my life Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 I read a lot of posts about why the MM doesn not leave the W. Heres my take on it. I am a MW involved with a single man who is much younger than I. I want to leave my husband. I told him I wanted a divorce, I didnt love him anymore, all we do is fight, and I can not get over all the disrespectful things he has done. (Has had affairs and indisrections throughout our decade of marriage. I always remained faithful, until now). Anyway, the srama starts, the threats of suicide begin, the guilt trips about the children. How can I walk away from our responsibilites he repeatly asks. Now, women, for the most part, are more dramatic then men. If this is a taste of what happens when the word divorce is said, I cant image what a man has to deal with from the wife. The drama and the guilt is tremendous. I love my OM, i want to be with my OM. But, when children are invloved, it becomes more complex. I guess what I am trying to say is that just because the MM or MW stays, it does not mean that they dont care or love the OW/OM. For all of you feeling like crap, just know that on the other end, the MM/MW feels just as bad, if not worse.
lovernotafighter Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 thank you for your post . I am sure my MM loves me a great deal...and I know it is harder for him than I because he has a son. but it's nice to have reassurance from time to time.
RealityCheck Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 I read a lot of posts about why the MM doesn not leave the W. Heres my take on it. I am a MW involved with a single man who is much younger than I. I want to leave my husband. I told him I wanted a divorce, I didnt love him anymore, all we do is fight, and I can not get over all the disrespectful things he has done. (Has had affairs and indisrections throughout our decade of marriage. I always remained faithful, until now). Anyway, the srama starts, the threats of suicide begin, the guilt trips about the children. How can I walk away from our responsibilites he repeatly asks. Now, women, for the most part, are more dramatic then men. If this is a taste of what happens when the word divorce is said, I cant image what a man has to deal with from the wife. The drama and the guilt is tremendous. I love my OM, i want to be with my OM. But, when children are invloved, it becomes more complex. I guess what I am trying to say is that just because the MM or MW stays, it does not mean that they dont care or love the OW/OM. For all of you feeling like crap, just know that on the other end, the MM/MW feels just as bad, if not worse. I agree, simply because this is in my case. My exMM loves me a great deal. Some may say, if he did he would leave the marriage. Well, he probably would if that is what I wanted. I just don't. As far as I'm concerned I have the best of both worlds myself right now and I'm not prepared at this time in my life to change it. So he has decided to go NC. Ce la vie. Oh, I should mention I did receive a birthday gift from him for my birthday during his apparent "NC". *laughing*.
zarathustra Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 I agree, simply because this is in my case. My exMM loves me a great deal. Some may say, if he did he would leave the marriage. Well, he probably would if that is what I wanted. I just don't. As far as I'm concerned I have the best of both worlds myself right now and I'm not prepared at this time in my life to change it. So he has decided to go NC. Ce la vie. Oh, I should mention I did receive a birthday gift from him for my birthday during his apparent "NC". *laughing*. Happy bday then as NC started quite recently, right? Muah! Sorry... TJing again.
movinon05 Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 I read a lot of posts about why the MM doesn not leave the W. Heres my take on it. I am a MW involved with a single man who is much younger than I. I want to leave my husband. I told him I wanted a divorce, I didnt love him anymore, all we do is fight, and I can not get over all the disrespectful things he has done. (Has had affairs and indisrections throughout our decade of marriage. I always remained faithful, until now). Anyway, the srama starts, the threats of suicide begin, the guilt trips about the children. How can I walk away from our responsibilites he repeatly asks. Now, women, for the most part, are more dramatic then men. If this is a taste of what happens when the word divorce is said, I cant image what a man has to deal with from the wife. The drama and the guilt is tremendous. I love my OM, i want to be with my OM. But, when children are invloved, it becomes more complex. I guess what I am trying to say is that just because the MM or MW stays, it does not mean that they dont care or love the OW/OM. For all of you feeling like crap, just know that on the other end, the MM/MW feels just as bad, if not worse. Its all very well and good, and I understand your dilemma. But I do find it hard to believe that your H has the gall to say he will commit suicide, children guilt trips, and your responsibilities when he played with all of that and did not think about it everytime he stepped out on the M! What will his excuse be next time?
RealityCheck Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 Happy bday then as NC started quite recently, right? Muah! Sorry... TJing again. *laughing* May long weekend he called to go NC..... Like Movinon said to me.."he obviously doesn't know the meaning of NC!" Zara.....have a couple of peanuts!!!......lol
zarathustra Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 *laughing* May long weekend he called to go NC..... Like Movinon said to me.."he obviously doesn't know the meaning of NC!" Zara.....have a couple of peanuts!!!......lol LOL... snort!! Ummmm.... peanuts!! WTF are wrong with these STBXMMs, xMMs and MMs? They're thick in the scull. 2 OP, I hope you can find the peace in your life that you need.
Iwanttohope Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I read a lot of posts about why the MM doesn not leave the W. Heres my take on it. I am a MW involved with a single man who is much younger than I. I want to leave my husband. I told him I wanted a divorce, I didnt love him anymore, all we do is fight, and I can not get over all the disrespectful things he has done. (Has had affairs and indisrections throughout our decade of marriage. I always remained faithful, until now). Anyway, the srama starts, the threats of suicide begin, the guilt trips about the children. How can I walk away from our responsibilites he repeatly asks. Now, women, for the most part, are more dramatic then men. If this is a taste of what happens when the word divorce is said, I cant image what a man has to deal with from the wife. The drama and the guilt is tremendous. I love my OM, i want to be with my OM. But, when children are invloved, it becomes more complex. I guess what I am trying to say is that just because the MM or MW stays, it does not mean that they dont care or love the OW/OM. For all of you feeling like crap, just know that on the other end, the MM/MW feels just as bad, if not worse. My Life--thank you for the perspective. It helps tremendously especially when those "he never cared about you" demons appear out of no where. It's so easy to wage that internal battle and not know what is going on while you are in the midst of no contact. I'm on day 35 and counting and its still very hard. Does your husband know of your OM? If so, does he implore you to believe that everything you have thought/felt is "just" a fantasy or a fairytale?
stillafool Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I was thinking that because he has kids he probably doesn't have time to think of me as I do of him. But since you are a mom you are probably really busy with the kids and still you think of the OM. Those things of what we last said to one another do keep creeping into my mind and it is day 31 or NC. I can't help but wonder if he thinks about those things.
my life Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I was thinking that because he has kids he probably doesn't have time to think of me as I do of him. But since you are a mom you are probably really busy with the kids and still you think of the OM. Those things of what we last said to one another do keep creeping into my mind and it is day 31 or NC. I can't help but wonder if he thinks about those things. Of course your married SO thinks of you! Even when they are with the family!Probably more then he/she admits. Unless you are a screw toy, (which I doubt most of you are), it goes deeper than that. I am constantly thinking of my OM! Things we do, things we say, its hard not to. Now, being a woman, maybe I am wrong for assuming what a man thinks, but I dont think I am too far off. Plus men are better at masking their feelings, its programed from birth, have to be big tough, no crying. Its just difficult to understand, if this is not your position, what the MM/MW goes through. Torn between two worlds, not sure what choices to make. Family commitments & family obligations. Its easy to say, "If you loved me, you would leave and be with me". Just because he/she does not leave, does not mean that they dont want to. There is so much more to it. And let me say I feel awful about having him wait for my call or wait for me when I have free time. When you are with your OM/OW, we are in fantasy, just as you are. But, let me just say, if reality was so wonderful we wouldnt want to escape wth that special someone who makes us feel the way we should. As far as the suicide threats, yes they are real! Why would I lie? Its a desprate attempt to save a marriage on his part. The guilt is a last ditch effort, pure desperation. No, my H does not know about my OM. Just know if you ment nothing to the MM/MW, you would know it! Just remember he/she chose you as someone who they are willing to risk the marriage for. That says alot, unless you are a one night stand, and then if you were, you wouldnt be on this forum!
Iwanttohope Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Of course your married SO thinks of you! Even when they are with the family!Probably more then he/she admits. Unless you are a screw toy, (which I doubt most of you are), it goes deeper than that. I am constantly thinking of my OM! Things we do, things we say, its hard not to. Now, being a woman, maybe I am wrong for assuming what a man thinks, but I dont think I am too far off. Plus men are better at masking their feelings, its programed from birth, have to be big tough, no crying. Its just difficult to understand, if this is not your position, what the MM/MW goes through. Torn between two worlds, not sure what choices to make. Family commitments & family obligations. Its easy to say, "If you loved me, you would leave and be with me". Just because he/she does not leave, does not mean that they dont want to. There is so much more to it. And let me say I feel awful about having him wait for my call or wait for me when I have free time. When you are with your OM/OW, we are in fantasy, just as you are. But, let me just say, if reality was so wonderful we wouldnt want to escape wth that special someone who makes us feel the way we should. As far as the suicide threats, yes they are real! Why would I lie? Its a desprate attempt to save a marriage on his part. The guilt is a last ditch effort, pure desperation. No, my H does not know about my OM. Just know if you ment nothing to the MM/MW, you would know it! Just remember he/she chose you as someone who they are willing to risk the marriage for. That says alot, unless you are a one night stand, and then if you were, you wouldnt be on this forum! Thank you again My Life.... I know exactly what you are referring to about suicide threats... my xMM was threatened with the same by his W and while I can say that I thought it was bogus (I think people who really contemplate suicide don't typically sound a canon when they're thinking about it) I know it freaked him out because of his children... you can't not take that threat seriously when you are standing before the other parent of your children. I also stood witness to the guilt, the how could you do this to us, the you have responsibilities, etc. It was awful for him and for me because I know that I would be echoing the same appeals had I been in his W's shoes. Thank you for sharing your perspective and please continue to do so. One of the very hardest parts of NC has been the assumption that its easy for my xMM to move on. He initiated NC this last time because of the emotional condition I was in. He does love me and I believe that fully. He said he had to see if his marriage could be saved in order to be able to look himself in the mirror. Anyway, I could go on and on but you can look at my previous posts for details. I fully believe that its his love for me that has made him respect NC. His W found out and the wreckage was far reaching for all of us. Anyway, I continue to babble! Thanks again for a glimpse of the view from where you sit:)
movinon05 Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I'm not saying I don't believe he threatened to commit suicide! My exH did the same thing before I left him. I'm saying he's got a lot of nerve throwing those threats out there, telling YOU to think of the children, telling YOU to think of your responsibilities, when he threw all that to the wind when he kept having affair after affair! Suddenly, he's throwing it all on your shoulders and it doesn't sound like he is taking responsibility for HIS actions!
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