Craig Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 When I look at this forum it seems like the good husbands are the ones that get shafted. You can be the perfect husband but if your wife one day decides to find herself or doesn't want to be married anymore it doesn't matter. What do men even get out of this? I honestly feel that the jerks and players are the smart ones because they end up winning. Er, Woggle? This forum is primarily populated by people with relationship issues/challenges/problems/questions so why in the world would it attract people who are enjoying a great relationship experience? Please tell me. If you call going from sex partner to sex partner amidst bad feelings, lies and manipulation then I guess the jerks and players are the winners--to you, but not to me.
Author Woggle Posted June 6, 2006 Author Posted June 6, 2006 The thing is that in theory I really don't mind marriage but i am so afraid of her leaving me or cheating on me and then I am trapped. Some judges are know to ignore prenups also so I am taking a risj but I love her. No woman has ever made me feel this way.
hotgurl Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 wog, you're not ready for marriage. You need to talk to her and get some pre-marital couseling. Going in like this you are all but guareenting a divorce. Have you guys talked about your future kids etc...
Sassy Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 I agree with all the other posters ! She deserves to have someone that wants to marry her. If you would rather shack up than marry maybe you should let her go . If you love her you will let her be happy with someone that wants to marry . Your outlook on marriage doesn't look good for having a long and lasting marriage . A marriage takes two to work on it. If you are against it before it happens how can this work in the future?
Guest Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 I have plenty of self esteem. I am getting married myself because I love her. If it were up to me we would just shack up but she wants to get married. well there is a novelish reason to get married, followed by a heartwarming sentiment.
whichwayisup Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 When I look at this forum it seems like the good husbands are the ones that get shafted. You can be the perfect husband but if your wife one day decides to find herself or doesn't want to be married anymore it doesn't matter. What do men even get out of this? I honestly feel that the jerks and players are the smart ones because they end up winning. What about the people who don't post on any forums and live good healthy lives? You don't think that exists? Just because you don't hear about it or are exposed to couples who are truely happy, doesn't mean that all the good ones get shafted. I'm happy and I've got a good man in my life. I may complain abit here and there but all in all our relationship IS good and healthy. Noone is perfect and throughout our lives, people make mistakes. And people do change abit too. If couples can't grow together it doesn't matter how good of a person the husband or wife is, the marriage will slowly fall apart.
alphamale Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 The thing is that in theory I really don't mind marriage but i am so afraid of her leaving me or cheating on me and then I am trapped. you marry someone when YOU want to marry them 100% out of your own FREE WILL. if you every marry someone because someone else wants you to marry them then you are doomed.
PandorasBox Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 The thing is that in theory I really don't mind marriage but i am so afraid of her leaving me or cheating on me and then I am trapped. Some judges are know to ignore prenups also so I am taking a risj but I love her. No woman has ever made me feel this way. Maybe you need to try some individual counseling to help you get over these fears of her or anyone for that matter possibly leaving or cheating on you. It can happen to anyone, at anytime. But to go around in life always worried about it, is not good. Its very unhealthy. I don't know if you have worked on these issues are not, but if not you need to do so before marrying, shacking up, or whatever you are planning on doing.
whichwayisup Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 Wog, I now just went and read the other replies. I've said it a million times to you and I'm telling you again. Please go sort out your feelings. GO talk to a therapist who can help you cope with your fears. If you don't, you're going to let your fears, past hurts and what other people's choices are that end in disaster RUIN your future. You love this woman, enough to marry her to make her happy because you want her in your life, right? You gotta let s*** go and learn how to just not let the bad stuff in life take over and not think so much into the future. NOONE can predict the future. One of you could be hit by a bus tomorrow. Or be struck by lightening...Or be in a car accident resulting in death. Stop thinking so far ahead. If you don't get a grip and just stop to enjoy the NOW, live in NOW, you're gonna miss alot of good things in life.
Mz. Pixie Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 I agree with WWIU. Your constant need to continue to post dribble like this is a clear sign that you need counseling. You were abused as a child- which whether you admit it or not messes with you- then you were married to this nutso woman who is about to be locked up in jail for doing crazy things to you- which damages you. You definitely need some counseling. As others have posted, there is no perfect husband or perfect wife. And this is a relationship trouble forum- many people who come here need help. And YOU DO TOO Woggle. You need help.
alphamale Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 Your constant need to continue to post dribble like this is a clear sign that you need counseling. Maybe MzP....but I attribute most of WOGGLE's behaviour to youth, inexperience and naivite.
seven Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 Woggle, if you don't change your thinking, you're most likely going to create what it is that you fear -- a doomed marriage. A self-fullfilling prophecy of sorts. Taking time now to clarify your thoughts may save you and your fiancee frustration later.
Chump64 Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 When I look at this forum it seems like the good husbands are the ones that get shafted. Then look on other forums. Go to the "Infidelity" forum. Most of the people who post are betrayed women. Go to the "OW / OM" forum. Most of the people who post are dating married men. Men cheat more than women overall. I'd say, most of the good wives are the ones getting shafted.
Outcast Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 I think that the only reply anyone should make to any of these posts is WOGGLE GET THERAPY
slinkysu Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 What do men even get out of this? Actually married men tend to live longer and have healthier lives than single men. So what do they get out of it? Longer life expectancy! But as for you - i'd say you're pretty doomed. You're a doom-monger and you'll fulfil your own expectancies. You will have a rubbish life and a rubbish marriage and end up alone. but then - that's exactly what you expect so it won't come as a surprise to you that it is what you end up with. Doesn't have to be that way - but with such a negative attitude in life then you make your own destiny and yours looks pretty bleak. You could always try and change your attitude, and your destiny - but that takes courage, strength, integrity, determination and you don't seem to show these in your posts - suggesting pre-nups to people and wanting to be a jerk etc.
Author Woggle Posted June 7, 2006 Author Posted June 7, 2006 That is because many men don't how to take care of themselves. Men need to learn how to cook, clean and take care of a home. I know how to do all of that. My house was spotless when I was single. I could never marry again and be perfectly fine. The only reason I might do it now is because she wants it to much. If I never met her I could have lived happily as a bachelor. My life is actually pretty damn good. In fact much better than many men I know who played by the rules.
Trimmer Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 it seems like the good husbands are the ones that get shafted. Men cheat more than women overall. I'd say, most of the good wives are the ones getting shafted. C'mon - can you really draw conclusions about what is "most" prevalent from how many posts we perceive we see here? And if you could, what the heck is the use of proclaiming "most men" or "most women"? I deal with people as individuals anyway, so deciding whether more men or women cheat or are betrayed is a waste of energy. Do you really care about being on the winning side of that argument anyway? In spite of our pain, we can't enhance men by diminishing women. We can't enhance women by diminishing men. The conclusion I draw is that "most" people want to think that "most" other people are like them and share their experience (e.g. "my gender gets cheated on more/always gets the short end of the stick..."). I used to be innocent (read: naive.) Now, especially late at night when I should be sleeping but I'm not, I think that "most" people carry some damage around with them. Who cares about being able to generalize which gender has the most damage? Deal with people one at a time; make human connections with individuals.
alphamale Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 Men cheat more than women overall. CHUMP...most research has shown that women and men "cheat" at about the same rate. It just LOOKS like men cheat more because they get busted easier. Women are better at hiding their tracks and/or more careful when they do cheat.
catgirl1927 Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 Here's a crazy thought: Maybe it's that good people tend to get shafted by bad people, and is has nothing to do with the orientation of their genetalia...
kitten chick Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 CHUMP...most research has shown that women and men "cheat" at about the same rate. It just LOOKS like men cheat more because they get busted easier. Women are better at hiding their tracks and/or more careful when they do cheat. I would like to see said research. Do you have any links or journal references? I would love to read them.
Mz. Pixie Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 The conclusion I draw is that "most" people want to think that "most" other people are like them and share their experience (e.g. "my gender gets cheated on more/always gets the short end of the stick..."). I used to be innocent (read: naive.) Now, especially late at night when I should be sleeping but I'm not, I think that "most" people carry some damage around with them. Who cares about being able to generalize which gender has the most damage? Deal with people one at a time; make human connections with individuals. Trimmer, if I weren't a married woman................. This is a awesome post!! That has kinda been my point- life is tough and people who do not deserve it get damaged. In my case, I suffer from damage from my parents abuse. Some people are damaged by things that are "within their control" and some people have no choice by what they are damaged by. Most people are the walking wounded. Chump- as a side note- I disagree with your post. I would say that of 100 people that cheat, it's probably 60/40 with men having the higher ratio but that's not that big of a difference. My therapist kind of gave me that estimate when we were talking about my prior affair and digging into the reasons why it happened.
alphamale Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 Chump- as a side note- I disagree with your post. I would say that of 100 people that cheat, it's probably 60/40 with men having the higher ratio but that's not that big of a difference. I'd say its more like 51/49...
kitten chick Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 I'd say its more like 51/49... Stat check please
Craig Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 CHUMP...most research has shown that women and men "cheat" at about the same rate. It just LOOKS like men cheat more because they get busted easier. Women are better at hiding their tracks and/or more careful when they do cheat. I would like to see said research. Do you have any links or journal references? I would love to read them. In married couples infidelity rates were between 22 and 25 percent for men and between 11 and 15 percent for women according to: Wiederman, M. W. (1997). Extramarital sex: Prevalence and correlates in a national survey. Journal of Sex Research, 34, and; Laumann, e. O., Gagnon, J. H., Michael, R. T., & Michaels, S. (1994). The social organization of sexuality: Sexual practices in the United States,. Chicago: University of Chicago Press. And in dating couples infidelity rates ranged from 68 to 71 percent for men and 57 to 59 percent for women according to: Hansen, G. L. (1987). Extradyadic relations during courtship. Journal of Sex Research, 23, 382-390. Something else to consider is that infidelity rates are culturally influenced. I know that's obvious but thought I'd throw it in anyway. Little more trivia??? Men who live with but are not married to their SO's are ten times more likely to be murdered by their SO's than married men. Better get married Alpha!
kitten chick Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 Those are some pretty high percentages Craig! Thanks for the info, I'll have to take a look for some of those articles.
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