lawrence angel Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 I got through that period some how, and decided to try and find out what was going on. I happened upon my husbands cell phone records online and saw that he was calling this woman up to 10 times per day, granted they were working together as partners by this time, but the calls were made when I would leave the room when we would be on vacation, on weekends when I had to work, etc. When I showed him the phone records, over time he admitted that he kept it from me because he knew they were just friends and he thought it was silly that I had a problem with that. It took him a little time to realize that what he had done was wrong by keeping this from me,but what bothers me is that they were best friends by this time, and we were further apart than we had ever been. They never met alone,did not talk about being together, and there was no physical attraction. It's been 6 mo. and they talk much less now, and I have my sweet husband back, but I have no physical attraction for him and am a little depressed. I often think divorce, how much time should I give my feelings to come back? Should I tell him to cut all ties with her?? I can't stand it when she calls, I hear, "how is your day going?" Should this be a part of a business conversation? I still think of all this constantly, and when I tell him I have lost my feelings, he just hugs me and says the love is still there, and he feels for me the way he did 5 years ago. He thinks everything is going well. Sometimes I pretend I am happy around him when I am not. How long should I wait to get my life back??
sylviaguardian Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I know how crushing and depressing these things are, but believe me, nothing is worth taking your life for and certainly not your son's. I am sorry to tell you this but I strongly suspect that your husband is 'gaslighting' you. He is telling you conflicting information and trying to shift the blame onto you to cover his own tracks. Part of you feeling suicidal and depressed is due to the fact that your gut feeling is probably telling you that something is going on. I have been in your situation. My husband also met a woman at work. I found a text from her the day we went on holiday 2 years ago. Months later, I found out that he was contacting her 10-15 times per day. He never spoke about her at home. When I confronted him, he also told me that they were just friends. It ate me up inside. My gut feeling was always telling me that something else was going on. I could not prove anything but nearly a year later, he admitted that it was a physical relationship. Let's get one thing clear - phoning a woman several times a day, in secret, is not a 'friendship'. At the very least it is an emotional affair. Your husband's behaviour backs this up. He was yelling at you to try and put some distance between you and him and so that he could say that it was a 'bad relationship'. This is hard, honey, but I think you need to do a lot more digging here if you want peace of mind. Like finding out if he was really staying with his friend at weekends or checking bills etc. I feel so sad for you. It's hard when you have a young one and believe that everything was fine. Please stay strong for him. Sylvia
cuckolded husband Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 LA sounds like what my wife did had a close friendship with co-worker and the whole time told me he was just like her little brother and to not worry about it. Then fast fwd 20 years then she confesses the truth don't take anything for granted. Do a little spying you'll find out the truth it won't be good in my opinion. Good luck I hope everything turns out OK
Author lawrence angel Posted June 8, 2006 Author Posted June 8, 2006 Thank you both for your concern and reply. I would like to make one thing very clear, I am not feeling suicidal now, that was a situational thing that I moved beyond. As for digging into my husbands stuff, I checked bills, paperwork, briefcase, etc. and found nothing. He also works closely with his mother. I am sure this was not a physical thing. Right after I found the cell trail, 6 mo. ago, I just happened to meet the woman and her boyfriend for the first time, and my husband showed much respect and love for me in front of her. My concern now is, do I have a right to tell him to break all business ties etc. with her, and how long should I feel unloved and depressed about this. I have read so much about emotional affairs leading to divorce and physical ones not so much. It has been 6 mo. since it hit the fan and I still feel immense pain.
cuckolded husband Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 LA My wife would show all kind of love in front of the OM tell me that I was the only man that she loved ect..... And the OM man was OK with that all he wanted was Friendship and s_xxxxxxxxxxxxx so don't be fooled.
Author lawrence angel Posted June 8, 2006 Author Posted June 8, 2006 For those of you reading this for the first time, this thread is the 2nd part of emotional affair or just friends??? You must read the first one to understand this one:rolleyes:
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