Just_B Posted June 4, 2006 Posted June 4, 2006 Hi all, I'm in my mid 30s and been seperated for a couple of months. The relationship was over 6 months before that and I have no regrets about it being over. All in all I thought I was very happy as things stood. I'm have my kids alot and sort of put the brakes on my social life. I go out with friends, people from work, etc but had not considered getting "romantic" with anyone. I joined an online dating site but made it clear I was really just looking to meet someone to go out with for a few drinks and maybe the odd meal. Really just to get out with someone on a one to one basis. I really hit it of with a girl I was doing the "chat" thing with. She is very similiar to me. Same age, seperated, kids, everthing. We have the same values and are just so compatible its scary. We both agreed we weren't looking for anything serious but... We met a week ago and from then have spent alot of time together. Well as much as our family commitments allow. We sit up talking until daylight, holding each other. God sometimes we even let the other one doze off for a little while. We've done very ordinary things together, like meals at each others house, watching TV and just listening to music (our tastes do differ there). I can honestly say I have never been happier (or more tired lol). She says she feels the same. We miss each other when we're not together and think about each other lots. On a couple of occasion, both of us have stopped and said we need to slow the relationship down. We are both extremely scared about what is happening. Last night she said she loved me. I know I have really strong feeling for her but not sure if love at this stage is possible. It really just feels so right when i'm with her. We have talked about living together, how our kids (which are quite young on both sides) will get on, what our friends and family will think. It was so good to realise both of us were thinking along the same lines. I think if we didn't have kids things would be a lot easy but we both know we have them to consider and don't want to make any rash decisions. I really don't know what to do. I guess I would love to allow myself to fall the rest of the way for her but feel I shouldn't because of the short time I've been seperated ( she's been seperated for 2 years). I just know that I have never ever felt like this about anyone, not even my ex who I was married to for 12 years. I dunno, but its like, this is going to sound dumb, but I have a hunger for her. I want her so much for just being her. We are both very ordinary people, nothing special except to each other. Thanks in advance for any advice although I think I already know the answers I'm looking for. B.
amaysngrace Posted June 4, 2006 Posted June 4, 2006 Since some believe that things happen for a reason, I think it would be safe to say you and your wife split at the perfect time. Be happy. Do what makes you happy. If your new lady makes you happy, let her know it without reserve. Best Wishes!
Outcast Posted June 4, 2006 Posted June 4, 2006 In the beginning, we see only the good in each other. That's for various reasons; partly because of the 'love' chemicals that overtake us, partly because both are on good behaviour (also a result of those chemicals) and partly because any flaws are either not visible or dismissed. So of course we fall in love - how would we not with our biology working so hard to help it happen? Some of us make the mistake of thinking we've fallen in love rapidly a time or two and then realize that it can't be done that rapidly. Others still think it makes sense and even believe in 'love at first sight'. I think you're quite right to believe that it's too soon to think yourself 'in love' and you're also right to think things should slow down a bit. A week is absolutely not enough time to know someone well enough to make lifetime decisions. It's just you two are happy that you've found someone that you get along with so well and are excited to be in such a relationship. But I promise you there are a lot of people living alone right now who at one time were positive that they had found 'the one' very early on only to discover later that they rushed to judgement. Back off, spend lots of time together but maintain your own residences, and if you're still delerious after 9 or 12 months, then start talking lifetime plans.
Kittiecat Posted June 4, 2006 Posted June 4, 2006 Wow, all I can say is congratulations - and what website were you using???
Aloros Posted June 4, 2006 Posted June 4, 2006 I would say at this point just enjoy getting to know her . Sounds to me like you've got your head on straight.
Pyro Posted June 5, 2006 Posted June 5, 2006 I would say at this point just enjoy getting to know her . Sounds to me like you've got your head on straight. Exactly. take your time and get to know her before your feelings get involved all the way.
everlastinggobstoppr Posted June 5, 2006 Posted June 5, 2006 We are both very ordinary people, nothing special except to each other.I'm not sure why, but this one line you wrote made me a little misty eyed and reminded me of this song : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5i6JET1iBhE
Author Just_B Posted June 5, 2006 Author Posted June 5, 2006 Thanks so far to all that have taken the time to reply. Can i also just say, its not like we're looking at this thru rose tinted glasses. Far from it. I, and I would say she too, is somewhat skeptical. You know the phase "if it too good to be true, then it usually is"? I think this is whats making it difficult. We both weren't looking for anything and now we got something there is a conflict as to what to do with it. Oh and by the way, it feels so good to tell people whats going on. I know if i told my friends they would think i've lost the plot completely. Maybe I have but really at this stage thats the least of my worries
Outcast Posted June 5, 2006 Posted June 5, 2006 Can i also just say, its not like we're looking at this thru rose tinted glasses. Far from it. Nonetheless, be aware that you both are, at the moment, victims of oxytocin and its chemical buddies and that your thinking is probably impaired because of it. Googly 'oxytocin and love', read, and be warned. It is entirely possible that you have found someone compatible and that your affection will continue. It is equally possible that you're both in the first giddy flush of a particularly strong infatuation which will die off. Only time will be the proof so don't rush into anything and let time show you the way.
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