kjo314 Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 Guys/Gals So I met this girl about 3 weeks ago. She is amazing. We have been hanging out and such and she seems to like me. When I asked her she said she has feelings for me and could see us together. Obviously, being a man of morals I havn't pursued this because I don't want to force anything. She has told me that she doesn't think that her and her b.f will make it through the distance of summer and she said she is also confused about boht relationships but told me that she could see us together. We have hung out twice this week and she is going to 2 dances with me this weekend. I don't know what to do or what I should do. Obviously I want to be the one to make this woman happy! She keeps telling me she feels like the guy she is with she feels she isn't his type. They have only been together a month so it isn't like it has been that long. I could use some advice on how to make this a positive outcome for me. Call me an ass but I have never had good luck in this siutation and darnit I have finally met someone that makes me completely forget about all my failed relationships in the past and she is taken but there is a slim chance of hope and i really don't know what to do. I have never been in this situation..... Thank you all!
Walk Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 Tread very, very carefully. She cheating on her bf with you, even if the two of you aren't having sex. There's emotional involvement beyond friendship. As a man of morals, I think the morally correct thing to do would be to explain to her that you don't feel it's right to continue seeing her while she's dating someone else. And let her know that if her and her bf break up, for her to give you a call then. Then don't hang out with her anymore. I've found that people who are willing to treat their current SO like this, will treat you like this. So, a month down the line, while you're thinking everything is great, she'll be hanging out with a new guy telling him she thinks they have a shot together because you and her might not work out. Also, it shows a lack of commitment to a relationship on her part. If she treats the relationship she's in now as something unimportant, and a way to pass the time, then how will she treat a relationship with you? If she felt a relationship were something important, then if she was having doubts about her bf, and was interested in you, then she'd break off the relationship. Not continue as if everythign was fine while she's with her bf, yet see you on the side. To me, it shows a lack of respect for other people, and towards relationships in general.
Author kjo314 Posted June 2, 2006 Author Posted June 2, 2006 It is just feelings. We have not done anything past hanging out. I don't quite know but she said she has been having doubts for a while about the relationship. I hang out with her more than she hangs out with her b.f. I just don't get it
tikigods Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 If she is unhappy then she needs to break up and THEN be with you. I am sure that you aren't helping by being around her all the time either. If you are a man of morals as you say then you know that doing anything with her would be wrong. Why even have that tempation?
ronnieromance Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 I've found that people who are willing to treat their current SO like this, will treat you like this. So, a month down the line, while you're thinking everything is great, she'll be hanging out with a new guy telling him she thinks they have a shot together because you and her might not work out. Also, it shows a lack of commitment to a relationship on her part. If she treats the relationship she's in now as something unimportant, and a way to pass the time, then how will she treat a relationship with you? If she felt a relationship were something important, then if she was having doubts about her bf, and was interested in you, then she'd break off the relationship. Not continue as if everythign was fine while she's with her bf, yet see you on the side. To me, it shows a lack of respect for other people, and towards relationships in general. Now, I know some people are into the idea of being in love, rather than the person. Some people are into sport f***ing and there is no attachment other than during than the friction of intercourse. But this bothers me. Maybe the relationship is not what she though it would be. Maybe her boyfriend just sucks and these two would be a better match for each other. I hate being a cynic, but I hate overly-romanticized ideals and people acting like, just because someone spills there guts to you, you're soul mates, or you owe them forever. Ridiculous. Some people just don't work well together and sometimes it's not apparant until they get together. -R-
Author kjo314 Posted June 2, 2006 Author Posted June 2, 2006 I have no temptation..i just enjoy spending time with her.
Walk Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 No temptation? You already said you want her as your gf, and you're asking how to make her yours. If you weren't tempted, then it you wouldn't ask these questions. You'd tell her to go home and either end it with her bf, or work on the problems they have. Not go to dances with you and spend time with you and you definitely wouldn't ask how she feels about you in hopes that she'll say she wants you more then the bf. There's nothing wrong with wanting her as your gf, or wanting to spend time with her. But it's how you act on those desires that defines you as a man or not. Simply refraining from physical intimacy does not mean you are acting morally, or in her best interest. Removing yourself from complicating her life would be a good step. If she has any feelings for you, then she is emotionally cheating on her bf. She's denying him those feelings that she should be sharing with him. Cheating him out of a portion of herself. It doesn't always have to be just about sex. Especially with a woman. She is cheating her bf out of the feelings that she could be sharing with him. And she is cheating you out of the feelings she currently shares with her bf. You and her bf lose out, while she gets the affection and attention of two men.
Walk Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 I hate being a cynic, but I hate overly-romanticized ideals and people acting like, just because someone spills there guts to you, you're soul mates, or you owe them forever. Ridiculous. Some people just don't work well together and sometimes it's not apparant until they get together. I'm not saying it has to be romantic forever b.s. love. But if she knows things aren't working with her bf, then have the common decency to let him know and break it off. Not find a guy on the side for a security net. Either work on the problems, or get ride of the problem. But stringing a guy along is immature. And now she's doing it to two guys at once.
Recommended Posts