JustChris Posted June 4, 2006 Posted June 4, 2006 Hey there Last night I was heading out with a few friends to a club. I invited out this girl I've been talking to for about a week now. We're just friends at the minute, but I've been wondering if we could have something more than that. She's an amazing person and I'd love to go out with her, but so far it has never came up. So this girl has been having boyfriend trouble. Her boyfriend has been treating her like crap, really making her feel small and bad about everything. She was getting really upset last Sunday but I talked to her for about 3 hours and she is feeling better about it. I was telling her that she deserved a lot better than that guy, that she should be with someone who knows how to treat her and will make her feel great. I was trying to drop a little hint that I could be the guy who treats her really well, but I don't think she picked up on it. At the minute she is still with her boyfriend, but she isn't going to be upset over him anymore - she doesn't care that much about him after what he has put her through. So we were in the club and some good songs came on, so I asked her up to dance. We were dancing for about half an hour or so. I kept thinking whether I should try it on or not. I didn't in the end, I guess I was too worried that, if she didn't want to be more than friends that we wouldn't be friends at all. A bad dance song came on so we went back and sat down. But there was a guy standing there that she had been talking to earlier in the night. So as I went to sit down, she went off and danced with him. Within about 5 minutes they were making out. He was fully feeling her up and she wasn't refusing, too busy snogging the face off him. I wasn't watching them, but I was looking around the dancefloor and then saw them. I couldn't believe it. When I saw them, I felt really jealous. I can't explain it but it felt like there was a lead box in my stomach. I got up and went to the toilets to try and clear my head, but when I came back (after ten minutes or so) they were still dancing. So I just went back and sat down where I was. I couldn't bear to look at them because it actually hurt a bit. She came over and asked if I was ok, but she could tell I wasn't. We went out to the front for some space and talked for a bit. She knew I was upset, but I didn't want to ruin her night. I couldn't tell her that I had wanted to try and be more than friends, I just feared her rejecting me. I told her that the only reason I was upset was because I was worried about her. That I didn't want her to wake up tomorrow and have any regrets about tonight. She kept apologising for getting off with that other guy, for going off with someone else when she was out that night with me. I told her that she didn't have to apologise. She was free to go and get off with any guy she wanted, that I didn't bring her out to stay with me the whole night - she could go and meet anyone she wanted. It was a bit of a nasty comment but I tried to say it in a way to sound genuine. I couldn't tell her that I did want to dance with her all night, that I did want to have a great time with her, and that I did want to be the one she kissed if anyone. I convinced her that I was alright, and we went back up to dance. I couldn't stop wondering if she was doing it out of pity, or whether she actually wanted to dance with me. I told her that as soon as she wanted to go back with that other guy, that I would leave them to it. It was hard to say it but it's what was in the back of my head all night. I couldn't stop picturing them together. I did feel angry towards the guy, but I didn't know him so I could hardly go up to him and say "leave her alone". I can't tell her what to do or how to live her life, I can't tell her what guys to go out with and what guys not to go out with - that would be me controlling her and that's wrong. We were waiting for our taxis at the end of the night, and we were just talking. She said that she regretted cheating on her boyfriend a little bit, but said that if he is going to treat her like crap, then she may as well treat him like crap too. She also said that she doesn't want to see that other guy again, she isn't fussed. I'm taking that as he didn't mean anything to her? She told me she had a great night, and I'm glad she did. I could tell she really enjoyed herself. I couldn't tell her that I was upset, let alone tell her why. She was having too much fun, I didn't want to bum her out with bringing her mood down. We got a taxi up and didn't talk that much in the taxi. Got to my house and dropped me off, then she went off home. She sent me a message when she got home saying thank you for a great night. I didn't want to just forget about it and be all nicey-nicey again, so I just replied with a bit of a "short and simple" message. She went on to bed and so did I. I just want her to want to go out with me, but I can't make her want to. I don't want to bring it up and ask her out, because if she says no then it would be awkward to be friends. I want to have more than a friendship, but I don't want to sacrifice that friendship. I've been there for her like a best friend this past week with all the crap that her boyfriend has done. I've supported her, I've cheered her up, I've told her how amazing she is. But that's all friend stuff. I'm glad I can be there for her, but I want more than friendship. If we do start going out, I will be the best boyfriend she's ever had. I know how to treat her properly and I can make her feel like a million bucks. She just doesn't see how amazing she is yet. I just want the chance to show her how amazing she is, and how great relationships are meant to be, not the bad one she has with her boyfriend now. Can you help me out? I don't know what to do.
norajane Posted June 5, 2006 Posted June 5, 2006 If you want her to go out with you, you have to ASK HER OUT. You have to start flirting with her and treating her like a woman, and you have to ask her out. Sitting back and waiting for her to imagine that you want to go out with her will get you a night watching her kiss someone else.
dancehead Posted June 5, 2006 Posted June 5, 2006 This is a hard situation you have got yourself into and I feel for you. It seems that she either doesn't like you in the way you want her to, or she just hasn't seen you in that light yet. Perhaps she only thinks of you as a friend and has no clue of how you like her. Though she must have worked something out from your reactions. It is a tricky situation, because persuing someone who is with someone else is risky and you could be leaving yourself open to her going to you on the rebound and for all the wrong reasons. Your true intention is for you be more than friends with her so if you do not try with her you are fooling yourself and her. Maybe she fancies you but you will never know unless you try. Forget the best friends act. I would risk your heart and possible rejection and give it a shot now. Ask her out, and forget the bf and what might not happen and concentrate on showing her how it would be like if she was with you. Be pushy. Try everything flowers whatever you feel. You must make the move and I think you must at least kiss her. This action is better than months or even years of inaction and prolonged rejection. If it doesn't work than great, at least you have tried your best. Tell her you will still be around to talk to if she needs you. Then be distant and show her you are moving on with your life away from her. And do it. Even find another SINGLE girl. You can't wait around for her - life is short. Shes more likely to come around if you are moving on than seeing you moping for her. I think a lot of guys have been here and this I think is the best way forward for you. You have nothing to lose and if you look back in years you will be pround of yourself for trying instead of seeing regret for not trying. Any embarassment will fade and is not important. Let us know how it goes.
Sand&Water Posted June 5, 2006 Posted June 5, 2006 I`m assuming both of you are young adults (how old are you two?). So, with that said, there are many more opportunities that will come your way. She`s still trying to figure things out. I suggest you continue being her friend, support her, be there for her through rough times. It`s only until she has broken up with her current boyfriend, that you can go fish her out. Until then, keep yourself occupied. Perhaps make connections with various other women. She needs time, to see that her relationship with her boyfriend is causing more harm than good. This might take a long time. *It won`t hurt to continue dropping hints here and there for her to pick up.
onmyownagain Posted June 5, 2006 Posted June 5, 2006 Why would you want to go out with someone who cheats on her boyfriend?
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