She was my first love and high school sweetheart...June 8, 2006

June 8, 2006

Hello:

This is actually my first post, but I've been around, browsing.

This community has helped me out before during my breakup and now I just want to share my life...

I’ve been with my first love on and off for around 8 or 9 years. She was my high school and college sweetheart. I have loved her since we were freshmen. She was 14 years old (I was 15). We were just silly kids in love. Her father accepted me, and her mother loved me. Then I was caught sneaking into her house when we were 16/17 and needless to say, things didn’t go well. I was basically banned from her house and from seeing her anymore. Regardless, we kept seeing each other. They couldn’t stop us. I admit I was scared as heck to go to her house but I did anyway. I apologized and they forgave me, but not entirely. I never really developed a meaningful relationship with her parents after that. It has strained our relationship that I had never really become a part of her family, but we charged on ahead, deeply in love.

After high school, I stayed behind in my hometown of Union City, Ca. and went to a community college later transferring to SJSU. She moved 300 miles away (which is about a 4 hour drive) and attended UCSB. We stayed together and had a long distance relationship. I’d see her maybe 2-3 times a month and I’d talk to her almost everyday/night. Seeing her is all I ever looked forward to. And each time we met, it felt like we we’re falling in love all over again. I also didn’t see her family much, and regretfully, I was fine with that.

We have broken up 3 times within the span of our relationship. The first time was in May of 2003. She was in her third year of college and she was starting to feel unsure about me being the one for her. She decided that we needed to “go on a break” and see how things were. I reluctantly agreed and we kept contact maybe once or twice a week. Summer came along and my friends and I decide to have a camping trip. I invited her and she came. After a lot of crying and make-up sex, we got back together. In December, for some reason, we get to talking about how we spent our time during our “break”. I found out that she was seeing someone during that time and that they had had sex. Keep in mind she was my first love and my first partner. This blew me away. It tore me up inside. This was our first real break up. About a month or two later, I come to my senses and realize that it doesn’t matter. The past is the past and that I love her enough to move on with our relationship.

Fast forward to June of 2004. She graduates from UCSB and moves back home. We now supposedly get to see each other on a regular basis. This is where more problems start. I have been so used to seeing her sparingly that when she moved back, I saw her sparingly. I took her for granted. On top of that, my relationship with her family did not progress much since high school. Never the less, we still loved each other but we didn’t have the same spark as we did before. We were becoming too “comfortable” with our 7 year relationship. And finally, she comes to my house one night and while I was in the shower, she finds my porn stash on my computer (I was a 22 year old guy!). She confronted me and I had no idea what to say. I tried to tell her that it meant nothing and that I’ve made another stupid mistake, but with our “comfortable” relationship and me adding to her insecurities, we get into a HUGE argument. She storms out and I try to apologize. Before she leaves, we decide to go on another break. I end up not talking to her for a week or two thinking that we needed sometime to cool off. I soon find out from friends that she met someone about a week after we had our fight. Soon after she tells me herself and says that she has “fallen in love” with him. I was out of the picture and it destroyed me. I come to find out from a mutual friend that she says that he fills in the pieces I couldn’t. He’s 26 years old, “more mature”, her father likes him, and her mother loves him. This is around the time I discover LoveShack.org. She tells me she still wants to be my friend but I couldn’t. I was hurt but I still loved her so much. I decided to go and do NC.

I stayed strong and have had NC for 1 year and 4 months, going through stages of anger, remorse, regret, denial, etc. etc. I’m happy one day and ready to move on, rock bottom the next. During the NC period, she sporadically calls me around 20-30 times but I never picked up. I couldn’t knowing she was with someone else. Around October of 2005, I find a letter on my windshield from my ex-girlfriend. She writes that she’s sorry for how things have turned out between us and that at the very least she would like to see if we can be friends. By this time, I actually thought that I was ready to see her. I give her a call and we end up going out to dinner. After dinner we end up going for coffee and we just end up clicking again. We talked to each other till the sun rose and I felt my love for her slowly surfacing. I decide to get to the point and I asked her to look me in the eyes and tell me what she felt. She told me she still loved me and that’s when my heart melted all over again. We made love that night. For the next couple of days, we talked about what we wanted, what we missed and that we still loved each other. We decide to try to work things out again. About 5 months later (March 06), we end up sinking into the same “comfortable” relationship that plagued us before. And issues with her parents were getting better, but not by much. Again we decide to take a break. We still met up with each other having an occasion dinner and calling each other a couple times a week. During month of May we end up talking less and less. We talked maybe 3 or 4 times that month. We we’re both busy; she was working and I was finishing up finals and getting ready to graduate. During finals week, my dad calls me and tells me my grandfather has had a mild stroke. The day after my last final, my brother and I fly out to the Philippines to see my grandfather fearing the worst considering he was 92 years young. The good news is that he is stable and was released later in the week. I end up celebrating my grad over there, but the only thing I could think about aside from the welfare of my granddad, was that I missed my lady.

I emailed her during the 3 times I had access to the internet. I poured my heart out to her telling her, I was ready to work on our relationship. And that I wanted her and I missed her. I was actually in the Philippines for about 2 weeks. Then 3 nights before my flight back home, I managed to get access to my email and I was curious as to why she hadn’t replied. I was saddened. I thought maybe she didn’t feel the same. I started to worry. And next is when the love of my life broke my heart yet again.

I went and accessed her email account (She had given me her password before) to just make sure that she received my emails. Curiosity got the best of me and I found 3 emails that made me numb. She was seeing someone. I get back home June 7th feeling depressed and alone. I had just gone through the stress of finals, graduating, missing my grad walk, a “break” with my girlfriend, and my grandfather suffering a stroke. My world sucked. I met up with some buddies and just hung out for the earlier part of the day, but I was hurt. I call my ex and we met up…. I’m going through the same situation I was in a year and a half ago. Breaking up and her seeing someone. She has broken my heart yet again. We see love, true love, and soul mates in different ways. She feels the need to find what is right for her, but for me, I had faith that she was the one. All because I really do love her because of who she is, a wonderful woman. I haven’t really mentioned it earlier but we’ve shared so many good times that I feel outway the bad. She is a beautiful woman with many great qualities, except for one, which is breaking my heart. She’s done so much for me in many ways. I’ve loved her since I was 15 and now I’m 24. It hasn’t even been a month yet since we talked less and less and now she’s seeing someone else and sadly, this is the third time. She puts herself in these rebound relationships and for some reason I take her back, because I love her, but I’m not enough for her. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know if my pride or ego will ever let me find my way back to her. I know that I really do love her because I feel like I can let her go to pursue what ever will make her happy. I just want to be happy myself and I just don’t want to repeat the mistakes I have committed before. My own life is a mess and I need to work on that first. I told her yesterday that I was still in love with her and that a part of me always will, but she knows that. I know that she will always love me. I also told her that I can’t hurt again like before. I’m already feeling it. I haven’t slept since yesterday morning and it’s already 11am. I not going to take her back anymore….I’m going to leave this relationship behind. I want to thank her parents today for putting up with me and her and also to apologize for the headaches and trouble I’ve caused. I want to say goodbye to that part of my life, which was wonderful while it lasted. She has been a beautiful part of my life for almost 10 years, a major portion of my life. She was my high school/college sweetheart. Right now I’m feeling numb, a little sad, but I’m thinking that I will be alright. I really love her with all my heart, and I just want her to be happy. I will always love you Andrea.

Ps. Sorry for the rant, I just needed somebody to listen.

Thanks and goodnight.

June 8, 2006

that was a really powerful post. i can only feel a glimpse of the pain youre going through as I am experiencing the 1st stages of what happened to you. My ex-girlfriend wants space and is most likely seeing someone else while i have already expressed my feelings for her.

if you could offer one bit of advice for people who are in situations similar to yours but in the early stages what would it be?

my ex was also my 1st love.

would you have done anything different looking back now?

June 9, 2006

I had a very similar relationship. High school/college sweethearts, together for a long time, trouble with the parents. And right now I have no idea what advice to give you. Because I am still dealing with the pain right now, all I can tell you is that at least you are not alone, there is at least one person who feels the way you do and is going through the same thing. And I don't know if that will help, but your post helped me because I feel as though noone can give me advice because they haven't gone through it. So hopefully this will help even a little bit. You are not alone and good luck!

June 9, 2006

Thanks for the replies. I'm doing better today, trying to keep busy. In regards to advice. The best thing I can say is use NC and just try to stay strong. I know it doesn't sound much but it kept me going. Oh...I also kept a notebook. Sometimes I would be up late at night feeling depressed and lonely and I would just write in it. Whatever came to mind....

Go out, hang out, live life.

I guess that's what I'm trying to do.

Thanks.

tasteslikegood

Ps. I did actually meet with her father last night. It went well...I spoke to him for a good 3 or 4 hours. Getting past that barrier was a great feeling and on top of that, I was finally able to have a real conversaton with him. It didn't feel forced or scripted. I only wish I would have done that sooner but it's better late than never.

June 9, 2006

Ps. I did actually meet with her father last night. It went well...I spoke to him for a good 3 or 4 hours. Getting past that barrier was a great feeling and on top of that, I was finally able to have a real conversaton with him. It didn't feel forced or scripted. I only wish I would have done that sooner but it's better late than never.

Good to hear you expressed your hard felt emotions with her father. Big step forward for you, and perhaps your relationship with her.

I must ask though, what are you going to do?

I hope you at least try to get her back. You can't toss out the years, and love you've shared together. If she means the world to you... GO get her!

But also, I think you should definately tred lightly and make for open communication.

June 9, 2006

Beautiful love story................. they do not all have happy endings.

She is in the lost and found department..... loosing sight of you.

Trying a new man on............. he does not fit....

Hence back to you.

,,,,,,,,,,,,, and so on........its not evil.... It's growing into who you are also who is ready and who is not?

Your heart is right............. yet......... she is forming a pattern.

One day she could wake up and say she left her heart with you.

But,,, are you willing to be there?

Or she may continue on for years feeling like she is not yet with her perferct partner.

If you are not up to the pain any longer................ let it be done.

I fear she will continue to break your heart and sap your strength until you have lost sight of you.

Ten years is a long time....................... I must add,,, anything can happen in honor of love.................

Tricky one.................

Time is in your favor and then again,,, it's not.

*Trust your gut instinct... when the world speculates... it knows for certain.

June 10, 2006

What I'm going to do?

To answer that question I don't know at all. I feel that this might be it. A part of me has accepted the fact that things didn't work out and it just might be it for "us". At the same time, I can at least see a friendship somewhere down the line. I feel like I almost hate her for making me hurt, but I just want her to be happy. I just want to picture a smile on her face. I do hope for more.

When we had broken up before, all i could feel was anger and hate when I would picture her. But now, If I imagine her face....all I see is a smile and it makes me smile. I guess I really do love and care for her that much. All in all, I believe that I could take any path, whether it be her with me or without, just as long as she's happy.

June 10, 2006

Obviously she does not love you. Do not sink that low! She doesnt deserve you man. Remember that the only things in this life that keeps us guys alive are our hearts and our balls. Some women know this and get right thru our hearts to get us by the balls. Keep strong bro and best of luck!!

Hello:

This is actually my first post, but I've been around, browsing.
This community has helped me out before during my breakup and now I just want to share my life...

I’ve been with my first love on and off for around 8 or 9 years. She was my high school and college sweetheart. I have loved her since we were freshmen. She was 14 years old (I was 15). We were just silly kids in love. Her father accepted me, and her mother loved me. Then I was caught sneaking into her house when we were 16/17 and needless to say, things didn’t go well. I was basically banned from her house and from seeing her anymore. Regardless, we kept seeing each other. They couldn’t stop us. I admit I was scared as heck to go to her house but I did anyway. I apologized and they forgave me, but not entirely. I never really developed a meaningful relationship with her parents after that. It has strained our relationship that I had never really become a part of her family, but we charged on ahead, deeply in love.

After high school, I stayed behind in my hometown of Union City, Ca. and went to a community college later transferring to SJSU. She moved 300 miles away (which is about a 4 hour drive) and attended UCSB. We stayed together and had a long distance relationship. I’d see her maybe 2-3 times a month and I’d talk to her almost everyday/night. Seeing her is all I ever looked forward to. And each time we met, it felt like we we’re falling in love all over again. I also didn’t see her family much, and regretfully, I was fine with that.

We have broken up 3 times within the span of our relationship. The first time was in May of 2003. She was in her third year of college and she was starting to feel unsure about me being the one for her. She decided that we needed to “go on a break” and see how things were. I reluctantly agreed and we kept contact maybe once or twice a week. Summer came along and my friends and I decide to have a camping trip. I invited her and she came. After a lot of crying and make-up sex, we got back together. In December, for some reason, we get to talking about how we spent our time during our “break”. I found out that she was seeing someone during that time and that they had had sex. Keep in mind she was my first love and my first partner. This blew me away. It tore me up inside. This was our first real break up. About a month or two later, I come to my senses and realize that it doesn’t matter. The past is the past and that I love her enough to move on with our relationship.

Fast forward to June of 2004. She graduates from UCSB and moves back home. We now supposedly get to see each other on a regular basis. This is where more problems start. I have been so used to seeing her sparingly that when she moved back, I saw her sparingly. I took her for granted. On top of that, my relationship with her family did not progress much since high school. Never the less, we still loved each other but we didn’t have the same spark as we did before. We were becoming too “comfortable” with our 7 year relationship. And finally, she comes to my house one night and while I was in the shower, she finds my porn stash on my computer (I was a 22 year old guy!). She confronted me and I had no idea what to say. I tried to tell her that it meant nothing and that I’ve made another stupid mistake, but with our “comfortable” relationship and me adding to her insecurities, we get into a HUGE argument. She storms out and I try to apologize. Before she leaves, we decide to go on another break. I end up not talking to her for a week or two thinking that we needed sometime to cool off. I soon find out from friends that she met someone about a week after we had our fight. Soon after she tells me herself and says that she has “fallen in love” with him. I was out of the picture and it destroyed me. I come to find out from a mutual friend that she says that he fills in the pieces I couldn’t. He’s 26 years old, “more mature”, her father likes him, and her mother loves him. This is around the time I discover LoveShack.org. She tells me she still wants to be my friend but I couldn’t. I was hurt but I still loved her so much. I decided to go and do NC.

I stayed strong and have had NC for 1 year and 4 months, going through stages of anger, remorse, regret, denial, etc. etc. I’m happy one day and ready to move on, rock bottom the next. During the NC period, she sporadically calls me around 20-30 times but I never picked up. I couldn’t knowing she was with someone else. Around October of 2005, I find a letter on my windshield from my ex-girlfriend. She writes that she’s sorry for how things have turned out between us and that at the very least she would like to see if we can be friends. By this time, I actually thought that I was ready to see her. I give her a call and we end up going out to dinner. After dinner we end up going for coffee and we just end up clicking again. We talked to each other till the sun rose and I felt my love for her slowly surfacing. I decide to get to the point and I asked her to look me in the eyes and tell me what she felt. She told me she still loved me and that’s when my heart melted all over again. We made love that night. For the next couple of days, we talked about what we wanted, what we missed and that we still loved each other. We decide to try to work things out again. About 5 months later (March 06), we end up sinking into the same “comfortable” relationship that plagued us before. And issues with her parents were getting better, but not by much. Again we decide to take a break. We still met up with each other having an occasion dinner and calling each other a couple times a week. During month of May we end up talking less and less. We talked maybe 3 or 4 times that month. We we’re both busy; she was working and I was finishing up finals and getting ready to graduate. During finals week, my dad calls me and tells me my grandfather has had a mild stroke. The day after my last final, my brother and I fly out to the Philippines to see my grandfather fearing the worst considering he was 92 years young. The good news is that he is stable and was released later in the week. I end up celebrating my grad over there, but the only thing I could think about aside from the welfare of my granddad, was that I missed my lady.

I emailed her during the 3 times I had access to the internet. I poured my heart out to her telling her, I was ready to work on our relationship. And that I wanted her and I missed her. I was actually in the Philippines for about 2 weeks. Then 3 nights before my flight back home, I managed to get access to my email and I was curious as to why she hadn’t replied. I was saddened. I thought maybe she didn’t feel the same. I started to worry. And next is when the love of my life broke my heart yet again.

I went and accessed her email account (She had given me her password before) to just make sure that she received my emails. Curiosity got the best of me and I found 3 emails that made me numb. She was seeing someone. I get back home June 7th feeling depressed and alone. I had just gone through the stress of finals, graduating, missing my grad walk, a “break” with my girlfriend, and my grandfather suffering a stroke. My world sucked. I met up with some buddies and just hung out for the earlier part of the day, but I was hurt. I call my ex and we met up…. I’m going through the same situation I was in a year and a half ago. Breaking up and her seeing someone. She has broken my heart yet again. We see love, true love, and soul mates in different ways. She feels the need to find what is right for her, but for me, I had faith that she was the one. All because I really do love her because of who she is, a wonderful woman. I haven’t really mentioned it earlier but we’ve shared so many good times that I feel outway the bad. She is a beautiful woman with many great qualities, except for one, which is breaking my heart. She’s done so much for me in many ways. I’ve loved her since I was 15 and now I’m 24. It hasn’t even been a month yet since we talked less and less and now she’s seeing someone else and sadly, this is the third time. She puts herself in these rebound relationships and for some reason I take her back, because I love her, but I’m not enough for her. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know if my pride or ego will ever let me find my way back to her. I know that I really do love her because I feel like I can let her go to pursue what ever will make her happy. I just want to be happy myself and I just don’t want to repeat the mistakes I have committed before. My own life is a mess and I need to work on that first. I told her yesterday that I was still in love with her and that a part of me always will, but she knows that. I know that she will always love me. I also told her that I can’t hurt again like before. I’m already feeling it. I haven’t slept since yesterday morning and it’s already 11am. I not going to take her back anymore….I’m going to leave this relationship behind. I want to thank her parents today for putting up with me and her and also to apologize for the headaches and trouble I’ve caused. I want to say goodbye to that part of my life, which was wonderful while it lasted. She has been a beautiful part of my life for almost 10 years, a major portion of my life. She was my high school/college sweetheart. Right now I’m feeling numb, a little sad, but I’m thinking that I will be alright. I really love her with all my heart, and I just want her to be happy. I will always love you Andrea.

Ps. Sorry for the rant, I just needed somebody to listen.
Thanks and goodnight.

Sign In

She was my first love and high school sweetheart...June 8, 2006

Recommended Posts

Tasteslikegood

clamchowderz

longcut11

Tasteslikegood

Sand&Water

Love Hurts

Tasteslikegood

Guest

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...