hucklebuck Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I really didn't want this to be long, because I knew no one would read it. But how else am I going to get it all out? I'm at a loss. This is my first relationship ever, going on almost 3 years. I have no other friends except for him, so a lot of pressure is put on the relationship. He has no friends either, so it is very hard. We can't seem to get along for more than a day. We don't even live together. It seems to be getting worse. Something always happens. For example the other night we were about to go to bed at my place, when we started talking about the renovations being done in my room. I had sketched out a rough draft of what I wanted it to be like, when he argued that my TV and bed were too close together. I said that I would measure and be sure, and was getting a little anxious because if it wasn't that way, I'd have to re-think everything and that idea just seemed perfect. So we keep arguing about it until he finds some measuring tape and measures it. Turns out he's right, it won't work. So then we keep arguing and I tell him I don't want to talk about it because I didn't really want to get into an argument. He tells me that I never want to talk about anything, so nothing gets done. (He's right, that is very true about me) He keeps arguing and I get upset. I stop talking and he decides to leave. It makes me so sad, and angry, and afterwards I start thinking how this time when we make up it will be different, I will try hard to make it right. But it never works....the cycle goes on. It has been happening weekly now. He's the only close person I have, without him I'm all by myself, which is incredibly scary. I have depression and anxiety and would be terrified if I hurt myself again. We both know all of this too, we talk about it. Seems like we're stuck together because we have no one else, and all there is to do is stay together until someone else comes along, if that ever happens. We went to counselling, she told us we need other activities and friends, which seems very hard. I am extremely introverted and shy, and he has a job at home so he doesn't really meet many people. I have no idea what to do, I can't think about it because it just breaks my heart. But I know it can't go on like this.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I really didn't want this to be long, because I knew no one would read it. But how else am I going to get it all out? No post is too long (well, unless it takes up more than a page ) If you have something to say, say it, if you have something to ask, ask it! I'm at a loss. This is my first relationship ever, going on almost 3 years. I have no other friends except for him, so a lot of pressure is put on the relationship. He has no friends either, so it is very hard. We can't seem to get along for more than a day. We don't even live together. It seems to be getting worse. Something always happen. Are you planning on marrying this man? If you guys can't get along for a day, how are you ever going to plan on living w/him? For example the other night we were about to go to bed at my place, when we started talking about the renovations being done in my room. I had sketched out a rough draft of what I wanted it to be like, when he argued that my TV and bed were too close together. I said that I would measure and be sure, and was getting a little anxious because if it wasn't that way, I'd have to re-think everything and that idea just seemed perfect. So we keep arguing about it until he finds some measuring tape and measures it. Turns out he's right, it won't work. So then we keep arguing and I tell him I don't want to talk about it because I didn't really want to get into an argument. He tells me that I never want to talk about anything, so nothing gets done. (He's right, that is very true about me) He keeps arguing and I get upset. I stop talking and he decides to leave. That vaguely reminds me of me and my SO. He always wants to talk things out, and I just want to drop it. I think we both need to give a little, but that won't work unless we agree on it. It makes me so sad, and angry, and afterwards I start thinking how this time when we make up it will be different, I will try hard to make it right. But it never works....the cycle goes on. It has been happening weekly now. It seems all those who think this way are usually sadly wrong. If you guys don't work on your differences, how will you ever solve them? It is NOT about making up, it is about learning from past mistakes and being willing admit when your wrong, and work work work on it!! He's the only close person I have, without him I'm all by myself, which is incredibly scary. I have depression and anxiety and would be terrified if I hurt myself again. We both know all of this too, we talk about it. Seems like we're stuck together because we have no one else, and all there is to do is stay together until someone else comes along, if that ever happens. That is an unhealthy way of thinking. That will put so much pressure on your relationship you won't be able to stand each other!! So your just staying together until you both meet other people to date? I really hope I read that wrong because it already looks like you guys have sealed the deal. We went to counselling, she told us we need other activities and friends, which seems very hard. I am extremely introverted and shy, and he has a job at home so he doesn't really meet many people. I couldn't agree more!! I think the two of you should go out more often, go meet new people. Don't be afraid to talk to other people and find common interest. Ther comes a time when you have to help yourself. It is very vital you both have your own friends. Did you guys just move to a new area? Do you not have any childhood or family friends you grew up with? I have no idea what to do, I can't think about it because it just breaks my heart. But I know it can't go on like this. No, it can't. I don't want to be the one that screams "Break up!!" but it really sounds like you guys aren't very compatible with each other. Maybe you guys should step back and take a break from the relationship. It sounds like you really need to learn how live alone (emotionally) and not be so dependant. I don't think dependancy in relationships is ever a good thing. Listen to your counseler!!
leftinlincoln Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I'm going through some of the same things right now . . . having made someone my life and not knowing who else to turn to for help (wanting to call him, but knowing I shouldn't) . . . I'm getting individual counselling and maybe that's what you need to work on your own issues and why you would stay with someone who does not make you happy . . .
Love Hurts Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 That is the first step............. doing things you do not normally do. When you do the same old things - you get the same old things. Breaking that cycle is the new door opening. One door at a time. It can be a slow process. Know one step in the right direction is a new begining. Backwards, shy, depression. These are tools that keep you in a frozen state of being. Know it is more difficult for you........... you have to push yourself even harder. Find a support group for women with depression. You will feel comfortable talking about your feelings and lifestyle. You can begin to go out with women having something in common with them. It's a start... and the world can slowly begin to turn from there. One step at a time.
beautifulnpink22 Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I understand that you are shy because I am the same way. What you can do is think of somethings that you would like to do solo. Like if you wanted to you can join a club, you can go to the gym which that will help release a lot of your stress. Or you can do things like go the park, take a walk somewhere, basically anything that doesn't involve being with your boyfriend all the time. Do things that only you like to do, and I guarantee you it will help you to meet people. Go online and look up some things that you can do. Good Luck! Keep us posted.
michmash81 Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Wow sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. I agree w/what one of the ladies said about you should get counseling yourself and deal w/yourself that way. You guys both need to make new friends. Friends are what help you through everything trust me I know. I was once that shy person until I met the right people and started selling Avon you have to make yourself you have to want to do it. It will work out. Do you still care for your boyfriend? Everyone has problems relationships are not easy just takes time and effort. You guys can't stay together for the simple fact of being afraid to be alone that won't work that will tear you both up in the long run. If you need my email address I will give it to you and we can chat.. Let me know
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