Guest Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I met a really nice guy online about 2 years ago. We started out as friends but about a year into our friendship he told me he loved me. I was surprised but happy. We decided to meet last Thanksgiving at my home. He was the most loving, wonderful, thoughtful guy I have ever met. He stayed a week and then promised to be back for Christmas. He lives about 800 miles away. I couldn't get over the fact that he wouldn't mind driving back and forth from such a long distance to see me. He said he really loved me and wanted to be with me. A few days after he left I had hardly any contact with him. I was used to IM, and phone calls, but suddenly there was nothing. I asked him if something was wrong and he said no , he was just tired. The week of Christmas rolled around and he started stalling about coming back. I told him he should spend time with his family, parents and friends and then maybe come down to see me. Or, if he was still tired from the Holidays to just wait. He reassured me that he was fine and that he would come down after the 1st of the NewYear. I was more than happy with that and was looking forward to seeing him again. The day he was to leave I called to see when I should expect him. It was around 2pm and I thought he would be halfway here by then. He was watching tv. He hadn't packed. I told him to stay there cuz it was obvious he really didn't want to come back. Again he said no, he was just tired and he was gonna be on his way soon. He arrived the next day but was the same loving and wonderful guy as before. We had a great time and he stayed for almost 2 weeks this time. He told me that he wanted to make a life with me and that when he returned in the summer he was bringing me a ring to seal the promise. Well, during the last few months our relationship has seemed to cool-off which is expected I suppose. Kinda like the honeymoon is over type thing. We had our ups and downs but through it all he still insisted he loved me and wanted to be with me. The day in this summer that he was supposed to be here has come and gone. He visited relatives in a state south of me and said he would stop by on his way back to his home, then pack stuff and drive back down for the summer. He showed up. The minute he pulled in the driveway he jumped out of his van and hurriedly told me that plans had changed and that he got a high-paying job in another state and if I were upset and that he would leave immediately if I didn't want to see him. Honestly, I was too stunned and kinda shocked by what he told me and all I could say was did he want to come in and we would talk about it. He didn't have too much to tell me except that it had been a spur of the moment thing and that he had known for about a week but wanted to tell me in person. My head was spinning and I didn't know what to say. He then told me that the job wasn't actually for sure but that he was gonna have an interview the following Friday. He was very different than the other times he had visited. He kept his distance, no hugging ,kissing or anything. We sat on separate couches. It got late in the evening, I held back my tears and told him I needed to get some sleep. He stayed on the couch and I didn't get up to say goodbye when he left the next morning. I felt that this was his strange way of saying it was over. I had always told him he didn't have to make excuses if he didn't want to see me, to just be upfront with me so that I could move on. The day that he left he started calling me at least 6 to 7 times a day. He was leaving messages and telling me he loved me and so on. I haven't asnwered any of his calls because I am kinda thinking he wanted to end it but he is just stalling and maybe lonely. I am really confused by his behavior. He has a lot of female friends and during the last few months he has told me about a couple of them and some of the conversations he has had with them. It seemed to me he was having a relationship with one of them but he denied it. Well, his friends told me he was lying about it. What I don't understand is why is he stringing me along and fabricating all these stories when it seems to me and my family he is basically done with the relationship. He never asked me to move with him to where his new job is either. Should I answer his calls, and try to get some questions answered, or just let him and the whole situation go?
inhighwater Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I do admit that I think it is weird that he has not at least given you a ring to seal the promise or at least asked you to move whether it be to the area he is going to be living or to move in with him. Now, with some people they do not believe in living together before marriage whether it be because of their religion or because of the values they were raised by. But even if it was against his religion or values for you to live with him before marriage, I would have thought he would have explained that that was the reason that he was not asking you to move. Or if he does believe in living together before marriage then I don't know why he would have not asked you to move. Questions? Have you ever brought up the subject about you going to visit him where he lives? If so, does he come up with excuses so that you don't go to his place? Is this job and where he will move to now be further away from you? How do you know his friends? By the internet? Do you know if he even knows these friends "in person"?
Guest Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 The state he moved to is the same distance , about 8 hours as the state he lived in before. We talked about me coming to his hometown to see him and he was all for that. I only know his friends that are online and haven't met anyone he knows, including his family, yet. His plan, originally, was to move here and look for a job. Then he was going to register to go to the University here and work on his degree . I was fine with that and he said he would share expenses. Mostly I guess I am upset because he didn't even stay more than a nite here before he left again and never said if, or when he would be back. Maybe I'm making more out of this than I should but to me it seems everything ab out him and us has changed for the worse. It was so sudden too. I guess I will wait it out and seewhat happens. He has stopped calling and I never returned any of his calls. I really don't feel like listening to more excuses and new plans at the moment. Maybe that's being mean but it has been months since I last saw him, 6 months to be exact. Maybe it's over, I would just like to know. Thanks for reading and helping with my dilemna.
inhighwater Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 I understand that you don't want to hear anymore excuses. I'm not exactly sure what to say. But I do know one thing, when dealing with dating people online and even online friendships that you can not see every day in person or almost every day in person, you have to keep a very "OPEN" mind because they could end up traveling to you, calling you, IM ing you, or e-mailing you and saying it is over. He could have thought before he even walked in your door that you would be upset with him. But with the fact that he was trying to get ahold of you, then I would say you just need to pick up the phone, e-mail him, or IM him and straight out in a non-hateful but serious voice tell him straight up how you are feeling. Tell him congrats on his new job and the fact that you did not understand why he did not ask you to move to his area. But girly be prepared for him to say anything. And I'm talking about him telling you "truth" that is not an excuse.
inhighwater Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 Another question I have, are these friends of his "female" friends of his that you talk to on the internet? Or are they "male" friends of his? Because you know sometimes when a woman has a crush or is in love with one of their "male" friends then they hear or know that someone else has a crush or is in love with their "male" friend. Or in this case their "male" friend is in love with you. Some of those "female" friends may tell you lies or switch stories around just to get you away from him. But his female friends (if they are female the ones that talk to you) may be telling the truth. Some females are nice enough to warn other females. I personally had my one ex-boyfriend's "married" male best friend of 15 years after he had heard that my boyfriend was kicking me out of his house and that I had asked my boyfriend if there was another woman and my boyfriend said, "no", my bf's best friend told me that my bf was cheating on me with a girl that lived in the same city as us and that he met her on the internet. (The story matched up with other things that had been going on.) My ex bf's friend told me this when my bf was not around and asked me to not tell my bf that he told me. My ex bf and I did not meet on the internet though, we knew each other through work, we worked for the same company but two different locations. But I have went on dates with guys that I met them on the internet. I'm married to one of them now. But I have only went on dates with guys on the internet that lived like approx. no more than 1 hr. or 1 hr. and 15 mins. away from where I lived. My now husband lived only approx. 15 mins. away from me and we knew some of the same people. Some of the guys that I hung out with as a child that I had lost track of, he was currently friends with. But even a guy that lives only approx. an 1hr. away can say that they will meet you at this place to have a date with you and then never show up. Had that done to me! Not fun!!
norajane Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 Sounds like you're taking a level-headed approach to all this, and are right to question his behavior. It sounds kinda fishy. You're a smart girl - I'm sure you wouldn't have any trouble meeting wonderful men who live in your city. Why not forget this guy and start dating others?
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