RecordProducer Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 So this girl meets a guy who has had many (25-35) women in bed before. Most of them were probably one-night stands. He is 28 years old. Is he a slut and is she just one of his adevntures? Is he prone to cheating? What do you think? Should she ditch him? She didn't know about his past until she discovered some things by accident.
Outcast Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Every case is different. Some guys sleep around a lot and finally realize it's unfulfilling. Others can't or won't commit. Still others remain stuck at one emotional age level and never grow up. So it depends on the guy and his story - maybe he's sick to death of that sort of lifestyle and wants to have a partner in love and life now.
Cecelius Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 If it bothers her, then yes, she should dump him. My sense is that she won't because (1) as a girl, it is likely that she feels implicitly that his numbers mean that he is a man's man who is desired by other women and who gets what he wants and (2) very few women value male chastity and in fact, think that something is wrong with him if he hasn't been around a little bit... My sense though is that this is a hypothetical intended to illustrate the double standard applied around here?
catgirl1927 Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Yes, he is a big slut. But, I reject completely the notion that someone who has been promiscuous in the past will automatically hump anything that stands still. This goes for men and for women. Just because a person, male OR female, has had a lot of sex doesn't mean that they can't be in a serious, meaningful relationship. It depends totally on him and on how they are together.
littlekitty Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 But, I reject completely the notion that someone who has been promiscuous in the past will automatically hump anything that stands still. This goes for men and for women. Just because a person, male OR female, has had a lot of sex doesn't mean that they can't be in a serious, meaningful relationship. It depends totally on him and on how they are together. I agree with this 100%. Someone's past is not always an indicator of their future. People do have the ability to grow and change.
thegoodhubbie Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 My sense though is that this is a hypothetical intended to illustrate the double standard applied around here? Even though this post is obviously as that described above, I say the guy is a big slut who shows no self-restraint or good judgement. At best he is probably an opportunist. And should this be true, the fact that she found out by accident suggests he is not very honest, as such, she should dump him for that too
StayClose Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 If he's had sex with lots of women then he obviously offers something that lots of women want.
Mz. Pixie Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 For me, 28 would be too young to have that many sex partners. My husband is almost 38 and he had probably 29 partners. But, he was single for a long time too. He didn't lose his virginity until 18 so he made up for lost time! For me, that was alot of partners. My first husband had three, but we were younger when we got married. So, yeah, it bothered me. But he was so good to me, and we were so in love it didn't matter enough for me to break it off with him. He'd been tested for everything and had a clean bill of health. It was especially hard for me when we went to our new church together. It's very big and has 6,000 members but one day in service there were not one, but two women he'd slept with in his younger years! But, I wasn't a saint either so what could I say? I guess it depends on what you're comfortable with personally and the person.
Spiderman Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 So this girl meets a guy who has had many (25-35) women in bed before. Most of them were probably one-night stands. He is 28 years old. Is he a slut and is she just one of his adevntures? Is he prone to cheating? What do you think? Should she ditch him? She didn't know about his past until she discovered some things by accident. 25/35!! IMO That's quite tame in today's standards, especially for a guy of 28. I wouldn't class him as slut, I wouldn't think he would be prone to cheating, although hard to say, and no, she shouldn't dump him. Just out of curiosity, how many partners do you think are accepptable for a man/woman of 28/30?
Spiderman Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I agree with this 100%. Someone's past is not always an indicator of their future. People do have the ability to grow and change. I do agree with your comment to a certain extent LK, but surely someone who has given it up easily in the past still has a tendancy to be quite relaxed about sex and will still may have the inclination to give it up easily if given the right situation? If they didn't have any respect for their body at young age, why the sudden change of heart when they grow a little older?
electric_sheep Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 He may be different now. It's quite possible. And yes, he WAS a slut, or rather ... he acted like a slut. His past behavior was the very definition of slutiness, right ? Of course, that term has all sorts of value judgements attached to it. Better perhaps to say he was non-discriminatory in his sexual encounters. BTW, 25-35 partners is well above the national average spiderman. Our society likes to perpetuate the idea that it is sluttier than it actually is.
tanbark813 Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I'm 28 and my "number" is in that range. I've never cheated on anyone. Some of the girls I've been with I had no serious interest in. Some I did but it didn't work out for whatever reason. I definitely would like to find a meaningful, long-term relationship. I don't consider myself a bad guy though. A slut maybe, but still a catch. It's interesting the conclusions people will extrapolate from such limited information. To RP: If your friend is girlfriend material, then the guy may have serious intentions. If she's not, then he probably won't.
ronnieromance Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 WTF? That's not a lot. I don't count, but since i've been having sex I average like 2 semi-serious things and maybe a f*** buddy a year. That's 3 people a year. That's a lot to you? Never cheated, hardly considered by anyone to be a man-whore. You people are prudish. -R-
ronnieromance Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 And another thing, the only thing going through a "lot" of partners or relationships signifies to me, is being discriminatory. Frankly, I don't think a guy who's willing to wed the first whore, cuckold or virgin he beds is a smart guy. I'd be wary of people who have only a "few" relationships. It's been my experience that they are more prone to unecessisarily fast and boderline psycho attachments. And I ain't down with that s***. Call me awhore if you want. I call it standards. -R-
electric_sheep Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Ronnieromance and tanbark813, I don't think the issue is in "the number", but rather in the "casual" aspect of the encounters. My interpretation: slut = someone who has casual sex, with little or no emotional involvment. prude = someone who requires a major emotional investment before having sex. For example, I've had sex with people I've only known a couple of hours. I'd say that makes me a slut. Not just because I've done that once, but because I've done that several times. There is no right and wrong here. Different people just view sex different ways. "Prude" and "slut" both are very judgemental terms, and are usually used to put down people. Beyond that, they are simply statements about what sex means to someone.
kitten chick Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I actually think 29 is an average to low number for someone that age based on the guys I know. In my experience, the ones that had the higher numbers were the ones less likely to cheat on their girlfriends (and me if I happened to be one of them ). I do know one guy who is probably well over 100 and he cheats on his girlfriends all the time so I guess it's not a steadfast rule.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I don't think having many partners makes you a slut. I think "slut" is a crude name to call someone, but if I were to call someone a slut, it would be someone who is currently having multiple partners, especially if they are seeing someone "exclusively" or in a relationship
tanbark813 Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 e_s: One thing that is being overlooked in some of the posts, though, is that regardless of number, not all girls are viewed in the same light. A "high" number doesn't mean all the partners were casual. Some, yes, but not all. I also agree with what ronnie says about being discriminatory. A low number sometimes signals settling due to worrying about not being able to get someone else.
kitten chick Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I also agree with what ronnie says about being discriminatory. A low number sometimes signals settling due to worrying about not being able to get someone else. Interesting. My experience has been the opposite. The ones that settle and are less picky are the ones with the higher numbers. I guess that's why numbers really shouldn't matter, it means something different for each person.
ronnieromance Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Interesting. My experience has been the opposite. The ones that settle and are less picky are the ones with the higher numbers. I guess that's why numbers really shouldn't matter, it means something different for each person. But what do they look, dress and act like? It takes two to tango. Maybe the ladies are being discriminatory. -R-
basscatcher Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I don't think slut is a word one should use easily or lightly on another person. A person who intentionally prostitutes themselvs, or is intentionally just using women for sex to have a notch on his belt to brag to his compadres how many women he has had is a MAN-SLUT. He has no desire to get to know these women. A woman who uses men for the sole purpose of her own sexual gratification with no attraction to the man she uses in my opinion is a FEMALE-SLUT. She has no desire also to get to know the men. I have been called a slut many times. I don't believe for a moment I'm a slut. I've had my fair share of sexual partners and I can tell you which ones where I can admit I was acting like a slut. (maybe 1 or 2) All of my actions are by choice. 99% of my choices is because I have a strong attraction to the man, I want to get to know the man more, I want to develop a dating relationship WITH him and I responded and impressed upon the man that I am attracted to him, I am physically attracted to him, I want to know him more, I want the connection with him on a emotional level. Sex for me is an emotional, mental and phsycial connection. I can't have sex with every man I think is good looking. I've turned down a lot of men whom I found attractive but something was missing and I didn't want to persue that physical connection. I've had gfs jab at me for turning guys down... They think I'm crazy.. I know what I like in a mate. I like sex too but I don't do it just to do it. I have to have and want a real connection with the man first before I give myself to him. I wouldn't want to be called a slut because of the # of men I have been with. If my intentions are of a slut then its deserved. Don't judge someone because of a #. Find out the reason behind why they have had so many sex partners. I have more disrespect for someone who has F*buddies then someone who has had many sexual partners. F*buddies to me is using, it is whoring yourself for your selfish pleasure with no intentions of developing a meaningful relationship. To me I tend to think if someone has the ability to have a f*buddy then they don't have the ability to fully immerse themselves in a real, open, honest, committed, meaningful relationship. This is my opinion...
electric_sheep Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 One of the things that is hiliarious about all the surveys that have been done on "the number" is ... The total number of sex partners of men is always way higher than the total number of partners women have had, which is of course mathmatically impossible, unless men are having sex with men ! (nothing wrong with that, btw). Just think about your friends and acquaintances even ... you will likely find that is the case. Something fishy is going on here. hmm ... The concensus is that men often exagerate, and women minimize. Just goes to show you how much importance we put on "the number" in our society. It seems to be closely attached to our sense of personal worth, or lack thereof.
Spiderman Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 If he's had sex with lots of women then he obviously offers something that lots of women want. I wouldn't personally call 25/30 lots!
Spiderman Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Come on then let's lay it on the line, I want numbers y'all - How many people have you slept with, let's be honest now, I want your age and amount, then we can start to do some real finger pointing! Or are you scared?
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