minne Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 After 6 years of "being" together and one year of marriage, I found out today after looking at my husbands cell phone records that he has been speaking to another women behind my back, for the entire 6 years. I am devestated (SP?) It hurst because I thought I knew everything about him, I thought we were happy, but I guess he was calling her because he was miserable. We got into a horrible fight, ended up having sex and now he is sleeping next too me. Even though it's been 24 hours there will be no sleep for me.
target-d Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 He was miserable with you but still got married a year ago? WTH??? Something sounds pretty messed up with him. TRy to have some conversations without the fighting to find out what's REALLY going on.
jonesgirly Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Unless she's his mother, something not good is happening! Don't worry about your spelling, most of us can decipher any language. How much do you want to know about this apparent indiscretion/secret? If you want to know a LOT, stop what you're doing right now and let it be. Then turn into your own self-made PI and find out whats 'what'. I know you're hurt. I know you're questioning everything about your relationship right now. And you're marrried. Sucks. I had the same situation, and its still not resolved (almost a year ago). Six years is a long time for a phone-pal. Makes you wonder if there isn't more to the story. You may not get the 'truth' by asking your husband. Believe me, I was married to my soul-mate too, and he lied through his teeth when confronted. I wish wish wish I could go back and just calmly collect myself and devise a plan to get the 'truth' for myself, without having to perform a rootcanal for any tidbit I got. They tend to become even more secretive if they suspect they're being 'watched.' Is he the type of person to be 'honest' with you? And don't forget, sometimes even the most honest person, doesn't want to confess to things that the other person 'doesn't know about' yet!
Love Hurts Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Nightmare............... do you love him.......... and can you take more of the same?. Obviously six years of side orders is a long time. You were in the dark.................... Someone upstairs likes you and decided it's time you found out. Now what do you do with your shock, horror, dismay and how do you rebuild, do you want to? Lot to think of. First off you have a good reason to run. Or you can know that none of us is without sin. None is perfect this happens to the most nonsuspecting of us. Make a choice. If it is stay............... go to church consel................... begin a new life...In the marriage.... Turn it around. Most other techniques from here are futile wastes of time... When one has a deep rooted tendency to follow the learned pattern of lies and cheating, thus returning to as soon as the waves settle. Risky business here. What does your instinct say? That is your best tool at the moment.
Chump64 Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Don't assume he was miserable. Don't get into his head for him. Don't jump to conclusions that will only make you feel worse about yourself. My husband claims he was happy even while having his 10-year affair. (H*ll, who wouldn't be happy having two women to boff?!) One word: Counseling. Good luck.
Author minne Posted June 9, 2006 Author Posted June 9, 2006 we are going to our first counseling session on monday, gonna try hard to make things work...gonna be hard, don't know if i have it in me to forgive, but can't imagine doing this whole "life" thing with anyone else. thanks so much to all of you, hope i can help someone some day like you have!
Chump64 Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I hear ya loud and clear, Minne. I'm looking at trying to forgive a 10-year EA / PA. We've been married 18 years. You may find out that it was more than a "phone" relationship. Give your mind some space to entertain worst-case scenario thoughts. Good luck, and keep posting.
silktricks Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 It hurst because I thought I knew everything about him, I thought we were happy, but I guess he was calling her because he was miserable. Did he TELL you he was miserable, or are you assuming? Maybe he wasn't, but still had other "fish to fry". Also, if he said that in the heat of a battle, I'd strongly suggest that you have further conversations with him in regards to his misery. Yes, counselling - do it!! What my H and I did when he revealed his EA, was set aside time every single day to talk. The first subject is always "how did your day go". They we take it on to whatever is on our minds. Talking is the biggest key there is to a happy marriage. Like Chump has said, prepare yourself for the worst - as far as information revealed - but know that what's wrong can be set right if you are both willing to work really hard at it. (But it takes BOTH.) (((((hugs)))))
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