Returning Posted June 3, 2006 Posted June 3, 2006 Has anyone had a relationship with a PD person? Not talking about totally toxic experiences I know a lot of people have suffered those. I mean where you loved the person but had to break up because they would not meet you halfway on any level. After all the BS and trauma I could have accepted my partner how she was if she could have been honest with me about it, however this was far too painfull for her and when confronted with the required (eventually) we broke up.
Author Returning Posted June 3, 2006 Author Posted June 3, 2006 Yes, personality disorder, some injury of the 'self'.
Diver012 Posted June 3, 2006 Posted June 3, 2006 Theres a little hint of that in my Ex. A Lot of people afterwards has told me how flaky she is with men. She has also told me stories about the way she breaks up with some of her other boyfriends... SHould have seen it coming but I was blinded. She mentioned a couple of times to me that now that her daughter had grown up, it was HER time. She wanted to go out and Party till 4am. She thought Drinking and Driving was no big deal... I almost fell over on that one. She had a bad marriage previously, apparently there was a gun involved somehow. Looking back, as beautiful as she was, she had more issues than Sports Illustrated. Not that I was looking for or have expectations of the perfect mate. I can do better. Towards the end, her attitude towards me had become, well, bitchy, for lack of a better word. At 1 point I looked at her and said, I guess I cant do anything right. That was probably the nail in the coffin. Better off without that crap. A true working relationship involves understanding and patience. You gotta bend with your partner, not against.
Author Returning Posted June 3, 2006 Author Posted June 3, 2006 Some parallels there, her daughter had also become of age, there was a gun involved in her previous relationship with her childs father and the devalue and discard phase, you can't do anything right.
kitten chick Posted June 3, 2006 Posted June 3, 2006 Has anyone had a relationship with a PD person? Yes. I belive that both myself and my ex had undiagnosed PD. I have since been diagnosed with Avoidant personality disorder and I believe he was a Narcissist. Nothing I ever did was right, one minute I'd be the "best girlfriend ever" and the next I would be getting yelled at for some strange thing or another. What kind of advice are you looking for? Are you just looking to talk with people who understand what you went through?
Diver012 Posted June 3, 2006 Posted June 3, 2006 Yes. I belive that both myself and my ex had undiagnosed PD. I have since been diagnosed with Avoidant personality disorder and I believe he was a Narcissist. Nothing I ever did was right, one minute I'd be the "best girlfriend ever" and the next I would be getting yelled at for some strange thing or another. What kind of advice are you looking for? Are you just looking to talk with people who understand what you went through? Kinda makes me wonder what issues I have.. lol Im sure there are a few.
kitten chick Posted June 3, 2006 Posted June 3, 2006 Everyone has issues but not to the extent of it being a personality disorder. I think our situation was pretty uncommon. I can't say that I believe any other person I've dated has been anywhere near having a personality disorder, issues yes, PD no, just him.
Author Returning Posted June 4, 2006 Author Posted June 4, 2006 KC, hope your healing, sorry to hear about the NexBf, do you miss him? N are a wierd breed, they can heal or become more user friendly if they so desire but it is difficult. What kind of advice are you looking for? Are you just looking to talk with people who understand what you went through? I don't think there is any advice, apart from NC, I was just looking to talk with people who understand. I was with my ex for 16 yrs, she used to 'project' her disorder. If i said "hey, I've recognised this mechanism in play can we talk about it" she would aggressively defend herself and say "It's not me, it's you" therfore any attempts at discussion would result in her issues being projected onto myself. We have been apart 6 months but total NC for only two weeks. I agree we all have issues, it's just whether they are exaggerated enough to cause problems in your life and relationships. My ex had narcissistic traits, her Father was a foul Narcissist. Being away from the situation is allowing me to recognise what was taking place. I'm left with a sense of loss, sad that it didn't work out in the first place, sad that I couldn't reach out to her and help her to a better place. Such is life, onwards and upwards!!
kitten chick Posted June 4, 2006 Posted June 4, 2006 Well I understand how you feel. I'm long since over my ex but the relationship has definitely left me with a lot of baggage which I'm working on. I did a lot of venting on LS when I was in the throws of the breakup and it helped although it was a much different community back then. It's really sad when you're with someone that you know could have been an amazing person if they hadn't been so damaged. It's hard to try to not see that person but the person that really sits in front of you. You want to help but you really can't, only they can help themselves. Just like you said, onwards and upwards. Know that you're not alone, there are plenty of people like us on LS.
Author Returning Posted June 4, 2006 Author Posted June 4, 2006 Thanks Kitten Chick, At the present I feel like I want to really cry and I wish I could but it just doesn't come Damn! Used to be so easy when 'The Waltons' was on, something on there would always set me off and flush the stress chems out lol. I'm in a weird place where I'm not so upset that we have split up but that it didn't work in the first place, by the time I realised where she was in her head it was too late. I used to get on her case about things that she couldn't help doing and must have caused her a lot of unneccessary pain. Anyway, the residue has left me thinking I need to seek some prof help, counselling, to enable me to move past this. I appreciate your post
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