SmittenSexyKitten Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 WE SPOKE ... and will likely see each other soon. History: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=90220 Granted I called him. But he answered. He sounded weary but HE engaged ME in conversation for about 40 minutes. We talked about everything...but the issue of course. I asked him if he wanted to grab a bite to eat or go to a movie and he said not today but maybe tomorrow. What do I do? I am nervous
jerbear Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 Sounds like he blew you off to recollect and make a decision. I would carry it out and see him since it was you who suggested. Now do you really want him back? If not let him go and don't call him, since you suggested about a bite to eat, you should go and see. If you go and chat it may be construed as reconciliation or if a game if it is breakup again. If you want him back then call him tomorrow and go from there. Anyone say who will call, him or you?
Author SmittenSexyKitten Posted June 11, 2006 Author Posted June 11, 2006 No. We were talking for like 35 min about everything under the sun except the 'issue'. and I said,"Hey do you want to go and get a bite to eat". He said "No I haven't been feeling well lately". I said "how about a movie". he said "Not today." I said there is always tomorrow and he said,"yeah lets talk about it then" I was trying not to pressure him. but...I don't want to have any discussion over the phone...we only fight on the phone never in person.
BrandonBP Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 WE SPOKE ... and will likely see each other soon. Chatting for 40 minutes is a good sign. Congrats!
jerbear Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 I'm a believer in doing things in person. If you two fight over the phone, there is really no emotion other than someone screaming on the other end. Not much other than contact him tomorrow and go from there.
johan Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 You said you talked about everything except the "issue". I propose that you just let it go and don't try to figure it out. You two said enough with your silence, and if you decide to keep going, I'm sure you both learned some things you can try to do to keep it from happening again. It's not true that talking is always the solution to everything. Sometimes talking just keeps things alive that should be allowed to sleep for a while. If you get together he might be pleasantly surprised and even encouraged if he sees that you are able to just have a nice evening together after all this. You may have other blowups and silent periods, but each one will teach you something and over time they should become less frequent. That may be the only way this gets dealt with, no matter what you end up talking about.
BrandonBP Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 It's not true that talking is always the solution to everything. Sometimes talking just keeps things alive that should be allowed to sleep for a while. If you get together he might be pleasantly surprised and even encouraged if he sees that you are able to just have a nice evening together after all this. That's a very good point, Johan. When there have been problems, it's so difficult not to rehash everything. Usually there are many questions about the breakup that were never answered and it's too easy to start bickering over old stuff. If there are issues that need to be addressed, like communication issues etc, then that can be done after you're back together and things are cruising along smoothly. Although, I think everyone here would admit that it's so dang hard not to come out with, "So how many people did you sleep with anyway?"
Author SmittenSexyKitten Posted June 11, 2006 Author Posted June 11, 2006 Chatting for 40 minutes is a good sign.Thank you so much...I hope so! It's not true that talking is always the solution to everything. Sometimes talking just keeps things alive that should be allowed to sleep for a while.During this argument and time - I posted in a private page on my blog which I know he read everything I needed him to know. Of course he said stuff that it would be wise for me to 'rehash' because he bottled stuff up and then erupted so much I didn't know all over me. HOWEVER I am fully aware of his feelings and while rehashing them might give me more clarity I do know what they are at this point. he might be pleasantly surprised and even encouraged if he sees that you are able to just have a nice evening together after all this.I want ths more than anything and I would love to surprise us both doing this. If there are issues that need to be addressed, like communication issues etc, then that can be done after you're back together and things are cruising along smoothly. I agree wholeheartedly. I guess my biggest question now is how do I bring up or find out if we are getting back together. Do I not bring it up tomorrow? Do I just do what is natural and reach for his hand....I don't want to f*ck this up.
RealBroken Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 Dont bring up whether your gettin back together. He has to ask u if thats what he wants. When he's decided he'll talk about it. If you talk first, he'l back off. Its the push and pull theory. Congrats ur very lucky to have this opportunity. Please please please be very patient. Dont rush this. Ride it out. Dont talk about the issue. It will put a negative tinge on things. Go out and have a good time. In fact u shld go out a dozen or more times and get close again, before talkin of the issue. Make it not matter for now. If you really want him back. its not worth it. Well done, cant believe you got this,.... when it was YOU WHO CALLED! ha ha ha. Awsome stuff. I hope i get this lucky. Maybe the whole theory of NC and wait for them to call isnt so accurate. Maybe no contact and when the time is right, u can say hi. Be patient. Good luck. let us know....... OVER TIME!!!
Author SmittenSexyKitten Posted June 12, 2006 Author Posted June 12, 2006 So we didn't see each other today. We spoke at noon and he was still sleeping and then we spoke at 2:15pm. He still isn't feeling great so he didn't want to get together. Now the old me would have been suspicious and freaked out...but We stayed on the telephone and talked for 2 hours and 45 min. He kept the conversation going. He started out talkative like yesterday...and then became flirty. Then he said out of the blue...but you may not want to sleep with me if we are not together. I said "probably not." He said "why? you did in the beginning when we weren't 'a couple'?" I said, "but now I'm in love with you - and honestly you might say 'we're friends...we talk...we hang out and we have sex why do the boyfriend girlfriend thing'?" Now I honestly kinda felt that he was slightly testing me... I said,"I need to be honest with you. I learned a lot from this argument that we had and the place that we are in. I will be honest with you - I definitely have an agenda - I want you back. If you need to take this slow that is totally cool with me. But if you know that there is no future for us as a couple...I need you to let me know. I will do my best to be your friend but I am in love with you and it might take me some time to be able to do that. I know that you don't see us not having fights like the one we did last Friday in the future. But I don't ever want to go through what we are going through again. I would much rather us be breaking up for things we can't change about each other such as major issues (marriage, wanting kids, direction of relationship or life in general) versus a communication roadblock that I know I am quite capable of taking responsibility for. That would leave me with a great deal of regret and I don't know how I will deal with that. I love you...I am hoping that you will tell me the next time we are together that I & us are worth one more try. I won't let you down. Now if you need to say to me today that you can't see us together anymore - no arguments...that's cool but if you know that I hope you will say it...." He was very silent then he said,"I'm not saying that...let's just let this develop over time...okay. I just don't see how we can hang out together without being all over each other." I said,"I know it will be hard" Then we talked for another hour or so and were laughing with each other. ADVICE I NEED...I in no way want sex to be used as an ultimatum. But I am in love with him. If I start sleeping with him won't he NEVER ask me to be his girlfriend again. My girlfriends are telling me to give him 50% right now. Not be available for a couple of days here and there and always be the one to get off the phone first. I don't want to play games...but if that is the way...I just don't think that I can play games with him. But this is all encouraging right? Talking for 40 minutes yesterday and 3 hours today. There is such a big part of me that wants him to say we are a couple again right now...but am I being impatient? After a year though...I feel that he should now if we are going to try again or just not. I just love him so very much. I don't want him to be playing games with my heart - which I don't think I should do.
akashalestat Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 at this point i would have fallen head over heals over you at this point,lol Re;lax--007;;; your are pressuring this into a boiling point. Emotions. anticipations, sexual expectations push us into utimatims we wish we never pushed,except our heart and expectations think we deserve--back off...you'll get what you want...let your man come to you...he and you are still malleable..if the the man comes to your expectations, your heart for him will be in a better place. ] akashalestat.
RealBroken Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 I'm a guy,....... but right now, i have no idea what he wants. Is hard to work out. I dont think he's enjoying being single though by the sounds of it. I think let him come to you, u may want to even appear too busy with social stuff for him now and then
rkman Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 ADVICE I NEED...I in no way want sex to be used as an ultimatum. But I am in love with him. If I start sleeping with him won't he NEVER ask me to be his girlfriend again. My girlfriends are telling me to give him 50% right now. Not be available for a couple of days here and there and always be the one to get off the phone first. I don't want to play games...but if that is the way...I just don't think that I can play games with him. a) Your sexuality should be valued. Save it for when it counts with him, you'll both appreciate it more. And tell him that! b) Don't play games. Be yourself, BUT in doing so be aware that you are being extremely hopeful at this time. I know it's hard but just take a step back. Takign a step back isn't playing a game, it's giving you both the time for freidnship, growth and healing.
Author SmittenSexyKitten Posted June 12, 2006 Author Posted June 12, 2006 Be yourself, BUT in doing so be aware that you are being extremely hopeful at this time. I am trying to be. My girlfriends are telling me that I should have never told him that I wanted him back and that is my goal right now. But I wouldn't be honest if I didn't. He isn't just a boyfriend - he is a friend too...which makes it very hard to play games. I do want to see him, but I think my heart is too much into this to have casual sex with him without knowing he is my boyfried. I mean I am so frustrated with him for not knowing that whether or not he wants to get back together right now...but I need to and DO acknowledge and take ownership for the toxic behavior I exhibited in the last fight which may have spooked him. AM I ALL AT FAULT here? no I don't even think mostly at fault...but I can't really argue the fact that I think I am 35% at fault and he is 65% so he should have had enough time to cool off and HE should be sending flowers right now (which he should ). For me, It's not about fighting to be right - right now...we don't fight often...and when we do...we don't fight well...It is not about being right, right now it is about being happy. I'm so unhappy without him.
akashalestat Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 Smittensexykitty, (I love that user name, btw.) You really need to slow down. First of all, I am really happy for you that the two of you have the opportunity to re-unite. But, and this is a big BUT, you really need to slow down...From your last post that I'm linking on, you have way too many expectations and judgements. First, you're assessing percentages of blame to the fight, whose right and whose wrong. This is sure fire way to start another fight. Do not under any circumstances bring up your fight. It needs to be forgotten. You two are considering another chance, the last thing this new chance needs to be built on is the fight the two of you had that drove you apart in the first place. Second, you are expecting and assuming things will take place, such as, he should send you flowers. And, that you want to get back together. YOu can honest and still not reveal everything. Remember, we guys,and girls too, are not to partial to clingyness. In addition, pardon my sexist comment, but women have this ideal picture of the way things are suppose to be or transpire and if the reality doesn't pan out this way, they stir the mix, so to speak, don't have expectations! The sure way to disappointment is to have assumptions about the way things will transpire. This will surely sabotage any real communication that the two of you will have. Be cool, remember, what men want, what we all want is something that we think we cannot have! Goodluck!
Author SmittenSexyKitten Posted June 13, 2006 Author Posted June 13, 2006 I think you misunderstood me. I will be patient...I just don't want to be a fool.
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