mmcrissy Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 Hi Everyone, I did something I was sure I would/could never do...I fell in love with a MM. He has gotten a legal separation from his wife. He's moving into his own apartment this weekend. I'm so nervous. We haven't slept with each other...no sex at all in ANY form. Alot of kissing, holding hands and talking. (Time goes by so quickly when I'm with him) He's invited me over to his new apartment this weekend. I feel so nervous. Should I wait until the divorce is finalized? This could take a long time. She knows about his feelings towards me and has sworn to make his life miserable. Not so Brief History: Met MM over a year ago. We started doing business together shortly after meeting. I've always respected and was impressed by him from the day we first met. He's a very successful business man. I've learned a lot from him and I've made a lot of money because of him in the past year. He's overall a great guy. Never talked badly about his wife. Yet, i wondered why his wife never came to ANY of the company functions. Eight months after we started working together... he kissed me out of no where. I instinctively said no...he apologized...i told MM he needed to fix whatever was going wrong at home. He asked his wife to go see a therapist and shortly after and she refused. He's been married for 3 yrs(no children). Life at home for this man is horrible. He admits he is to blame. His wife hasn't worked for over a year. She spends the entire day home shopping.(She manages to spend $3000-$6000 on clothes every month) She doesn't leave the home. He does the shopping, cleaning, cooking ...everything. A few months ago, she decides she wants to try to have a baby. She has never trusted him and thinks he is looking at other women. She's a very attractive woman..thin beautiful..definitely very insecure...she might be suffering from paranoia. She thinks people are after her. MM thinks this is an excuse to get attention. Things got ugly when she read an email he sent me declaring his love for me. She confronted me. I told her the truth. I told her that I did care for MM but I would stay away from him. I really did mean it. I sent him an email that day not to contact me. He left the house that night. She was infuriated...she kicked him..it got ugly. Past two weeks he has told his family that he is ending this marriage. He's decided to end the marriage before they bring any children into the equation. He is also telling everyone that he cheated on his wife. He feels that having an emotional affair is just as bad as having a sexual affair. ( I respect him for that) Wife is devastated. She is blaming me for their divorce. She hates me. I feel sorry for her. She is constantly emailing me and calling me. She doesn't get that she is not addressing the real issues breaking up her marriage.
zarathustra Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 I think it would be wise to give it some time for the dust to settle before engaging in anything serious with this MM. Mine left his wife for me and then went back, but they have kids. Take things slow. If he loves you, then he will be there after he's divorced and if you feel similarly, you will feel the same way... when he's available to make a commitment to you. Take care and good luck.
Jessie61 Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 I think it would be wise to give it some time for the dust to settle before engaging in anything serious with this MM. Mine left his wife for me and then went back, but they have kids. Take things slow. If he loves you, then he will be there after he's divorced and if you feel similarly, you will feel the same way... when he's available to make a commitment to you. Take care and good luck. I think Zara is on to something here. It is early days yet. See how things pans out in the next few weeks/months... No, I am not saying that you absolutely HAVE to go NC on him, but there is no need to plan you wedding either, if you know what I mean...?
zarathustra Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 I think Zara is on to something here. It is early days yet. See how things pans out in the next few weeks/months... No, I am not saying that you absolutely HAVE to go NC on him, but there is no need to plan you wedding either, if you know what I mean...? Thanks Jessie, just sharing my mistakes with others. I took xMM into my life the minute he left his wife for me/separated. Didn't stop him from grovelling to go home a few months later. I think that there's so much at stake any way you slice it. mmcrissy, your heart is at stake, so protect it until you are sure, truly sure that this man is over his wife and is really filing for divorce. Leaving a marriage for someone else is usually not a good reason to leave. Leaving because its not repairable means that you'll have a better chance at making it work.
whichwayisup Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 I did something I was sure I would/could never do...I fell in love with a MM. He has gotten a legal separation from his wife. He's moving into his own apartment this weekend. I'm so nervous. We haven't slept with each other...no sex at all in ANY form. Alot of kissing, holding hands and talking. (Time goes by so quickly when I'm with him) He's invited me over to his new apartment this weekend. I feel so nervous. Should I wait until the divorce is finalized? This could take a long time. She knows about his feelings towards me and has sworn to make his life miserable. Don't have sex with him until his divorce is final. Infact, you should try your best to not get TOO attached and expect much from him for a while. He may change his mind, he may have so much guilt and go back home. Then, where does that leave you? Alone... For your own sake, and for his, give eachother time and space. HE needs that time to deal with the loss of marriage. He isn't going to just come running into your arms and start a whole new life with you after being married to someone else. TAKE IT SLOW. Let him cope with the loss, his soon to be exwife. She is mess and hurting - Rightfully so. Stay out of it and let him sort that part of his life out with her - There's no need for you at all, to get involved. I'm glad no children are part of this situation.
whichwayisup Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 Re-reading your post - It seems he never did give his marriage any chance. They didn't go to marriage counselling, neither of them fought their best to try and work it out. Time will tell, but don't go celebrating yet...He could change his mind, all of this is so fresh and she's outright PISSED right now, reacting with raw emotion! In afew weeks, when she calms down, she may want to sort it out and talk to him...IF that is the case - You have to let him try to again. Yeah, I'm sure it will be hard for you, but if you love him as much as you say - You'll want him to be happy, even if he ends up back with his wife again.
MrsHellFire Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 Wait till he's divorced. He's only separated meaning he could change his mind and go back to his wife. So I wouldn't get too attached nor interfere in what is going on in their lives right now.
SARose61 Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 By the way you describe MM's wife, I'd be very careful of even going to his new Apt because she is probably watching his every move. Give this time, if the relationship you have with him is solid and true it will stand the test of time. He should understand that nothing has changed, you still care about him and will continue in the relationship as before even if you cant take it to a deeper level at this time. Explain to him that his wife's mental stability is of concern to you and that you would not want any harm to come to him or you. Good Luck! Rose
whichwayisup Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 Give this time, if the relationship you have with him is solid and true it will stand the test of time. Uhh, it's inappropriate for them to "have" a solid friendship considering their past. He should understand that nothing has changed, you still care about him and will continue in the relationship as before even if you cant take it to a deeper level at this time. Uhh, again, he's married now and having a 'relationship' with her is UNFAIR to his new wife and their marriage.
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