longcut11 Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I need some advice and don't know where to turn..I was in a relationship for 7 years and about 2 months ago, my girlfriend broke up with me. It was kind of sudden and she never really explained why she was breaking up. We had a pretty good relationship, it was sort of long distance and we fought sometimes but all in all we seemed pretty happy. Now I don't know what to do with myself. I feel depressed and confused. She doesn't seem to care that we are over, she is going out all the time, with some of my old friends I might add. The hardest part about all this is that with the internet I know to much about what she is doing. With instant messengers and myspace and whatnot, I know way to much, I want to stop looking at all this but its really hard, because I am still in love and she was my best friend and my life for seven years. I am worried about who she is with and what she is doing. I know all the old cliches about it takes time and all that but I just feel sick all the time. I don't neccissarily want to get back with her because if she is happier without me then I'm glad shes happy, but I also have selfish feelings that make me upset, like that I'm jealous because I feel like she will be happy and I won't. I'm sorry this is so long but I just want to know if there are more people out there who have gone through this, She was my best friend and my life for 7 years, I don't know what to do, I know it takes time, but I just miss my friend, and I loved being in the relationship I was in. Any advice would be great...thanks
allina Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Sadly there is nothing you can really do, it just takes time. However, the fact that she is going out a lot does not necessarily mean that she is happy without you, it's just her way of coping with the end of a long relationship. Things like going out and seeing friends are good things to do when going through a breakup because they cheer you up, get you out of the house, and take your mind off the pain. You should try to do the same thing, spend some time with friends, try to stay busy. Take care.
Author longcut11 Posted June 9, 2006 Author Posted June 9, 2006 Thank you for the post, and I agree that I should go out and stay busy, but I've lost all interest in the things I like to do, I'm a big movie and music buff, but lately I try to watch a movie and I just turn it off, I listen to music and it just sounds bland. I was supposed to hang out with some friend tonight after work, and was actually excited to do it because I haven't hung out with them in a while, but when I got home they were already here, and then I didn't feel like hanging out. instead I just kept checking her away message. And I hate these feelings, because I am the type of person who feels as though I'm in control, If something is going on with my life I can deal with it, but there I was not 2 hours ago sitting at my computer desk, checking up on her, and I didn't even want to, I would get up and leave the room and then I would just walk back in five minutes later and check again. I feel like a psycho. And the most frustrating and ironic part is, that when I feel upset she is the one I talked to, I just want to call her up and explain why I am feeling sad, but of course I can't because she is the reason I'm feeling sad. It's like a bad dream and my stomach is in knots. And I'm trying really hard to stay busy because I know that would probably help, but I feel as though I am staying busy and its effecting everything. I just got back into school after four years, and I have a full time job. I though school would help and it did at first, but this morning I missed class and I have no idea why. I just woke up and didn't want to go, I didn't feel like getting up. And the reason I dropped out of school the first time was because I never went to class, so it really scares me that I will do the same thing. Sorry to ramble on again, just trying to get it all out there. Thank you for your advice
allina Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I know it's hard but sometimes you just have to force yourself to get out and do something. Sitting there checking her away message is torture. I was just thinking today of how the internet makes breakups worse and more awkward, because you can use it to see if they are home, what they have been doing and so on. Do yourself a favor and drag yourself away from the computer, you are going to drive yourself insane. Man, I need to take my own advice.
Author longcut11 Posted June 9, 2006 Author Posted June 9, 2006 I know, and thats the worst part, I know that I shouldn't be sitting at my computer all night, but sure enough here I am. And I don't want to but I can't shake all these feelings. Like I said I am just really frustrated with the way I feel. Friends have tried to give me advice and say things like you deserve better and you are better off without her, and those things should make me feel better, but instead I resent those friends, and in my head say "well they don't know her like I do" "they can't see how great she is." And thats the most terrible part, I'm not usually like that, if someone is trying to help me I appreciate it, but I find myself angry. It's like I want advice from everyone then I get mad when they give it. Which is really ironic seeing as how I'm asking advice here on this website. I don't know, I really do appreciate people trying to help, but I guess I'm looking for something to immediately take the pain away, and I know that won't happen, just wishful thinking I guess. I'm just in this weird cycle because I know what advice everyone is going to give, it takes time, stay busy, you're better off, you'll move on and have a great life. And I know its good advice. But I just can't accept it. I'm almost wanting someone to say "she was the only good thing you had going in your life and its gonna suck without her" just to verify the way I'm feeling. I guess that sounds stupid. I guess everything I'm saying sounds pretty stupid, sorry to go off on yet another rant. I just want to try to explain everything to everyone even though when I try to do that my thoughts go a thousand different ways. Thank you for talking, despite what I'm saying and feeling right now, it does help a lot.
clamchowderz Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 i can relate to how you feel about the internet making a breakup harder because of the access to things like myspace, facebook and AIM. I have always hated those programs because they always made me think of my ex as someone else, the person i saw on those websites was not the person i was with. what i did to get over looking at those sites was to block her on AIM, if you dont want to block her then put up an away message saying "out" something simple. as for the others its just a matter of self-control.
Guest Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 Be careful not to fall into deep depression. It is good to vent out in sites like this one and with your friends. However, such opinions, though good, are biased and thats why you recent them. If you cant do it on your own, I know its hard, get help from a professional (Pshycologist) they can be very helpful and can root out the real reason for your sadness. No shame in that.They can help you put things into perspective. You may be surprised to know that she is not the only reason why you are so sad. Insecurities related to your past and low self esteem (you may not be aware of) are mostly present. You need to be strong and confident! Think about yourself first and then everyone else incuding her. Set goals such as not to check up on her for a 2 days and increase the time gradually. It is time to heal my friend, you have been hit really hard and need to stand tall up like the man you are. Good luck!!
katherine123 Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 I was in a relationship for 5 years and I was head over heels in love with this guy and we even had a child together. We had problems like any other couple and when we broke up, I sat at home all day and cried. I would have liked to say I got over him really quick, but the best thing I did was I focused more on school, friends, and work. They say time heals, but let me tell ya, it also gives you a lot of time to dwell on things that could have been because me and my ex had talked about getting married and all. Hope everything works out well for ya though.
norajane Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 I'm sorry, sweets...that's a long time to be together. And for her to break-up after all those years together without much of an explanation is pretty lame. You know yourself that time is the only thing that will help. Your real problem is what to do with yourself during that time. First, REMOVE her from your AIM or whatever program you use. Blocking just means she can't see you online, but you can see her...REMOVE her so you can't see her anymore. Then, when you plan to get together with your friends, GET OUT of the house. You've seen what happens when they hang out at your place - you can't get away from the computer. Make plans (and stick to them) to get out of the house, even if it's only for a little while. This is a 'one day at a time' process. Some days you'll feel stronger than others. Expect to have setbacks, but make sure you also notice when you are feeling stronger and hold on to the feeling. Try to focus on little things each day that make you feel good, even if it's just something small like paying all your bills or finishing a project. Volunteering also works wonders. When you're helping other people, whether it be tutoring, planting trees, painting fences, building a playground...whatever, you tend to focus less on yourself and it makes you feel better. Good luck.
Guest Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 I know exactly how you feel... i feel like im in the phase of going through a break up - but its not one sided mutually decided possibly.. weve been together 3 years but my parents are driving us apart... he lives with us and since he's moved in with us its been going downhill and its to the point where our problems and my parents problems have damped our relationship and its leading to a tragic break up.,.. i know how u feel because he is my whole life and i don't know life without him in it.. i don't know life with seeing him every night and being with him .... chances are he will move out and that feels like were getting a divorce.. its heart breaking and i don't know how to react or let go.... i know exactly how you feel.. i just don't know how to let go.. or let it be... we havent broken up yet but its just lingerin around waiting to happen... my hearts breaking....and to top it off the internet is hell... constantly luring us...
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