MarieD Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 HI ok i have been with my new man for a little over 3 months. Everything is great & we haven't had a fight yet. He always brings up his last crazy ex who he dated 1 year ago. He brought her up like 6x in the passed 2 weeks. We will be talking about tatoos & he'd be like, that girl was such white trash that she had 2 tatoos & a belly ring, she was so unlady like. Or his mom told me how crazy she was 2 weeks ago at a barbeque. He'll bring her up here & there, like she did this or she said this. I told him that he must miss her haha. He said no i just tell u to show u how crazy i was for dating her. I'm not sure if i should let this bother me or not. I did tell him last night that he always brings her up. I know he doesn't miss her or anything she was a real wacko, she was hooked on sleeping pills. So i know he doesn't want to be with her. Am i just being insecure? If he brings her up again, i think i'll tell him to stop bringing her up. Would this bother any of you?
Guest Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 Don't worry about it, some of us bring up girls from the past because we can't believe the crap they put us through. What ever you do not show it bothers you. We hate insecure women. Just say something like "you know hon, some people are just nut, men or women....blah, blah..."
Author MarieD Posted June 6, 2006 Author Posted June 6, 2006 Yes that is exactly what my man said. He can't believe what he put up with from her. Ok thanks mr. I won't let it bother me! I know he means nothing by it & i don't want him to know that i'm insecure, so i won't say a word, i'll just laugh with him. Thanks so much i feel better now!
Brittanyjean06 Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 Well when your man ticks you off You know to get two tatoos, and a belly ring:) haha jk Yeah It's allright if he talks about her, I meen people generaly talk about the past and things they went through, just because shes in it doesn't meen he still " loves her" Your fine!
BeFree Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 I actually read that when a new boyfriend starts talking about his ex, it means he is becoming really comfortable with you. So I guess it's a good thing.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 Don't worry about it, some of us bring up girls from the past because we can't believe the crap they put us through. What ever you do not show it bothers you. We hate insecure women. Just say something like "you know hon, some people are just nut, men or women....blah, blah..." Ok whoa guys when is it ever ok to talk about an ex? That would have to be like the #1 wrong thing to do in a relationship!! I don't think he misses her, I think he is just thinking about her too much. Its over. and its ok for you to tell him that maybe he shouldn't bring her up anymore because she is now in the past and you two are together now. I think its very rude to bring up ex's to your SO, unless somehow that person comes up in a conversation, but to just randomly bring her up over and over, it isn't very tackful or respectful. And guest, FYI, it isn't all about you men you know. I dont think looking insecure is the issue here. If bringing up an ex is bothering someone, and it would bother me very much, then it shouldn't be an issue of whether or not bringing that up will make you look "insecure" it should be an issue of showing a bf how rude he is for continuously bringing up an ex of the past and wanting your gf to feel comfortable.
Author MarieD Posted June 6, 2006 Author Posted June 6, 2006 No i don't think he is thinking about her in a good way. When he does bring her up, he always says negative stuff. I always say that u must miss her haha. He says that he misses her like he misses hemroids haha. He said he wouldn't get back with her if she was the last woman on earth. He said that he has no idea what the hell he was doing with her. I'll keep an eye on it to see if he continues to bring it up. If he does it constantly i'll say something. If he wanted her back, he'd be with her, but he is with me & that is whats important! I'm just a very touchy person. I'm not going to let it bother me
Sapiens Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 Ok whoa guys when is it ever ok to talk about an ex?That would have to be like the #1 wrong thing to do in a relationship!! Good grief!! You must be a whoaman.. I don't think he misses her, I think he is just thinking about her too much. I think you are wrong, guys don't usually dwell on past relationships unless we are drunk and horny and no ass is available. Crude? Yes, but the truth. Its over. and its ok for you to tell him that maybe he shouldn't bring her up anymore because she is now in the past and you two are together now. Mmm, yeah you do that and the first thing that will come to mind is, whoa talk about insecure. Don't expect for him to tell you anything about the opposite sex from then on. Stupid? Yes it is, but we hate drama and will rather keep our mouths shut than hear you bytch about how we belong to you now and have given you our balls to you to keep under lock and key together with our manhood. This also doesn't include the fact that you may find other men sexy, but that doesn't count because only you can exercise judment and we can't. Blah. And guest, FYI, it isn't all about you men you know. I dont think looking insecure is the issue here. If bringing up an ex is bothering someone, and it would bother me very much, then it shouldn't be an issue of whether or not bringing that up will make you look "insecure" it should be an issue of showing a bf how rude he is for continuously bringing up an ex of the past and wanting your gf to feel comfortable. Why would it bother you? Come on really? He isn't with her anymore, he is with you. So, that's just stupid, you have the man, he is with you and you are worried about someone from the past. Give me a break. You should feel secure and happy that he has chosen you and you accepted him. It is by mutual consent that you are together. You know, I give up, this is just too stupid. Whatever..... -Sapiens
Tim'sAngel Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 Sapiens, You have totally misjudged everything I just said. But thats ok, your a man, and I'm a women, we think differently. I think you are wrong, guys don't usually dwell on past relationships unless we are drunk and horny and no ass is available. Crude? Yes, but the truth. Well if he isn't dwelling on her then why is he bringing her up every chance he gets? Mmm, yeah you do that and the first thing that will come to mind is, whoa talk about insecure. Hold s***. We say one thing about not bringing up an ex and you men shout "INSECURITY, INSECURITY!!" Give us a friggin break!! We should be the ones shouting "DISRESPECTFUL" Why is it all the sudden all about pleasing the men? Last I heard, relationships are a 2way street am I wrong? Don't expect for him to tell you anything about the opposite sex from then on. Stupid? Yes it is, but we hate drama Oh boo friggin hoo, we hate useless babble about the ex's. How would you like it if I was your current gf, and this is what you heard all the time "omg 'John' was so stupid, he had these 2 tattoo that I hated" "Did I tell you 'John' bought that car when he didn't have enough money to maintain paymets?" "Yea 'John' never did that because he thought it was stupid" "Omg, I can't believe I ever went out with 'John'" Dont' tell me that wouldn't eventually bother you and get on your nerves and will rather keep our mouths shut than hear you bytch about how we belong to you now and have given you our balls to you to keep under lock and key together with our manhood. Whoa whoa whoa, calm down. You are taking this waaaay out of context. I just suggested a simple, one line statement to explain that his ex is not her favorite subject. She didn't have to put it in my exact words, was just a suggestion. That little statement in no way describes this beonging to us and have your balls under lock and key that you so elequently described. PALEEEESE!! This also doesn't include the fact that you may find other men sexy, but that doesn't count because only you can exercise judment and we can't. Blah. Um... huh? Why would it bother you? Come on really? He isn't with her anymore, he is with you. So, that's just stupid, you have the man, he is with you and you are worried about someone from the past. Give me a break. Again, you take my statements way out of line. IF he is with me, why feel the need to constantly bring up the ex? Why even think about her? Has nothing to do with security or insecurity, it just isn't necessary. And I never said she (OP) or I was "worried". Your putting words in my mouth. You should feel secure and happy that he has chosen you and you accepted him. It is by mutual consent that you are together. You know, I give up, this is just too stupid. Whatever..... LOL you are being extreme and its funny
Walk Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 My bf was bringing up ex's in conversation a lot for a period of time in our relationship. At the time it really bothered me so I talked to him about it. First off, don't censor him completely in talking about the past or his feelings on the ex. It closes off a section of his life to you. You lose a means of learning how he thinks and feels about certain ideas and actions that you could've been able to use to create a stronger relationship. At the minimum, learned what exactly NOT to do if you want to keep your guy. I look at it like, how would I feel I was told to never talk about work again because I brought it up too much? Or even about my ex? It creates distance, not closeness. Are there triggers to why he's bringing her up so much? I find that if I see my ex, I'll talk about him quite a bit for a while simply because I had those memories jogged by seeing him. Is your bf running into his ex a lot lately? Another aspect might be that he's finding your relationship is really great and developing deeper feelings for you. If his ex was the nightmare he describes, then the vulnerability, or strength of his emotions, might be scaring him a little. One way to ease the irrational fear is to talk about it. Maybe he's just looking for some reassurance from you. A simple, don't worry hunny, I'm not her, I'm sane. Or, "You don't have to worry about me acting like that."
Vertex Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 I don't think bringing up an ex is an issue unless he still has feelings for her. Sometimes a relationship turns out to be really bad -- sometimes it takes a while to get over. It seems as if he is still feeling hurt from the negative things that happened in that past relationship and is glad you are so much better by comparison. But I wouldn't worry unless he can't stop talking about the ex and focus on a new relationship with you and move on. You say you've been going out for three months... I'd give it a little more time such that he becomes more focused away from the BS of his ex... for example, someone in a 2-year relationship should not be talking about an ex from three years ago all the time. Obviously something's wrong there. But your relationship is fairly new and he had nothing but a bad ex to think about for a whole year before getting with you. Just give it a little time for it all to exit his system, that's all. I don't think he still has feelings for her, but feels like he put up with a lot of crap.
Vertex Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 I hate posting after Walk... it's like trying to give a presentation to a science community after Einstein finishes speaking.
Walk Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 than hear you bytch about how we belong to you now and have given you our balls to you to keep under lock and key together with our manhood. You should feel secure and happy that he has chosen you and you accepted him. It is exactly because she didn't accept his balls and place them under lock and key that she has concerns on this. Too much comfort in the stability of a relationship can be just as harmful as too little. She hasn't taken it in either extreme yet, and I don't believe she's the type of person who would without there being more definitive reasons.
Walk Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 I hate posting after Walk... it's like trying to give a presentation to a science community after Einstein finishes speaking. Ha. Hardly! I just say it so vaguely that I sound intelligent.
Sapiens Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 First off, don't censor him completely in talking about the past or his feelings on the ex. It closes off a section of his life to you. You lose a means of learning how he thinks and feels about certain ideas and actions that you could've been able to use to create a stronger relationship. At the minimum, learned what exactly NOT to do if you want to keep your guy. Really well said! Bravo! -Sapiens
Author MarieD Posted June 6, 2006 Author Posted June 6, 2006 Vertex & Sapiens I totally agree with u guys. He brings her up to show me what he put up with in the passed & tells me how happy he is that i am not like the ex. I kinda bring up the ex sometimes to let him know what i have been through in the passed too. Its not that i have feelings for them at all, its just sharing a part of my passed with him & what i put up with. He doesn't bring her up constantly, here & there. By him talking about her,u r right, it shows me what not to do hahah I am not worried anymore about it at all. I am with him & i have him & i am the one having sex with him , not her!! So thats all i really care about. He gets his haircut next door to where his ex works. So he sees her like once in a blue moon. I am not threatened by his ex. I have him, not her!! I don't find it disrespectful at all anymore, he is just sharing his last experience with me. I have done it too. Not for nothing, but for god's sake, I work with my last boyfriend that i had a relationship with for 3 years. He is the Senior VIce President of my company. My new man doesn't know that , but if he asked i'd tell him. I see my ex in the hallway & i would NEVER go back to him. I am SO happy with my new man that i don't even think of the ex when i see him. Imagine how he would feel knowing i work with my ex. I know how i would feel if he worked with his ex & saw her everyday. so him bringing her up, doesn't bother me anymore!
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