zarathustra Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 So get this guys and gals. I sent a template off to xMM... very work related. So he sends it out to the team and gave me a correction. So I modified and sent the corrected version back saying, "I removed the items... happy?" then I get bombarded with emails saying how he's happy with or without the corrections and these are minor things in his life (do I look like I f***ing care?), then he asked if my colleague know and appreciate me for the amount of work I do for them? WTF!!! So I just said, I'm paid to do my job and its not important if the work I do is appreciated or not. Then he emails back, 'I think we all want to do jobs that are appreciated at the end of the day, may be you are different?' Do I look like I want to strike up a f***ing conversation?!?? So I just ignored it, right. Then he IMs me apologizing for being an ass. So I ask with what he's refering to? and he said that he wanted to apologize for not appreciating my efforts and for criticizing me, blah blah blah. I just said that I didn't know that he was being critical and put my IM on Do Not Disturb. Do you think he'll get it now? f***!! What is wrong with him?!??
silktricks Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 he wants to make nice. like everythings is just hunky-dory, and how could you possibly think any different. oh yes, and maybe there's something wrong with you that you could possibly have a problem with him. and throw in a little arrogance - mix well and you have an a**h*** that you are lucky enough to have to work with. too bad you couldn't find another job. it would probably make your life a whole lot easier.
Author zarathustra Posted June 9, 2006 Author Posted June 9, 2006 he wants to make nice. like everythings is just hunky-dory, and how could you possibly think any different. oh yes, and maybe there's something wrong with you that you could possibly have a problem with him. and throw in a little arrogance - mix well and you have an a**h*** that you are lucky enough to have to work with. too bad you couldn't find another job. it would probably make your life a whole lot easier.You hit the nail right on the head, silk - how could I think any different, eh? What I don't get is why he has the need for me to be on good terms with him. I just want to be at the point of NO terms. You know... I do my friggin' job, add a bit of value here or there and that's it! No, I'm happy with my life because I don't want to f***ing know! I don't want any, "I appreciate you" cause I neither expect nor want it! I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to see him. I just want to live my life free from him. Yet each day he is in the flippin' office, he has to walk by. Now I'm just angry... a few weeks ago, I would've had a meltdown. Heck, you've all seen it. Silk, I'm counting the days until I fulfill the terms of my contract. I guess that if I cannot find another client to transition to, I may have to extend my term another 3 months. Argh! I can't deal with the concept right now. He asked me before if it would help if he left, but a lot of things happened here and the environment is sucking the life out of me... so its me who has to go. Heck, I hope he stays here until he retires... this way, I know where NOT to work!! anyway, if there's anything needing an apology, he needs to apologize for making feeble attempts at making conversations with me that is outside of work related topic as I have requested so many times from him.
silktricks Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Silk, I'm counting the days until I fulfill the terms of my contract. I guess that if I cannot find another client to transition to, I may have to extend my term another 3 months. Argh! I can't deal with the concept right now. In the meantime, then, here's what I'd do. Never give an opening. By adding the "happy?" at the end, you invited comment. If he asks how you are doing, just say "fine". Don't do the polite thing with the "and you?" Of course, he'll probably still try to "make nice", but if it's not immediately work related, just ignore it. It won't be easy, because it will feel like you're being rude. But don't think of it as rudeness, think of it as self-preservation. luck!!!
Graydaughter Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Zara, He won't get it! I used to work with my MM, before he lost his job and when I would put my IM on Do Not Disturb, he would just either call or come to my office and act like nothing was wrong. I tried NC so many times while he was still in town and nothing ever worked. He is now in another city and I have told him NC and he will only last a day and call again. He won't accept that I don't want to be the OW anymore. I'm not sure what it will take to make your MM get the point. It appears he doesn't want to let go. I feel so sorry for you, because I have read many of your posts and know that you are trying to go on and do the NC which is the best thing. You are a role model for the rest of us and you don't deserve to be treated this way. I just don't know the solution for your situation. It is not easy to do NC anyway, but to work with the MM makes it so much more difficult. Keep the Faith!
movinon05 Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Zara, I mean this with all the love in my heart. And I may be wrong, but this is my opinion. You "should" have said.. "I removed the items." PERIOD! That left no invitation to respond. You did your job as was requested. There is absolutely NO emotion whatsoever. You treated him as a supervisor and left it at that. But you added.... "happy?". That smacks of sarcasm. You are showing him emotion and he takes it as an invitation to write back, explain himself, respond however he chose to respond, try to make you feel better, etc. Even if what he says is totally irrelevant and you do not want to hear a word of it (and we know he doesn't respect your feelings regarding this), you left your message with an open question and with what came across as sarcasm. You let him know you were feeling something other than just the monotony of the job, or just doing the job. You have to keep this emotionless. If you don't care, then don't come across with sarcasm as if you are angry or flip or whatever. You know I love you! This is just my opinion. I just want you to see that maybe this happened because you showed "something" that pretty much required a response. Most people would not respond, or would even get ticked, but you know him better! You need to be emotionless with him. I know its hard. And when you are speaking with him in private, then you tell him - AGAIN - exactly what you want about being left alone, etc. Maybe, someday he will get it in his brain. I don't know.
Author zarathustra Posted June 9, 2006 Author Posted June 9, 2006 In the meantime, then, here's what I'd do. Never give an opening. By adding the "happy?" at the end, you invited comment. If he asks how you are doing, just say "fine". Don't do the polite thing with the "and you?" Of course, he'll probably still try to "make nice", but if it's not immediately work related, just ignore it. It won't be easy, because it will feel like you're being rude. But don't think of it as rudeness, think of it as self-preservation. luck!!! You are right... I was really stupid to add "happy?". He's the one who told me that he sees me no more than a colleague (this is a few months back when we first broke up). So one would think that someone who made changes you wanted and asked such a question, you would be say, "Yes, thanks" and not turn it to some conversation about how happy he is with life and that he's a happy person. I don't want to have another NC correspondence with him. I've had too many and each time all it does is make me feel like s***. I will learn from you silk. I've been ignoring all things non-work related and even when it is, I keep correspondence back and forth to a minimum. Get this... I'm pretty good at what I do and he went and challenged me on it today like I don't know what I'm doing. Had to correspond more and then he apologized for it. Its really f***ing stupid. Anyone else, I don't think he would've pitched in, but no I had to defend myself. So apparently, he's able to respect my desire not to be bothered for an avg. of 8 days. This means I should have a pretty good week next week.
Jessie61 Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 f***!! What is wrong with him?!?? Zara, I don't know what's wrong with him, but I do know that I would kiss his a** if I ever got the chance!!! :mad: Sorry, boys and girls, but this type of behaviour just gets my blood boiling!!!!
silktricks Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I don't know what's wrong with him, but I do know that I would kiss his a** if I ever got the chance!!! :mad: Gawd, I hope you meant kick!!
Author zarathustra Posted June 9, 2006 Author Posted June 9, 2006 Zara, I mean this with all the love in my heart. And I may be wrong, but this is my opinion. You "should" have said.. "I removed the items." PERIOD! That left no invitation to respond. You did your job as was requested. There is absolutely NO emotion whatsoever. You treated him as a supervisor and left it at that. But you added.... "happy?". That smacks of sarcasm. You are showing him emotion and he takes it as an invitation to write back, explain himself, respond however he chose to respond, try to make you feel better, etc. Even if what he says is totally irrelevant and you do not want to hear a word of it (and we know he doesn't respect your feelings regarding this), you left your message with an open question and with what came across as sarcasm. You let him know you were feeling something other than just the monotony of the job, or just doing the job. You have to keep this emotionless. If you don't care, then don't come across with sarcasm as if you are angry or flip or whatever. You know I love you! This is just my opinion. I just want you to see that maybe this happened because you showed "something" that pretty much required a response. Most people would not respond, or would even get ticked, but you know him better! You need to be emotionless with him. I know its hard. And when you are speaking with him in private, then you tell him - AGAIN - exactly what you want about being left alone, etc. Maybe, someday he will get it in his brain. I don't know. I love you too MO and I know you smack me over the head with this because of it. Love you too! I will not have private conversations with him. I won't let myself be put in that position. And you all are perfectly right... I was being sarcastic. The items I had to remove was last minute changes that I was not aware of. I will not be sarcastic next time. He knows how to get under my skin. I won't let make the same mistake twice.
Jessie61 Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Gawd, I hope you meant kick!! Yes, of course!!! I always knew that I cannot count, and now I can't even spell!!!! I blame the rage???? After that I need a lie down in a dark room!!!!
Author zarathustra Posted June 9, 2006 Author Posted June 9, 2006 Zara, I don't know what's wrong with him, but I do know that I would kiss his a** if I ever got the chance!!! :mad: Sorry, boys and girls, but this type of behaviour just gets my blood boiling!!!! I think I need to move to another country. My blood was boiling too... like HOW DARE he turn things personal when I asked him not to do it. Mind you, y'all are right. I set up an opening. Must have been subconscious. I knew that you meant kick...
Jessie61 Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 And you all are perfectly right... I was being sarcastic. The items I had to remove was last minute changes that I was not aware of. I will not be sarcastic next time. He knows how to get under my skin. I won't let make the same mistake twice. OK, I have recovered now.... Listen Zara, you are making great progress. This thing today didn't set you back as much as it would have done before. That is progress. The next time you will be even better at dealing with his little efforts! It will effect you less. That is more progress! You are doing fine.
Jessie61 Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I think I need to move to another country. My blood was boiling too... like HOW DARE he turn things personal when I asked him not to do it. Mind you, y'all are right. I set up an opening. Must have been subconscious. I knew that you meant kick... Yes, I have a spare room if you need it!!!! No seriously, I was doing a jig of rage when I read your post! I was as fuming as I was when I read WA's post about her MM reading what she had written on LS. That was actually the moment I actually decided to join and start posting!!! Boy, was I mad!!!! Listen don't worry about what you "should have done"; sometimes you're taken on the hop and you just don't know what to do. You WILL get better at it and eventually this agony will stop.
Author zarathustra Posted June 9, 2006 Author Posted June 9, 2006 OK, I have recovered now.... Listen Zara, you are making great progress. This thing today didn't set you back as much as it would have done before. That is progress. The next time you will be even better at dealing with his little efforts! It will effect you less. That is more progress! You are doing fine. Thanks Jessie, Silk and MO... You gals are the best!! I guess that he does think of me... I think that he doesn't know that he's driving me nuts... though I think that do not disturb sign really brought the message across. Look, I don't want anyone to be miserable, but I don't know why its hard for him to understand that I just don't want to know if he's happy or not. I don't want to care. Its not like I run around telling him how things are going with me and my H and that we are making progress and we do almost everything together now (by choice) and that we have tons of new friends that loves both of us and loves us as a couple, blah blah blah. When we decided not to be in each other's lives, its like we both gave up the right to know and we chose the right to not know. I mean, I would be devastated if I found out he was sick and was dying, but really, I don't have a right to know that anymore.
Author zarathustra Posted June 9, 2006 Author Posted June 9, 2006 Yes, I have a spare room if you need it!!!! No seriously, I was doing a jig of rage when I read your post! I was as fuming as I was when I read WA's post about her MM reading what she had written on LS. That was actually the moment I actually decided to join and start posting!!! Boy, was I mad!!!! Listen don't worry about what you "should have done"; sometimes you're taken on the hop and you just don't know what to do. You WILL get better at it and eventually this agony will stop. Thanks for the encouragement Jessie! I'm lucky to have met you here! I can be hard on myself. mmm... spare room... France.... mmmmmmm.... I'm dreamin' away already.
Jessie61 Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Thanks for the encouragement Jessie! I'm lucky to have met you here! I can be hard on myself. mmm... spare room... France.... mmmmmmm.... I'm dreamin' away already. Yes, I can be hard on myself sometimes... But I have learnt that a tiny bit of ass KICKING (please note: not kissing!!! ) is good, but too much is only counter productive; acknowledge where you could have done things differently, move on and try harder the next time. That is my motto these days! France in the summer? All I can say is "oh la la..." :laugh: (See!!! NO bunnies!!!!)
Author zarathustra Posted June 9, 2006 Author Posted June 9, 2006 Yes, I can be hard on myself sometimes... But I have learnt that a tiny bit of ass KICKING (please note: not kissing!!! ) is good, but too much is only counter productive; acknowledge where you could have done things differently, move on and try harder the next time. That is my motto these days!I will hit my golf ball imagining that I'm hitting him with my clubs... just kidding. I've tried that but I kept missing the ball when I do that... with all your help, I know where I've done things wrong (my temper and aim for getting things right get the better of me) and I will work hard not to repeat my mistakes. You are all so AWESOME!!! France in the summer? All I can say is "oh la la..." :laugh: I will dream of it. hmmm... work gets busy for us non-perm folks during that time. We need to pick up the summer slack for those perm folks who vacation with their kids and such. The knowledge that I have somewhere to go if I'm in huge need is phenomenal and I thank you for you kindness, generous heart! (See!!! NO bunnies!!!!)LMAO!!
movinon05 Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Zara, you are allowed to feel what you feel. But you just have to try not to show it. Only when you are in private and keep insisting on what you want. I don't know if it will ever work, but we all know you don't deserve this and he is a prick! Just keep remembering that! Love you, Now I'm off to my date! (the other guy is not every happy I can't see him tonight). He even said he hopes I don't have another date!! lol. But I just made it clear I need time to make my plans and he should have said something last night. I think he's wimpering right now!! Talk to you tomorrow girls.
silktricks Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I will hit my golf ball imagining that I'm hitting him with my clubs... just kidding. I've tried that but I kept missing the ball when I do that... I used to go to a tennis court - the balls were bigger, and so were the rackets!! (chopping wood and picturing my now ex's face worked wonders too.)
scarletletter Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I think you are handling the situation really well considering that you have to work with the SOB. It must be pure hell to have to do that. I would probably be the biggest bitch on Earth to him and try to sabotage him in some way....I'm very immature when I have been hurt. Keep up the good work, so you showed a little sarcasm...big deal. I'm sure you couldn't help yourself. I think you will do fine....as Dori says in Finding Nemo..."just keep swimming, just keep swimming...."
Meaplus3 Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 So get this guys and gals. I sent a template off to xMM... very work related. So he sends it out to the team and gave me a correction. So I modified and sent the corrected version back saying, "I removed the items... happy?" then I get bombarded with emails saying how he's happy with or without the corrections and these are minor things in his life (do I look like I f***ing care?), then he asked if my colleague know and appreciate me for the amount of work I do for them? WTF!!! So I just said, I'm paid to do my job and its not important if the work I do is appreciated or not. Then he emails back, 'I think we all want to do jobs that are appreciated at the end of the day, may be you are different?' Do I look like I want to strike up a f***ing conversation?!?? So I just ignored it, right. Then he IMs me apologizing for being an ass. So I ask with what he's refering to? and he said that he wanted to apologize for not appreciating my efforts and for criticizing me, blah blah blah. I just said that I didn't know that he was being critical and put my IM on Do Not Disturb. Do you think he'll get it now? f***!! What is wrong with him?!?? Oh I don't envy you at all, it must be so difficult to have to see this MM everyday at work! Well if you think that's bad try living nextdoor to the MM! I have to see him out and about everyday and have the temptation of peeking out my windows to catch a glimpse of him when hes not out and also to just show up at his door step, it is incredibly TOUGH!!! It sound's like you are doing a GREAT job handling this situation, even though it's very difficult! I think it's just fine for you to have these feeling's as long as you stay strong and try not to show them, remain professional and you will be the one to come out of this smelling like a rose. Best of luck yo you. AP
lovernotafighter Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 Zara much love to you...I totally relate! as you know I have to go back to work with my exMM next week and like a fool I sent him a e-mail to cushion the blow...see he is going to be MY supervisor now and to be honest I'm scared s***less...well maybe not that extreme but it's also the week of my birthday and I just know he's going to ruin my day for me. Zara keep up the good fight..you have been doing great and are really a inspiration to many of us..if you want to email and t-off on me your more than welcome..vent away. just never let him see you sweat girl,your way WAY to good for him.
bevybaby Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 ....as Dori says in Finding Nemo..."just keep swimming, just keep swimming...." Scarlett... I was just singing that today myself to get over my NC hump... My darling, Zara!!!! That jerkoff need a good kick in the dingaling from you and all of us "Super Vaginas" on LS!!!! One at a time...line up!!! I wish I had an ounce of wisdom that hasnt already been said, but I wanted to give you a pat on the back for not running over there and chucking a stapler at em...'casue I would've...BTW, I think I've entered the RAGE section of my grief...can ya tell? I'm here for ya! My MM broke NC today..why? I dont know...he likes to make sure nobody is mad at him. ya know, aaallllll has to be right with his OMW or he cant sleep at night. Yeah, right he wanted his ego stroked among other things Im sure. Chin up...hugs!!
scarletletter Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 Scarlett... I was just singing that today myself to get over my NC hump... That has become my new theme song.....I chant it all the time for many reasons....gets me in a better mood.
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