RealBroken Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 OK, this kinda contributed probably only to 0.5% of our breakup but its really getting to me coz it was never fully resolved. ie she never apologised! We came home from a party I climbed into bed, she was on her way in to bed too. I notice she is wearing a t-shirt 3 sizes too big for her as night wear and ive never seen it before. I question where it came from, she changes the subject. I ask again. She says its her ex (of 3 years before me). I ask her to change it with another t-shirt. She gets s***ty and says "it doesnt mean anything!" Now i just felt really uncomfortable. I couldnt even put my arms round her. She was in another guys clothes who she once loved. Am i being weird or wld you find it just not right too? She did change it, but i was so weirded out and kinda angry that i still couldnt be affectionate that night. oh and we had been to a party that night which consisted of all her ex's old crowd whom they hung out with. Ex wasnt there,.... was overseas. Another thing.... was it a fluke..... that she wore the t-shirt that night that memories of the ex probably arose. or was it deliberate. i dont think it would be deliberate, she wasnt like that, but what the hell is the thinkin behind it. it just shocked me. Did i over react? I didnt get angry, i asked her nicely..... well tried. Tell me what u think.... its haunting me.
Author RealBroken Posted June 9, 2006 Author Posted June 9, 2006 she claimed an innocent mistake. and that i shouldnt get upset coz her hearts with me. it was just i'd never seen it before. i know i wouldnt wear an ex's t-shirt to bed with my girlfriend purely on principle.
riobikini Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 It was silly. It's sad that it caused a breakup. It's fixable. But you *both* seemed to have handled it in an immature way and have some growing up to do. Make an sincere apology and see how that goes, -at least, it's a good start. -Rio
Buttaflyy Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I think your the one who owes the apology. It's just a shirt and it's not that serious. You definitley shouldn't have let it bother you. Can you call her now to make up? This is too small to break up over. Be sensitive and apologize to her. Tell her that you were upset because it was "his" shirt and that you realise now that since she is with you "he" shouldn't matter. Especially once she took it off to please you couldn't you just ignore it?
Author RealBroken Posted June 9, 2006 Author Posted June 9, 2006 It didnt cause the break up, was just a small incodent that happened before the break up. i just felt uncomfortable about it. Like really uncanny. It wasnt nice. I asked her politely, didnt make a scene. its just kind of bugged me. I think i was mature about it. i have talked to a few people. Somethink its outrageous that she even contemplated wearing it, others dont see it as a problem. i just didnt enjoy the experience. It clears everything though. Its a matter of whom you are. Wearin the t-shirt during the day.... who cares. But we were about to be intimate......... nup sorry, not wearing your e's t-shirt im not. Feels weird. NO i dont think its a matter of GROWING UP at all!
Tim'sAngel Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Ok, this is just a T-shirt!! If it was like his boxers or maybe a picture of him or something like that, that might be just a little more understandable, but its a T-shirt!! I have like 2 or 3 shirts I still wear that prolly belonged to some guys I used to date and I like wearing big T's to sleep in. My SO is alwyas complaining because I wear his good shirts to sleep in. I think you should calm down. I think you made waaaaay too big of a deal about it. If your going to be upset about an ex it should be if she is obviously missing him or had reunited w/him or something more serious, but sorry, I just can't feel sorry for you on this one. I think you owe her an apology for being so immature.
Author RealBroken Posted June 9, 2006 Author Posted June 9, 2006 0.5 % means a very very very very small fraction almost 0!!!! cause of the break up. Just for those who dont do maths. ( :
rkman Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 You both need put your pride aside. I can understand how it would bother completely, basically in your mind you're going to bed with him and her with that t-shirt on. If you mean that much to someone, throwing away a t-shirt which was 'innocently' kept from a former lover is the least a person could do for you. At the same time, there are better ways to approach the situation, but the again, that's life. I'm sure this contributed to the breakup as your demonstrated to her something which she either; a) did not find attractive b) felt you forcing her to let go of something and let go of you instead. If this is the case, she isn't ready for you anyways.
Author RealBroken Posted June 9, 2006 Author Posted June 9, 2006 Hmmmm, is funny. So many other people have thought it wasnt right. And that it should never have happened. ?????????????? Oh well it happend 6 months ago. It was just on my mind for a bit. Thought i'd get some more feedback. Nope she's not gettin an apology. It didnt cause an argument or anything. Was no big deal,... has just bin on my mind tonight if i felt uncomfortable with it, then ppl need to respect those things, so yeah i believed it needed to come off,..... but is interesting how it wouldnt effect others. I think maybe the thing in my mind was cause by the fact that lately he was just everywhere, on her phone, in peoples conversations, at the pub,...... couldnt dance with her coz wld be unfair on him etc etc. it was all timed wrong, then she put the shirt on. Ah nevermind. Its not even a major.
Author RealBroken Posted June 9, 2006 Author Posted June 9, 2006 thankyou RKMAN.... i knew i wasnt alone!!! How could i have approached it better. I was polite and nice. ????? an example????
Buttaflyy Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 It didnt cause the break up, was just a small incodent that happened before the break up. i just felt uncomfortable about it. Like really uncanny. It wasnt nice. I asked her politely, didnt make a scene. its just kind of bugged me. I think i was mature about it. i have talked to a few people. Somethink its outrageous that she even contemplated wearing it, others dont see it as a problem. i just didnt enjoy the experience. It clears everything though. Its a matter of whom you are. Wearin the t-shirt during the day.... who cares. But we were about to be intimate......... nup sorry, not wearing your e's t-shirt im not. Feels weird. NO i dont think its a matter of GROWING UP at all! So if it didn't cause the breakup, why are you asking about that one incident? Initially, you mentioned that u expected an apology from her. I thought maybe this apology might cause u two to reconcile. What's the real question here? Is it really about the shirt?
rkman Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 thankyou RKMAN.... i knew i wasnt alone!!! How could i have approached it better. I was polite and nice. ????? an example???? That's the difficult part. See jealousy is unattractive but not often unfounded. As people we deserve respect and we must respect each other. Your partner needs to respect you by understanding your feelings. Women tend to feel before they think, hence the introduction of a heated argument if approached incorrectly. The best approach is probably to deal with it once. While making her a ncie breakfast the next day (ie pampering her and making her happy) introduce your feelings on the matter. Asking her to take it off, she will feel that you are pushing her around. Say it straight out how you feel as opposed to what you want. Sometimes we need to sacrifice ourselves for a short period of time to help our partners grow. From this perspective you approaching self-reflection and making yourself a better person for your future partner (VERY IMPORTANT). From another perspective, don't dwell on this as the pivotal issue behind your breakup.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Hmmmm, is funny. So many other people have thought it wasnt right. And that it should never have happened. ?????????????? Oh well it happend 6 months ago. It was just on my mind for a bit. Thought i'd get some more feedback. Nope she's not gettin an apology. It didnt cause an argument or anything. Was no big deal,... has just bin on my mind tonight if i felt uncomfortable with it, then ppl need to respect those things, so yeah i believed it needed to come off,..... but is interesting how it wouldnt effect others. I think maybe the thing in my mind was cause by the fact that lately he was just everywhere, on her phone, in peoples conversations, at the pub,...... couldnt dance with her coz wld be unfair on him etc etc. it was all timed wrong, then she put the shirt on. Ah nevermind. Its not even a major. Hmmm sounds to me like you were just looking for someone to agree w/you, not anyones genuine thoughts on the situation... *Sigh* yet another case of posting a question, but getting upset when your responces aren't what you want to hear... we get alot of that here on LS.
destination_unknown Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Actually, I think it was a bit inconsiderate of her to make a big deal of taking off the T as well. It may very well have been innocent for her but she should have understood that her boyfriend felt uncomfortable with it.
riobikini Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 Turn for (mostly) the ladies: if it had been expensive diamonds (around her neck, on her wrist, dripping off her ears) that her ex boyfriend gave her, and she wore them to some event with her new beau, -would anyone here see a problem in the new beau asking her to take them off? No attempt to hijack the thread, -but just curious. -Rio
Tim'sAngel Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 Turn for (mostly) the ladies: if it had been expensive diamonds (around her neck, on her wrist, dripping off her ears) that her ex boyfriend gave her, and she wore them to some event with her new beau, -would anyone here see a problem in the new beau asking her to take them off? No attempt to hijack the thread, -but just curious. -Rio Um......Yes
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