DarkDwarf Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 I'm 14. I have to say I honestly hate it when a parent doesn't let their child date, but I am not a parent so I have no idea how to do it. They probably know best, but this makes me sort of mad. Heres a couple of things I get pissed at... One of my best friend's (female) mom doesn't think that kids (13-15 year olds) should be going out at all. When she got to age 16 she said that holding hands would be appropriate, but nothing more. My current GF's mother didn't want her to date anyone at all, but agreed to having several of her friends go on our first date. I figure if I meet her parents and they like me then eventually we go on a date by ourselfs. You have to understand, I go to a prep school. We are continously told not to smoke, do drugs, have sex until marraige, etc. We know not to have sex. What's the worst that could happen. Please don't flame me. I really want to see a parents point of view... I know I am not a parent so I don't know best.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 14?? I didn't know that age was allowed to sign up for LS. Yes, most parents know best because guess what, we were once 14. It isn't enough to be told not to have sex, do drugs... it doesn't mean when the temptation comes you won't do it. When you are that young (and even when you get older) and your hormones or emotions take over, you have no experience whatsoever on how to control it. I say, you can date when you have a car and your own money and are able to take a girl out the proper way. At 14, what do you consider a date? Your mom dropping you off at the mall? Your still so young and have plenty of time for sex and going out alone, right now you should focus on other things that are important in growing up. With being alone comes sex (pretty much inevitably) with sex comes babies. Your not going to like hearing this, but you are not responsible yet, your brain is still developing. Don't be in such a rush!! Kids are always in such a hurry to grow up and do grown up things, and you miss all the fun!! I would do anything just to go back to my early teens for just a day!! Oh, to be care free again!! Spend this time now learning in school and taking up hobbies, playing sports, excersizing, skateboarding... there is still plenty of time for "dating" I don't see anything wrong with going out with a group of friends, but being alone together, I'd have to say as a parent, your just not ready.
Tony T Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 You asked what the worst thing thing that could happen if you had sex with a girlfriend at age 14. OK, I'll tell you. Your girl could get pregnant. Her father could insist that you marry her. You would have to quit school and get a job. Since you are short on education, it would be labor intensive and you would sweat long hours to make enough money for rent, food, car, doctor bills, baby supplies, etc. You would go around at night to friends and family to borrow money to make ends meet. It could get worse. The baby could be physically or mentally challenged in which case the expenses and challenges would be even worse...but we won't go there for purposes of this answer. Eventually your young wife would get sick of living in poverty, divorce your butt and take you to the cleaners. She would be mad as hell that you wanted to have sex with her when she was so young...even though right now she may be open to it. Females do change their minds (you will learn this as time progresses.) You would pay through the ass for many years and struggle financially...probably not being able to even date another girl during this time for lack of money. When you were in your late thirties, your obligations would cease and you would return to school to get a degree or learn a trade so you could support a woman you could find under more favorable circumstances. In your 40's, you would probably find a nice lady but you may be unable to get an erection because of all the stress you were under the 20 years previous. She would become frustrated and leave you for some stud who could get it up five times a day with no problem. If you didn't have sexual problems, you could get married and start the whole above process over again. Don't be mad at me...you asked for the worst case scenario. Believe me, I have toned it down a lot. I hope that answers your question. And that's all I have to say about that.
Author DarkDwarf Posted June 10, 2006 Author Posted June 10, 2006 Maybe that was worded incorrectly. I'm not going to have sex at my age. Anything could happen. I'm not that stupid.
Author DarkDwarf Posted June 10, 2006 Author Posted June 10, 2006 I say' date=' you can date when you have a car and your own money and are able to take a girl out the proper way. At 14, what do you consider a date? Your mom dropping you off at the mall? Your still so young and have plenty of time for sex and going out alone, right now you should focus on other things that are important in growing up. [/quote'] For me a date is me paying for everything. Both of us alone. Talking. My first couple of dates were movies, but recently I've gone to dinner with my GF... and payed for everything.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 For me a date is me paying for everything. Both of us alone. Talking. My first couple of dates were movies, but recently I've gone to dinner with my GF... and payed for everything. And you think your going to do that at 14?? They don't even issue a license until your 16. How would you get there? One of your mothers or some other adult would have to drive you there, and if she is a part of it I would think she has a right to say whether or not you should be allowed. Don't say you will not have sex. Everyone says they won't have sex. It is an immature statement and everyone sees through that
Author DarkDwarf Posted June 10, 2006 Author Posted June 10, 2006 And you think your going to do that at 14?? They don't even issue a license until your 16. How would you get there? One of your mothers or some other adult would have to drive you there, and if she is a part of it I would think she has a right to say whether or not you should be allowed. Don't say you will not have sex. Everyone says they won't have sex. It is an immature statement and everyone sees through that I'm not saying that im not going to have sex. I'm just not going to have it at 14. One of the things I said in my first post was that I realize that the parent has the right to do that. I can't say that I could be a better parent because ive never been one.
Author DarkDwarf Posted June 10, 2006 Author Posted June 10, 2006 I'm not saying im not going to have sex... I am just not going to have it within the next couple of years. Also, I said at the begining of the thread that I understand I don't know more than the parents. Thee done it before and I haven't
933KJL Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 Ease up on this kid. He is asking a mature (for 14) question and you all are jumping up his ass. I am a parent, a product of a boarding prep school, and er how shall we say this--oh hell, I lost it when I was 14! So I may have some suggestions for you. We can tell you all the rules and do this don't do that. You are going to test those rules. You will smoke, drink, have sex, stay out late, drive fast, drive drunk, date, lie, get in a fight, etc. Parents need to know this. It is all a part of growing up and while not right--it is expected. BUT, you also need to be able to expect the consequenses. Your parents have the right to make the rules as long as you are living in their house sucking down their food and draining their wallets. You need to abide by them or face whatever consequenses they establish. On your dating situation, if you came to me and asked me to take out my daughter, I would have a hard time saying no. I would call your parents and talk with them. I would check you out. I would take into consideration my daughter's feelings for you, and if all looked fine, I would say yes. Now there would be rules..I need to know where you are going, whith whom, and all that, and there would be a curfew. I might check in on a cell phone a time or two to be sure until I trusted you some more. As for what a date would be--hey I would drive yo to the mall for a movie and dinner at Applebees. Maybe an evening at a local carnival. A show or symphony. I would not let you go to a place that allows the opportunity to break my rules. Remember, I was a teenage delinquent as well! So, no dinners at the fabulous restaurant in the Sheraton. No unchaperoned parties at your buddy's house. I know I am not going to stop the testing, but I can do what I can to mitigate it. I am not a tyrant at home and I like to consider myself reasonable. I am open (sometimes to the point of awkwardness) with all of my kids and I hope they know the drill. No matter the issue, I can be approached and we can talk. They know that if they are ever in a situation that they feel uncomfortable with (drugs, drinking, sex, whatever) they can call me and I will get them home safely--no questions asked. But they also know that if they are at fault, there will be consequences. I will not flip out THAT night. I will sleep on it, and we will discuss in the morning when we are both more level headed. I know it is long, but you sound like a pretty mature kid for 14. My son is 14 and has no interest in girls yet--mostly baseball. But my daughter (12) is showing the boy interest. Keep your head on your shoulders--do not be afraid to talk to your parents (they are probably equally as afraid to talk to you) and be sure that you play by everyone's rules--your own personal rules, your girlfriend's rules, your parent's rules and your girlfriend's parent's rules.
Recommended Posts