scared shy Posted June 5, 2006 Posted June 5, 2006 So long story short... I have being seeing this guy for almost two months now. Last time I spoke with him was last Monday, he called me and we talked for like an hour or so, never mentioned anything like he was never going to call again or didn't want to talk to me anymore. So I told him I had a long work week and I had left a video from the movie store that doesn't charge late charges anymore, they just charge your credit card after a certain amount of time... anyway, he went from calling or texting me everyday for the last two months to nothing for now a week. I called and texted him on Thursday to see if he returned the movie, nothing, not even a "yes returned your movie, now bugger off" what in the hell? So guys can really just decide in a day or two to not only not talk to you but after being very nice, super respectful, and attentive and sweet, (my Grandmother is dying of cancer) telling me he will be there for me whatever I need, to nothing??? My feelings are so hurt. What makes them do this?
kitten chick Posted June 5, 2006 Posted June 5, 2006 Yes, I've seen this happen a lot unfortunately. I've only had it happen to me personally once though. It happens to some of my friends often. It seems to be for a number of reasons usually having nothing to do with you. While in the past I was devistated by this and I've seen friends hurt by it, my philosophy now is that there is really just something wrong with someone who behaves this way and they're not the kind of person I want to be with or I would want to see my friends with. Some people here disagree with me but I believe that no matter how long you're dating someone, they always deserve a goodbye in some form as opposed to disappearing. IMHO, anyone who feels otherwise is not someone worthwhile anyway. Sorry that this happened to you, I know it really sucks but it leaves you open to find a decent guy.
Author scared shy Posted June 5, 2006 Author Posted June 5, 2006 I want to write him a little note, thanking him for returning the movie, (I called video store) and say obviously we are not seeing eachother anymore, Just wanted to wish you well, I feel that I deserved a little more respect to at least say something like it's not working, but apparently you don't think so. Would that be to bitter?
Cecelius Posted June 5, 2006 Posted June 5, 2006 If I got that note, I would think you were a little wacky. There could be a lot of explanations (he's dead, he's injured, he met another girl, he's busy, he thought you were busy (cause you said you were), he realized he was doing all the calling, etc.) -- that don't really matter. One week of silence where you've only been going out 2 months isn't enormous. Perhaps just let your messages sit for a while and then write him off. but yes, as a species, men are not big on closure. Why if there was no obligation to have a relationship is there an obligation to give a good bye? Maybe he just wants to take it back a little bit
Author scared shy Posted June 5, 2006 Author Posted June 5, 2006 Well I don't want to be whacky, or a nut or a stalker. However, I don't think that returning a call or texting look it's not going where you thought it was. I figure if your sleeping with someone, you owe them at least that, regardless if he met someone else or is busy. I realize a week isn't that long, and I didn't call him the first few days either, however I did text and call last Thursday and still nothing. So the biggest red flag was going from talking everyday in one way or another to nothing. We had the talk if I am sleeping with you then you are sleeping with no one else but me, he agreed to this awhile back, so even thoguh it wasn't like boyfriend and girlfriend there was a semblence of relationship there, so a goodbye is appropriate, or am I way out there? Men don't need closure, well dammit I do, so is there could there be a way that I can get it without sounding like a freak?
Lishy Posted June 5, 2006 Posted June 5, 2006 I agree with you SS .... You DO deserve to be told what is going on! I know 2 months does not seem lomg but it is when you have been talking every day, you get used to it and all of a sudden it is like someone has taken part of you! BUT how you react is something you need to think about! I do not know him and you have only spoken about such a small part of your relationship .... What kind of guy is he? How has he been with ex's? how old is he and you? How long have you been having sex? Did you both agree to be exclusive and since when? Has he any problems he is dealing with?
alphamale Posted June 5, 2006 Posted June 5, 2006 What makes them do this? well SS...you may have said or done something to make him mad...or, he's just not interested anymore. either way, don't take it personal. this is typical male behaviour.
Pyro Posted June 5, 2006 Posted June 5, 2006 well SS...you may have said or done something to make him mad...or, he's just not interested anymore. either way, don't take it personal. this is typical male behaviour. Typical immature male behavior. A mature male would be up front with you.
Author scared shy Posted June 5, 2006 Author Posted June 5, 2006 We have been "hanging" out for almost two months, in a few days it would have been... He is younger than me... he being 23 and I am 27, when we were first met, I had no idea and he is more responsible than most of the guys I know my own age. Anyway I had BIG problems with the age difference, because of immaturity issues. So then I find out my Grandmother is dying and this crushes me, I tell him he can run for the hills cause this is going to be rough, this was like a month ago, he was super sweet and said he would be there for me, nicest guy ever... calling or texting at least once a day, which I didn't expect nor ever would I, but when you go from that to nothing, then... we talked about not sleeping with anyone after the first few times, I am not that kind of girl, I don't like to share. We did sleep with eachother rather quickly, I hadn't been with anhyone in over two years, and then got drunk and you know the story. I talked to him about it though and told him it bothered me that i didn't wait, he said not to worry, he didn't mind. Was sweet, attentive, etc. So last weekend, I go to the NIN concert, which was pretty awesome I might add. I think he was a little jealous, cause he texts me that he is hanging out with his work friends, who are posted all over his myspace... they are 18 to 23 girls doing various poses and very young acting... that's me trying to be nice. Now being 27 I don't do that stuff anymore nor do I need a myspace to validate how cool I am. Now that I am done digressing, he writes me a text message that he is hanging out with his co-workers "they miss me" now it just felt like a jab and a game, so the evening wore on and I had a few to many, I texted him, R u being safe, meaning don't drive drunk... he never responded, then I called like three times an he never answered, so by this time I am pissed. The next day I wait all day for him to call, nothing, so I text him are you going to call me back or what, he called witin minutes and we talked about how it made me jealous and I don't like feeling that way, I would never stop him from hanging out with anyone, who I am to do that especially after only two months, but just don't rub my face in it... so he calls me the next day we talk like for an hour, and that was a week ago and nothing else. I texted him on Thursday, then called 4 hours later and I haven't called since then. I however got a call from some strange # on Saturday night, didn't answer it, called it back and it was some guys VM... (maybe wishful thinking it was him from a friends phone) so that's it in a nut shell, he was super nice and then now a no call no show, which sucks cause there was no indication of this behavior at all anywhere.
ronnieromance Posted June 5, 2006 Posted June 5, 2006 Yes, I've seen this happen a lot unfortunately. I've only had it happen to me personally once though. It happens to some of my friends often. It seems to be for a number of reasons usually having nothing to do with you. While in the past I was devistated by this and I've seen friends hurt by it, my philosophy now is that there is really just something wrong with someone who behaves this way and they're not the kind of person I want to be with or I would want to see my friends with. Some people here disagree with me but I believe that no matter how long you're dating someone, they always deserve a goodbye in some form as opposed to disappearing. IMHO, anyone who feels otherwise is not someone worthwhile anyway. Sorry that this happened to you, I know it really sucks but it leaves you open to find a decent guy. I'm all for making people feel better, but why is it that, in order to bring up the dumpee, you have to belittle, insult and berate the dumper? Why can't you just let it go and be happy for the time you spent instead of expecting foreever or some obligation? Even if it was out of the blue and random and apparantly unprovoked? Yes it sucks and I for one would say goodbye, but sometimes people aren't willing to let go and you have to be out. He obviously has his reasons. He obviously like hanging out with her, because they did so for some time. Be grateful for getting to know them, not bitter for not keeping them. -R-
Guest Posted June 5, 2006 Posted June 5, 2006 you told him you were busy for the week and now he leaves u alone to do the things u were so busy with and ur angry now? seriously get ur priorities sorted out, if u really had stuff to do all week that should of kept your mind off him but obviously you lied so u wouldnt have to see him, now u see he really doesnt care if u leave him or not your ready to jump through his hoops? Bi&*h please
Author scared shy Posted June 5, 2006 Author Posted June 5, 2006 you told him you were busy for the week and now he leaves u alone to do the things u were so busy with and ur angry now? seriously get ur priorities sorted out, if u really had stuff to do all week that should of kept your mind off him but obviously you lied so u wouldnt have to see him, now u see he really doesnt care if u leave him or not your ready to jump through his hoops? Bi&*h please Whoa!! I had to work all week, that's not why I am upset... I called him 4 days ago and he has yet to respond. I came on here for advice not to be pissed on for having hurt feelings. He is not just leaving me alone for the week, otherwise he would've returned the call... It's obvious he doesn't care whether he talks to me or not, and what are you talking about jump through his hoops? I suppose that's why you are signed on as a guest, only a JERK would respond with such malice.
Brweyes31 Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 I know as hard as it is - I would back off completely. He's acting immature and obviously doesn't have the courage to explain what is going on with him. I am going through a similar situation - and I know how much it hurts to not get the explaination you deserve. You tried reaching out to him and at this point and (especially since it has only been 1 week) I would not try contacting him again. Let him come to you. When he contacts you, you'll feel much better about yourself.
Brweyes31 Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 I forgot to mention - I don't know why people have responded so harshly to your post. You have every right to be upset because this was someone meaningful in your life and he decided to pull a Houdin act and it's unfair to you. Obviously people that have little sympathy for someone going through what you are going through - have never had someone just "disappear" on them without explaination.
Author scared shy Posted June 6, 2006 Author Posted June 6, 2006 Thanks Brweyes31. I have no intention of calling him again, I have even decided against the email. I know if he had something to say he would say it, reading all the previous posts that guys will call no matter what if they really want to talk. I have to be honest when I say I have never had this happen and so it was news to me, or lack there of I guess. If I was it reversed roles I would say something and end it differently. I could even see if this guy was a dick and had displayed wishy washy behaviour... or was a player, but nope none of that. I am sorry to hear you are going the the same thing, it does suck, and you do end of feeling bad about yourself.
Brweyes31 Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 I think it's even harder when they don't display any warning signs. I am trying to figure out why guys would do this - and the only explaination I have is that they become a coward. The person I was involved with was someone that was in my life for almost 2 years. We knew each other 1 year, then we were friends with benefits for 6 months (after both of us just ended relationships with other people) and then we were really close friends for the last 6 months (without benefits). I told him I wanted to date him, etc and he gave me attitude and never told me yes or no and then never called again. That was 5 weeks ago. I find it difficult not to call him because I want an explaination. But - what I keep thinking is that if/when he's ready to talk - he'll call. By us not calling and demanding the explaination we deserve - we hold our own and try and move on with our lives.
Pantero Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 Possibility (and I apologize for being blunt): You said you slept with him and that it happened rather quickly: FACT You said he's 23 and that you were worried about maturity issues: FACT You said his MySpace is full of young girls acting...like young girls: FACT My take: He got to sleep with you. You said you were busy. That was his chance to bail. Considering his age, the info about his MySpace, and the fact that you two slept with each other... Sorry to say...but he used you. Of course, this is all based off what you've wrote in your post. So it's speculation. If I'm wrong, please don't come after me with a loaded rifle.
Author scared shy Posted June 6, 2006 Author Posted June 6, 2006 Pantero Thank you for apologizing: FACT I have a loaded gun: FACT I appreciate you being blunt: LIE Although it would explain why I feel dirty and used. That means he put a lot of effort into making me think otherwise, so I guess I should be flattered. Yet, I am not, I am hurt but I am moving to that anger stage, then I might fall into the acceptance... so will this guy call down the road so I can act indifferent but still get my point across that he is a big POS!
Brweyes31 Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 I don't think he necessarily used her. He just took the coward's way out when he obviously wanted to bail out. I don't think "young" or "immature" or the fact he is on myspace justifies anything. I believe that there are men out there that will step up, admit when they are wrong, and explain themselves if they want out of a relationship. It's called being a man - and they are out there.
kitten chick Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 I believe that there are men out there that will step up, admit when they are wrong, and explain themselves if they want out of a relationship. It's called being a man - and they are out there. True, a friend's guy did this recently as he was not ready for a relationship. When he sent her the email it made me think that he was a good guy, just in a bad situation. I have a lot more respect for him and wouldn't say anything negative about him. It showed me that he was a real man who was in a relationship that wasn't going to work, and that I can respect more than the coward who just disappears.
alphamale Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 and that I can respect more than the coward who just disappears. women do this also, not just men. sometimes its just easier to split than to slowly extricate yourself from a bad situation.
kitten chick Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 women do this also, not just men. Oh absolutely. I generally speak from my own experience which doesn't include dating women but of course women can behave in the same cowardly manner. sometimes its just easier to split than to slowly extricate yourself from a bad situation. It's probably always easier to just split with no explanation, that's why the cowards take that way out and the good ones don't.
alphamale Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 It's probably always easier to just split with no explanation, that's why the cowards take that way out and the good ones don't. Look KC....I've pulled the old disappearing routine a number of times and I always had a good reason. I never did it just for fun. It was to spare the other person's feelings because they would not have liked my explanation. It is never easy to tell someone you don't want to be with them because of reasons X, Y and Z....
kitten chick Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 Look KC....I've pulled the old disappearing routine a number of times and I always had a good reason. I never did it just for fun. It was to spare the other person's feelings because they would not have liked my explanation. It is never easy to tell someone you don't want to be with them because of reasons X, Y and Z.... It's cowardice. You don't have to tell them a thousand and one reasons why they're terrible to be with but you can tell them that it's not going to work out. I'm going to stand behind this 100%. I have dumped more men than I can count over the years and not once did I just disappear.
LikkleMissConfused Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 I agree! Just doing a runner is cowardly and this has also happened to me when I was 26 and he was 23! There could be many reason the best thing you can do SS is like another member said just think of it as fun and that you did enjoy yourself. But please please be wary of 21-24 year olds. I'm not generalising but they are still getting to know themselves forget about getting to know a girl. Your 27 maybe look for a man 29+. Be happy that you enjoyed yourself, the hanging out, sex everything and just let it go! If you see him smile and say hello with your head held up high!
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