Guest Posted June 3, 2006 Posted June 3, 2006 I've been in an inter-racial relationship for over a year. We work together but don't actually see each other much outside of work. Nobody at work knows we are together so we can't spend quality time there. We see each other only every other weekend because we are both single parents and see each other when our children aren't at home. One of my main issues is that our relationship hasn't progressed as much as I expected it to have progressed. Sometimes I feel I do love him but the insecurity i feel in this relationship makes me back away from love. I have never met his family or friends. I have vocalized several times that i'd like to meet them but he says that he feels pressured and that it'll eventually happen. I feel confused because he makes plans for us for the future but it seems when the time comes all his plans for us never ever follow threw. We just had a fight because I finally told him I had enough of his mood swings. Every month or so he ignores my phone calls and messages because he says he has something going on in his life and doesn't want to talk to anyone. I ask why he has to ignore me when all I ask is to be kept in the loop and not be disrespected like that. His explanation is that he's not ignoring me; he just doesn't want to tell me or anyone else about the drama/problems he's going through. I don't understand why he does that? I don't want him to tell me his problems but I do want my feelings to be taken into consideration. This time I stood up for my self but I'm left feeling guilty about hurting him by being upset. Why is it so easy for him to not see me? Why is this relationship not progressing? Should I stay in it? Should I settle??? He is black and I am latin...it seems he wants me to look like a latin celebrity every day. Makes me feel like if all he wants is a latin trophy girlfriend and the way I am isn't good enough. I try not to feel insecure about myself but sometimes I can't help it. He also doesn't believe in PDA...so holding hands is out of the question. I've asked him to make an effort and at least for us to walk side by side. He says he doesn't do that ...
Guest Posted June 4, 2006 Posted June 4, 2006 hi, just read your thoughts......and it sounds like your boyfriend either is married or has a serious grilfriend somewhere else or is simply a cheater. Any man that truly loves a woman can't keep his hands off of her. When you love someone and you have nothing to hide there is no reason why to keep it a secret even if you guys are diffrent races. And let me tell you i spent 6 years with someone similar to what you are discribing and I still can't belive that I spent so much time being depressed feeling like an ugly woman and a looser because he could never see any possitive in me. It always seemed like if he always wanted what i could never be. But, let me tell you that the day that we finally broke up I felt that I was once again happy. And being just me was once again great. But, just remember that what some people think about you dosn't matter as long as you know who you are and you love yourself. my advise.......leave the bastard.....a looser like him that has so many issues is not worth the time no matter the race. But, you probably already know that ......you just need to do somthing about it.
Love Hurts Posted June 4, 2006 Posted June 4, 2006 You have invested enough time to know.... this is not going anywhere. Every other weekend you spend time together. Out of sight from knowing eyes. How great... how normal is that? You can fall into low self esteem issues if this keeps up. Either you are an openly recognized person in his world or not. You are not. Not much of anything .... to him. You are worth much more............... End it now. While you still have the ability to reason. I do imagine he has female friends on many week day nights that are shown off before his children, friends and family. I find it difficult to believe he only waits for that every other weekend to sneak you around with him... I want to go a step deeper.... I think you have a player. He may be very busy with a string of females..... he keeps a good calendar scheduale for them all. If you can't call him at certain times at home.... that is an additional sign .... as if you don't have enough warning signals flashing already. Good Luck
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