flyingspaghetti Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 I am not exactly a social butterfly, but I have been making soooooooo many attempts at "putting myself out there" and getting out more to meet people. I would like to make friends and even try and date guys while I am at it. My results so far - failed. I don't get it. I frequent coffeehouses, sometimes I attend this swing dance thing every Monday nights, I try and make small talk with customers at work, etc, etc. I don't have very many local friends, so I don't get to go out with them to other socialable places. The few friends I have are either busy, or I don't want to rely on them 100% of the time. I don't want to sound clingy or anything either. I mean, they have invited me to social outings, but I don't get a chance to mingle with other people nor do guys approach me. Back to the coffeehouses - I try and smile towards guys I find attractive and want to approach, and I even sit in areas near people my age to try and socialize with them. No luck! They, usually the guys, are busy on their laptops, reading, or they are with friends or with girls or guys. This is getting VERY frustrating for me, as you can imagine. I don't get it. I just do NOT get it.... I am feeling like I am backed into a corner. Sooooo my question - WHAT are some good places to meet people? I am mostly alone, so I am not much of a drinker and wouldn't even try going to bars alone. So that is out.... I work as a computer lab aide at my university, so I see a lot of people daily. There is one guy who is sweet and very nice and usually greets me, but I don't know about approaching him to get to know him. I haven't seen him in two weeks, so I don't know if he's still in that class. I have been thinking about attempting to get to know him more. But.... I don't want to just rely on him. So, my main point is that I WANT to make friends AND also get to know some guys to date them. You know.... the whole conversation and socialization aspect. I am usually a shy and especially quiet person, and I have always in the past been a homebody and non-socializer. I am finding this whole socialization thing to be a challenge, and it's bugging me. So... ANY suggestions? Tips? Anything??? Thanks to anyone who can help!!!
ronnieromance Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 I'm assuming you're a female. With that, I would say why not try a place where other people are looking for friends and/or relationships too? Something like WebDate would be a good place. There are chatrooms, so interactivity is low pressure and on a more easygoing friendly level than with "only" profiles and e-mails. There is no shame in using the internet to meet people. Everyone does it now. -R-
runner Posted June 3, 2006 Posted June 3, 2006 just a few simple ideas - i won't post any links but you can google for info: - hashing. look for a hash house harriers group in your area. these outdoor events can be a workout, but not necessarily difficult - craig's list. lots of crap on the personals there, but some are genuine. i just like them for their simple no frills approach. obviously you need to watch out for wierdos, but then you have to do that with all the other sites too, and pay lots of money in the process. and this one i found just recently, - meetin (dot) org. there might be a group in your area, its worth a look. they get into a variety of activity, you could make some really great friends from this. good luck and have fun
bumbaclot Posted June 4, 2006 Posted June 4, 2006 Volunteering is a great way of meeting people on so many levels. - You do something for the community and feel proud about - boosts your self esteem - You meet good people (bad people usually don't volunteer) - You are forced to interact - You are instantly "approved" because you are in the "circle". - You make friends. Those friends may have friends as well.
Misery Posted June 4, 2006 Posted June 4, 2006 I'm in the same situation. But mine steams a lot more from my shyness, or at least I think lol. Girls smile at me, or start small talk and I never make a move because I'm shy, or maybe they are just being friendly, who knows. Bowling leagues (mixed ones) are a good spot to meet people, you don’t have to be good at bowling, everyone just has fun.
RecordProducer Posted June 4, 2006 Posted June 4, 2006 That's nice of you, Radiation. Flyingspaghetti, stop basing your new contacts on visual meeting. Try to make friends who will introduce you to other friends and acquaintances that will have the chance to get to know you a little before asking you for your phone number. The best places to meet someone are school, work, friends' parites, places where you exercise your hobby... try to get involved in some activity in order to meet new people, not just guys. They will introduce you to other people. You can also try online dating sites.
Author flyingspaghetti Posted June 4, 2006 Author Posted June 4, 2006 I'm assuming you're a female. With that, I would say why not try a place where other people are looking for friends and/or relationships too? Something like WebDate would be a good place. There are chatrooms, so interactivity is low pressure and on a more easygoing friendly level than with "only" profiles and e-mails. There is no shame in using the internet to meet people. Everyone does it now. -R- Thanks, RonnieRomance and Runner, but I am not totally against it nor totally for it. I think it's based on individualized thoughts and feelings. The problem with me is that I am almost 30, and I have never dated before in my life or even hung out with guy friends. Some of the guys I have met in my life (via work or via crushes) don't really want to hang out with me, so I take it personally. That poses a problem for me....self esteem issues. I would like to have knownt that, at least, ONCE in my life I can go out with a guy first before even trying the online dating thing.
Author flyingspaghetti Posted June 4, 2006 Author Posted June 4, 2006 Volunteering is a great way of meeting people on so many levels. - You do something for the community and feel proud about - boosts your self esteem - You meet good people (bad people usually don't volunteer) - You are forced to interact - You are instantly "approved" because you are in the "circle". - You make friends. Those friends may have friends as well. You are correct in the interests and activities. I saw an ad to play ultimate frisbee, and it sounds like a lot of fun. I like the active sport itself, and it would be a great idea to meet others. However, they want membership fees and everything. I do not have the funds for that. A lot of activities and clubs require money, money, and more money. I can't afford that either. *sigh*
Author flyingspaghetti Posted June 4, 2006 Author Posted June 4, 2006 I'm in the same situation. But mine steams a lot more from my shyness, or at least I think lol. Girls smile at me, or start small talk and I never make a move because I'm shy, or maybe they are just being friendly, who knows. Bowling leagues (mixed ones) are a good spot to meet people, you don’t have to be good at bowling, everyone just has fun. Bowling is a good idea, but as long as I don't have to join expensive membership fees. I just want to play "for fun" not get involved in competitions or leagues. Those get pricey. I know what you mean about the shy factor. I am still quite shyish, so I easily get intimdated by chatterbox people... You know, those who tend to talk A LOT. I get really nervous around them and just feel like running away. I like to talk with people first to get a sense of them and then decide whether or not to pursue their friendship. I don't know. I am just too picky, I guess. But I don't want to be OVERLY picky.
Author flyingspaghetti Posted June 4, 2006 Author Posted June 4, 2006 That's nice of you, Radiation. Flyingspaghetti, stop basing your new contacts on visual meeting. Try to make friends who will introduce you to other friends and acquaintances that will have the chance to get to know you a little before asking you for your phone number. The best places to meet someone are school, work, friends' parites, places where you exercise your hobby... try to get involved in some activity in order to meet new people, not just guys. They will introduce you to other people. You can also try online dating sites. Thanks also for your ideas. I have tried school, work, and via friends, but those didn't work. But yeah, meeting people just to develop friendships first does sound good. I am just so annoyed how I am such a late bloomer. I feel like where I should be in my early 20s...not late 20s.
Pyro Posted June 4, 2006 Posted June 4, 2006 Thanks also for your ideas. I have tried school, work, and via friends, but those didn't work. But yeah, meeting people just to develop friendships first does sound good. I am just so annoyed how I am such a late bloomer. I feel like where I should be in my early 20s...not late 20s. Meeting someone just takes some time and unfortunately it can take lots of time and become frustrating. You can't expect to go out there and meet someone everytime or almost everytime. They say that the best things in life happen when you aren't expecting them. Instead of being frustrated or being sad, just enjoy your time out and the rest will fall into place. You are doing the right things. You are going to the right places, just have some patience.
amaysngrace Posted June 4, 2006 Posted June 4, 2006 They say that the best things in life happen when you aren't expecting them. Instead of being frustrated or being sad, just enjoy your time out and the rest will fall into place This is so true. Just be cool with being by yourself and know you can't depend on anyone for your own happiness. You will send out good vibes if you are happily alone.
westernxer Posted June 4, 2006 Posted June 4, 2006 Meeting someone just takes some time and unfortunately it can take lots of time and become frustrating. You can't expect to go out there and meet someone everytime or almost everytime. They say that the best things in life happen when you aren't expecting them. Instead of being frustrated or being sad, just enjoy your time out and the rest will fall into place. You are doing the right things. You are going to the right places, just have some patience. Exactly. I'm at a point in my life where I do things because I want to, not just to meet someone. Took me some time to realize this, since pressure (from family, peers) was always on me to find someone yesterday. No one ever took into consideration that I wasn't enjoying myself in the process, and it depressed me a little, because I thought I was inadequate for coming up empty, mostly because I wasn't comfortable living my life for someone else. Now I know that everybody was wrong, and I'm just indifferent.
Author flyingspaghetti Posted June 4, 2006 Author Posted June 4, 2006 Exactly. I'm at a point in my life where I do things because I want to, not just to meet someone. Took me some time to realize this, since pressure (from family, peers) was always on me to find someone yesterday. No one ever took into consideration that I wasn't enjoying myself in the process, and it depressed me a little, because I thought I was inadequate for coming up empty, mostly because I wasn't comfortable living my life for someone else. Now I know that everybody was wrong, and I'm just indifferent. ....And that was exactly me early in my life. Most people "date for a while" and then take a break for a while. I have just experienced this in a reversed manner more than many people would. I did the same thing you are doing now, but now I want to "experience" dating. No one is pressuring me for this. When I didn't want to date or anything, my siblings would be "wondering" why and tried discreetly asking me. I would basically tell them to "bug off" because it's MY decision. Now that I have experienced "not wanting to date" for a while, I feel I am ready to date for myself and for no one else. I just did this order different than most people in society would do. So, that is where I come into place...
konfuzd Posted June 4, 2006 Posted June 4, 2006 No one is pressuring me for this. You are pressuring yourself. When you go out and you have the idea in your head of, "ok, today is the day, I have to meet someone" you are sending out vibes, and body language that is worse than a bad case of BO! The most mundane places can be the best for meeting someone. Go to the grocery store right before dinner time on a weekday, that's statistically when the most singles pick up something for dinner. Walk in there like it's not a mundane activity. I had a great conversation with a guy the other day at the meat counter. Chances are I'll never see him again, but at the very least, I left with a smile on my face. I know it's tough, it took me over a year of sitting at home throwing pity parties for myself, but eventually I started going out to movies alone, going for dinner, to concerts, theatre productions... I am constantly meeting people, but I'm still single, and quite content. Once you take the focus off making some sort of instant love connection, you'll become much more attractive to other people, and more likely to end up with someone of quality and not just a body to fill the empty void.
Recommended Posts