PANDA Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I met my bf online on March 1, [/FONT][/COLOR][FONT=Verdana]I have been dating him for 2 months and I am really into him. He is 56 years old, 15 years older than I am, he owns business and he lives about 3 hours away from me. He has two teenage boys 17, 15. We have talked to each other everyday after we met 10 days. Most time he called me, sometime he call me 3 times a day. We have seen each every other week with no problems that I knew about. He brought me many gifts, last time he brought me necklace from his vacation out country. I thought we had a wonderful relationship. Especially after his vacation, because we email back and forth a lot, he told me a lot about how much he like me. I felt we are really closer. And he already plan our vacation…..then One day he forget call me at night, then send me mail say hello to me next morning, after I sent him text message back, just make a joke to him: I write: “you are bad, made me cry again last night.” After that I send him another joking mail: “how can you go to sleep easily when the person who really cares about you waiting for your call? Do you think I am going to cry all weekend is not enough for me, you didn’t call me last night, make me feel even worse?” Maybe he was really mad at me about these mails. So he never called me that day or the next. So after 2 days I called him and got no answer and I started to get a little worried. Next morning I sent him an email asking if he was ok and he never responded. So after I decided the last call I did for him, he called me back and he broke up with me. I really don't know how to feel. He told me that he felt guilty for his teenage boys every time he came to see me. He says that he has a lot of stuff going on in his life and he hope it is not hurt me. He has good heart. His exactly words. How am I supposed to take this? It’s so hard for me to find a man that I am really into. I am usually the one who ends things with guys because they are not right for me. But he was great for me and we always had so much fun together we never had an argument. And I just don't understand what went wrong? He totally cut me off. It is normally? Tried to explain that mail is joke, I am not going to cry he supposed to know that. But he doesn’t answer my phone, and emails. Now he tried to find new one. Advice? By the way this guy has been 3, 4 times marriages. Please help me understand the man,
Fun2BMe Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Your messages definitely do not sound like a joke in any way. It sounded very desperate, pathetic and manipulative. He seems very mature and does not want to put up with crappy drama. Now you are trying to convince him they were jokes but he doesn't want to play games and risk falling for it if you are lying to him. Try not to 'joke' like that in text again especially when not face to face. I guess it is a lesson to learn from it.
gfto Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I sent him text message back, just make a joke to him: I write: “you are bad, made me cry again last night.” After that I send him another joking mail: “how can you go to sleep easily when the person who really cares about you waiting for your call? Do you think I am going to cry all weekend is not enough for me, you didn’t call me last night, make me feel even worse?” That's creepy. I would have run away as fast as I could, whether you were joking or not.
Sand&Water Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Panda, Your whole situation spells out D-i-s-a-s-t-e-r. I think it hit him one day - The Age Difference. He realized that there was a large age difference, and couldn't maintain the relationship any longer. Plus, it wasn't healthy at all. He has his kids to take care of. Just move on.
shaunablain Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 unfortunately for you i think you had a good thing going on and unfortunately you ruined it. I think maybe why now your feeling so bad is because you are the one who is usually in control of relationships and this guy came along and took control. maybe you should just not dwell on it too much but realise that not all people can be manipulated, but i think you have and maybe you are feeling ashamed of it. tip one in realtionships, dont tell a man you were crying about them, it makes them think you are a possible stalker.
Author PANDA Posted June 9, 2006 Author Posted June 9, 2006 Thanks all. I know I got the tip this time. But I still think he know me better because we talk a lot on the phone. and he knows I am very happy and independent all the time, actually sometime he shows that he is panic on the small things. By the way he know we have different background too. That is why I said he should think that is joke,( I know some of them think it is not) may be I overestimate him. But I don't regret what I did. just a little disappointed. I tried to appologize to him even joke or not. but he doesn't give me chance. I don't think that is a grown man acts. So I think it is better we broken up. iIn our culture, we pay attention to main aspect of relationship, not some complains. if your relatiionship is most positive, you will not 180 degree change. So anyway one door closed, other door open. That is life, I am ready to move on. Thanks for all advices.
Guest Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 hi, where to start, well firstly let me say im 21 gay, not out , from ireland, i met this guy online last september, he was from manchester,england, we instantly clicked, just started out chatting and stuff with no intention of meeting, but i knew he was different than the other freaks on yahoo chat, we chatted almost every night (he s gay 2 might i add), we web cammed, shared pics, and stayed on late almost every night for 4 months, then we decided for me to come over and see him in manchester, so i did on january this year, i had 3 amazing days over there with him, i mean this guy was my life, we really really got on as m8's before anything else, i hated coming back home, he said he wanted to come see me in irleand..we had plans made etc, then to cut a long short , 3 weeks after coming home, he started actign weird, it startedo ff by him nto being online, and whenever he was he wud give me short answers etc, it eventually boiled up to him saying he was sick of the situation, what situation he meant ill never know, cause a few days of getting nowhere and him saying something changed between us but he doesnt know what he blocked me on msn, wudnt reply to my texts,emails, basicalyl i am devastated beyoned belief,i luv him, and i know he luvs me but for SOME REASON ILL NEVER KNOW he doesnt want it to continue, like i said, he was my best m8, the only guy who really knew me, and how he could do this to me is beyond me, i feel victimised,dumped,angry,confused,depressed and i dont know WHY,if only he would tell me, it doesnt add up at all..people will say he clearly didnt like me, but i felt different, its been almost 3 months since we last talked and i cant bear even thinking of trying to find someone new, cause of the risk of getting hurt again, he was 1 in a million out of all the dicks on yahoo, people say time is a healer but if anything its getting worse instead of better for me, if someone has gone thru similar circumstances..even if ure straight please let me know, cause i am devastated and heart broken beyond belief, i lost a m8 and its killing me. thanks.
Fun2BMe Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 hi, where to start, well firstly let me say im 21 gay, not out , from ireland, i met this guy online last september, he was from manchester,england, we instantly clicked, just started out chatting and stuff with no intention of meeting, but i knew he was different than the other freaks on yahoo chat, we chatted almost every night (he s gay 2 might i add), we web cammed, shared pics, and stayed on late almost every night for 4 months, then we decided for me to come over and see him in manchester, so i did on january this year, i had 3 amazing days over there with him, i mean this guy was my life, we really really got on as m8's before anything else, i hated coming back home, he said he wanted to come see me in irleand..we had plans made etc, then to cut a long short , 3 weeks after coming home, he started actign weird, it startedo ff by him nto being online, and whenever he was he wud give me short answers etc, it eventually boiled up to him saying he was sick of the situation, what situation he meant ill never know, cause a few days of getting nowhere and him saying something changed between us but he doesnt know what he blocked me on msn, wudnt reply to my texts,emails, basicalyl i am devastated beyoned belief,i luv him, and i know he luvs me but for SOME REASON ILL NEVER KNOW he doesnt want it to continue, like i said, he was my best m8, the only guy who really knew me, and how he could do this to me is beyond me, i feel victimised,dumped,angry,confused,depressed and i dont know WHY,if only he would tell me, it doesnt add up at all..people will say he clearly didnt like me, but i felt different, its been almost 3 months since we last talked and i cant bear even thinking of trying to find someone new, cause of the risk of getting hurt again, he was 1 in a million out of all the dicks on yahoo, people say time is a healer but if anything its getting worse instead of better for me, if someone has gone thru similar circumstances..even if ure straight please let me know, cause i am devastated and heart broken beyond belief, i lost a m8 and its killing me. thanks. That's sad what you went through, to like someone so much then they don't want to contact you anymore for reasons they do not provide. If it helps, keep in mind that what you went through is very common. Just because you have feelings for someone does not mean they feel the same way you do. It is rare for two people to like each other the same. One person usually does not. Thinking back, I am sure you could think of a time when someone showed interest in you but you did not respond to it. You might not have given it much thought at the time, but they could have been hurting by your rejection just as much as you are right now. The only thing that is going to help you feel better is time and meeting someone else to replace the emotions you had invested into him. Hope you feel better soon.
Love Hurts Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 Panda, He may truely be focused on his sons. His sons may not care for you. Children have a say-so in the a relationship, regarding their partent ,,,, in search of. Particularly if they are teens. They voice their likes and dislikes......... you may have never met them, yet you have most likely been a topic at their dinner table. Some adults put alot of emphasis on what their children think of the 'who'... they are socializing with. It could be the children................... regardless,,,,,,,,,,,,,, walk on baby. Life goes on.
Author PANDA Posted June 11, 2006 Author Posted June 11, 2006 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Hi, Love Hurts, Thanks for your reply. I think it might be true. Because every time he come to see me, his 17 boy who doesn’t get along with his mom always cause him trouble, makes him very upset, and break his promise to me. But I really understand. And he told me his ex gf broke up with him because she didn’t get along with his teen boys. Actually I think his situation has been changed after his 17 boy moved to his place. 12 years ago, after he divorced with his wife, kids both stays with his ex-wife until last November. He was really excited one of his son was going to stay with him, but it is really different from you visit them everyday at ex house, you have to take care every thing, and he told me that everything must be better than before. I think he feel a little pressure too. It changes this man’s daily life. I think that might be one of the reasons his gf left him. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]And our vacation he planned is coming soon, June, so it is time to meet his family now, because he can’t just go out vacation with somebody who never meets his family yet. Maybe he scares away. Whatever, I am not angry with broke up; it could happen any time, or anything. When we email back and forth, we both mention if anyone is not satisfy our relationship, just let me (him) know, we both understand. I just hate he abruptly turn around and gave me so-called explanations. You are a 56 well-educated grown man, not 26. It really disappointed me. He treats me like crap. Right, life goes on. Thanks.[/FONT][/sIZE]
Guest Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 That's sad what you went through, to like someone so much then they don't want to contact you anymore for reasons they do not provide. If it helps, keep in mind that what you went through is very common. Just because you have feelings for someone does not mean they feel the same way you do. It is rare for two people to like each other the same. One person usually does not. Thinking back, I am sure you could think of a time when someone showed interest in you but you did not respond to it. You might not have given it much thought at the time, but they could have been hurting by your rejection just as much as you are right now. The only thing that is going to help you feel better is time and meeting someone else to replace the emotions you had invested into him. Hope you feel better soon. thanks for the reply, looking back i have ignored people, but not in the same level as me and this guy i met online was, i mean the people i ignored or didnt show interest we barely talked for liked 5 minutes, but this guy we chatted online for 6 months, i mean it doesnt make sense, i know he likes me, looking back now when i was over there with him and the things he said to me, i.e. said he would always be here for me and said that i was beautiful etc, and that he didnt want me to go, i felt genuine love for each other sad an all as that may sound !! we had plans made that he would come see me in ireland in april, and that i would be coming over to see him on june to do the stuff we didnt get to do when i was over last, but thats all down the drain, at this point in time, im just very lonely, i have lost 2 or 3 relationships since him just because maybe i was trying to make up the love i lost with him, im just going through every day, just like the day before that, and the day before that, im still not feeling any better whatsoever, the last thing he said to me was "your very demanding, i just cant go thru with it at the moment, speak sometime soon" and that was it..3 months ago,and he didnt speak to me since, what will i do..cause i will wait forever if i know there is a chance he will get back on touch.
Fun2BMe Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 im still not feeling any better whatsoever, the last thing he said to me was "your very demanding, i just cant go thru with it at the moment, speak sometime soon" and that was it..3 months ago,and he didnt speak to me since, what will i do..cause i will wait forever if i know there is a chance he will get back on touch. Stop waiting. If he wanted you back, he would've contacted you by now. It's been 3 months. For all you know he is now in another relationship. If he comes back to you, you can deal with it then. What if it takes 10 years or never? Are you going to make your life over because you love someone who does not feel the same back towards you? That is very common for love not to be returned. You just have to move on as difficult as it is. What were you so demanding about?
Guest Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 Stop waiting. If he wanted you back, he would've contacted you by now. It's been 3 months. For all you know he is now in another relationship. If he comes back to you, you can deal with it then. What if it takes 10 years or never? Are you going to make your life over because you love someone who does not feel the same back towards you? That is very common for love not to be returned. You just have to move on as difficult as it is. What were you so demanding about? He claims i was pressurising him to come see me, when i said to him what about april, and he was like yeah early april sounds good to me, but then like a week later he is like your pressurising me, and gave me the whole "sick of the situation" crap,i mean is this the thanks i get for travelling 250 miles to another country especially to see him, and how can he do this to me ??! he knows the situation im in, not being out and living in rural ireland and being gay is tough enough, he said he would always be there for me, i mean he even told me he was talking to a m8 of his about me and he told me his m8 said that he should go over to see me, i mean everythgin couldnt be better but then like i said a week later he doesnt want to know me, I CANNOT GET OVER WHAT I DONT UNDERSTAND. its so frustrating, i mean i have all these questiosn running thru my head like "after meeting him maybe i didnt live up to his expectations"? i want answers but he will not get in touch, how can someone be so cold hearted ill never know, im gonna give it another 3 months and if i dont hear from him by then im gonna try get in touch again and lay things down, fxxk it if im gonna beg after him all this time. thanks again for replying .
Fun2BMe Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 He claims i was pressurising him to come see me, when i said to him what about april, and he was like yeah early april sounds good to me, but then like a week later he is like your pressurising me, and gave me the whole "sick of the situation" crap,i mean is this the thanks i get for travelling 250 miles to another country especially to see him, and how can he do this to me ??! he knows the situation im in, not being out and living in rural ireland and being gay is tough enough, he said he would always be there for me, i mean he even told me he was talking to a m8 of his about me and he told me his m8 said that he should go over to see me, i mean everythgin couldnt be better but then like i said a week later he doesnt want to know me, I CANNOT GET OVER WHAT I DONT UNDERSTAND. its so frustrating, i mean i have all these questiosn running thru my head like "after meeting him maybe i didnt live up to his expectations"? i want answers but he will not get in touch, how can someone be so cold hearted ill never know, im gonna give it another 3 months and if i dont hear from him by then im gonna try get in touch again and lay things down, fxxk it if im gonna beg after him all this time. thanks again for replying . It could simply be that he doesn't have the financial means available to make the trip to visit you. He took you up on your offer for April, but felt in a jam because it would be difficult for him and didn't want to admit to it. Instead he may have wanted you to pay his way or else want things to remain where you would come out to see him or else to be email long distance friends only. He felt pressure to travel and thought he'd rather have a local relationship. You could send him a simple email apologizing for being demanding and explain that you just felt strongly for him. Then offer to remain as email friends for now and if he should want YOU to visit HIM in the future, you will take him up on the offer. Don't invite him unless he brings it up or offers it himself. Once you are in a more serious relationship, he might make the effort to travel. Just my thought.
Guest Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 It could simply be that he doesn't have the financial means available to make the trip to visit you. He took you up on your offer for April, but felt in a jam because it would be difficult for him and didn't want to admit to it. Instead he may have wanted you to pay his way or else want things to remain where you would come out to see him or else to be email long distance friends only. He felt pressure to travel and thought he'd rather have a local relationship. You could send him a simple email apologizing for being demanding and explain that you just felt strongly for him. Then offer to remain as email friends for now and if he should want YOU to visit HIM in the future, you will take him up on the offer. Don't invite him unless he brings it up or offers it himself. Once you are in a more serious relationship, he might make the effort to travel. Just my thought.[/Qc can i start by saying thanks for ure advice on this, it means so much just to talk about it, what i forgot to say which could change ure whole attittude towards this,he has a bf, he has been with him for a few years, dont make me out to be the bad guy, but i know and he knows i love him more than his bf will ever, he said he doesnt want to risk losing his bf, i mean we chatted every night weekends and all, i was with him more than his bf ever was, which was probably the reason he went on yahoo in the first place, understandably they may have plans to move out,, but while i was with him i picked up the vibe that he dont like or care about his bf cause he rang him while i was there and joe,( the online guy) was like dont know if i could be arsed to answer it, what joe doesnt know is im prepared to make the sacrifice of moving over with him, and i would luv nothing more than to send him an email to let him know this, but im not sure how he might take this, and more to the point he might not reply to it, i have sent him emails,texts in the past but got no response, but i wonder if i was to tell him this wud he get back in touch ? or think im some crazy person ! ive got nothing to lose i guess, the damage has been done, joe also said days before we lost contact that his bf was getting suspicious of us, asking him questions about where i slept etc, and joe also admitted that he is mixed up at the moment, i dont know what he means ? mixed up about what ? he seems to be torn between making a choice or something, but all i do know is im not gonna give him up without a fight, i just dont know what to do about it, if i was to tell him ill move over there to be with him all the time would he have a completely different outlook? he also admitted that wants to come to ireland but he needs time to cool off, i.e. his bf getting suspicious etc, but all i do know is, i will never find a guy like him again,i dont want to even try find someone else untill i get some answers, what do u recommend?
Fun2BMe Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 It could simply be that he doesn't have the financial means available to make the trip to visit you. He took you up on your offer for April, but felt in a jam because it would be difficult for him and didn't want to admit to it. Instead he may have wanted you to pay his way or else want things to remain where you would come out to see him or else to be email long distance friends only. He felt pressure to travel and thought he'd rather have a local relationship. You could send him a simple email apologizing for being demanding and explain that you just felt strongly for him. Then offer to remain as email friends for now and if he should want YOU to visit HIM in the future, you will take him up on the offer. Don't invite him unless he brings it up or offers it himself. Once you are in a more serious relationship, he might make the effort to travel. Just my thought.[/Qc can i start by saying thanks for ure advice on this, it means so much just to talk about it, what i forgot to say which could change ure whole attittude towards this,he has a bf, he has been with him for a few years, dont make me out to be the bad guy, but i know and he knows i love him more than his bf will ever, he said he doesnt want to risk losing his bf, i mean we chatted every night weekends and all, i was with him more than his bf ever was, which was probably the reason he went on yahoo in the first place, understandably they may have plans to move out,, but while i was with him i picked up the vibe that he dont like or care about his bf cause he rang him while i was there and joe,( the online guy) was like dont know if i could be arsed to answer it, what joe doesnt know is im prepared to make the sacrifice of moving over with him, and i would luv nothing more than to send him an email to let him know this, but im not sure how he might take this, and more to the point he might not reply to it, i have sent him emails,texts in the past but got no response, but i wonder if i was to tell him this wud he get back in touch ? or think im some crazy person ! ive got nothing to lose i guess, the damage has been done, joe also said days before we lost contact that his bf was getting suspicious of us, asking him questions about where i slept etc, and joe also admitted that he is mixed up at the moment, i dont know what he means ? mixed up about what ? he seems to be torn between making a choice or something, but all i do know is im not gonna give him up without a fight, i just dont know what to do about it, if i was to tell him ill move over there to be with him all the time would he have a completely different outlook? he also admitted that wants to come to ireland but he needs time to cool off, i.e. his bf getting suspicious etc, but all i do know is, i will never find a guy like him again,i dont want to even try find someone else untill i get some answers, what do u recommend? I don't think it will be a good idea for you to straight up ask him to move together. He has already said that you are too demanding and now you are not giving him time to cool off like he asked. He has said he is mixed up and you are not giving him an opportunity to think about things. Instead you are bombarding him with emails demanding of his time and response. Why don't you try to take things slower at his pace? Unlike Joe, you are not in another relationship. You are free and ready to be with him. He is not at the same point. He is determining whether he still wants to be in his current relationship. Slow down a little bit so he could find you to be a more understanding person instead of demanding he drop everything to be with you. Instead he feels like he has to shut you out completely or else he feels obligated to give you more than he is currently ready to give. You have to send him a brief email telling him that you understand he needs time to cool off, you understand he needs to work things out with his current boyfriend. Stop demanding what you want from him and cater to where he is at right now. Offer your friendship via email and leave it at that. Start out slow and demand little from him until he sorts things out. He sounds like a good guy. Imagine if you were in his bf's position. Would you want him to run off? Or to end one relationship and when ready start the next one. Otherwise you will be the "other guy" status and never move onto a more serious relationship with him. He will not take you seriously since he finds you too demanding instead of moving at a slower spped. Show him you have changed and are willing to just be friends for now. He will respect you more and maybe respond to you. Please, do not send an email asking him to have you move in with him! He will think you are not understanding where he is coming from and will not even bother to respond. He will write you off permanently.
Guest Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 I don't think it will be a good idea for you to straight up ask him to move together. He has already said that you are too demanding and now you are not giving him time to cool off like he asked. He has said he is mixed up and you are not giving him an opportunity to think about things. Instead you are bombarding him with emails demanding of his time and response. Why don't you try to take things slower at his pace? Unlike Joe, you are not in another relationship. You are free and ready to be with him. He is not at the same point. He is determining whether he still wants to be in his current relationship. Slow down a little bit so he could find you to be a more understanding person instead of demanding he drop everything to be with you. Instead he feels like he has to shut you out completely or else he feels obligated to give you more than he is currently ready to give. You have to send him a brief email telling him that you understand he needs time to cool off, you understand he needs to work things out with his current boyfriend. Stop demanding what you want from him and cater to where he is at right now. Offer your friendship via email and leave it at that. Start out slow and demand little from him until he sorts things out. He sounds like a good guy. Imagine if you were in his bf's position. Would you want him to run off? Or to end one relationship and when ready start the next one. Otherwise you will be the "other guy" status and never move onto a more serious relationship with him. He will not take you seriously since he finds you too demanding instead of moving at a slower spped. Show him you have changed and are willing to just be friends for now. He will respect you more and maybe respond to you. Please, do not send an email asking him to have you move in with him! He will think you are not understanding where he is coming from and will not even bother to respond. He will write you off permanently. thanks, u sound like u know what ure talking about, do you think i should send that email soon? or will i leave it a while, he might be thinking ohh no not another email, u made me understand his position better, the last time i sent him an email was about 2 months ago, and he has got a holiday up in a few weeks, so im not sure if the timing would be good enough?
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