akashalestat Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 What you are experiencing is loss of self--the self that you have identified as yourself in her. Ask yourself, does that identification truly belong to her or yourself? I would have to side withe the latter. You are needlessly feeling guilty for not providing the "ring" the first time, granted, but did she deserve it? And now, at the 11th hour, you have tried to pull the ring out of desparation!? True or not true? THIS is caused by unsurity, just so you know, everyone is confronted by the unsurity of belief, it's the human condition incarnate, ad nauseum. [La femmes are not exempt from this}. ****ING WIERD AS IT IS--RELATIONSHIPS ARE LIKE A MIRROR OF OURSELVES, I.E., LIKE A PERSONAL AD, I.E., MYSPACE, ETC., WE ARE PERFECT in orselves; BUT THE REALITY IS, that smaccks us in the face is...AS MUCH AS WE LOVE SOMEONE ELSE, WE MUST LOVE OURSELVES, NURTURE OURSELVES, TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES, AND, MOST IMPORTANTLY, NOT SEE OUR TRUE SELF IN THE MIRROR OF SOMEONE ELSE, [bECAUSE THIS ALWAYS ENDS IN, HOWEVER LONG IT TAKES, DISSOLUTION OF SELF]. PEACE AND LOVE.
Am I crazy? Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 thanks for the 911. i know this is a desparate attempt but i had to do it so that i had no regrets. i think there might be a slight chance she says yes which is why i don't want to force an answer to soon. if you say 5 weeks is long enuff ill send her an email tomorow and ask her to meet me. i just didn't want to blow it but yeah mang 5 weeks should be plenty of time.
akashalestat Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 Yeah mang, five weeks is plenty time, you young rabbit, lol, you really love her, don't you? Well, fortunatelyor otherwise, she's young too, but in this case, it ain't about the ring mang, unless you are an illuminati, or scull and crossbone IVY leaguer, or can seduce her satyr-style in the next 72 hours, you've lost this battle at the very least, my young friend. C'mon, she lives with the dude, my young friend, you would have to pull some major rabbits out of yours and her hat to score a victory at this point. If you've got some tricks up your sleeve, now is the time to pull them out. Good luck
Guest Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 she wrote me back today. said she been working, sick, dizzy, stressed, emotional. said she just needs some space. i know that doesn't sound good on the surface but the more i think about it she coulda said no ya'know? we went through this before. i din't give her space and it caused tha break up. i guess i got no choice but ta give her space. am i wrong to see sumthin positive like there aint a no yet?
akashalestat Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Oh my young rabbit, Quoting from the movie, What the bleep do I know, "how far down the rabbit hole do you want to go." Well my approximation is that you are about half way down at this point. She's stressed, emotional, dizzy, sick; is she making excuses or have you affected her? She appears extremely vulnerable, no bad word, reachable. You decide. Then, give her 24 hours to recover, max, and make your move: lay out your plans for you and her in your head and heart and once that is clear...spill them out to her and do not, and I repeat do not, hold anything back. This will simultaneously free you of the love that you have for her, while at the same time bind your love to her. This should take you atleast three quarters down the rabbit hole, my young friend. Good luck
akashalestat Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 An explosion just went about my ears, what the f are waiting for?
Am I crazy? Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Oh my young rabbit, Quoting from the movie, What the bleep do I know, "how far down the rabbit hole do you want to go." Well my approximation is that you are about half way down at this point. She's stressed, emotional, dizzy, sick; is she making excuses or have you affected her? She appears extremely vulnerable, no bad word, reachable. You decide. Then, give her 24 hours to recover, max, and make your move: lay out your plans for you and her in your head and heart and once that is clear...spill them out to her and do not, and I repeat do not, hold anything back. This will simultaneously free you of the love that you have for her, while at the same time bind your love to her. This should take you atleast three quarters down the rabbit hole, my young friend. Good luck not sure i follow ya. already spilled my heart. if she say she want space i will leave her be for now. you can't force someone to you. space is her way of saying she confused and need to think. if i spill my guts again i will just push her away for good. i will be fine if she say no. in the meantime im gonna keep myself busy and not worry bout it. it ain't in my hands no more.
akashalestat Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Oh my young rabbit, you give up so easily, at this point you have now lost her, " i will be fine if she say no." You have pre- ordained your fate. You can still change that if you want...Go get her.
Am I crazy? Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 Oh my young rabbit, you give up so easily, at this point you have now lost her, " i will be fine if she say no." You have pre- ordained your fate. You can still change that if you want...Go get her. i ain't giving up yet. she say she want space. the worst thing to do when a girl say she want space is to not respect that. she say she confused and emotional. not the time to be persistent. i said everything i needed to when i proposed. i know tha only chance i have is to let her think in peace and not bother her space. she needs to miss me. what do you suggest?
Am I crazy? Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 anyone? i know she say she want space should i send her a email asking what she is thinking so I can give her space or should I just leave it be? i dont want to push her away but it aint fair to leave me in the dark like this.
Devrapunzel Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 You're right, it's not fair to leave you in the dark like this... You're also right about respecting a request for space.....to a point. If she were not with another guy (not to mention LIVING with another guy), I'd say honoring space is fine. But since she has a SO, I don't see the point of any more space. Isn't it going on 6 weeks here? If it were me, I'd ask for an answer NOW. I wouldn't want to sit through day after day wondering what is up. How in the h*ll did you make it this long without asking for an answer? Six weeks is more than enough time. If she doesn't know now, she may never know. IMO, I wouldn't do it via e-mail either. You need to be able to get that ring back if the answer is no (unless you trust that she'd drop it off, send it or whatever).
Guest Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 You're right, it's not fair to leave you in the dark like this... You're also right about respecting a request for space.....to a point. If she were not with another guy (not to mention LIVING with another guy), I'd say honoring space is fine. But since she has a SO, I don't see the point of any more space. Isn't it going on 6 weeks here? If it were me, I'd ask for an answer NOW. I wouldn't want to sit through day after day wondering what is up. How in the h*ll did you make it this long without asking for an answer? Six weeks is more than enough time. If she doesn't know now, she may never know. IMO, I wouldn't do it via e-mail either. You need to be able to get that ring back if the answer is no (unless you trust that she'd drop it off, send it or whatever). i been patient. did not talk to her after givng her the ring for 4 weeks. sent her an email asking to hang out for lunch and she don't reply. sent another one 10 days later and she say right now i just need some space. why do she need space if i ain't bothering her? maybe she need time to figure out how to say no. i want to repect her need for space but i have to know if she thinkin bout it seriously or just stalling a no. what do i do? im lost.
Devrapunzel Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 why do she need space if i ain't bothering her? maybe she need time to figure out how to say no. i want to repect her need for space but i have to know if she thinkin bout it seriously or just stalling a no. what do i do? im lost. O.K. I'm going to try this again, I had typed a long response to you and then lost it when I tried to submit it. Seriously your posts are almost painful to read. I feel for you. However, I think you'd feel a lot better if you got some of your power back. You are allowing this to drag on. I think if she hasn't given you an answer by now, she will most likely not be giving you one. Take the reins. You ask "why does she need space if I ain't bothering her?" My best guess is that even the little amount of contact you have initiated (e-mails) is too much. She doesn't want to deal with it. Contact from you reminds her of stuff, provokes guilt, etc. Do NOT mis-read that last sentence either. I'm not saying you've done anything wrong. I'm just suggesting that she doesn't want to deal with it and doesn't that tell you something (not to mention the fact that she is living with another guy???) What do you do? Only you can and will answer that. However, if you want an opinion, my thought is that you need to try an entirely new approach because obviously your current approach isn't making you feel very good. IMO, you need to demand the ring back without another word. Do not give her an explanation, do not ask for an answer, do not say any more words than are absolutely needed and get the ring back. Done. And you know what? You will be hurting, but at least you'll have your dignity intact. It probably won't hurt anymore than it does now because you will have the added bonus of having empowered yourself, plus you will be able to start moving on. Honestly you are in some sort of purgatory right now and something's got to give...
Am I crazy? Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 O.K. I'm going to try this again, I had typed a long response to you and then lost it when I tried to submit it. Seriously your posts are almost painful to read. I feel for you. However, I think you'd feel a lot better if you got some of your power back. You are allowing this to drag on. I think if she hasn't given you an answer by now, she will most likely not be giving you one. Take the reins. You ask "why does she need space if I ain't bothering her?" My best guess is that even the little amount of contact you have initiated (e-mails) is too much. She doesn't want to deal with it. Contact from you reminds her of stuff, provokes guilt, etc. Do NOT mis-read that last sentence either. I'm not saying you've done anything wrong. I'm just suggesting that she doesn't want to deal with it and doesn't that tell you something (not to mention the fact that she is living with another guy???) What do you do? Only you can and will answer that. However, if you want an opinion, my thought is that you need to try an entirely new approach because obviously your current approach isn't making you feel very good. IMO, you need to demand the ring back without another word. Do not give her an explanation, do not ask for an answer, do not say any more words than are absolutely needed and get the ring back. Done. And you know what? You will be hurting, but at least you'll have your dignity intact. It probably won't hurt anymore than it does now because you will have the added bonus of having empowered yourself, plus you will be able to start moving on. Honestly you are in some sort of purgatory right now and something's got to give... if i ask for the ring back don't that make me a hypocrite since i told her she could take as long as she need? if i yank the ring back it will look like i am a game player. give/take. i will be hurtin if i yank it, she says no or I don't get some kind of answer. any which way i go i'm screwed.
Devrapunzel Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 if i ask for the ring back don't that make me a hypocrite since i told her she could take as long as she need? if i yank the ring back it will look like i am a game player. give/take. i will be hurtin if i yank it, she says no or I don't get some kind of answer. any which way i go i'm screwed. O.K. so you think you will be hurting no matter what. At least by taking the ring back, you preserve some dignity and empower yourself again. It seems to be the best of the options.
Guest Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 O.K. so you think you will be hurting no matter what. At least by taking the ring back, you preserve some dignity and empower yourself again. It seems to be the best of the options. ok i gonna tell her that she want space she can have it. when can i get the ring?
Devrapunzel Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 ok i gonna tell her that she want space she can have it. when can i get the ring? I guess I don't understand. Didn't you already tell her that if she wanted space she can have it? You're going to tell her this again? You technically can ask for the ring anytime you want. She hasn't said "yes" so it's still yours. You know only you can make the decision here. We, LS posters, have just been giving you input to try to make this easier and to lessen your pain. We see this a lot more objectively than you do since you're embedded in it. Despite what anyone (including myself) on this board has been telling you, I have a feeling you will probably give her more time. That's your choice. However, if you give her more time and then post on this topic again (wondering why she hasn't answered, how to proceed, etc.) I think the LS answers you will receive will be much the same as they are now.
Brittanyjean06 Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 I agree with everyones post. Your coming off a bit desperate for her love. And chances are you won't get it. You want somenone who is just as willing to marry you.
Guest Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 What a cop out!! Love is love... no difference of being "IN LOVE". That's just a bonehead statement that would be said by people who go through relationships like underwear. Does she expect things always to be fresh and new with butterflies and fireworks or what? The problem is she doesn't really know what love is all about...It's being willing to make it work. Either it's LOVE or it's not. So already she's marrying this new guy? Either she was screwing around on you and waiting until she had safe footing before taking off or she's extremely impulsive! Now that she's set up house elsewhere is why she's leaving. Seems you've been the fallguy until something else came along.
Am I crazy? Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 What a cop out!! Love is love... no difference of being "IN LOVE". That's just a bonehead statement that would be said by people who go through relationships like underwear. Does she expect things always to be fresh and new with butterflies and fireworks or what? The problem is she doesn't really know what love is all about...It's being willing to make it work. Either it's LOVE or it's not. So already she's marrying this new guy? Either she was screwing around on you and waiting until she had safe footing before taking off or she's extremely impulsive! Now that she's set up house elsewhere is why she's leaving. Seems you've been the fallguy until something else came along. you right about the love statement. she thinks it should be butterflies and stuff. she ain't marrying the new guy as far as i can tell. she very impulsive. we'll see what happen. she want space im gona give it to her. i dont need her for validation i just love her. she know that. she weird and like to decide things over a long time. i just gotta go take care of my needs and let her be for now.
Sun_Conure Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 How do you deal with the fact that she is sleeping with another guy? I am just curious whether I am too possessive or jelous because I lose interest or do not acquire any interest in a guy who is sleeping with someone else. I am not talking here about the beginning of dating, when people do not know each other and are not supposed to be exclusive. So how do you deal with that? Do you think it is normal? How can you want to marry a girl who has sex with another guy while thinking about your proposal?
Am I crazy? Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 How do you deal with the fact that she is sleeping with another guy? I am just curious whether I am too possessive or jelous because I lose interest or do not acquire any interest in a guy who is sleeping with someone else. I am not talking here about the beginning of dating, when people do not know each other and are not supposed to be exclusive. So how do you deal with that? Do you think it is normal? How can you want to marry a girl who has sex with another guy while thinking about your proposal? i dont know if they having sex or not. im sure they have but she always feels guilty bout it. she a church girl and when we was dating she made us stop. if she aint changed then my guess is they aint doing it much. she said she could do without sex til marriage. maybe she is holding off. either way, nothing says i can't date others while she is deciding. i just going to wait and see. live my life and aint gonna worry bout it. if marriages can surive cheatin and right now she ain't mine i can deal with it.
Guest Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 How do you deal with the fact that she is sleeping with another guy? I am just curious whether I am too possessive or jelous because I lose interest or do not acquire any interest in a guy who is sleeping with someone else. I am not talking here about the beginning of dating, when people do not know each other and are not supposed to be exclusive. So how do you deal with that? Do you think it is normal? How can you want to marry a girl who has sex with another guy while thinking about your proposal? Most people we end up dating and marry aren't virgins. What does it matter?
Sun_Conure Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Guest, probably it does not matter. You are right most persons are not virgins. Thank god!!!
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