Spank'n'Rationality Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Okay, here's the deal: I'm 21 years old, never dated (though have been asked numerous times), always get hit on by old and/or married men, usually crush on "older" men, and have just now met the perfect guy. Okay, he is the youngest guy that I have ever found attractive (29), we have EVERYTHING in common (he's a trumpet player, he loves jazz, the theater, etc.), we have the same sense-of-humour, and we actually LOOK really appropriate together (similar features and colouring, he is a little taller and heavier, etc.). So, FINALLY I find someone who I like, and who likes me, and everything is PERFECT. So, how is/are God/Fate/Destiny toying with me, you ask? He is married AND he has kids. This is SO freaking unfair! He is always asking me where I was when he was looking for a wife. I know he likes me, and I like him very much, but I would never cross that line, and I doubt he would either. This is just so messed up. I seriously want to know why this is happening to me. I am 21, never been on a date, because I find so few people attractive (not due to superficial reasons--looks, wealth, etc., but due to my not having anything in common with them). I just can't believe this; I am starting to believe that all good men who are compatable with me are either married or gay. Okay, so I guess the reason this bothers me so much, is that I feel like I am never going to meet anyone: here I am...21 years old...meet someone who is perfect...BUT married with kids. It's like WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? Many of my friends are getting married or have been in serious relationships for a long time now, and I am still looking for my first boyfriend! I swear, either my karma is s***, or God is sadistic. This is messed up:(! I need some supporting stories of people finding their perfect match who was actually single, because I am honestly really worried about ever meeting someone. I figure that many of you will probably just respond with, "You're 21, you have plenty of time." And though that is probably true, I just feel like I have been waiting for relationship/marriage/sex for soooo long, I am about to just go out with some of the idiots who ask me; in otherwords lower my standards considerably. I NEED SOME INSIGHT PLEASE!!!!
Love Hurts Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I wish there was a magic wand that produced the right man or woman we individually search for. Unfortunately we can be victims of lifes lonelyness. Some are like lions and prefer the single life. While others long for a mate to go through life with. It's natural the first man was lonely. You have to live like you haven't met him yet. Live like it does not matter if he ever shows up. I know a good looking 26 year old male.... he is single never had a steady girlfriend.... He says they are too much work, too expensive and he has things to do. I think he hasn't met the right one. The one to knock him off his feet. I know he has had his moments of wishing he had a significant other... and then he goes to work. I have heard he has asked if anyone knows any nice girls. So he hasn't met what he is waiting for. If you rush into the lower than your standard, you may spend years wishing you would have waited. This is all across the U.S... women are saying they can't meet a decent guy. Men are saying they can't meet a decent female. These are times when drugs, alcohol abuse, battering and money is God. So it is difficult. Men get raked through the coals financially when a marriage fails. They are leery. It is easier to spend your life playing as appose to commitment. If you hold on something will happen........... haste is a waste of your time. Be selective, hold out. I'd like to know someone held out and got what they wanted in life. Personally I have given up............ I am ok with being alone..... on occassion I do miss my husband. It's ok................. this is what it is. I'm doing time and I will do the best I can at it, until it's over. I prefer to have a mate............ I do not do lonely well. Yet........... if It comes down to living with a man that wants to degrade me and lower my values and self esteem in order for him to be more. Ok,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I can do lonely it's better. Bleak as it sounds... it is living. It seems to be working for me. For a time it can work for you. Just do the time. Stay busy. You may surprise yourself at how wonderful you are at some new accomplishment.
amaysngrace Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 in otherwords lower my standards considerably. I NEED SOME INSIGHT PLEASE!!!! Hey Spank'n. It's great that you have morals and aren't willing to compromise on them. By all means, DON'T START NOW!! Don't settle for something or someone beneath you, it won't make you happy and you know it. I'm recently divorced so I can't give you a great big fairytale story of how my last relationship began or ended, but I can tell you this...It's better to be alone than in bad company!! Hold out for what you want and deserve. When you least expect it, the right guy will come along, so always feel good in knowing he is out there somewhere, you just haven't stumbled across him yet.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Hey Spank'n, When I read your post I started laughing to myself thinking I am sorry Rad isn't here to tell you to be celebut (sp) and that noone should date because everyone is evil but him.... You know how you said you expected to hear your only 21 and you have plenty of time? Well, it's true. And as for the MM, hunny, that has nothing to do with God or fate. There are plenty of MM's out there that we are all compatible with, prolly more than they are with their wives! We as humans arn't limited to only 1 or 2 people to be compatible with, there are hundreds!! Why haven't you met one yet? I dunno, maybe you have and you just failed to see it. About lowering you standards, that depends on how high they really are. I mean if you are only looking for men who are in their 40's that are multi millionairs and own their own business, look a like to George Clooney, own 3 Porche's and 5 Mercedes (sp) speak 3 different languages... then yea, I'd say maybe you could come down a little. Just sit down and put everything into perspective. Maybe even write a list like "Is a non-smoker, has a good job, has life goals for the future, treats his mother good..." things that are really important to you. Maybe even start going out with people for fun, not because you are particularly crazy about them. As a somewhat experienced women, I really believe you have to date (not sleep with) different men to know exactly what you want in the end. As for MM, hunny, toss him out the window. Obviously he isn't your perfect match because he is willing to flirt behind his wife's back, you wouldn't want your hubby doing that would you?? Very disrespectful!!
Outcast Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 You're just barely out of high school - honestly, you've got years and years yet. Far too soon to despair, IMHO.
Author Spank'n'Rationality Posted June 10, 2006 Author Posted June 10, 2006 Hey Amaysngrace! It is good to see you again! the right guy will come along, so always feel good in knowing he is out there somewhere, you just haven't stumbled across him yet. Yeah, I just hope I am not 80, and really "stumbling across" the man of my dreams. I can see it now: I make eye-contact, he returns my gaze; I start to hobble over to him--with the assistance of my handy walker--and, as I approach...he has a heart attack. Thus, the potental love of my life hauls over and dies . Soooo depressing .
Author Spank'n'Rationality Posted June 10, 2006 Author Posted June 10, 2006 Hey Spank'n' date=' When I read your post I started laughing to myself thinking I am sorry Rad isn't here to tell you to be celebut (sp) and that noone should date because everyone is evil but him.... [/quote'] Hahahaha, I actually thought the same thing while posting it; I was like, "Hmmm, I wonder if I will be getting into a debate about how the married man is the anti-christ and I am the whore of Babylon...oh well... About lowering you standards, that depends on how high they really are. I mean if you are only looking for men who are in their 40's that are multi millionairs and own their own business, look a like to George Clooney, own 3 Porche's and 5 Mercedes (sp) speak 3 different languages... then yea, I'd say maybe you could come down a little. Just sit down and put everything into perspective. Maybe even write a list like "Is a non-smoker, has a good job, has life goals for the future, treats his mother good..." things that are really important to you. Yeah, that's the thing; I am not interested in superficial things like cars/money/etc. (thought I wouldn't mind if he had those superficial things, I just don't really care one way or another). I just expect him to have enough money to pay his bills. However, I do expect him to be mature (so, probably a bit older than me), compasionate, intellectual (especially enjoying music, history, and philosophy), have a sense-of-humor (cynical, but not depressing...like comedians Ron White or Mencia), not be superficial, and have good hygene. I don't think that is too much to ask, but it seems to be hard as hell to find . As for MM, hunny, toss him out the window. Obviously he isn't your perfect match because he is willing to flirt behind his wife's back, you wouldn't want your hubby doing that would you?? Very disrespectful!! Oh, we are just co-workers/friends . I would never take it to that level; though I am not sure that I can say the same for him. The other day when we were hanging out, I noticed he wasn't wearing his ring. Though, I didn't mention it, so I suppose it could mean anything. He is so cute though; damn my morals ! Yeah, like you said, I wouldn't want my hubby doing that. Besides, I have bad enough karma, can you imagine how horrific it would be if I got involved with a married man? I think I would come back as this bunny thing (creepy...)
Tim'sAngel Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 Hahahaha' date=' I actually thought the same thing while posting it; I was like, "Hmmm, I wonder if I will be getting into a debate about how the married man is the anti-christ and I am the whore of Babylon...oh well... [/quote'] I just expect him to have enough money to pay his bills. However' date=' I do expect him to be mature (so, probably a bit older than me), compasionate, intellectual (especially enjoying music, history, and philosophy), have a sense-of-humor (cynical, but not depressing...like comedians Ron White or Mencia), not be superficial, and have good hygene. I don't think that is too much to ask, but it seems to be hard as hell to find . [/quote'] Where do you live? Under a ditch? I don't think that is asking too much, I think every women should want those things in a man. (Whihc could be why there are none left )Maybe its your approach. Where are you looking for these men? Bars? Clubs? Church? On the street? Sometimes you gotta find the right areas. What I say is start going out with men just for the fun of it. Maybe once you give dating a try, even though he doesn't seem like prince charming, you will see there are some good guys out there that in the end you will end up liking. I don't think you should lower your standards, just be a little more open minded. At least you will get some fun and a free dinner out of the deal.
amaysngrace Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 Maybe once you give dating a try, even though he doesn't seem like prince charming, you will see there are some good guys out there that in the end you will end up liking. I don't think you should lower your standards, just be a little more open minded. At least you will get some fun and a free dinner out of the deal. Good Morning! I agree with TA. You may need to be more realistic in knowing what to expect from a guy. Nobody is perfect at all. Sometimes if he has most of the qualities you're looking for, seems really great and treats you well, I think most girls would be willing to overlook some of the more insignificant details. I know you are looking for someone with the same interests as you in every way, but lots of people think that OPPOSITES ATTRACT. The more interests a person has that differ from your own can bring variety and spark into your life, and the same goes for you with what you can add to his life.
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