Is it just me or is there a trend?

[RealBroken]

Just want to point something out. i hope I'm wrong because its causing some issues in my mind.

 

Ok, I'm a good guy, not abusive. I try to be diligent in relationships etc.

 

I have had two women, who claimed to have loved me dearly and that our relationship was great etc etc etc..... to all of a sudden do a 180 the next week and leave me basically for someone else. Naturally then come the exaggerated excuses about the negs in the relationship...... they obviously build them up in their own mind so they have an excuse to leave.

 

This has happened twice to me.

 

I read through this forum,..... and everytime i stumble across the same situation,.... again its the girl doing it to the guy. Why is this.

 

I know men cheat etc etc too (with sex and all)..... but it seems that when it comes to feelings shifting from one person to another,..... women can't tend to keep their emotions for someone in ONE court.

 

I don't want to start a battle of the sexes or anything. But is this true?

 

i'm losing faith and finding it hard to trust a woman. you build up the trust and they say meaningful and wonderful things to you,.... then bust it all like it meant nothing the next day. i'm seeing it not only in my own life but all thru this forum too. Whats the story. Please... anyone

[laRubiaBonita]

you picked the wromg chicks...... just as those "other men" you pointed out can be back-stabbing liars, some women, not all, can be two faced bitches.

 

it goes both ways.

 

I am quite flatterd that you thought so highly of all women though!

[Outcast]

They may have said they loved you, but I suspect they had issues that they just refused to bring up. I think that many, many people are so fearful of 'conflict' that they don't bring up problems and get them solved. Instead, they keep silent about any issues until so many unresolved issues pile up that they decide the relationship is unworkable. In the meantime, they start looking for someone they think hasn't got the flaws they see in you. When they find one, they leave you thinking the new guy will be 'better'. But they will repeat the pattern over and over until/unless they learn to communicate.

 

Same goes for men.

[KittenMoon]

I had a long conversation with my boss about something like this not too long ago. We kinda broke the genders down this way:

 

MEN: want a variety of sexual partners (as they are "programmed" on some level to spread their genetics as much as possible), but in reality can become far more emotionally attached to a woman in the long term (regardless of fidelity- the old adage that men can seperate sex and emotional attachement)

 

WOMEN: Want security and stability; however they are also "programmed" to generate their offspring with the most ideal male, which can create situations where women foster lots of "choices" (the current beau, the ex- they left wanting more, that cute guy they flirt with at the coffee shop for no reason). Women want attention because it creates more choices- regardless of whether or not they intend to follow through on it; in many cases, a woman may only desire one partner sexually, but many partners emotionally

 

That being said, the lines of sexual freedom and societal acceptance have become increasingly blurred, creating a lot of weirder relationship situations in the present than in the past. I think in many cases, people have no clue what they want- and are stuck in a society where what they can have or should want are flying at them from all angles.

 

My personal feeling is that we can overcome, by choice, any genetic "programming" we are supposed to have. What is harder is actually defining exactly what we want, and what circumstances we are willing to accept it under, and then figuring out how hard we are willing to work to keep it, while dealing with all the constant strain the world throws at us. And that's when things get complicated.

[Guest]

Naturally then come the exaggerated excuses about the negs in the relationship...... they obviously build them up in their own mind so they have an excuse to leave.

I got the same deal, Brother. She made a list of all the reasons why we shouldn't be together. It felt like she was trying more to justify leaving me in her own head.

[ronnieromance]

 

Ok, I'm a good guy, not abusive.

 

See, that's your problem right there.

 

 

-R-

[Carlthecoffeeaddict]

women view nice guy syndrome as a weakness and walk all over them- you are devalued as a man when you are Mr. Nice guy

 

im not saying dont be nice, im saying talk back to women and dont be so submissive to her pleas

[Woggle]

Women are just f***ed up plain and simple. Finding a normal and stable woman is increasingly harder these days.

[Guest]

I had a long conversation with my boss about something like this not too long ago. We kinda broke the genders down this way:

 

MEN: want a variety of sexual partners (as they are "programmed" on some level to spread their genetics as much as possible), but in reality can become far more emotionally attached to a woman in the long term (regardless of fidelity- the old adage that men can seperate sex and emotional attachement)

 

WOMEN: Want security and stability; however they are also "programmed" to generate their offspring with the most ideal male, which can create situations where women foster lots of "choices" (the current beau, the ex- they left wanting more, that cute guy they flirt with at the coffee shop for no reason). Women want attention because it creates more choices- regardless of whether or not they intend to follow through on it; in many cases, a woman may only desire one partner sexually, but many partners emotionally

 

That being said, the lines of sexual freedom and societal acceptance have become increasingly blurred, creating a lot of weirder relationship situations in the present than in the past. I think in many cases, people have no clue what they want- and are stuck in a society where what they can have or should want are flying at them from all angles.

 

My personal feeling is that we can overcome, by choice, any genetic "programming" we are supposed to have. What is harder is actually defining exactly what we want, and what circumstances we are willing to accept it under, and then figuring out how hard we are willing to work to keep it, while dealing with all the constant strain the world throws at us. And that's when things get complicated.

 

 

I had the exact same thing happen to me.

I think she wanted to believe i was the one, but realized after the honeymoon period that perhaps i was not perfect in every respect.

But i think Kitten moon also hit it on the head.

[RealBroken]

I wasn't that nice........ in terms of i didnt let her walk over me.

 

If there was something i wasnt happy about, i would speak it staright away.

 

i think this is what caused the issues we did have. She would stand up for herself. We never "fought" as such, but if there was a problem i would bring it up....... then she'd get down about the fact that we had a problem.

 

She herself was a very submissive person and often let people walk over her. i hated seeing it.

However, the only person she seemed to stick up to was me.

[ddnnee]

op: wow, you finally picked up the trend! i picked this up years ago but never mentioned it until i read this and it seems we both observe the same thing. YES it is true that girls have a quick emotional switch. it ALWAYS comes to this:

 

girl and guy have great relationship. later girl gets grumpy and things go wrong but turns out girl has been in love with another man a month before, girl leaves with new guy. broken heart guy falls in abyss and dies.

 

girl and guy in great relationship. girl tells guy she likes someone else, guy begs to no avail. girl jumps on new guy's cock and broken heart guy dies.

 

the situation can go on and on but its all the same. The observation goes like this: If guys were boats, girls have many boats in backup or trailing the current boat she is on. She can easily jump boat anytime the current boat gets old. The old boat sinks to the bottom of the ocean. I have observed girls throughout life and found that MOST girls have at least 3 close potential boyfriend guys near her, always. the girl's emotion has always been portrayed as a changing type, sort of quantum like. It is never constant like a guy's emotion. When a guy loves, he sticks with her throughout, unless she doesn't put out anymore, then he has to find other pussy. But a girl, regardless of sex or money, she can easily love her next guy in a flash.

 

I have found a way to combat this horrible disease-ridden problem. Find a girl with NO guy friends (impossible) or if she has guy friends, make sure he is fat and ugly. This way, she can't jump boat. =)

 

females who will post to defend yourself against this: you know it is you... you know you have at least 1 or 2 guy friends who are really close to you and you can rely on him when you have problems with your bf or husband. it is you.

[RealBroken]

Oh God I think Ive started a war now

[Outcast]

You create nothing but misery for yourself when you believe these old myths. You take your jaundiced attitude into the dating scene and then attract similar people - and end up miserable.

 

Rather than analyze YOUR relationship and figure out what went wrong in terms of what each of you may have done, you choose to characterize 'all men' or 'all women' in such a way as to make yourself blameless and all the rest of the other gender somehow seriously flawed.

 

It's bogus, foolish, and no way to think or live. But if that's how you want to try to have a successful life, go right ahead. However in choosing to believe in these foolish 'theories', you guarantee that you won't be successful in relationships.

 

And this is the general 'you' meant for EVERYONE who actually believes that 'all men' or 'all women' can be characterized so simplistically.

[RealBroken]

not "all"...... just "alot of"

 

boohoo

[eyeswideshut]

Realbroken,

 

It's not true, don't believe what they say when they say women don't like nice guys.

I for one, love nice guys. I want a gentle guy.

But I have a full life, and I cannot have a guy that doesn't add to it.

For instance, the man I left, I will tell you truthfully why I left.

Sometimes, when a woman is growing up, she begins to get more and more confident. It is very difficult to achieve this confidence when in an already established relationship.

I was with a guy who didn't want sex as often as I "needed" it. Because he was at the comfort zone, because we were too familiar.

On the other hand, there were men all over the place "oozing" sex and wanting it with me. (am I slutty?) no, but it didn't make sense that all these people wanted to do so much for me, dine me, wine me, make me their queen, when "my own man", just saw me as well, his future wife. I had a responsibility. I was going to be expected to be the superwoman. I was going to have to take him on and not only support my own lifestyle but his, since the roles in his mind were

you woman= cook, clean, do all the housestuff

me man=buy the house, put food on the table

 

But I already was able to put food on the table. I was his equal intellectually. I wanted us to share roles. I wanted to share everything. I wanted the double standard to not be double standard.

He thought I was just spoiled. He said: every woman has to accept her role in one way or another.

So I thought, I can't do this.

Guess what? I met a man who absolutely loves cooking. He wants to rule he kitchen. Perfect. He can do his own wash. Perfect. He can go out and not report back and I can go out and not report back. Perfect.

He knows how to clean a mess. Perfect.

I was afraid of becoming "his mother". (the other guy)

With the new guy, it was so incredibly equal, that it seemed as though he added to my life.

Like I could come home at night and we would both say: what's for dinner? who's too tired to cook?

But with the one I dumped, he had it in his mind that the roles were fixed. If I wasn't able to keep up, I felt guilty.

So too much guilt made me not want anything at all.

See how you add to another person's life, see if you are more helpful, see if you are able to do stuff on your own. See if you are not possessive.

Women who are fully capable of taking care of themselves want a man who is able to take care of himself.

Then the sharing can be done on equal footing.

Let me know if this ressembles your situation.

Anyway. that was mine.

[RealBroken]

Thanks eyeswideshut. Yeah i realise all that. About 5 years ago... was about 21-22....... i lost someone i lived with because of those reasosn mainly. I vowed never to do it again. Plus I was very young back then and learning. I did learn.

 

When i started dating this girl, everyday i said in my head, look after her and make her feel damn good. I always did. However i found myself never having to try, it just came naturally. Our first date I cooked her dinner,... and did many times after that.

Because of my past experience I always tried to help out or do those 'chore' things for her...... she always told me off and to site down.... i wld insist but wouldnt work much. I had to do things for her like washing etc when she wasn't home.... he he. I believe she is like this because her father brought her up but all through her teens he was very sick and she did everything. She almost looked after him basically.

 

I realise what u are saying,.... but dont think it applied in our case this time.

As for the sex thing, nope i was the one that wanted it more ha ha!