silentcharon Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 This is going to be a bit of a rant. My ex and I are still friends- strictly friends. We hang out occasionally, probably more often than we should be, and there is no sex involved. I don't know if that is relevant, but I thought I'd tell you the extent of our "friendship". Anyway. Last weekend, I had to go out of town and I asked my ex to water my plants once while I was gone. He agreed, and I gave him my key. I went out of town as planned, and came back on sunday. I spent the night at his place as I was too tired to go home after picking up my key. My ex told me he put my key back on my key chain in the key box before he left for work the next morning. I told him thanks for watering my plants and went back to sleep. When I got up, I grabbed my keys and left for my house. When I was searching for my key, with surprise, I came across his spare key on MY KEY CHAIN. WTF? He put it on the morning before he left for work, I know that much because I gave him my key to his house before I moved out (that key became the spare key.). I could care less about him right now- if you read my previous post, I don't wonder whether he's coming back or not, I am just enjoying whatever comes my way right now. I am just a little grumpy about it because I feel like I have to ask him why he put his spare key on my key chain. It's his house, not mine. I haven't said anything, and he hasn't said anything about it yet. It's just too weird for me, I don't expect him having ulterior motives behind his actions with the key. But what the hell is up with that? And lately, whenever I come over his house to hang out with him, renting movies and whatnot, when it gets late, he asks me if I want to stay overnight. If my answer is, Sure, he'd be like, well, ok, then, I have to go to bed early because I have to be up for work early, so are you coming to bed? My answer is always no, that's okay, I'll sleep on the couch. I love him, I always will, but I refuse to give him what he wants, because after all, he's the one who dumped me. Sorry, if I sound bitter, it's just that, I thought we were only friends and he's driving me up the wall. We're not dating anymore, why should I sleep in the same bed I've slept with him for so long? Why should I have his spare key, because it's his house? Why should I have to put up with it when he tries to cuddle with me on his or my couch? It's awkward for me. I don't know. I can handle being just friends with him, but his actions are driving me crazy. I don't want to talk to him about anything relationship related, because, you know, if he wants to talk, he'll talk, right? So, should I continue putting up with this stuff and bide my time? I want to ask him why he's been doing all those little things, whether his answers are, at least I'll have answers. I don't intend to use the spare key at all, I respect his space and all, so right now it's just hanging on my key rack. Has anyone experienced this before? Sorry if this post is confusing, this is the best I can explain what's been going on.
Diver012 Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 This is why I dont do the friends with the EX bit. Especially after a long relationship. Its very very rare that 2 people are able to be just friends after a breakup. I would just walk away and move on with your life. My own situation, I dont know that many people here. Im not really friends with many people here. I moved here to start a new life, and found what I thought would have been a cool friend to hang out with. It turned into a romance... then into Love.. then into s***. I would rather spend Friday Night hanging out at teh house, by my self, then spend it with someone that dumped me. No thanks. OUt of sight, out of mind.
In Sync Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 no..I've never experienced this before but I don't understand something...why you can't ask him these questions that you ask here? I mean you two seemed to be on good terms, in fact very good terms..so why can't you talk openly with him. What would be the worse thing that could happen if you let him know how you truly felt or was wondering..otherwise you are sitting on all these unspoken questions throughout your new friendship and isn't that like pretending things are fine as they as when it's not?
Author silentcharon Posted June 10, 2006 Author Posted June 10, 2006 no..I've never experienced this before but I don't understand something...why you can't ask him these questions that you ask here? I mean you two seemed to be on good terms, in fact very good terms..so why can't you talk openly with him. What would be the worse thing that could happen if you let him know how you truly felt or was wondering..otherwise you are sitting on all these unspoken questions throughout your new friendship and isn't that like pretending things are fine as they as when it's not? We are on good terms. I just don't want to talk to him, about the relationship because he did ask for his space. I don't really want to be the one to break the ice, so to speak, and I'm afraid of jeopardizing our friendship. I'm fine with the way things are right now. I'm afraid if I ask about the key or whatever else, he might run. I talked to him and made it clear that I wanted to try again someday. That was once a few months ago and that was it. He said he didn't know, and didn't want to be with me right now, and he wanted to figure out how he has screwed up his life, and fix it. I'm trying not to have the rubber band thing happen, I guess. I suppose the real question I should probably ask him, what does he expect out of the friendship right now? It's almost as if he wants to be with me, but minus the commitment. Right now, I'm basically making him sleep in the bed he made for himself. It feels like he's trying to test me, to see how I would react. I feel as though he's leaving hints, for me to wonder about, so I end up being the one asking him questions, and I don't want to do that. I feel that since he was the one who ended the relationship, he should be the one who has to tell me what he wants, as I can't figure out what he wants for him. Besides, even if I could ask, what do I say? "Why did you put your spare key on my keychain without my knowledge?" "Why do you ask me if I'm coming to bed whenever I stay over?" "We're just friends, right?" Blah.
Author silentcharon Posted June 10, 2006 Author Posted June 10, 2006 This is why I dont do the friends with the EX bit. Especially after a long relationship. Its very very rare that 2 people are able to be just friends after a breakup. I would just walk away and move on with your life. My own situation, I dont know that many people here. Im not really friends with many people here. I moved here to start a new life, and found what I thought would have been a cool friend to hang out with. It turned into a romance... then into Love.. then into s***. I would rather spend Friday Night hanging out at teh house, by my self, then spend it with someone that dumped me. No thanks. OUt of sight, out of mind. I guess, we're rare then. I am slowly moving on with my life, and yes, everyone's different. As long as we still enjoy each others company, I don't think theres anything wrong with hanging out occasionally. It may be so that you would rather spend friday night by yourself, than spend it with your ex. Some people are like that, some people aren't. I don't have a problem with my ex, as we never parted on bad terms, so I don't mind spending friday night with him. It probably would be different if the break up was nasty, that we weren't on speaking terms or whatever, I would definitely agree with you. Good luck with your new life, that must be so hard moving to a new city!
In Sync Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 We are on good terms. I just don't want to talk to him, about the relationship because he did ask for his space. I don't really want to be the one to break the ice, so to speak, and I'm afraid of jeopardizing our friendship. I'm fine with the way things are right now. I'm afraid if I ask about the key or whatever else, he might run. I talked to him and made it clear that I wanted to try again someday. That was once a few months ago and that was it. He said he didn't know, and didn't want to be with me right now, and he wanted to figure out how he has screwed up his life, and fix it. I'm trying not to have the rubber band thing happen, I guess. I suppose the real question I should probably ask him, what does he expect out of the friendship right now? It's almost as if he wants to be with me, but minus the commitment. Right now, I'm basically making him sleep in the bed he made for himself. It feels like he's trying to test me, to see how I would react. I feel as though he's leaving hints, for me to wonder about, so I end up being the one asking him questions, and I don't want to do that. I feel that since he was the one who ended the relationship, he should be the one who has to tell me what he wants, as I can't figure out what he wants for him. Besides, even if I could ask, what do I say? "Why did you put your spare key on my keychain without my knowledge?" "Why do you ask me if I'm coming to bed whenever I stay over?" "We're just friends, right?" Blah. I suppose if this arrangement works for you then it makes sense....you don't want to jeopodize what you have...it just seems like you are squashing what you want/need to know, and so you carry the weight of not upsetting the relationship. That makes it easy for him in the long run. Only if you are friends carefully ignoring the pink elephant will always leaves you pondering. Understandably you want to give him space. Maybe for a while as a friend you should give him some literal space and not place yourself in a situation that leaves you ambivilent. Leaving him to determine what he wants allows him to dictate the course of your place in this relationship..and unless you speak up, your fate with him is in his hands.
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