Whats goin on?

[meowey]

Hi all.. i posted this before i registered but cant find it now

 

Me and my ex have been broken up for just over 5 weeks.. we were together for 3 and a half years, and i honestly dont know what to make of it - i'm devastated, but coping, but i'm also confused.

 

In march this year, my ex wanted a 'break' as he didnt feel that i loved him and wanted us to have time apart so i could think about things, he assured me that he loved me and wanted to be with me, but just that he didnt feel loved by me and we needed time apart so we could get through this. I was devastated, but the next day we got back together as i admitted my faults - we were apart for under 24 hours, thats all.

 

Things were ok between us for the next 3 weeks, not perfect, but better, spending more time together - i thought we were getting through things slowly, then all of a sudden, he broke it off again - things still didnt feel right to him and he thought it best we stay friends - again i was devastated and for the next 3 weeks i begged and pleaded - not too much, just trying to show him how i feel and trying to understand what went wrong. He says i still mean the world to him and i'm his best friend. I tried to accept a friendship, but it kept on hurting me - So i decided to stop all contact, i couldnt move on if he was still a part of my life, so i told him.. His face dropped, i could tell it hurt him and he said it wasnt what he wanted but agreed to go along with it and if i changed my mind he'd still be there for me - he also decided to tell me that i need to open up more in a relationship and let somebody love me - so i went home thinking it was all my fault ect.

 

Anyway, 5 days of no contact passed and i did some thinking about the relationship, it wasnt perfect and yeah i had become distant.. i took on the role of full time carer for my elderly nan a year before which took up alot of my time, that meant we couldnt go out, do exciting things together as i always had to be around incase she needed me, which she often did. He had family and money problems which were bringing him down, but he never complained and neither did i.. we sort of got stuck in a rut. I realised that i couldnt open up to him like i used to, because he never opened up to me.. he never showed me that he needed me, my help or support.. if he had a problem, he buried it and never dealt with it.. and that hurt me.. i kind of felt that i couldnt go to him with my problems and be open with him as he'd got enough to deal with.. and i feel he felt the same about opening up to me. Anyway, after realising i wasnt entirely to blame like he'd led me to believe, i broke no contact and sent him an email, explaining this.. he replied and admitted i was right and he also admitted that his past relationships ended the same way due to him bottling things up. So i explained to him that i would be comfortable being friends as i'm finally understanding where things went wrong. And thats the last i've heard of him.

 

It's been 11 days now since i've heard from him - in those 11 days i've also realised i changed during the relationship.. i dont want it to sound harsh.. but i turned into him - kind of a recluse, it's the only way i can describe how i changed - i'm now going out and enjoying myself, i've got my confidence back - i'm getting back to the person i was when i first met him and i'm loving it. I know i dont need him to be happy now, but i still love him deeply and i know we could work these things out.

 

I'm trying not to be optimistic, but i cant help but think that he's 'testing' me by splitting up to see if i really do want to be with him after we've had time apart, kind of like the first 'break' we had.

 

Uhh i just dont know what to do, i refuse to contact him now - i'm getting to the stage where i'm getting angry at him for bailing at the first hurdle, he even said himself that he knows relationships go stale every now and again, thats why he wanted the 'break' in the first place.

 

I know that if we tried, now we both understand why things went wrong then we could really sort this mess out.. do i stay with no contact or what? He's given me some very confusing signals before i started with no contact like, asking me during a conversation "so have you seen any nice guys while you've been going out then?" he also promised me when i said i couldnt be friends with him, that he would remove me from his msn.. he still hasnt done this, even tho i removed him, i know thats minor but it's bugging me - He also told me when he broke up with me that he still fancies me

[Returning]

It sounds as though he has some self confidence issues. Could you create a new msn account and pass the details to those who you want to have them? He may just have a surface issue or his issues may run a lot deeper, my advice would be to swerve him as he does not seem too keen on looking at himself. If other relationships have gone this way you would think he would try and figure out for himself what was causing it. To become further involved with him may open up a whole can of worms which may start to impact on your self esteem. His statements have a whiff of push you away, pull you back in, this does not look positive.

[meowey]

Hi, thanks for replying..

 

Yeah, he has always been insecure - a few times during the relationship he'd get insecure and down on himself. And i think his insecurities rubbed off on me in a way - before i met him, i was strong and confident, always having a good time and i NEVER let myself be upset by any man. He always said to me before we got together that he thought i was 'out of his league'. Once our routine set in about a year ago i think thats when i started losing my confidence in myself.. eventually we pushed eachother away because we couldnt open up to eachother anymore.

 

I know that i'm dealing with things well, i'm getting my life back - i'm staying positive, i'm happy with myself again.. but i still love him more than anything and want to be with him, he just wont open up and let me help him, he's pulling his usual crap and not facing his problem. The day before we broke up, he was excited about seeing me (as he always was) that evening.. i remember the smile on his face like it was yesterday.