j.carsey Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 i'm a young guy and am looking for a girlfriend. I'm not a player, I've had very few partners over the years. there are two or three girls who I am "seeing" right now, potential girlfriends. I've known each of them for months, with each I go out to things like movies or dinner together. But it's all kept very innocent because there has been no kissing, and no touching beyond just hugs. Yes this probably bothers them, but I wanted to keep my options open. Very platonic right now. Here's what i'm wondering now, one of these girls might want to get more physical and I'm tempted to go down that route. But on the other hand I am not 100% sure I want her as a girlfriend. i don't understand dating protocol! Someone help me out here, does sex always "seal the deal" or can it be just a stage along dating? for instance, I know through my sister that sometimes she will go out on a couple dates with a guy, they might fool around and then sleep together but in a couple weeks she says, no it didn't work out so I'm not seeing him any more. It's a fling, and she isn't shattered. So is this kind of thing a normal part of dating and searching for someone?
vi_pn_babe25 Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 I've been wondering the same thing!! I'm a girl but I need a guy's perspective on this topic
westernxer Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 It's a fling, and she isn't shattered. So is this kind of thing a normal part of dating and searching for someone? For some people, it's the only way to go. However, you should go at your own pace. If you're comfortable with platonic dating, don't change just to go with the flow. Everyone is different in how they approach dating. Don't turn down any freebies though.
Author j.carsey Posted June 10, 2006 Author Posted June 10, 2006 I've been wondering the same thing!! I'm a girl but I need a guy's perspective on this topic ok well I'll tell you my perspective (although I was fishing for girls perspectives so please tell me yours too) I think that sex while in the early stages of dating (not too early tho) is OK. For many of us sex is an important part of a relationship. After all you learn about the person's education/occupation to see if that's compatible, you talk with them to see if they're fun and interesting. So why can't you fool around to see if there is that physical chemistry? I think the risk is always that the other person will feel "used" for sex if you end up NOT together. This is what holds me back, as the guy. I don't want to hurt a girl's feelings
AriaIncognito Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 I think as long as you both know what it "means" then it's not an issue. With the most recent guy I dated, once we did that, it didn't make us a couple. In fact, we never ended up being bf/gf (and now who knows if we ever will lol). Some women might need to know they would like to be with the guy, but not all will need to have the label before going down the bedroom route. It is indeed good to know if you're suitably matched in that area as well as the ones you talk about over dinner. So, personally, I think it's actually a good idea to get to know someone in all facets, including that, before necessarily making any decisions on your future together. Jennifer
vi_pn_babe25 Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 well actually I've had a recent mix up with 2 guys that I was friends with. It's a long story but I'll tell ya the short version. Just read my thread entitled "busted" that I posted recently and it will explain my situation. I'm still kinda confused about the whole thing, even though I shouldn't care because I've been told to drop these guys but I still feel kinda bad.
vi_pn_babe25 Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 Busted..... I've been seeing 2 different guys that I met last November. Although they both know each other from highschool, they were never really friends. From time to time, they cross each other's paths because they live in the same area and hang out at the same places. I've always liked one more than the other, and I've made it pretty clear to the one I like. BUT we never have stated that we're officially bf/gf. So I never could really figure out if he really liked me like that. Anyways, the other guy has told me he wants me to be his gf but I've been honest with him, and kinda stalled the potential relationship with him because I like the other guy more. Well last Friday, they were at the same house (I wasn't there) and I heard that they were talking about me. The guy that I liked told the other guy, "I don't know why she's calling me because I kinda yelled at her last week" Unfortunately it's true, he had called me a slut because he found out that I was also seeing the other guy. Well wtf..if I'm not his gf then I can see whoever I want. So last time I talked to him, I asked him why he called me a slut,(they actually have both called me a slut) and then the conversation ended with him telling me that he'd call me when he gets back into town. Well I hadn't heard from him, so that's when I called him. Well I just saw the guy (the one I don't like as much as the other) and he said that the one I like lost his phone. But that night they were together, I called them both, and they told each other that I had called both of them! OOPS...So now I don't know what he (the guy I like) thinks, and I don't want to keep calling if he's lost interest in me, but he shouldn't be so mad because we weren't officially bf/gf. And I don't understand why I get called a slut when I'm not bf/gf with neither one of them, if i'm not together with someone I can do whatever I want right? Anyways, the guy that I like, always brags to the other guy that I call him and that I always want to hang out with him, but now it seems like it's changed. And I want the guy that I like back, but I don't know how to approach it now. Should I just ask him flat out, if he wants to be exclusive with me or what? Uhh I'm just confused if he really did have feelings for me, why didn't he just come out and ask me to be his gf???? Do you think that he wanted to keep playing the field too? But now that he thinks that I see other guys he doesn't really want anything to do with me it seems like. What should I do?? (that's my thread)
Author j.carsey Posted June 10, 2006 Author Posted June 10, 2006 vi_pn_babe25... I guess your story shows the delicate side of this, which is it's hard to string along several potential partners at once. But like you said if you're not anyone's girlfriend I think you can do whatever the hell you want. But make sure you're both on the same page as to whether you're bf/gf or not. Also if these guys are calling you a slut this can't be a good sign. In my circles anyway a guy would never call his girlfriend or any female friend for that matter a slut, it's not just rude but it shows a lack of respect. And in my experience mutual respect is critical to good friendships or relatioships
vi_pn_babe25 Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 vi_pn_babe25... I guess your story shows the delicate side of this, which is it's hard to string along several potential partners at once. But like you said if you're not anyone's girlfriend I think you can do whatever the hell you want. But make sure you're both on the same page as to whether you're bf/gf or not. Also if these guys are calling you a slut this can't be a good sign. In my circles anyway a guy would never call his girlfriend or any female friend for that matter a slut, it's not just rude but it shows a lack of respect. And in my experience mutual respect is critical to good friendships or relatioships Yah that's why I'm trying to get over these fools because I thought I knew them better than to call me that
Author j.carsey Posted June 12, 2006 Author Posted June 12, 2006 THANK YOU love shack. This is not the first time I have had a spectacular weekend, and it is directly thanks to advice from loveshack people. what can I say, I love you all
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