In need of..

[KNP]

I really am, Hi everyone! I'm Nikki I'm 18 Just turned 18 Wednesday June 7th. Anyways.. I have been looking for a site like this for a long time. I just need some questions answered with out having to go to friends. I just graduated High School and have been in a relationship for over a year and a half. Both of His parents are passed away.

 

We have started having bad problems since day one. The largest issuse i guess right now would be lies, sex, and a money issue. He will lie over stupid stuff (as i have read alot of us have this problem) and its as bad as he jepordised (sp) our relationship to lie over Porn and that goes with the "Money issuse"

 

We both work full time jobs I work in a Dermatology office and he works with my father at a hardware. He brings home ALOT of money and i make a good bit myself.. but his money was "Missing" alot as matter of fact and i know he dont have that "many" bills but he would end up broke in 3 days? and I would have to pay for EVERYTHING and he will smoke my cigarettes and hes 22 years old. and I got some money for grad. and I have spent alot of it on him.. well i found the porn he has lied tome about FOR EVER now and it hurt me so bad. and this has been VERY recent (Not that i cared for him watching it but the money he was sending alot of it to that crap) and i found the check stubb (he still dont know that) that said that he had sent it off to PlayBoy.

 

I confronted him about that and he swore up and down he "never" sent money.. After i already knew!! We fought that one out but not EVEN a week later well i went to his house for lunch one day went to throw my stuff in the trash can and i seen the "bunny" on an envolope (sp) and he SWORE he NEVER sent money to them and dontknow "How" it got sent to him ..

 

When i found that it tore me up bad!! and on the letter from playboy it said "Thank you for your address change" because he moved here from another county to be closer to me and work. and i wrote him a note and it had a few choice words on it and our picture and i layed it on his bed. and his excuse for that was he gets "lonly" I'll be honest We have sex and he knows he can have it any time he wants.

 

I just dont understand. Maybe some of yall do. but i will spend about 200.00 a week just on him and I to eat and things we need. And I'm not rich neither is my family were not poor by no means but we was all tought work for what you have and be proud of it. I'm not proud of myself nor the things i spend my money on..

 

I hold on to the "Past" alot. My 11th grade year prom he danced with a friend of mine because i got asked to slow dance with a guy friend. A few days after prom the girl he danced with decided to tell me that her breast came out of her dress and he seen. Well that bothered me alot also. We tried to hook her up with his cousin and we 3 wayed my boyfriend one night and he didnt know i was on the phone. So his cousin had a crush on me and asked if the other girl looked like me and hunny said NO! but she sure as hell as bigger boobs .. my heart sank... And i hung up.. we had problems soon after that and i think they was "talking" Hunny and her... and we started having problems and he told me if i went to college i could forget him but if i stayed then i could have him. I should have used that as my ticket to get out of the mess. That girl to this day will still hang all over him and i think he likes the att. When all this went on with this girl it was over a year ago.. but still he says forgive.. but like the song says

 

Well that's a mighty big word for such a small man

And I'm not sure I can

Cause I don't even know now who I am

It's too soon for me to say...forgive..

 

ITs a messed up situation theres alot more but one more thing hes been engaged before me.. and lived with her... but he had a "Chick friend" and I knew they had, had sex before and she came into his home town after being gone and i said when am i going to meet her.. he said i guess when you see us in town..

 

Ladies and Gents,

 

I'm no saint but i dont know what to do.. to many tears have been cried and when he moved over here he said when i live in ____________ I wasnt ever really serious about us.. and well i dont think im serious anymore..

[youngNold]

I can understand your problems as I to am having trust trouble with my Wife. after 3 years and 8 months of marriage I a finding lots of stuff out I wish I kenw before. Just make sure you know what you want before you make a decision. I am no love doctor or expert but it sounds like he is not as worried about making you happy like you do him.I wish you the best of luck.

[AussieChick]

Why are you still with this guy? It doesn't sound like he even likes you - let alone loves you! Is he really all that wonderful that he says that if you choose to go to college you can't have him, but if you stay there you can! (like lucky you...) He doesn't want you going to college because you would be bound to meet a wonderful, caring, loving intelligent man who would make him look like the schmuck he is! As for all the money you are spending on him - stop.

 

I know that what I have said sounds harsh, and straight to the point - but while you are spending all your hard earned cash keeping him fed and watered, and pandering to his 'you can't live without me' crap - he will continue indulging in his porn, and whatever else he's spending his money on.

 

Please have a serious think about what you are getting from this relationship compared to what you are putting in!

[jerbear]

College changes people, he was the "bad" boy that attracted you to him, now life is changing for you. You want to get educated while he wants the status quo.

 

Now you are changing prospects by going to college. It may or may not be for you but temporarily it will be hard. Once you get a degree, it can not be taken away from you. He can be taken away from you; as in going to leave you and move somewhere else. Sounds like the relationship is to one sided.

 

IMO, goto college, leave him be...