Are the ex's friends off limits?

[visotech]

My ex and I have been broken up for nearly 2 months - and nearly the whole time shes been talking to a "new guy" and seeing him on the weekends. At the same time I have been in a ditch for nearly a month and a half, then I was casually hanging out with one of our mutual friends - a friend that I met through the ex (they knew eachother first).

 

Me and the new girl "clicked" and we messed around a bit...and this just happend to be the weekend where my ex flaked on us two by disapearing for 4 days with her new guy. Just because the situation seemed to present itself me and her friend hooked up and we've been hanging out a lot latley.

 

When my ex found out she badgered me with questions - curiosity killed the cat. I had been with her for 2.5 years so when I tryed to lie by omission she saw right through it - and was disapointed with me telling her that we hooked up. Its not as though I was going to keep it a secret for long, I would have told her, but within 4 days of it happening she was firing questions left and right - I just wasnt sure how to bring it up.

 

She feels as though I'm stealing her friend...which I understand is a bad situation. She says "why couldnt you just pick anyone but my friend" - I cant just pick and choose who I fall for and when I do - I'm not doing anything in a spiteful way, im not trying to hurt her, I just feel that me and the new girl connected so well that it would be a shame to pass up the opertunity to get know her in new ways.

 

So what is the rule on Ex's friends? Younger people i've talked with seem to have an immature view and say that its impossible and nobody should go there. The older people I've talked to seem to say why limit yourself via social circles, what if this is something you would miss out on?

 

I'm confused if she is more angry about me "stealing" her friend or its because shes not fully over me and this is an outlet for some anger.

 

Background: She broke up with me after 2.5 years saying that she fell out of love. Right after our relationship ended she was visiting a friend out of town and met a new guy, theyve been talking since, and seen eachother for a few weekends. Meanwhile she and I have still been hanging out regularly, I still do all kinds of stupid little favors with her, its bascially i was being dragged along without any intimacy.

 

Some would probably say I made a big mistake, and others would say I did nothing wrong - what do you think and why?

 

This is how I feel:

"well I just wanna laugh my way through life

and not worry about whether they think what I'm doing is wrong or right

cause ive got so much to learn

and you know this fires just dying to burn..."

-Tristan Prettyman

[jonesgirly]

Oh Yea...the good ole "I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you either." THATS the part that seems immature to me.

 

She broke up with you after 2.5 years! And the truly amazing thing is that you're still friends! {insert claps and kudos}

 

Yeh...she may still have some feelings for you, but she's also seeing 'other guys'. So whats the problem?

 

I have remained friends with my daughters father for 18 years, and recently 'fixed him up' with one of my three closest friends from high school. Of course, my girlfriend NOW doesn't have any time to spend with ME , but its all good!

 

Feel free to date whomever you like. Your ex has disappeared for days with her 'boytoy' - why should you be concerned about how she feels about your new 'interest'? Hmm....are you wondering if she'd like to get back with you?

[runner]

i'd tell the X to feck off, she's the one who even broke up with you to begin with. people don't 'own' other people. i'd rather look forward with the new gf than try and salvage a 'friendship' with an X.

[visotech]

I don't want to get back togather with her at all anymore.

 

I think shes more hung up over me "stealing" her friend than me moving on. I'm not trying to steal her friend, im not trying to gain revenge. She just cant get that thru her head

[runner]

an old X tried pulling the exact same crap on me once. i just ignored it until she eventually came to her better senses. just don't feed the drama and you'll be alright.

[Guest]

well i might be in the minority here, but i definitely think an ex's friends are off limits.

 

awkward + not cool, especially if your history was quite extensive and limited. i don't fancy the idea of having someone that was so intimate with one of my best mates before, and i know that every single one of my mates feels exactly the same way.

 

i mean, is it really that hard to NOT go around the circle?

[ronnieromance]

I had a similar experience with my ex. We broke up, and were cool. She started dating a guy almost immediately after and I, not being the jealous type, was fine with it.

 

I ran into a girl I had met through mutual friends years before in person, on WebDate. We started talking, went out for coffee and we hit it off. Now, I knew that the ex and this young lady knew each other, but it was more aquaintenship than friendship. Besides, we had both decided to keep things casual, since neither of us wanted a relationship and the complications that come with them.

 

Anyway, I figured since the ex was with her new beau for like a month, and she was obligated to a new penis, mine would be of no interest to her.

 

Boy was I wrong! She countered my new f***-buddy with a retroactive cock-block. She sent threatening e-mails and the whole 9 yards. My friendship with benefits was cut short, sadly.

 

But, for the non-possesive type, I would say it shouldn't matter. Don't be vindictive about it and use friendships to try to hurt your ex, but if it's a genuine clicking, then yeah. Why not?

 

-R-

[visotech]

The best advice I have recieved yet:

Nobody should make the rules that effect your own happyness but yourself.

 

In other words, why should she have a controling hand in my decisions, ultimatley if she wishes us to be friends she should want to see me happy, just as I would like to see her happy.

 

I tried calling her today, 2 missed calls. Then I get a text about 1.5 hrs later saying "whats up, cant talk right now". I just reply and say not much just calling to say hi, like i usually do. She said "thanks, ill call you another time". I don't know if shes really busy and can't talk, doesn't want to talk, or is trying to do a poor job of ignooring me? I mean if she didn't want to talk she'd just not respond at all.

[ash8752]

well, i would say it depends on a few things: How close they are as friends and how long you've been broken up. I have been in the situation. I dated a friend of an ex and it caused hell and ruined there friendship. But, I am now completely in love and living with the friend.

 

In other cases though I couldnt imagine dating one of his friends ever or him dating mine. We wouldnt do it i think due to the closeness of our relationship.

 

I do think for your new relationships sake though, stop hanging with the ex. She moved on and is now using you as her back up helper or whatever you want to call it. I think you should make a choice. If you are serious about this new girl just do her favors and vice versa.

[alphamale]

She feels as though I'm stealing her friend...

tell her to f*** off!

[NTB]

tell her to f*** off!

 

 

i'm with alpha screw her and see whats up with the new thing