Lost1616 Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 I don’t usually do this kind of thing but I feel I need some answers and would be grateful if anyone has any for me! I was dating my ex for about a year and a half. I’m 22 and shes 19. This was our 1st serious relationship with anyone. Now ive been trying to find the girl of my dreams since i was 17, some older people reading this are probably saying "big deal ive been looking for 10 or 20 years" that may be the case but for me and my life experiences at present its a reasonably big thing for me. Anyway we have had some patchy times in the last few months and just last week she broke up with me. Now when I say patchy I mean reasonably tame stuff.. stuff I believe we can fix, like that she thought we were boring as a couple and never did anything exiting. Now I can totally understand where shes coming from. I mean its not like we have been going hangliding or whatever but with our busy schedules, me full time work and her just started full time uni out time lately has been limited. I also get from her point of view shes still younger than me. Ive had 2 or 3 years to do the party/club scene as a single, where as she basically has been with me so I guess it hasn’t been the same for her. We still go out and do all that kind of stuff, I’m not a boring person by nature at all. But I do freely admit that towards the end there we did get into a bit of a rut. But that is both of us, not just me. Anyway.. we broke up last week. Now I know that her parents are most likely saying don’t get tied down etc etc which as angry as I am I cant blame them for it. There just looking out for their daughter. So after all the crying and carry on from the break up she really wants to be friends. Of course everyone generally says that, but the thing is she really really means it. There was about 6 days there for awhile when there were hardly any sms messages (usually I would get 3 or 4 a day) and we were both playing the I’m not msgn him if he doesn’t to me game. This made me start to think maybe she was just saying " I wanna be friends" and didn’t mean it. Although she hadn’t been in contact with me directly she was in contact with mutual friends who told me shes been incredibly upset and worried about me etc. On the 7th day we talked briefly and organised a time that afternoon to get together to clear our heads. I found out she really doesn’t want to lose me as a friend. In fact that was the biggest thing for her. When I said I want to stay close to you she cried out of relief. So after that I was glad things might at least not hurt so much coz we will still be hanging out and at least I just lost a girlfriend not a best friend aswel. But obviously my hopes were that eventually it would lead to us getting back together. That night she msgd me saying shes glad we talked etc etc. That was 2-3 days ago. I haven’t heard from her since. I feel like I’m exactly where I started in the whole I wont msg if u don’t game. This is really hurting me. I was just starting to feel a bit better and we are back to square 1. Could anyone tell me what shes thinking? My real dilemma at this stage is... I know I shouldn’t be the pleading, begging, please take me back clingy guy I feel like I want to be inside. So my thought is to keep in contact, still let her know I’m there for her and I haven’t stoped caring. Start doing things in my life that make me happy and be that fine line between being there for her and giving her space. But... I’m torn. Its only been a week and a few days since we broke up, should I plead with her now while I still can to take me back? Everything ive read, every logical thing says it will drive her away. But is that what will happen in my particular circumstance with my girl? The girl who we both admitted to each other we couldn’t live without one another and would never let go? Has anyone got any useful ideas? I miss her and Love her so much and can not see myself with anyone else or finding anyone like her. This is my plead, I would be so grateful if anyone could help me. Thanks.
lilly126 Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 That night she msgd me saying shes glad we talked etc etc. That was 2-3 days ago. I haven’t heard from her since. I feel like I’m exactly where I started in the whole I wont msg if u don’t game. This is really hurting me. I was just starting to feel a bit better and we are back to square 1. Could anyone tell me what shes thinking? Here's the thing. You've agreed to be friends. Part of breaking up is putting some distance between yourself and the other person. She needs time to process her feelings and thoughts. If she messaged you and called you multiple times every single day, it wouldn't be a breakup. You would still be together. Give her the space she needs. She might be feeling very upset and doesn't want to talk to you about it. She might just need time to hang out with family and friends and truly let go of what has been upsetting her. If you push her, you WILL drive her away. You have to understand that since you're moving to a "friendship" from a "relationship" the rules have changed. Plain and simple.
doublem316 Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 Being friends with an ex is difficult; me and my ex were friends for a year and all that time i was hoping that we would get back together. Now she is dating some other guy...and i have only just started to heal up. What I guess im saying is, the best thing in the long run is to break off all contact until you are absolutely sure you just want to be friends. That way, you are not letting yourself in for any heartbreak. If i were you, i would explain this to her. If she truly does want to be your friend she will understand and wait for you to clear your head. Good luck!
Author Lost1616 Posted June 6, 2006 Author Posted June 6, 2006 Thanks for your advice guys. Tell me... If i cut off communication, would that give her more of a reason to want to see other guys? Shes not the kind of girl that goes picking guys up at clubs. Shes very sweet and old fashioned (which is a reason i love her) but i cant help but think that if im not around to show her how good it was as a "friend" then she will go off looking for that somewhere else. Could i not just as a friend in small doses do some fun things making her realise how happy we make eachother. What do u think shes thinking after she said she def wants stay stay close friends (admitted i was her best friend and couldnt bare to lose that) thoughts? Thanks for helping.
doublem316 Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 That is exactly what i thought when me and my ex broke up; I NEED to be around so she won't meet anyone else. She also said the exact same thing; i was like her best friend and we could keep doing things together but she just could'nt handle being with me anymore. Its catch22; you want to stay with her to keep her from meeting anybody else bcos you want her back but you cant get over her without cutting off contact! at the end of the day it is her choice wether she wants to come back or not; i think the best thing for you to do would be to leave the ball in her court and not put any pressure on her to rekindle the relationship or become a possessive friend!
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