beautifulnpink22 Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 Sometimes I feel that my boyfriend doesn't care about me, and when I express to him how I feel the most I get out of him is "I hear you". Now a lot of things has happened in our relationship where I should have left a long time ago (Ex: his ex trying to attack me on two different occasions, and the lies.) but I made the choice to stay around thinking that our relationship could actually work. But it's just so hard to get through to him, and I know he is soft on the inside he just feels that he has to show that he's tough all the time because he doesn't want to be labeled as "soft". I just need an indication that he actually cares about me. And I feel that I have tried everything as far as talking to him but it just doesn't seem like that's working. Perhaps he thinks that me expressing my feelings is nagging? Who knows. What do I do? I am not into playing games, but I often think to myself if I was a challenge to him I would get a different reaction. And honestly sometimes this makes me feel that if I was a different type of female, or if I looked or act a certain way things would be different. It can be nerve reckoning at times, trying to get through to this guy and I get no reaction. I know that I am good woman, and it's the little things that count to me, and it doesn't take much to make me happy; These are the things that I have explained to him. Please Help
Sapiens Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 Sometimes I feel that my boyfriend doesn't care about me, and when I express to him how I feel the most I get out of him is "I hear you". Now a lot of things has happened in our relationship where I should have left a long time ago (Ex: his ex trying to attack me on two different occasions, and the lies.) but I made the choice to stay around thinking that our relationship could actually work. But it's just so hard to get through to him, and I know he is soft on the inside he just feels that he has to show that he's tough all the time because he doesn't want to be labeled as "soft". I just need an indication that he actually cares about me. And I feel that I have tried everything as far as talking to him but it just doesn't seem like that's working. Perhaps he thinks that me expressing my feelings is nagging? Who knows. What do I do? I am not into playing games, but I often think to myself if I was a challenge to him I would get a different reaction. And honestly sometimes this makes me feel that if I was a different type of female, or if I looked or act a certain way things would be different. It can be nerve reckoning at times, trying to get through to this guy and I get no reaction. I know that I am good woman, and it's the little things that count to me, and it doesn't take much to make me happy; These are the things that I have explained to him. Please Help Ok, guys are not really into sharing their emotions, but I can tell you one thing, follow your gut. Do you feel he cares for you, except that he doesn't say anything? We as men don't really talk a lot, also we tend to mean what we say without meaning anything behind the lines, unless we are lawyers, then we know how to play word and meaning games. So listen to your gut and take action from there. -Sapiens
Sevenmack Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 The question I have to ask is what are you saying to him? Or could it be that you're not listening? Let me explain. The lady I've been dating for the past five months is someone I truly care about, enough that even the thought of being long-term with her comes to mind. Where does she stand? For me, it's tough to tell. On one hand, she calls up often, we go out often, we enjoy the whole sex thing and all. On the other hand, every time she talked, the subject that "I'm taking this day by day" and she kept bringing it up that she thinks I want more of a commitment (marriage) than she wants right now. This despite having told her repeatedly that while I'd like the idea of a long-term relationship, the thought of marriage is one I will never broach until a year has passed in the relationship. All of this, by the way, is driven by being hurt in a past relationship that didn't work out. She never listened to a word I was saying because she was too busy looking at everything through a frame of reference that had nothing to do with the relationship at hand. She finally did get it. But only after I finally told her to stop mentioning this because it's annoying and because all I'm hearing is doubt. Who wants to listen to doubt when you just want to enjoy each other's company and explore the relationship? More importantly, it's just plain selfish: She should go to a therapist if she wants some sort of reassurance; I can only show and tell her how much I care. My point is this: Perhaps he's telling you how much he cares for you, but you're too busy looking at things from a frame of reference that doesn't allow you to actually listen. More importantly, it may not be allowing you to see how he shows you how much he cares for you. It may also be the case that when you tell him how much you care for him, the words come out more as doubt. It could be that he's looking at this through a frame of reference that has nothing to do with the relationship and therefore he's not listening or reciprocating his feelings in turn. What you'll need to do is have a real discussion, perhaps somewhere outside of town where you can relax and talk without being defensive or accusatory. I could also be wrong. Of course. Best of luck.
Recommended Posts