alphamale Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 Give me your suggestions... I know I am going to be judged but I really don't care... only I know the pain I am in now!! Do what most men do NOCLOBBER...take your rage out on the next woman who comes along. Treat her like crap and use and abuse her so that she'll become your slave. Become the bad boy we all know is within you.
Author noclobber Posted June 6, 2006 Author Posted June 6, 2006 The problem is not with her Clobsy babe, it is with YOU! You are over analying every thing she does and says and you are driving YOURSELF mad! You need to cut her out of your life, not because she is a bitch or using you but because your feelings for her are as more than a friend! She is not using you as such but your feeling towards her will not change until she is out of the picture. She does not want you as a B/F or you would be with her now! You need to get away from her solely because she is not a healthy part of your life! I have told you what I think and i will tell you again ... Be honest with her and then go NC! No contact AT ALL! You will heal and move on and THEN maybe you can be the friend she thinks you are! Luv ya hunny! Be strong! xx Thanks... Shame on me....
whichwayisup Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 Okay I am going to ask a strange question and I am damn sure that all of you are going to conclude that I am a total jerk.. But I am asking the question anyway.. Almost all of you know my female "friend".. After lengthy discussions it has been concluded that this person has used me to the core... She got boyfriend priveleges from me without giving anything in return. I admit that I was a complete fool to put myself in that stupid situation but that does not absolve this girl from the mistakes she has done... My question is I want to do something nasty to this female so that she feels the pain that I am in now... I feel used, unworthy, and dirty... My self-esteem has taken a plunge.. Its not even a question that I am going to stay away from this evil woman but I want to punish her before I distance myself so that she doesn't dare to do this to anybody else... In other words I want to take my revenge!!!!!!! I know this is completely immature but where was the maturity factor when this girl took me for a ride?????? Give me your suggestions... I know I am going to be judged but I really don't care... only I know the pain I am in now!! I am not going to judge you..At all. Babe, the best thing you can do for yourself is move on with your life. It WILL hurt her if RIGHT NOW you END the friendship completely. You tell her that you don't like her as a person anymore and she makes you feel bad about yourself. And that as of NOW, you're no longer willing to be a part of her life. Tell her that you don't want her AT ALL in your life. Trust me, she will have her feelings hurt by your honesty. You don't need to play games with her to make a point and hurt her. Just say it as it is and move on.
Author noclobber Posted June 6, 2006 Author Posted June 6, 2006 I am not going to judge you..At all. Babe, the best thing you can do for yourself is move on with your life. It WILL hurt her if RIGHT NOW you END the friendship completely. You tell her that you don't like her as a person anymore and she makes you feel bad about yourself. And that as of NOW, you're no longer willing to be a part of her life. Tell her that you don't want her AT ALL in your life. Trust me, she will have her feelings hurt by your honesty. You don't need to play games with her to make a point and hurt her. Just say it as it is and move on. Thanks WWIU I get your point... but almost everyone here on LS are now convicned that something is wrong with ME and not HER..... This girl did not lead me on... rather it was I that read too much into her words and actions.... I am the one that is guilty and this girl is totally innocent... I feel ashamed.... I think I am a mad person..
BUTAFLY Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 I can say I felt the same way nocobbler feels. I wanted to destroy the man that made me feel so low for so long when I did nothing but love him. I drempt of some pretty evil things but never did anything. . I took the 'high road', that was no fun, and watched as he attempted to spead his evilness on other women. makes me sick. so i'm not going to pretend I don't feel you on this one. But remember it could bite you in the a$$ at the end. You could brush it off and act like you never cared to begin with and move on. OR you could get revenge and make yourself look like an obessive teenage girl who got her heart broken. It may be humours to her that you care that much and in the end you look stupid. So whatever you decide becareful.
whichwayisup Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 You let yourself get caught up in her. By choice. Noone can make you DO things you don't wanna do. So you f***ed up, big deal. Don't blame yourself anymore and or feel ashamed. Fact is, NOW you are aware of it and WANT to DO something to change things. So, DO IT. Tell her goodbye, and be done with it. But make sure SHES understands that the goodbye is FINAL. Like she's dead to you. Hey, stop beating up on yourself. What's done is done, in the past. OK??? You now have the control and knowledge that she is not a good person to have in your life...
alphamale Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 ..... This girl did not lead me on... rather it was I that read too much into her words and actions.... I am the one that is guilty and this girl is totally innocent... you cannot apply eastern values, morals and rules to western society. that is the main problem here.
whichwayisup Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 That makes alot of sense and alpha is right! Good advice!
Author noclobber Posted June 6, 2006 Author Posted June 6, 2006 That makes alot of sense and alpha is right! Good advice! Yeah... whichever way you see it I am the guy that is wrong here... the bad guy! This one experience has completely eroded my confidence and self-esteem... I really don't think I can fall for a woman in the future... I am just exhausted.
Pyro Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 Yeah... whichever way you see it I am the guy that is wrong here... the bad guy! This one experience has completely eroded my confidence and self-esteem... I really don't think I can fall for a woman in the future... I am just exhausted. Instead of letting it erode you, use this experience as a lesson in life and use it for better results in the future, when you are ready to of course. The only way to go is forward.
whichwayisup Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 I agree with Riddler. So stop beating up on yourself. Learn from this, and go on. If you let this ruin you, you're gonna be alone and miserable.
Author noclobber Posted June 6, 2006 Author Posted June 6, 2006 I agree with Riddler. So stop beating up on yourself. Learn from this, and go on. If you let this ruin you, you're gonna be alone and miserable. Yeah.. I will! To learn from this and move on is the sensible thing to do... Thanks to you all
kitten chick Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 You have to stop seeing things in black and white noclobber. You are not bad, she is not bad, you were not wrong, she was not wrong. What happened was a miscommunication between two people and a failed relationship. You learned some lessons from this and you can take them and apply them in the future. A lot people have wanted someone that wasn't interested in them, you're hardly the first and there's a good chance that it will happen again. The next time around, if you should meet a woman where you want more and she doesn't then you know now you have to walk away because you're not on the same page and you've seen what the consequences can be.
Author noclobber Posted June 6, 2006 Author Posted June 6, 2006 You have to stop seeing things in black and white noclobber. You are not bad, she is not bad, you were not wrong, she was not wrong. What happened was a miscommunication between two people and a failed relationship. You learned some lessons from this and you can take them and apply them in the future. A lot people have wanted someone that wasn't interested in them, you're hardly the first and there's a good chance that it will happen again. The next time around, if you should meet a woman where you want more and she doesn't then you know now you have to walk away because you're not on the same page and you've seen what the consequences can be. Thanks KC! Hopefully I can heal from this and look forward to better things in life...
Lishy Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 You are not wrong and you certainly are not mad! You love her! Admit it! She doesnt loveyou back like that! Admit that too! Then make your move and tell her and then keep away from her! Not because she is bad or you are mad but because you have to get over her! You will never do this when you are pretending to be fine about being friends Clobs ... You can do this honey! you are a fine and moral man! You will meet the girl you are looking for but she wont be this girl!
Author noclobber Posted June 6, 2006 Author Posted June 6, 2006 You are not wrong and you certainly are not mad! You love her! Admit it! She doesnt loveyou back like that! Admit that too! Then make your move and tell her and then keep away from her! Not because she is bad or you are mad but because you have to get over her! You will never do this when you are pretending to be fine about being friends Clobs ... You can do this honey! you are a fine and moral man! You will meet the girl you are looking for but she wont be this girl! I admit that I have feelings for her! (I have already mentioned that) I admit that this girl does not have feelings for me regardless of what she says or does! I admit that we both can never be together!! (as friends or lovers or anything else in between) God.. what a mess!
Lishy Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 You will look back on this one day and wonder how the hell you got so wrapped up in this girl babe! One day ..... Until that day babe, be strong and finish this drama!
Author noclobber Posted June 6, 2006 Author Posted June 6, 2006 You will look back on this one day and wonder how the hell you got so wrapped up in this girl babe! One day ..... Until that day babe, be strong and finish this drama! Thanx baby... Those 3 sentences are something that I want to keep telling myself again and again and burn it in my subconscious mind... Yup, one day I will look back and remember it all.... but I will also remember how an earth angel from England helped me get thru this mess
Lishy Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 Clobs you KNOW how I beat myself up over that guy! I KNOW how it feels to over analyse and to feel like crap! I now know how it feels to be treated the right way and I didnt think I would be as lucky as to meet a man who treats me like he does. It was great to be able to turn Mr D down when he wanted to come around! A while ago I wouldnt have been able to say no! It took me telling him no more and time away from him to be able to get here hon Finish it with her with words! Then move on! It works!
Yamaha Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 You will look back on this one day and wonder how the hell you got so wrapped up in this girl babe! One day ..... Until that day babe, be strong and finish this drama! This is truth. You have been after this gal for a long time and you just need to end the friendship and leave each other alone. You want something she does not and that is the truth. There is no shame in caring for this gal. She just does not return your strong feelings. She has a friendship feeling for you but for you this is not enough. I would tell her that you just cannot continue with the friendship. Be firm but don't be an ass. Stay true to this pledge and in time you will stop thinking about her. When you get over her you will see other women that you will want to know and use this knowledge and apply it to your new love. If you want a friendship then make sure she wants the same and if you want a romance make sure she does also. It really is as simple as that, Noclobber.
Moai Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 You'll get over this, sooner than you think, man. You shouldn't beat yourself up about how you feel, or felt, AT ALL. You can't help how you feel. All you can do is control your behavior. You tried to tell her that your feelings for her were more intense than friendship, and that you needed time away from her to sort it out for yourself. Did she give you that? Was that nice? Was that fair? Was that your fault? Is that what a friend does? No, no, no, no, and no. What was your fault was not splitting before any of this happened, no matter what she said or did. You are only human, though, and you can't expect yourself to make the correct emotional decision every time. Give yourself a break. I also think that there is a cultural component to this, as alphamale mentioned. Complimenting a woman on her appearance is not necessarily a pass in our culture, so she may not have taken that as such. Spending time alone together doesn't indicate interest, either. But, now you know and you'll be better off for it. Again, give yourself a break! You live, you learn. It sucks now, but it won't forever. I disagree with those who say that she didn't do anything wrong in this. Either she has never been attracted to someone or she doesn't care about your feelings (the latter, I think), but to expect you to just drop your feelings instantly and have things go on as before is to deny human nature, and to deny your right to your feelings. You can't help who you fall in love with, or how your feelings develop. Notice that when you tried to distance yourself from her, she wouldn't let you. All you got from her is "I miss you" and "you're being mean to me" and crap like that. Where was the, "I understand that you need some time, I hope you are ok. I am here when you're ready to be friends" and the like. Nowhere. Why? Because she is selfish. She's a succubus, and that's that. Others may not think so, but perhaps they are trying to rationalize similar behavior in their past, or are so adamant about thinking the best about people they can't see the forest for the trees. They see the world the way they want it to be, rather than the way it is. Do you really want a relationship with someone who is so self-centered and selfish? If you HAD dated her, it would've ended way worse than this. If you think you have it bad now, you don't know the half of it! Consider yourself getting off cheap, and move on. You learned a valuable lesson, and that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Pain is weakness leaving the body. You are the boss of your life. You make things happen, you don't sit back and wait for things to happen to you. Remind yourself of this constantly. It isn't whether you fall down, it's whether you get up. The Bay Area is literally BURSTING with attractive, willing women who would love to date you. It is also one of the easiest cities to meet women--in my experience, anyway. If you party in North Beach a lot, start going to the Upper Haight for a while and mine the scene there (I like the Lower Haight a lot myself--but don't go there! I don't need the competition! ). Take the energy that you are wasting now beating yourself up and focus it on improving yourself. Learn to play guitar (chicks dig guitar players:laugh: ), or take up surfing, or whatever you have always wanted to do and haven't yet. Do more than one. Work on your personal style. You'll be amazed at how much better you feel, and how many women you'll meet, and how many will find your new-found confidence attractive.
Author noclobber Posted June 6, 2006 Author Posted June 6, 2006 Thanks for your excellent post Moai! I have a general question specific to the US culture: I also think that there is a cultural component to this, as alphamale mentioned. Complimenting a woman on her appearance is not necessarily a pass in our culture, so she may not have taken that as such. Spending time alone together doesn't indicate interest, either. If none of the things that this girl did (wanting to spend alone time with me, trying to be with me so much, missing me too much, making me as the first choice to hang-out with, etc) imply the slightest bit of attraction then what action of a woman indicate that she is attracted to you? I know that the answer to this question might be she saying yes when I ask her out... but other than that is there anything else specific? 'cos I do not want to ask out another woman and get rejected once again...
notmakingsense Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 I didn't read the whole thread, but I heard someone say that "Happiness is the best revenge". To me, that means concentrating on yourself, moving on, and being happy without her is the best revenge you could hope for -- especially if she takes notice of how well you are doing!
Moai Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 Thanks for your excellent post Moai! I have a general question specific to the US culture: If none of the things that this girl did (wanting to spend alone time with me, trying to be with me so much, missing me too much, making me as the first choice to hang-out with, etc) imply the slightest bit of attraction then what action of a woman indicate that she is attracted to you? That's just it: Certain things that she did, in and of themselves, do not equal attraction or wanting to date. But, you take them together, and the vibe when they happen, and you can tell. It's hard to explain. Suffice it to say that if you are spending lots and lots of time with a woman and you feel like there is more there but you aren't physically intimate, you are getting played. I know that the answer to this question might be she saying yes when I ask her out... but other than that is there anything else specific? 'cos I do not want to ask out another woman and get rejected once again... Too bad, because you will. Rejection is part of life. But, don't think that you can develop a friend relationship with her and hope she will come around. If you look at a woman and you want to date her but she rejects you, leave. Never talk to her again. Tell her that you have enough friends, and move on. By putting your feelings on hold (which you really can't do) in order to generate a "friendship" you are lying to yourself. She won't come around. The friends that DO come aroudn sort of spring up on you. There is this woman and you don't really think that much about her, and then all of sudden you are with ehr all the time and you miss her and you miss her and whatever--well, you have feelings for a friend and maybe its mutual. Thats what happened between me and my current girlfriend (who I am going to marry, oddly). If a girl tells you that she wants friendship at the beginning you are done right there. Don't waste your time. No amount of mixed messages you can't figure out can change that. The fact is, you have spent tons of time with her and aren't physical with her. Great for her, sucks for you. She is preying on the fact that you are a "nice" guy, and the fact that you want to prove that you aren't in it just for sex--which you are. And there is nothing wrong with that. Married couples have sex. People in love have sex. If you are getting along with a woman and make a move and you are shot down, you are not a jerk for seeking what you want elsewhere. THe only way you will make the same mistake again is to ignore what a woman says to you and continue to put time in when she tells you what she wants out of knowing you. If she wants "just friends" and you want more, say thanks and move on. And do not look back.
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