I want to hurt her ......

[amerikajin]

I have a general question specific to the US culture

 

I'm probably going to piss some people off with this post, but I don't care - I know what I'm talking about.

 

Basically, the good thing about American/Canadian women is that you usually know where you stand with them. They're more forthright and easier to communicate with on an emotional level because they are more open.

 

The bad part is, you've got to deal with a lot of ego. Now to be fair, this is just as true of men as it is of women - I'm just speaking from a man's perspective here, but the things I'm saying about American women can be said of American men as well. It's just an ego-driven culture and Canada's that way as well, albeit to a lesser extent.

 

So basically, in American culture, that's why we say 'confidence is key', because in an ego-driven society like ours, you're more or less trying to find someone who's level of ego/self-confidence matches your own.

 

This battle for ego also results in another side effect: emotional instability. Sometimes, the battle to keep your ego up all the time takes a toll on some people and ends up saddling them with lots of insecurities.

 

I think your girl-"FRIEND" gets off on watching you run to her like a little dog who's returning a tennis ball to its master. You are there to comfort her when she gets insecure, and the fact that she can manipulate her gives her some momentary sense of superior ego - that's why she needs you around. She knows it could make things painful and awkward for you, and maybe on some level she cares, but in the end, she's too eaten up with her own insecurities to care about what happens to you - she comes first. And when she starts to feel weak, she knows you're around. She doesn't really mean to hurt you, at least not for hurting you's sake - but she is entirely aware that she is hurting you...she just sees as a kind of necessary evil - necessary for her anyway.

 

I don't ever advocate revenge. But, since you asked, I think that if you want to hurt her all you have to do is leave - as in flat out no-contact with her ever again. Once she realizes that her little emotional security blanket's gone, she'll be in a world of emotional s***. I don't advocate doing this to hurt her, but since you asked, I'm telling you that in terms of time and energy, this is the most efficient thing you can do with your life right now. In the process, I think that this will also hurt her terribly. She's become dependent on you, but not in a good way. More like that of a parasite. But once the parasite loses its host...the parasite has a bit of a crisis on its hands. Capisce?

[Yamaha]

Suffice it to say that if you are spending lots and lots of time with a woman and you feel like there is more there but you aren't physically intimate, you are getting played.

 

I agree with this statement. Don't be a girls emotional b/f if you want more. Most guys are not good at hiding their feelings if they like someone. Women know if you like them as more than a friend. They are being dis-honest if they do not tell you the truth and let you make the decision to continue or not. They are being selfish. They want you around but do not like you enough to date you.

 

The lesson is to express your feelings if you want to know where you stand. Be bold and find out if you want a g/f. Timid and shy guys will always lose and be hurt when they wish and hope for years to find out she never liked them but as a friend. If you want a friend, fine, but if you want a friend and a lover then friendship will not do.

[Guest]

The truth is, there probably isn't anything you can do to hurt her. If she didn't care about you enough to be careful with your feelings, why do you think she'll care at all about you now?

 

My advice is to forget her and grow up. Wanting to hurt someone is a natural feeling after they've hurt you, but actually acting on it is ridiculous.