Guest Posted June 4, 2006 Posted June 4, 2006 Hi all, Me and my ex have been broken up for just over 5 weeks.. and i honestly dont know what to make of it - i'm devastated, but coping, but i'm also confused. In march this year, my ex wanted a 'break' as he didnt feel that i loved him and wanted us to have time apart so i could think about things, he assured me that he loved me and wanted to be with me, but just that he didnt feel loved by me and we needed time apart so we could get through this. I was devastated, but the next day we got back together as i admitted my faults - we were apart for under 24 hours, thats all. Things were ok between us for the next 3 weeks, not perfect, but better, spending more time together - i thought we were getting through things slowly, then all of a sudden, he broke it off again - things still didnt feel right to him and he thought it best we stay friends - again i was devastated and for the next 3 weeks i begged and pleaded - not too much, just trying to show him how i feel and trying to understand what went wrong. He says i still mean the world to him and i'm his best friend. I tried to accept a friendship, but it kept on hurting me - So i decided to stop all contact, i couldnt move on if he was still a part of my life, so i told him.. His face dropped, i could tell it hurt him and he said it wasnt what he wanted but agreed to go along with it and if i changed my mind he'd still be there for me - he also decided to tell me that i need to open up more in a relationship and let somebody love me - so i went home thinking it was all my fault ect. Anyway, 5 days of no contact passed and i did some thinking about the relationship, it wasnt perfect and yeah i had become distant.. i'd been a full time carer for my elderly nan a year before which took up alot of my time, that meant we couldnt go out, do exciting things together as i always had to be around incase she needed me, which she often did. He had family and money problems which were bringing him down, but he never complained and neither did i.. we sort of got stuck in a rut. I realised that i couldnt open up to him like i used to, because he never opened up to me.. he never showed me that he needed me, my help or support.. if he had a problem, he buried it and never dealt with it.. and that hurt me.. i kind of felt that i couldnt go to him with my problems and be open with him as he'd got enough to deal with.. and i feel he felt the same about opening up to me. Anyway, after realising i wasnt entirely to blame like he'd led me to believe, i broke no contact and sent him an email, explaining this.. he replied and admitted i was right and he also admitted that his past relationships ended the same way due to him bottling things up. So i explained to him that i would be comfortable being friends as i'm finally understanding where things went wrong. And thats the last i've heard of him. It's been 11 days now since i've heard from him - in those 11 days i've also realised i changed during the relationship.. i dont want it to sound harsh.. but i turned into him - kind of a recluse, it's the only way i can describe how i changed - i'm now going out and enjoying myself, i've got my confidence back - i'm getting back to the person i was when i first met him and i'm loving it. I know i dont need him to be happy now, but i still love him deeply and i know we could work these things out. I'm trying not to be optimistic, but i cant help but think that he's 'testing' me by splitting up to see if i really do want to be with him after we've had time apart, kind of like the first 'break' we had. Uhh i just dont know what to do, i refuse to contact him now - i'm getting to the stage where i'm getting angry at him for bailing at the first hurdle, he even said himself that he knows relationships go stale every now and again, thats why he wanted the break in the first place. I know that if we tried, now we both understand why things went wrong then we could really sort this mess out.. do i stay with no contact or what?
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