How do you keep it "light" and not fall into that whole relationship thing...

[AriaIncognito]

I've been on these boards for a while now and have been wondering something. For some people, dating, is easy. They are able to meet multiple men/women and "see" them, but not take it too seriously. Meaning, they aren't quick to get attached or need commitment or whatever. Then there are those that either seemingly always end up in "relationships" or end up falling for the guy/girl regardless of setting out to just "date".

 

So tell me, how do you keep it light, instead of falling for people? Is it an actual skill? Or is it just that some people are more quick to want to commit than others?

 

I ask this partially because, ever since a young age, I've always seemingly ended up in relationships with people. It seems like, if there was a first date, there was also a 50th. Over the past few years, I've wanted to try to keep myself from falling for people, but I've fallen anyway. What gives? Am I just too into the idea of commiting to someone, or is there a possibility that some of us just dont have the ability to just be "light" about dating?

 

I look forward to your responses :-)

 

Jennifer

[Sapiens]

 

I ask this partially because, ever since a young age, I've always seemingly ended up in relationships with people. It seems like, if there was a first date, there was also a 50th. Over the past few years, I've wanted to try to keep myself from falling for people, but I've fallen anyway. What gives? Am I just too into the idea of commiting to someone, or is there a possibility that some of us just dont have the ability to just be "light" about dating?

 

I look forward to your responses :-)

 

Jennifer

 

Question: How was your childhood?

 

Were both of your parents around?

 

I seem to be able to keep it light if I want to.

 

-Sapiens

[Forever Searching]

I"m the same way, I"m a relationship "jumper" Both my parents were around.

 

Except lately I've been on a three month rotation it seems

[AriaIncognito]

Well my childhood screams why I'd want a man. My biological father and mom split when i was like 2. My mom remarried when I was like 3-4 but they divorced when I was 7. Then, she remarried when I was like 13-14, and is still married (not all that happily though at times) to him now, some 17 years later.

 

My mothers younger brother was there for a me a lot, and I'd consider him to be a father figure. So much so that he'd probably be the person I"d ask to walk me down the aisle, should I ever find a freaking husband. Sigh lol.

 

Jennifer

[Outcast]

Some people are more emotional than others, I think. I couldn't do 'light' again. Mostly becaue 'light' turns out to be boring - for me, anyway.

 

But why do you want to be 'light' anyway? What's wrong with having an actual relationship?

[AriaIncognito]

Personally, I don't want to be light. However, I feel like since I've done all these freaking long term relationships that led nowhere, that maybe I should be trying a different tactic.

 

The guy i was seeing until today (i put us on a break because he is up and down with wanting to be a couple) was the one with the commitment problem. Me, I was his from like, a month in. I just wonder if that's too fast.

 

Jennifer

[Outcast]

Me, I was his from like, a month in. I just wonder if that's too fast.

 

Aha. Here we have the issue. It's not that you can't be 'light', it's that you over-commit far too soon, right? That definitely needs change. Remember that the first 3-6 months (the studies say even as much as up to 18 months) you are in the throes of biology which is designed to fool you into choosing a mate. Never confuse this with love. Don't coast on those feelings thinking that this is 'it'. All it is is your chemistry conspiring against you. So refuse to let it. Just say 'no'. Doesn't mean you need to be 'light' but hang on to your heart until some months have passed and you've had time to develop a firm foundation.

[dgiirl]

I'm pretty much the same way. I dont really understand how you "date" someone. If I like a guy, either we end up in a relationship or it goes nowhere pretty fast. I cant imagine some guy showing up at my door with flowers and taking me out to dinner and a movie lol. That's just so odd.

 

Interesting question. I'd like to know the answer too

[Guest]

Usually, when people like each other, become physically intimate and spend a lot of time together, they become attached, it's part of biology. Men of course tend to be more rational and are able to separate physical connections with emotional intimacy for a longer period of time (especially if there is not a strong emotional connection). This enables men to "keep it light" easier than women. I personally don't know hot to keep it light when I like the person I date, I would want to develop a relationship with them. It's normal to develop feelings for someone.

[AriaIncognito]

Yeah well we've since broken up since i started this thread, unfortunately. I gave him some space to think about what he wanted, we got back 6 days later but he'd not come to any conclusions, then a week later, we split for what appears to be for good.

 

Sigh.

 

So sad.

 

Jennifer

[Guest]

Don't worry Jennifer, you will meet the right guy eventually who will want the same things as you do (and will truly appreciate you). I had to let a guy go as well who just couldn't give me something more serious. You'll feel better after a month or so.