Jessy Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 Ok here is my problem, my boyfriend is divorced with 2 kids. We have been dating for a while and his ex has costody. But now he is living with his ex wife and he tells me its his kids he wants to see them and now i don't know if he still loves her and wants to be with her or me but when i told him to chose he said he wants me and the thing i think he is lying about is that he told me that if he can stay away from me for two weeks he can have his son but im not sure i believe she said that. Everyone says that he is happy being with me and his family says he loves me hell he told his sister he loved me before i ever heard him tell me. So am i just being paranoid or is he really still with her and lying to me i mean me and her have gotten into it over him before but now he hasn't called or even tried to see me he doesn't have a car but i work 1/2 a mile away from her place so i don't see why he couldn't sneek away, but i kinda feel like he doesn't want to chance losing his son because he is the most important thing to him, a few other facts, he proposed, she is "supposed" to be moving (which i don't know is true or not), and everyone says he is in love with me but wants his son and i know his family they wouldn't lie for him although they tell me he should try and get his son another way not by staying away from me. PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE IM GOING CRAZY!!!!!
movinon05 Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 This is rather confusing! He is definitely divorced? How Long? How long have you been seeing him? How long ago did he move back and why in the world did he do so? Doesn't he have a place to live? Did he have any visitation with his son? And what about the other child? This really does not make much sense!! He has a right to see his son/children and have some sort of visitation. Is there a reason why he doesn't have it? And she's calling the shots - giving him two weeks to prove something? I'm sorry, but this sounds like a load of BS!!!
littlekitty Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 Yep, we definately need some clarification of the facts here to be able to make a suggestions as to what is happening... Try to fill us in on all the facts!
Author Jessy Posted June 8, 2006 Author Posted June 8, 2006 OK he has a place to stay till we get our own place and he don't want to stay there. He says it is for his kids but I think that is just his x-wife starting s***. She told him the only way he can see his kids is if he stays there. They say she is moving to a different statebut I'm not so sure. How am I saposed to know If he still loves her or me and who he is really with me or her.How do I find this qustion out if he won't talk to me or even call me? Is it just because he wants his son and he has to stay away from me for the two weeks that she is here? Or is he playing a game?
littlekitty Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 Ok, but they are definately divorced? You don't answer that? I'd imagine they are not divorced but only seperated if things like child support and contact arrangements aren't yet resolved. One thing to keep in mind is that men (decent men ) in this position suffer a HUGE amount of guilt at having left their children. However much they believe it to be the best thing, there will be times they might wobble slightly, they will feel guilty and often they will do anything to ensure that they still get to see thier children. It took my SO a while before he felt able to stand up to his ex and not let her dictate everything. He was so afraid of not seeing his son that he jumped however high she said. It took time for him to get a feel of how much he could push back without loosing contact. Eventually we sussed that she knew she'd be in the wrong LEGALLY (in this country) by with holding contact. So we eventually found we had more of a leg to stand on than we had thought. And then we stopped playing her games. It could well be that he really is willing to spend two weeks there with her and his son before she goes out of state to live. I'm not sure how comfortable I would have been with that, especially since he's stopped all contact with you during this time. But he does have to put his son first. You also didn't answer how long you two have been together? And how long have they been split? These are very relevant facts that effect this. I'm concerned he's just gone there for two weeks with no contact and not really told you what's going on. Sounds fishy to me!
RealityCheck Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 This is rather confusing! He is definitely divorced? How Long? How long have you been seeing him? How long ago did he move back and why in the world did he do so? Doesn't he have a place to live? Did he have any visitation with his son? And what about the other child? This really does not make much sense!! He has a right to see his son/children and have some sort of visitation. Is there a reason why he doesn't have it? And she's calling the shots - giving him two weeks to prove something? I'm sorry, but this sounds like a load of BS!!! I agree with MO...!!! For a parent not to have been granted visitation rights is very odd. A parent would have to be proven unfit to not have access to the children. There certainly does appear to be something not quite right. I don't know how the Courts are where you live, but where I live it is public record. If this is the case where you live, perhaps you should do your own investigating first handed.
Chump64 Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 If they are divorced he should have some custody rights, regardless of where he lives. His ex wife cannot legally withhold visitation or custody.
Author Jessy Posted June 8, 2006 Author Posted June 8, 2006 They have been split up sence September of last year. There devorce went final May 11 of this year. We have been together for 10months. He had recently left to go see his dad and brother for a few weeks and while he was gone the devorce went final. They had an agreement that she would not go to court with out him so he had some rights to see his son and daughter. She went and told the judge that he just up and left didn't care about the kids. When he found out that he had no rights to see the kids he go real upset. She has full custidy of the two and he has no rights to see them. He was saposed to have cusdity of his son and vistion rights of his little girl But the bitch messed that up. So I have no clue what to do?
ronnieromance Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 That's a great song, isn't it? Baby Mamma Drama, by SOuthBeat Records artist J-Shin. -R-
theantibarbie23 Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 They have been split up sence September of last year. There devorce went final May 11 of this year. We have been together for 10months. He had recently left to go see his dad and brother for a few weeks and while he was gone the devorce went final. They had an agreement that she would not go to court with out him so he had some rights to see his son and daughter. She went and told the judge that he just up and left didn't care about the kids. When he found out that he had no rights to see the kids he go real upset. She has full custidy of the two and he has no rights to see them. He was saposed to have cusdity of his son and vistion rights of his little girl But the bitch messed that up. So I have no clue what to do? I'm sorry but this just sounds like a crock. You have to really mess up to lose all visitation rights, it's not something the courts do on a whim and certainly not at the last second just as the divorce is going final. I know dads who have a long history of drug and alcohol abuse, dads who were emotionally abusive, and those that actually did abandon their kids (like my ex brother in law, ugh!) who were given visitation rights. You say his family tells you the same thing. Are you sure this guy's family isn't covering for him? Some families are REALLY dysfunctional and will do crazy things like that.
movinon05 Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 They have been split up sence September of last year. There devorce went final May 11 of this year. We have been together for 10months. He had recently left to go see his dad and brother for a few weeks and while he was gone the devorce went final. They had an agreement that she would not go to court with out him so he had some rights to see his son and daughter. She went and told the judge that he just up and left didn't care about the kids. When he found out that he had no rights to see the kids he go real upset. She has full custidy of the two and he has no rights to see them. He was saposed to have cusdity of his son and vistion rights of his little girl But the bitch messed that up. So I have no clue what to do? This really doesn't sound right either. If he knew the divorce was coming up, he needed to be there. And if he couldn't, he should have told the courts and tried to have it rescheduled. A divorce doesn't go final until all the Ts are crossed and the i's dotted. A judge doesn't just take one parent's word for it and unilaterally make a solid decision like that! Does he have an actual copy of the divorce decree which states this? I would want to see it. And if so, that means he does have to file a motion or an appeal depending where you are. That could be a lengthy process. I work in the legal field, not necessarily in family issues, but do know about some of this having been through a divorce myself.
stillhere Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 Something may be fishy, but here in the great white north, some judges take the woman's side, regardless. I went through this with my soon to be xH and his xGF. No matter what, he was the *ss, and she was the angel when it came to the kids. I would request to see the divorce papers, just to know for sure.
Author Jessy Posted June 10, 2006 Author Posted June 10, 2006 Ok I have seen the papers and it is final. He has no rights to the kids and isn't saposed to be within 1000ft of their range. The judge that they had for the devorce had his parents when the went through it so you know she didn't like him. The judge had his father in their and he used to beat his mom when they were married. So she asumed that he was or is the same as his dad.But allthis s*** makes me puck:sick: .
DysfunctionalKJ Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 Girl, I don't think he is divorced I know in most states there is a waiting period after the court date so if he had been on it he would have taken care of it and unless he did something crazy, they would not hold him back from his kids. He could even go back to court and change it if he has been taken care of them like you said. It is either one of two things with him. 1. He is a player and his wife is getting tired of him and wants him to commit to their relationship, kinda like you do... If that is right, it looks like you are his back-up plan or 2. He is one weak man that will let anyone tell him what to do. Now really, is that really the type of man you want? I have never been in the baby mama drama thing but I have a loser brother and been way too involved until I learned it was really none of my business. I do remember the new girlfriend calling me regularly. She was a nice girl but had some serious emotional problems. She would misread everything I said. I would tell her I thought my brother really cared about her but he was too much of a loser to treat her right (that's loyality for you, funny enough I really love my brother and constantly talk with him about where in the world he is going with his life. We are really dysfunctional). She would then go to my brother and say I know you love me because you sister said you did. She totally ignored the other part!!! I liked her a lot and was trying to make her feel better. I thought she would have been good for my brother because she was not crazy like his wife...but I would never have wished that on my worst enemy...my brother is very unstable and abusive! Are you sure you are hearing what his family is trying to tell you so you feeling aren't hurt? My brother ended up leaving his wife and the new girlfriend. Not before she got pregnant and he took her through hell. She is crazy now too (he made her into that) and there is all kinds of drama because he is working on baby mamma #3 and #1 and #2 are fighting each other, and him, and her and he is telling #3 that the other two are *itches and he wants to be with her but he has his kids he has to think about... Is that really what you want? Girl run! Before you are the next baby mama with the new girl callin you a ho and *itch and writing messages on the computer about how you are an evil woman even tho you were down for him first and put up with all his stuff first and he decided he wanted someone that he hadn't made crazy yet.
Buttaflyy Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 None of this has anything to do with why he is avoiding you. Why be in a relationship on these terms anyway? Did you say he was living with HER?? That is a big no no! If he is with you and planning to get a place with you he should not disrespect you in this way. Cutting contact from YOU should tell you something. Doesn't sound like he's your man.
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