college bestfriend, why won't she call?

[jessssss]

Well my old roommate from college whom i was sooo close to moved away after college for 3 years. i flew to visit her once and went to her wedding but other than that i barely ever saw her...used to talk to her all the time during the first year. the next two she quit calling, we both got busy, thought it was a transitioning thing. she was moving back home, an hour and a half from me...just getting married...let it slide for a year...then i had gotten married in that time, she came for hte wedding but that was it. everytime we see each other we can go back to "old times" but i'm feeling like she doesn't want to talk anymore...i got divorced a year and a half ago...a year after i was married...after that she quti calling. then just 3 months ago we got together at my new house and with my new bf and her husband and she apologized and broke down crying for not keeping in touch or returning my calls...

 

after she left, i've talked to her maybe 3 times on the phone and gotten a total of 5 emails responded to. she claims to be busy but i find it hard to believe to be that busy to pick up the phone or just write a quick email. her husband travels for weeks at a time and she has barely any friends at their new place...i don't know what to do...does she not want to call or hang out cause i'm divorced and back into the dating scene and she's wanting to grow up and be the married couple? they are only an hour and a half away and did come once...now ti's our turn to see them.

 

we were supposed to go this weekend but i had to cancel due to a family emergency - she wouln'dt call me back so i had to cancel in an email!! AND tha'ts the same way i told her about my divorce cause she wouldn't cal lme back...i love her to death...we were best buds but now i'm wondering what the deal is. is she one of the friends you have that you call occassionally and email occassionally? does she not want to hang otu with a divorced/dating friend? i'm so lost and hurt.

 

foudn out she does hang out with one of our old roommates now...whom she used to talk about all the time...now she's hanging out with her and she's also 1.5 hrs away...

 

it took her 3 years to come visit me..i visited her 6 montsh after college...i'm so lost...anyone been here before????

[Kittiecat]

Oh yeah, I've been there. One of my old college friends asked me to be her maid of honor at her wedding, told me I was her best friend, etc., etc. Two months after the wedding we had got separated during a pub crawl and I haven't seen or heard from her since. I left her two VMs on her cell phone but she never called me back. So I guess that was my big hint that she wanted our friendship to be over.

 

The point is that people change and friends come and go. It hurts and its very confusing, but once you get past all of that it becomes easier to focus on making friends who are more compatible with who you are now, rather than who you were in college.

 

I think it's very rare for people to stay "lifelong friends" nowadays, especially when you meet during your adulthood. Growing up with someone sort of makes them like family, therefore making the friendship (usually) more solid.

 

Sometimes friends can stay away for years at a time and reunite like nothing happened...and then go their separate ways once again. This may be what is happening with this particular friend. Don't call her anymore. She knows where to reach you. It's up to you to decide if you want to be available for her the next time she calls, if she calls.

 

Hang in there, and good luck!

[Guest]

SOme people just can't expend the energy it takes to maintain a friendship.

 

It's a fact of life; very few friendships are 'forever'. If you're lucky, you find 1-2 people you have that special bond with.

 

Life keeps everyone so busy. I know with my job and other obligations, the last thing I want to do on my weekend off is travel 2 hours to the city to see old friends. I am simply tired and want to relax with my boyfriend.

 

A lot of friendships are based on convenience. When you live together or share classes or a job, it's easy to maintain a friendship. Once distance comes into play...or major life changes like marriage...it becomes a lot of work to maintain the friendship.

 

I'm sure on some level she would like to stay friends. But on another, it may just feel like too much work to her.

[Guest]

I am def like that friend you mentioned.

Being busy and laziness has a major part to do with it, and the fact that things have moved on.

Sure its great to go back to good ole days, but I guess that doesn't allure me like it used to.

 

She is selfish...as I am.

 

I tend to be focused on whatever is exciting at the moment.