride through out this whole thing. I havent showed any emotion through this ive always been cool and level headed. But if i act like im not hurt... isnt she going to feel better knowing im ok? Do you think she even cares? Even in my current state of hurting i still care about her. Is she the same way just not showing me? Thanks again.
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