allina Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 This is sort of a dating/breaking up post, so my apologies if I'm posting this in the wrong section. Getting to the point, on Sunday my 3 and a half month relationship ended, pretty abruptly, yet amicably. I was hurt, wanted him back, the relationship was good and there were qualities in him I want in an SO, besides the typical "he's a great guy." We hang out on Monday, no talk of getting back together, I decide to let it go, 'let him miss me' do the NC thing. Yet this morning I woke up feeling pissed and foolish, why am I the one trying to figure all this out, why am I the one resisting to call/text/im?! If I feel like iming him just to talk, or to call him a f*ck head (not that I would) why does it matter? It's over for a reason, he made it clear that he didn't want to be my bf, and we weren't together for that long. So why waste time focusing on avoiding him and obsess on making him miss me? I'm walking away from this the same person, not damaged, not jaded. Isn't it better to just let it go than hope NC will make him have some sort of epiphany?
Vertex Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 In my opinion NC is the true test of "meant-to-be." If nothing happens, then it was for the best. If there is an inherent, natural gravitation in your hearts to each other then NC will show the truth of this and bring you together again. Introducing other actions or variables into the mix will only prolong the process or complicate things... I strongly believe NC is the best thing you can do at this point.
shaunablain Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 i agree with vertex on this. if its gonna be its gonna be!!
Author allina Posted June 9, 2006 Author Posted June 9, 2006 I strongly believe NC is the best thing you can do at this point. Well, everyone can't be wrong, alright. Though I screwed things up bad today. Man, if you guys only knew, you'd totally throw rocks at me.
shaunablain Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Well, everyone can't be wrong, alright. Though I screwed things up bad today. Man, if you guys only knew, you'd totally throw rocks at me. LOL okay come on tell us!! ill promise there will be no stones!!!
Vertex Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 We all make mistakes -- NC is extremely hard to do. But with experience you learn that it's usually the only way to let you heal. Trying to get him to miss you will only push him away most of the time. By focusing on yourself and doing things for your own improvements, you give yourself the chance to get better and move on. Dwelling on it all will not only hurt you but it will hinder any second chances with this guy. Let him come to you if that is the case. If he is not going to, then at least you have already moved on to an extent.
Walk Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I see no contact like going cold turkey on an addiction. Prolonging the withdrawl period doesn't make it go away, and sometimes makes us regret not quitting the addiction sooner. Sometimes we do stupid things when we're hooked, cause us to act in ways we normally wouldn't, clouds our judgment. No contact should help stop those errors in judgment. Starts the healing process, and allows us to begin changing our thinking from the "us" viewpoint, back to the "me" viewpoint. I don't believe no contact is meant as torture, or a "rule" you have to follow for a certain result. It was only meant for healing, clearing the mind, and a preventative measure to curtail any 'abnormal' behavior that a person could regret later. That's my view on it anyway.
Author allina Posted June 9, 2006 Author Posted June 9, 2006 Thank you all so much, voicing all this is helpful. LOL okay come on tell us!! ill promise there will be no stones!!! As for what my crazy ass did; I was feeling good and strong. A little after I posted this he ims me. Nothing major, just regular chit chat. I chat back a tiny bit then tell him that I need him to just let me be for a while, not because I'm angry but because I need some time. He says ok and that he understands. I'm getting ready to go out at this time, but after this convo I burst in to tears, get back online and ask him to chat for a few. I'm feeling like such a nut job! On top of it all he was sweet and undestanding and chatted with me for a bit. Then I said I was gonna go in a few and told him that we'll talk in a few weeks or so. Yeah, I'm an idiot.
shaunablain Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 nah seriously you are not an idiot, its just that he makes that bad feeling in yah stomach go away, so he is like your drug and your having withdrawal symptoms. you need to cry, you need to mourn. your gonna be upset don't beat yourself down that is probably the worst thing you can do. remember he is gonna be nice, i don't no the circumstances behind it, but maybe you just need that space just to readjust your brain and get back on top!!!!
Author allina Posted June 10, 2006 Author Posted June 10, 2006 maybe you just need that space just to readjust your brain and get back on top!!!! Thanks, I really do, and even if not to get him back, which I'm pretty sure wont happen anyways, to quit saying stuff that I feel like an idiot for later
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