My aunt is cheating on my uncle

[inet93]

I introduced my aunt L to a friend of mine - named W (we all work at a hospital in different departments). She is my aunt by marriage. My aunt L started secretley having an affair with my friend W My Aunt L always dogged my uncle. She trashed his name at every chance even before she started cheating on my uncle. She told me that she did not respect my uncle. She told me that she was living her life "as a single woman", that marrying my uncle was the worst thing she ever did. She told me that he was not attracted to my uncle anymore because he is too fat. She not only said negative things like that to me, but to other family members too. After she got caught cheating on my uncle, she decided to stay with him.

 

After they decided to stay together, she lied about the circumstances of her affair. She told my uncle that she stepped out on their marriage was because she was vulnerable because of my uncle's negect as her husband. She told my uncle that I set her up with another man and that I was in coohoots with her affair. She told my uncle that she was taken advantage of by my friend W. She told my uncle that she never chased W him but he persued her and that she was in a "fog" the whole time they were together. She told my uncle that I knew all about her affair and I did nothing to stop it!! My uncle never called me to confirm if this was true. She allienated my uncle, she told my uncle all kinds of lies about me. She allienated him (I realize this in hind sight) so that he would not call me to verify what she was telling him and also to distract him from her own lies about how she was in a "fog" and being victimized by my friend and that I was aware of it the whole time. Her lies worked. Like a charm, my uncle turned against me and believed EVERY word she said. The two of them team up to tell lies to my family and to my co-workers about me. My Uncle is completely unaware that they are lies. She is trying to erase her affair using my name!! When I found out what she was telling my uncle, I called my uncle. He parroted every word his wife said and told me that his wife was a victim, "L is a victim of my neglect!!!! She has not owned up to her affair and her husband so foolishly allows her to erase her accountability and put it on another person. He is clueless to her motives. My uncle would rather belive that I betrayed him rather than his wife so he is quick to believe her.

 

My aunt, her former lover and myself all work in the same hospital. My uncle is no doubt clue-less. I think he is brainwashed. Any reasonable person could see thru her lies. She trashed my uncle's name like a dog for years before she met my friend Will and then she cheated on him and then she turned around her own affair on her husband to use, control and manipulate my uncle and wants to rest her accountability on me! When someone cheats and then returns to the marriage, there is a huge amount of accountability on the cheaters part to make the relationship better. The cheating spouse usually pays the heaviest price in a reconcilliation. But she has none, because she was victimized and in a fog and so vulnerable (Poor Aunt L). She basically used a self defense for her cheating. It was not her fault even though she committed the offense. So she is using that to control and manipulate the reconcilliation. She has the upper hand. He is in denial bigtime!! He just lost 30lbs!! Meanwhile, I feel like I am in the middle. This has been going on since July 1, 2005. What would you do if you were me? Would you try to confront your uncle again? Would you leave it alone (Lord knows they are meant for each other). He is in denial and she intends to keep him there, hence the reasons for the lies about me. My uncle is easilly distracted from his wifes actions. By the way, this couple is 48 years old and 50 years old! They have been married for 10 years. She has one kid by my uncle and five by a previous marriage for 16 years. My uncle wants to believe that I betrayed him rather than his wife. Any advice? This has been going on for a year and the lies continue. Should I just ignore them. Oh by the way, she was caught by a family at a resturant about 5 years ago with her ex-boyfriend.

i

[Sup]

I introduced my aunt L to a friend of mine - named W (we all work at a hospital in different departments). She is my aunt by marriage. My aunt L started secretley having an affair with my friend W My Aunt L always dogged my uncle. She trashed his name at every chance even before she started cheating on my uncle. She told me that she did not respect my uncle. She told me that she was living her life "as a single woman", that marrying my uncle was the worst thing she ever did. She told me that he was not attracted to my uncle anymore because he is too fat. She not only said negative things like that to me, but to other family members too. After she got caught cheating on my uncle, she decided to stay with him.

 

After they decided to stay together, she lied about the circumstances of her affair. She told my uncle that she stepped out on their marriage was because she was vulnerable because of my uncle's negect as her husband. She told my uncle that I set her up with another man and that I was in coohoots with her affair. She told my uncle that she was taken advantage of by my friend W. She told my uncle that she never chased W him but he persued her and that she was in a "fog" the whole time they were together. She told my uncle that I knew all about her affair and I did nothing to stop it!! My uncle never called me to confirm if this was true. She allienated my uncle, she told my uncle all kinds of lies about me. She allienated him (I realize this in hind sight) so that he would not call me to verify what she was telling him and also to distract him from her own lies about how she was in a "fog" and being victimized by my friend and that I was aware of it the whole time. Her lies worked. Like a charm, my uncle turned against me and believed EVERY word she said. The two of them team up to tell lies to my family and to my co-workers about me. My Uncle is completely unaware that they are lies. She is trying to erase her affair using my name!! When I found out what she was telling my uncle, I called my uncle. He parroted every word his wife said and told me that his wife was a victim, "L is a victim of my neglect!!!! She has not owned up to her affair and her husband so foolishly allows her to erase her accountability and put it on another person. He is clueless to her motives. My uncle would rather belive that I betrayed him rather than his wife so he is quick to believe her.

 

My aunt, her former lover and myself all work in the same hospital. My uncle is no doubt clue-less. I think he is brainwashed. Any reasonable person could see thru her lies. She trashed my uncle's name like a dog for years before she met my friend Will and then she cheated on him and then she turned around her own affair on her husband to use, control and manipulate my uncle and wants to rest her accountability on me! When someone cheats and then returns to the marriage, there is a huge amount of accountability on the cheaters part to make the relationship better. The cheating spouse usually pays the heaviest price in a reconcilliation. But she has none, because she was victimized and in a fog and so vulnerable (Poor Aunt L). She basically used a self defense for her cheating. It was not her fault even though she committed the offense. So she is using that to control and manipulate the reconcilliation. She has the upper hand. He is in denial bigtime!! He just lost 30lbs!! Meanwhile, I feel like I am in the middle. This has been going on since July 1, 2005. What would you do if you were me? Would you try to confront your uncle again? Would you leave it alone (Lord knows they are meant for each other). He is in denial and she intends to keep him there, hence the reasons for the lies about me. My uncle is easilly distracted from his wifes actions. By the way, this couple is 48 years old and 50 years old! They have been married for 10 years. She has one kid by my uncle and five by a previous marriage for 16 years. My uncle wants to believe that I betrayed him rather than his wife. Any advice? This has been going on for a year and the lies continue. Should I just ignore them. Oh by the way, she was caught by a family at a resturant about 5 years ago with her ex-boyfriend.

i

 

Is there ANY evidence from her affair that SHE pursued Will? Prehaps Will will be willing to shed some light on this turn of events by telling HIS side to your uncle without your "Aunt" knowing about it, over the phone perhaps? In a busy place? She is NOT meant for him, that's for sure!

[Fun2BMe]

I don't think you should bother trying to set the record straight. I have a feeling your uncle knows deep down what his wife is all about and is in denial. I would cut contact with both of them. I am sure word will get around on what the real deal was and how things went down. Maybe if there is a mutual relative you could tell the story straight to who your uncle would listen to? But I doubt he will change his mind on what HE CHOOSES to believe.

 

Plus he probably knows the real reason she cheated was beause he was so overweight. I mean what motivated him to now lose 30 pounds? He is acting dumb and being mean to choose her story if it means it will make you look like an evil liar who was setting your aunt up with an affair. The truth will prevail. Don't bother thinking about it any more.

[inet93]

Thanks for your replies. Will had a girlfriend. She found Lauren's number on Will's cell phone bill, that is how they got caught. She called Lauren, she called Allen many, many times. She called Lauren while Will was present to ensure that they did not connect their stories. She kicked Will out for about 2 months so that she could figure out what to do and he has since married her. He is keeping a "low profile" about this. Lauren said some pretty ugly things to Will's fiance/wife. Clearly Will was wrong too, but at least he owned up to his relationship with Lauren. At least Will allowed his fiance/now wife the opportunity to make a decision based on HER finding her own truth about this and making a decision based on that. Allen never took advantage to find out his own truth about this. He believed his wife's story at face value because he was more afraid of loosing her. My father always said "Trust but verify". Allen does all the trusting but no verifying at all. Lauren's word is all the "verifying" Allen needs. As a result, Allen is being controlled and manipulated by the lies his wife wants him to believe so that she has a clean hand so that she get to dictate what she wants during their marriage. Keeping him in denial is her goal. Allen will have to maintain a weight that is ideal for his wife and a whole host of other things to keep his wife from cheating again. I saw her in the hospital the other day. It took everything not to call her a liar to her face. She works in the ICU so that would have been totally inappropriate to say something. But I think I will keep a "low profile" and not say anything. She used her affair to control and manipulate her husband, but he will never see her for what she is unless I step back and let the two of the be. Allen will never be enough for Lauren and that is a lesson that Allen will have to see for himself.